Enjoy the second Chapter! This is still for Manu-chan and the one who helped me!


The safest place

Chapter two- dangerous confession of two hearts


"I have to be strong, Conan- kun. I have to…" Ran voice echoed in his mind over and over again, repeating the sad words a dozen of times. He could not stand it, seeing her like this.

An hour later, Conan had excused himself. He had no real appetite and claimed to go to the park to play with the others. Ran was glad to hear it and let him go, being herself rather engaged in the kitchen with the dinner since it was late afternoon.

What she did not know was that Conan felt like doing a lot of things at the moment but going out to play was certainly not on the list. But after she had told him to look a little more after himself.. how could she deny him his wish to go out after so long?

The little boy was wandering around the empty streets and the silent night, his thoughts nowhere near his surroundings. He needed to sort out all the things that were rumoring through his head, to find a way to let all these emotions out. Maybe it would help to talk to somebody but he had no idea who that one could be. After all, this person needed to know about is biggest secret and about his feelings for Ran as well. Spontaneously, he could only think of a couple of people. His parents, the Professor, Ai, Heiji… but somehow.. somehow he did not think that talking to either of them could really help him. It just seemed too strange to even think about talking to Ai about such things, especially about Ran, the knowing face of professor Agasa would be unbearable, his mothers teasing as well and Heiji… alone the time he would need to calm down and stop laughing would be enough for Conan to grow up to his original age naturally, best friend or not.

No, he needed to find another way. Another kind of outlet so that he could let everything out. It was necessary or he would explode, he could feel it. And without noticing at all where his feet had carried him to, he suddenly looked up and was greeted by a too familiar sight. A sight he had looked at for seventeen years.

Without a second thought, he pushed the heavy gates open and entered the way to his house. Two minutes later he was sitting on his now too big bed and looking around his former room. He missed being himself so much. His gaze travelled over his belongings and landed on his desk. He trailed it over the things that were standing there and all of a sudden he had made up his mind.

Why not write the things he felt down? Why not in a letter so that Ran knew it, too? Wasn't Ran his best friend? Who would understand him better than her? She had always been the first he turned to when he had a problem, why hadn't he thought of it sooner? Okay, maybe that the matter was concerning her was a reason… but still.

He only needed to do it quick before he changed his mind and lost courage.

Taking a piece of paper, he took a deep breath and let everything in him flow out, over his hand and on the letter.

My dear Ran,

I don't really know why I am writing this to you or even IF I ever will have the courage to give the letter to you in the first place, but I simply cannot help myself. I have seen no other way to let all these emotions out. You know exactly that I am not that kind of person who talks easily about feelings. Duh, figures since I am sitting here, trying to write them down. But I simply did not know what else to do.

First of all I want you to know that it is not fun for me, being involved in this case and if there was an easy way out I would gladly jump on that train and come back home. I would do it, I swear, without thinking twice about it. But as you know, unfortunately there is no such possibility and I have to do it the hard way. And even worse because that means I had to leave you behind to do so. I am sorry. I am so sorry for everything that I have done to you, everything I make you go through. Sometimes, when I sit here alone and think back on times where I could see you every day, I wonder why I was that stupid to take you for granted, why I had never seized these moments to the full extents. They had been so nice and precious but it is always afterwards that one realizes it. And I call myself a detective! Isn't that ironic?

And then I wonder, why you still talk to me. Why you don't hate me. I don't have so much time to visit and call you as often as I'd like to or as often as you deserve it and every time I finally do I wonder about it. Why are you still talking to me? What did I ever do to deserve you? I really don't know but whatever it was I am way grateful I did it.

I guess this is only one thing I wanted to thank you for. Really, thank you so much for everything you give me. For accepting me back into your life after being away for so long and even if it is only for the duration of a phone call. You have to know that I am not taking that or you for granted. Believe me. Not anymore and never again.

And in these lonely night where I wish for nothing more than to see your face or for you to tease me and me teasing back like we have always done, a special night comes into my mind. I am sure you know what I am talking about. I can still remember it as if it had been only yesterday instead of months ago. The song never leaves my mind for long. I think back and am glad to say that I regret nothing. Well, except for the part where I had to go and with that murder case but apart from that… wait, let me correct that. After that night I regret immensely that I have never taken you in my arms like this before, when I still could. On my 'things to do list' for when I return that is on top. It felt way perfect! You fit so perfectly against me. As if you were made for this purpose only. This hug send a feeling of absolute bliss, pure satisfaction and just… completion through my body and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do when I let you go again, let go of you for such a long and unknown while. When I say it tore my heart apart that would be the only truth.

Conan sighed. He knew as he had reached this part of the letter that he will never be able to give it to Ran. Shinichi could not give her such a letter, just like that and remain disappeared. He would make her sad and break her heart if she got to know how he felt. But something in him wanted to go on. Even though he will never give her that letter, it felt good to his heart to let everything out. So he wrote on.

I guess this is the main reason why I am sitting here and writing down those lines. Because of this emptiness in me and the longing to have you near me again. You may wonder about how open I am suddenly but I dare write that down because I know I will perhaps never bring up the courage to tell you all this. Maybe.. no, most probably when I know I have returned for good. I guess I will tell you everything I wrote down here then. All the things I was.. too stupid to realize before. Or too shy to tell you, only one example being that I never told you just how beautiful you are. But I will, someday, I promise. Just like I promise to do everything in my might to return to you as soon as it is in my powers. I wish for you to be happy and cheery, like you have always been until the day that I can hug you again and share the happiness with you. That is, if you are going to still want me but I guess you are way too stubborn to give up, right? I know your good heart just too well. Another thing I have to tell you someday in person.

Gee, I am so glad that I could let that out. Actually too bad I can not give the letter to you. I bet you'd have something to laugh about or maybe not. Anyway, looks like I need to go. I will let you hear from me as fast and as soon as I can, I promise. Please take good care of yourself and stay just the way you are. Know that your beautiful smile is always in my mind and heart, accompanying me wherever I am. Until we meet again,

Shinichi

After writing that letter that he had placed carefully under the fake deco- soccer ball Ran had once given him for his birthday and was since then decorating his desk, he felt unbelievably.. better. Not really happy and content but a little relieved the least. He suddenly had the urge to talk to her. Really talk to Ran as himself. It was not fair that he felt better but she was to suffer on. That's why it is no wonder that he found himself in front of a well- known telephone- box in no time.

He stopped in its front and looked at it for quite some time, unsure what to do. He did not notice nor did he care about the passers- by that looked in wonder at the little boy who had stopped in the middle of the street to stare at an old telephone- box.

Not one of them could even faintly imagine the feelings whirling around the little boys stomach. So many in fact that he started feeling sick. Had one given him his most favorite dish on earth, cooked by the best cooks, he would not have been able to get it down his throat and had his live depended on it.

He took another deep breath and entered the box with a strange feeling in his stomach. Picking up the receiver, he dialed a well known number, the beeping making him want to throw up. After what felt like an eternity to him, the beeping stopped and was replaced by a soft voice he knew by heart. It answered the phone and immediately filled his head and senses.

"Yes, detective- office Mori?" said a girls voice who was slightly panting. Had probably ran to get the phone. He chuckled very quietly at the mental image.

"Ran?" he could almost hear her take a sharp breath in that she held in her lungs for a few long moments to calm herself. She fought a little and he knew it very well, but at long last she had gathered herself again.

Gulping the knot in her throat down, Ran finally answered. "Shi-..Shinichi?"

"Yeah… I…" why had he called again? What did he want to tell her? Was he stupid? Was he insane and out of his mind?

Yes, he most probably was.

"I just wanted to say hi.. I guess.." he heard a very quiet and soft sob, the noise itself even more quiet and wouldn't he stand there, pressing the receiver to his ear in an useless attempt to be closer to her somehow, he would have missed it. But she let nothing of her sorrow and pent up emotions into her voice.

"Ok. Hi!" she was obviously pissed off. Who could blame her? He had, after this night almost four months ago only phoned her twice. No wonder she wished him dead….

Okay, maybe she did not wish him dead… he was actually quite sure she did not for she had a too good heart. But she certainly would have loved to abuse him as some kind of dummy. Kick him, hit him and throw him around. And god only knows that he would even prefer that to his current three feet size. Would with a song in his heart let her hit him as long and as hard as she pleased, if only in his own body so that he could take her in his arms afterwards.

"Hi." He answered and even to his own ears it sounded so lame he winced mentally. "How are you?"

"I.. I am okay. You know, work here and there…"

"Know the feeling.." he murmured before he even knew it.

"I am sure…" her voice sounded surprisingly calm and he hated it. It would be better if she screamed at him. Screaming is healthy and shows that everything is okay. With cold calmness he felt helpless.

"Look, I am sorry I-"

"No!" she interrupted him suddenly and he immediately shut up. "I don't want to listen to more excuses, Shinichi!"

He stopped talking and breathing all together. Shinichi immediately remembered the time, only a few months ago, in the restaurant where she had told him exact the same thing. He had no idea what to do, what to tell her to make everything she was going through only a little easier for her. Suddenly she started laughing. It was a laugh that send an unpleasant feeling down his spine because it was no real happy laughing but a faked one, filled with irony and pain and agony.

"I guess I am repeating myself!" she half joked, forced to think back on the time in the restaurant where she had told him exactly the same. "I am sorry, I just-"

"No, no need for apologizes. I understand you." He quickly interrupted her and both fell silent again.

God, what would he give to know what to tell her. To know what to tell her to make her happy. He suddenly had an evil idea. Best to catch her off- guard.

"I miss you!"

The silence that fell now upon them was different from the one before. It was tense, but not in a negative way. He waited and mentally counted down from ten. And sure enough, shortly before he was done thinking 'one', she started chuckling. His heart filled with relief and happiness, especially as he recognized the chuckle as true one.

"You are an idiot!"

"I know!"

She giggled and he thought, no- knew, that angels chanting could never sound this sweet.

"You idiot!" she repeated and giggled. "I miss you, too!" Ran fessed up in the end and a pleasant silence took the place of her voice before she went on, for what he was rather glad so that he had time to cool his red cheeks. "Are you all right? With your case, I mean?"

"It is kind of… difficult, but I am doing ok."

"I am glad."

'Through all of your agony, you still content yourself with my safety? Oh Ran, what I would give to return to you and hug you and kiss you and make it all up to you?'

"I still wish you would come home!" she added quietly, all the anger in her voice gone and replaced by longing.

"Me too." He sounded so honest that Ran could not help her little smile that sneaked on her lips. And she just had to believe him.

For a moment she had to think about what Shinichi had lived like before.. vanishing. He had lived alone in that huge house, had hung out rather with her than the guys in their class, played soccer at school and otherwise lived only for his mysteries and novels. What could he miss at home? What would he try hard to come home for? She had a bad feeling that spread as she followed this trail of thoughts but suddenly she had to remember that Kudo Shinichi was the most honest person she knew.

Hadn't he just said that he missed her? 'Misses me?'

Ran blushed delicately.

"How is school?"

"School?" she had to think about the last English lesson and gulped. "School is as always. We started poems in English, and nobody really liked the topic."

'I bet!' he thought as a sweat- drop formed on his forehead but he listened with a smile as Ran started telling about school and their classmates and about the new guy Sonoko was after. He enjoyed hearing her voice talk to him once like an equal and not an adult talking to a child. Plus, Ran hadn't really talked a lot these last few weeks and she was now letting everything out. It filled him with a deep feeling of affection towards her and satisfaction, because it was him she still felt so comfortable with.

"..I tell you, the guy literary fled as she got too close, looking really intense at him. You could really see that he was horrified. Poor Sonoko, was pretty down for a while. Until she saw that other guy, of course. As you see, nothing changed so far."

"I see!" he chuckled in amusement.

"And… what about you, Shinichi?"

"What do you mean?"

"What's there new in.. well, wherever you are?"

He chuckled. "No, everything pretty much the same. Whenever one case is solved, two other appear to take its place…"

"Do I want to hear about them?"

He thought for a second, then raised an eyebrow. "I don't think so…"

"I understand." She said and chuckled softly at the tone of his voice. How well she could see his face right now in her inner eye, the raised eyebrow, the funny look on his features…

"Any idea when you will… you know, return?"

"Unfortunately not… but I am trying my best, I swear! It only… is not up to me…"

"Or otherwise you… would have returned right away?" she could not help the words as they slipped over her tongue. She even regretted them right after because she did not want to accuse him of anything. But as she thought about her earlier doubts… she just had to know, hadn't she? The more she was surprised about his reaction.

"You fool! What kind of question is that? Of course I would have returned right away!" he really sounded mad or at least very annoyed. Like as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and only she had not realized it yet. But, something in his tone caused her own temper to rise.

"Don't you go screaming at me like that, you idiot!" she screamed back. "Excuse me for not being this super intelligent to know all the answers to all questions in the whole wide world like some oh so super great and gifted detective!"

Silence again. Only some slight panting could be heard from both, having screamed so loud. Then both faces distorted and they started laughing out synchronically. And the laugher wouldn't cease and kept on for a minute. As they were a little calmer, he spoke up first in a mock sulking voice.

"You are making fun of me!"

"No, am not!" she giggled but meant it.

"I am glad.." he finally said.

"That I am not making fun of you?"

"That too!" he chuckled before his voice turned serious again. "I meant, I am glad that you sound a lot better than before. You sound more cheery, and that's why I am glad."

She did not reply, waiting for something stupid to follow his mouth to destroy his sweet words, like he always would. But nothing came and she realized that he was serious. That's why she thought about his words and then smiled.

"Yeah, I also feel better. I don't know how you mystery- jerk do that! Making me forget my sorrow and making me smile with a stupid phone call!"

"Hey!" he protested because of the "stupid phone call."

"You know how I mean it!" she chuckled and he murmured in agreement. "I am grateful, though. That you do it." She smiled warmly at the window while clutching the receiver with both hands.

He could imagine her expression so well, the warm and tender look on her beautiful face that he loved so much. And he had caused her to look like this. His own face softened.

"You are welcome!"

They did not know what to say and his cheeks colored, the embarrassment taking the better of him. He coughed.

"Well, looks like they need me. I am sorry. I'll try to call you as soon as I get some time, ok?"

"Yes."

"Ok.." he said and trailed off. Neither knew what to say.

"Thank you for calling, Shinichi. I… I really needed it…"

"Yeah… me too!" he confessed, red again.

"Take care."

"You too, Ran!"

She smiled. "Bye!"

"Bye."

Slowly he put the hand away from his ear and raised it slowly to hang up. He took a deep breath and stared at the now dead receiver for a few long instances.

'Now, that did went fine, didn't it?' he asked himself and as if to answer his own question a sweet smile creep on his lips. Yes, it definitely went fine. He was happy only because he knew that he had made her happy. Maybe not very happy and content as she had been when he still had been there with her, but it was more than she had been the last weeks.

Although he knew very well that it was not much, for the moment it seemed to be enough for him and that not only because they had nothing more.

With a small smile, he left the telephone- box.

---

As Conan returned home only half an hour later, he had taken his time to sort his thoughts out, he there found a happy Ran. She was summing to herself softly while working in the kitchen and as he looked at her, really looked at her and at her beautiful smile, though not too bright but still more than obvious, he knew for sure that this smile was not fake. It was real. His heart leapt.

Dinner came and went but her mood did not sway. It stayed cheery, with her convinced that neither of her "men" at home knew why and were probably wondering already what has gotten into her but she did not care. Nor did she plan to tell them. Well, maybe she would tell Conan though, if her little sweetheart asked her with this penetrating eyes of his…

They went to bed rather early this evening and he could not tell how relieved he felt after seeing her still walk with light steps through the house. He was so glad he had acted as he had. The phone call really had done them both very good.

And he felt even better as he realized her mood had not vanished in the morning. She was singing to herself, dancing through the house after a wonderful nights sleep, as she had told them. It seemed almost as if she was glowing a little. Okay, maybe it was a little exaggerated but compared to her mood the days before or her dark eye- rings she looked today like a princess. It was amazing, what a full night of sleep could do to you. And he knew for sure that she had slept. He had, after all, checked up on her to see if she was all right before he, to his great pleasure, had found her fast asleep. It was then the first time in a long while, that he himself could lay down to sleep in peace because he was sure it was taken care of Ran.

In the afternoon, after school it was as if she was suddenly bitten by something. She had this huge urge to clean the whole house thoroughly, causing Kogoro to excuse himself in an important matter. Conan would have stayed if not for the Detective Boys coming in and kidnapping him. Okay, he knew they were maybe worried about him but was it necessary to tie his arms together with a robe and drag him out of his house in order to get him to the park for hide and seek and maybe some soccer? He was not sure if he should be furious or grateful but since Ran seemed to feel better he decided against the screaming and the raving fit that yarn to be released.

After all, he knew they only wanted his best and it had actually been rather relaxing to play the kid without thinking too much about anything.

As he returned home, Ran was still busily cleaning while cooking at the same time. As he asked her how far she had gotten, she only smiled.

"Well, I am pretty satisfied with myself. I did manage to finish the office and half of the upper floor. I'll call it a night after dinner and finish the rest tomorrow, though. Good thing it's Saturday tomorrow."

He agreed and offered his help but all he could do to help her was put plates on the table.

---

Early next day, he had hardly finished breakfast, came unexpected visit. He had hoped the playing session yesterday had been enough for a week or two but had realized that his hopes had been optimistic to the point of foolishness.

"Good mooooooorning!" three loud voices sang gayly through the room.

Genta, Mitsuhiko and Ayumi had come to pick Conan up, again. As he later found out they had a new case that consisted of finding the dog from Genta's neighbour who had obviously ran away. "Or maybe had been kidnapped!" Genta had added in pure excitement with which the other two very quickly had been infected. Conan only gaped at them and wished he could hit his head against the nearest stone wall, repeatedly and really hard, while, of course with no use- would be way too easy after all, pointing and gesturing at the huge hole in the fence of the dogs cage.

Around six pm he did manage to return home. His head was hurting as were his feet and he was really pissed off at the Three. They had made him run around the whole town, searching for a dog who Conan knew very well was only going for a walk after seizing the hole in his fence. But they had been so convinced he had been kidnapped that one ridiculous theory of how he had actually been abducted followed the other.

He had been so glad as they were told that "Charmin" (what a name for a Great Dane) had come home on his own simply because he had been hungry.

"For all we knew he COULD have been kidnapped as well!" Genta tried to save.

Though all his agony, the little boy forgot for a moment everything that had happened to him today as he saw the shining bright smile of Ran as she greeted him. If he had thought she was happy yesterday and already smiling beautifully and brightly, it was nothing, really nothing compared to her shining face now. He felt himself go a step back slightly.

"Hello, Conan- kun!"she said, loud and cheery.

"H- H- Hi!"

"Did you have fun, sweetheart?" she asked while dancing around the kitchen.

"Y-yes, I had.." he lied, gulping a few times to finally get the damn knot down his throat. Ran was almost shining. Certainly, this one was one of the times where he would have bet everything he possessed that Ran was no ordinary girl but an angel only hiding behind an apron in a detective office. He wondered for a second while gaping at her, why she did not return to heaven where she came from. Not that he wanted to get rid of her but that was after all the place where angels belonged to usually.

"Are you all right?" she asked, seeing his glacy expression. He turned red and looked at his feet. 'I'll tell her, even if it kills me!'

"I am, really. I was just thinking about how…"

'..amazing, beautiful, angelic, perfect, Greek godess- like (who was Aphrodite anyway?), enchanting, magnificent..'

"..p- pretty you looked!" he stuttered, his red cheeks in tact.

'Amazing, great, well done, way to go, Kudo! You huge, unbelievable FOOL! STUPID! IDIOT!' he screamed at himself.

'Hey,' another part defended his actions. 'How would I have looked like in this body, telling her she looked angelic? Or anything of the other things that would suit her way better? Kind of strange, don't you think?' his insides did not reply to that one, obviously too busy sulking.

"Oh, thank you! You are so sweet!" She smiled even wider at him ('angelic, angelic, angelic' his mind ranted) and turned to stir the food. He gulped and tried desperately to ignore his racing heart- beat. "I have made your favorite dish. Could you set the table for me and call otou- san? He is in his office."

"O- of course." Did she just ask him if he wanted to do something she asked him to? And would she ask him to stab himself with the hugest kitchen knife, he would gladly oblige to her wish if only she smiled on at him like this.

He definitely needed to gather himself and was glad for the chance of getting out of her reach for a moment.

---

Halfway though dinner, Kogoro had finished telling about his day and his new case. Actually it was no real case. Only Inspector Megure wanting to hear his opinion about some theft. Just then he decided to ask his daughter about her day.

"So, is it true that you went and cleaned the house of that idiotic junior- detective as well?"

"Yes, I did. I was, after all, having a cleaning flash, so it was okay." Ran answered her father cheerily, not even bothering to start fighting with him because he had insulted her childhood friend.

It was a long time ago that the older guy had given up on trying to understand his daughter. Her mood swings were simply not normal, he was sure of it. She was so much like her mother, growing a like her more every day, and he was not only talking about her beauty. May God give them courage when the time was there to endure her pregnancy mood- swings. Kogoro started sweating slightly.

Nobody noticed Conan as he choked a little on his juice that he was about to drink. He looked at Ran and some part in the back of his brain hoped that nobody would notice the panic that he tried to suppress but had sneaked in his voice nonetheless.

"You… you went to clean S-Shinichi- niisans house today?"

"Yes!" she answered cheery. 'Alarmingly cheery', a shadow in his stomach told him and Conan punched it with as less motion as possible. "Thank god I got Sonoko to help me in the end, otherwise I would still be there cleaning!" she chuckled and the hair on the back of his arms rose slightly. "Well, I had the second floor done by then, though. It was luckily not as much work as last time. Oh well, who would like more rice?"

Kogoro nodded eagerly while Conan honestly wished he had not eaten anything at all. Not even the phone that rang could get the little boy out of his current state of shock. He knew, he just KNEW that something was up with her, and he hoped to the gods that it was not what he was secretly thinking.

'Would explain her mood though…probably…" he blushed at his own thoughts. 'Most probably…'

Kogoro answered the phone this time, Ran being in the kitchen.

"A case? Yes.. yes I know him. And he told you to… I see… A dead body in the library? And where exactly… oh, the mountains… I don't know, it IS rather late and… so much? OHH, ok.. humhum… well, in that case I am on my way. Yes. I know…ok…yes…" he was writing notes while murmuring under his mustache. "Okay, see you there. Bye!" he hung up.

"Who was that?" Ran asked curiously while munching on her chopsticks.

"The secretary of an old friend of mines. He has a huge problem in form of a corpse in his library." He said, enjoying the moment of triumph that he had been called. Shinichi could not help but think on the novel of Agatha Christie, in which Miss Marple had to solve a similar case. "Anyway, he wants me to come over right now. I am leaving tonight. It is high up in the mountains so I am going to stay there for a few days. Is that okay with you?"

"Sure. I have everything under control!" Ran told him and Conan secretly wondered just how long he will be indeed staying when needing to solve the case on his own. He gulped.

"Don't you want to take us with you? Pleaseee!" he pleaded the older man half- hearted who refused persistently any kind of interference from any other than the great meitantei Mori Kogoro himself. An hour later he was gone and Conan slipped away only ten minutes later, using a moment where he was unwatched and Ran in the kitchen. He left back a note, telling her he would be back in an hour but he just needed to go and visit the Professor because of some new game.

However, the truth was always only one, and told us otherwise. He could not get this feeling out of his stomach, that there was something fishy going on. Something was certainly up and he had to verify himself that it was not what he was thinking. It just could not be that!

At long last he arrived at his destination, opening the huge gate of the house he had lived seventeen years in but was currently unable to do so anymore.

Quickly with steady pace he hurried though the house, up the stairs to his room, cursing himself for being as stupid as not to destroy IT! That was what he got for his stupidity! He made a mental note to send Ran a huge bouquet of flowers for cleaning his whole house and pushed his bedroom- door open.

His gaze fell on his desk, to the place where he had carelessly left the letter behind. At first he was relieved for it seemed as if it was still there. Only as he walked closer to it he felt his insides freeze. There was a letter, that was for sure. But he noticed with horror that it was not HIS letter. It was another. He quickly took it between shaking fingers and saw that instead of her name on it as he had to hundred percent written it on, there was standing another name.

His name. At least, his when he had still been himself. His real name.

Kudo Shinichi

That was what was standing there in carefully written letters, coming from a hand he knew only too well. A gentle hand that could be destructive in the same time.

It was Rans writing. He would recognize it everywhere. How come there was Ran's handwriting on the letter he had written? What the hell did Ran's writing had to do on the letter HE had written? Conan's face turned white and his insides that were already frozen twitched and turned in pure terror.

It was time to drop the naïve- route. He knew very well that this was not the letter he had written but a new one. A letter from Ran on the place he had carelessly put his letter for her. How stupid could he only be? And… was Ran's letter on his desk a good sign or not? He could do nothing but find our, now could he?

With still shaking hands and a sick feeling in his guts, he took a deep breath and the letter in his hands, slowly opening it and unfolding the paper. His very last hope that it had been some kind of bad joke and that it was still his own letter in the envelop, was shattered as he found out after the first look. With an even stranger feeling that was a mixture of excitement and sickness, he started reading.

Dear Shinichi

Here I was, cleaning….. smirking as I saw the soccer ball I have given you for your birthday. You really kept that old thing? Well, I am sorry but I saw this letter with my name on it and I could not help myself. I am sure you know that feeling. Now, even though you certainly wish I had not, I did read it. The letter. And I definitely did not laugh my ass off. Tell me, when have you been here in the first place? You came and did not visit me? How could you!

That has been my first reaction but do you know what? It melted away really quickly this time. I don't know what changed but I realized something. There had certainly been a good reason why you acted as you did. You always had reasons. You were always making your own decisions, mostly for the sake of others and I respect that because I trust you. I really do. If I keep asking you when you will finally return it is only because I miss you so much. I know that you are not staying away on purpose, that would also be rather stupid but that does not change that fact for me. I often feel like something is missing. Something I was stupid enough to take for granted myself all those years. I really regret that. Mean enough of me to not regret having found that letter you obviously never meant to give to me. In the contrary, I am quite happy although I hope you are not mad at me for it.

Can you imagine my surprise as I read it? Your letter? I would have counted with everything, except with what I have found standing in there. I never thought being away was so hard for you. I understand now that you really miss home as much as I miss you.

Of course I also have these days I have to think back to the time where we always walked to school together and were bullied because we seemed unseperatable to the others and I get so sad sometimes, wishing desperately for those times to come back, for everything to turn back to normal, the way it was. But, even though I sometimes don't look like it, I am not naïve. I know we can never have those times back, not like they were. A part of me is sad about it but another knows that when you finally do return, everything will be all right again. Maybe.. no, certainly not like before because so much has happened already but better. I know it, I can feel it. So you should never lose your hope and have faith, okay? Why should you lose your faith when even I don't?

And don't worry about me and what you are 'putting me through'. It's not like you are forcing me to wait for you, you know. I do it because I want to and no matter what the others say I know deep down that I will never regret my choice. It's only… sometimes I simply feel so lonely and nobody, no matter how many people are around me or trying to cheer me up can help me. Can fill this empty spot that you have left behind. You stupid. If I did not know better I would almost say you do that on purpose… But I do know better. You would never do such things on purpose. You are too honest and kind- hearted for that. And I would lie if I said I never think back on that evening, together with you. It was the most beautiful one I can remember and that all thanks to you. It was obvious that you did not want to go and I am sorry for having increased the stress on you but it was not easy for me, too. The more grateful I am today that you did not give me up but made the evening as perfect as it turned out. Speaking of perfection. I sure have to agree with you, even though I would never have thought that you could admit such a thing- you are the great tantei- san after all, that it felt so good when you took me in your arms. I, too regret that we have waited so long for the beautiful contact. I hope we can do that more often when you return. Actually I am sure of it. That's part of what I meant with changes after you return, although this particular one is one of the most pleasant ones. And honestly, I can hardly wait.

No matter if you admit it or not but I know you feel the same. After all, I have the written proof in my hands and will never let go of that particular treasure again. Because that's what it is to me. I really don't know what else to say without embarrassing me or you even further. I think I better get going home, otou- san and Conan- kun must be starving by now. It's funny, how much better I already feel. I think I understand what made you write the letter and I am really grateful. Come home to me Shinichi, okay? Please, as soon as you can. I really miss you. Although you hardly deserve it, I will be waiting for you.

Until we meet again, and hopefully as soon as possible.

XXX

Ran

Conan's mouth was hanging open at the time he had finished reading. His heart was beating so fast that he was afraid it will burst any second, his hands were sweating and shaking. But he did not care about anything of that. The only thing he cared about right now, was Ran.


So so so? How is it?Tell me everything!