A stitch in time

She was a small child. Her hair was dark and curly and she was lost. She didn't recognise the place she was in, and she didn't recognise any of the people that were here, and she wanted her mummy and her daddy.

Her little legs were tired, so she sat down and began to cry. "I . want . my . mummy!"

Severus Snape did not like children. He particularly did not like noisy children. And worst of all in his opinion were noisy, crying children. He was therefore at a loss to explain why it was that he took an interest in the sobbing scrap of humanity sat in the middle of Hogwarts' quidditch pitch.

When initial queries as to its identity and the location of its parents proved fruitless he picked 'it' up awkwardly, tucked it under his arm, and carried it towards the entrance to Hogwarts. At least it had stopped crying, although one second thoughts it could only enhance his reputation as a bastard if he was seen carrying a squalling brat.

Heartless Snape who even made babies cry. He liked that.

He discreetly pinched it to see if it would start up again, but it seemed to think it was funny and giggled.

That would do his reputation no good at all. It was therefore with some relief that he greeted the arrival on the scene of Miss Granger. She was a girl, she had a womb and all the other necessary equipment for childcare, and therefore she was best equipped to relieve him of his little difficulty.

He was rather surprised to find that she backed away in horror from the prospect of taking over, and that no amounts of threats of deduction of house points could change her mind.

Apparently she didn't like children, although why this should concern him he had no idea. If he had known quite how much trouble being nice would cause, he would never have bothered. Served him right for breaking the habit of a lifetime. Still it was almost worth it to see the horror on the little Know-it-all's face when the child addressed her as Mama.

He had never seen Hermione Granger move so fast, not even when the boys asked her to watch them playing quidditch and stop all that boring reading.

It still left him with his little problem.

Then the solution hit him. Dumbledore. He would take the child to Dumbledore, who would no doubt choke it with sweets and kindness, leaving him free to spend the afternoon contemplating the finer points of potion making in relative peace.

Fortunately Dumbledore was in his office, and took an instant liking to the infant. Unfortunately that didn't seem to be the end of the matter. Apparently he was expected to 'take an interest' although for the life of him he couldn't see why.

That was when the small person dropped the bombshell. She, apparently it was a she according to Albus, pointed at Snape and said, "Dada".

"I am not your father, child," he said severely, but it just giggled again and repeated the word.

"Dada."

"No, dear, he doesn't teach Dada, he teaches potions," teased Dumbledore. "Where's your mama, little one?"

"She is apparently in the Gryffindor Tower doing her homework, Albus," he sneered. "She identified Hermione Granger as her mother not five minutes ago."

He didn't like the look of understanding that crossed his face.

"What?" he said nervously. "Come on old man, spit it out."

"You know what we have here Severus? Your's and Hermione's child, come to us from the future. There must have been an accident with a time turner that brought her here."

Severus found there was nothing he could say to this. Travel by time turner was the least preposterous aspect of the whole situation. He and Hermione Granger. He, Hermione and a child. But he didn't like children. She must have tricked him, told him she had taken her contraceptive potion, and then pretended they had had a little accident.

The little bitch!

When he calmed a little, he reflected that it was more likely to have been a true accident; judging by her reaction she had no more liking for children than he had. How then had this come about? However it happened he would make damn sure that any future - relations - that occurred between he and Miss Granger would involve casting both the female and the male contraceptive charms and both of them taking potions. There was no point taking risks, and damn the consequences for the stability of the universe if they broke the laws of causality!

He thought that the day had reached its nadir, but there was worse in store.

Dumbledore expected him to fetch Hermione Granger and inform her that their child from the future was in the Headmaster's office, and would she like to come down and see her. Despite his assurances that the answer was likely to be a very forceful 'no', he was despatched to find her.

Fortunately for him he found her sitting in the courtyard. He shuddered to think what sort of rumours would be flying through the school by tomorrow if he had had to enter the Gryffindor common room to find her. Although they could hardly be worse than the truth.

He sat down beside her.

"Miss Granger."

She looked at him warily.

"I think you should prepare yourself for a shock."

Wariness had changed to tremulous anticipation, and expression he would have to get used to seeing on her face on a fairly regular basis. At least twice a week he thought, after the initial honeymoon period anyway.

"The Headmaster believes that the child you saw me with earlier has travelled here by means of a time turner. Apparently you really are its mother."

"Good god."

"In deference to the fact that you have just had a nasty shock I wont deduct house points for that remark." He supposed he would have to get used to being conciliatory towards her.

"Who. who is the father? At least it won't be Ron, not with that hair colour. Thank god."

"Miss Granger, you may consider that Weasley would be the better candidate."

She looked at him in puzzlement, and then with horror as the penny dropped.

"You!" she said in tones of loathing. "You bastard. How the hell did you manage that?"

"I imagine through the usual method." Although there could well have been a great deal of variety in the positions adopted, he reflected. He supposed if you were charitable you could pretend that all that bad temper she was displaying was in fact passion. On that basis he was a very passionate man; she should be grateful.

"You know what I mean," she said impatiently.

"I do." He sighed. "It's as much a mystery to me as it is to you. I can only imagine that there must have been some sort of accident. I can assure you that I would never willingly procreate."

She snorted. "Me neither."

They sat together in companionable silence, contemplating the future.

"I never thought that you liked me very much," she said tentatively.

"I don't."

"Oh. Well it seems that you manage to overcome that distaste at least once."

"So it would appear." He looked her over, and decided that on the whole the future didn't look too bad. "I don't suppose you have strong views on the suitability of house elves as nannies?"

"Not if they are paid properly. I'm certainly not going to stay at home and look after any child; I intend to have a career."

"I suppose we would have to get a house in Hogsmeade," he said thoughtfully. "You could hardly raise a family in the dungeons." He smiled; he could use the excuse of family responsibilities to wheedle his way out of all sorts of things Dumbledore wanted him to do. He was beginning to see the advantages to this.

"Hmm," she mumbled. He realised that she was giving him an appraising look. He didn't mind. He knew that he passed inspection; the evidence was in Dumbledore's office.

"Professor Snape," she asked, "it seems to me that we really ought to test the Headmaster's theory."

"What did you have in mind, Miss Granger?"

"We should see if we are sexually compatible. Perhaps a kiss?"

"I hardly think that is necessary," he began, but couldn't complete the sentence as Miss Granger had pressed her lips to his mouth preventing him from speaking. Since she was so determined he thought it would be rude to say no, and began to kiss her back with enthusiasm. Apparently this was to her liking, as her fingers came up to twine in his hair and her tongue was busy in his mouth.

They only separated when a harassed woman came hurrying towards them. "Have you seen my Shirley?"

Severus was just about to say something cutting, when Miss Granger butted in. "A small girl, about so high, with dark, curly hair?"

"That's right."

"You should try the Headmaster's office, through there. A house elf or a student will show you the way."

There was silence after the woman left for a solid ten minutes as they both tried to think of something to say, other than 'oh shit, what have we done?' Dumbledore really was an idiot sometimes, the way he leapt to conclusions. He was worse than Trelawney sometimes.

Hermione broke the silence first. "We wouldn't have to live in Hogsmeade, if you didn't want to."

"No, I suppose not," he said slowly. "Not if we didn't actually have any children."

They both shuddered at the word.

"We could just settle for lots of reading and wild sex," she offered.

"Yes, I think that would probably be for the best. I mean, I like children ."

"But you're never sure you could eat a whole one, I know."

He smiled at her, and she thought he looked almost handsome. She smiled at him, but he was too busy peering down the front of her shirt to notice.

"Would you like to come back to my rooms, Miss Granger. I have some particularly fine first editions that you might be interested in?"

"Why yes sir, that would be very pleasant. And then, perhaps you could shag me senseless against the Dungeon walls?"

"I was thinking more of the sofa for the first time, then the bed, and only then the dungeon wall. Is that acceptable?"

"Oh, yes."