Author's Note: Because Jyn's perspective and reaction had to be written.
The first thing Jyn notices upon waking up is something soft and warm pillowing her head. She buries her face further into it, breathing in the smell of smoke that clings to it and another smell that is incredibly familiar but she can't name without thinking and she really doesn't want to think right now. It lulls her back into a brief doze as she hugs whatever it is until her other senses begin to poke and prod at her mind.
Like the fact that her feet and legs are cold and the strange rough yet soft feel of sand burns her bare skin. She furrows her brow, groaning and griping that these feelings won't let her fall back asleep, and curls in on herself in an attempt to get warm. Why is she so cold? She remembers... Well, she doesn't really remember a lot from last night, but she remembers being very hot. This is quite unpleasant and a rude way to wake up.
Finally, when she is unable to deal with it any longer and knows it will be impossible to fall back asleep, Jyn opens her bleary eyes and lifts her head. Strands of her hair hang in her face and she can feel just how much of a mess it is, but she doesn't care. Instead, she takes in the scene: bodies scattered everywhere on the beach, half of them snoring, empty cups and bowls lying tipped over on the ground, the burnt remains of what had been a large bonfire. She vaguely recalls the rituals they'd gone along with while negotiating with the natives of this planet and the celebratory ceremony afterwards, but nothing specific jumps out.
How much had the aliens insisted they drink after each decision? Why had she gone along with it? Only Cassian really had to drink, but as far as she knows, everyone on the team joined in so that he wouldn't be completely obliterated. They would've been fine...had they not continued to drink after. That was all their fault.
Jyn rubs at her eyes and attempts to smooth down her hair as she pulls herself up, curling her cold legs underneath her body. Only when she does that does she finally figure out why she is so cold. Instead of her usual, functional outfit, she's barefoot and wearing what looked like the tattered remains of a white dress. The last foot of the skirt is shredded into inch long threads, looking as if they were torn by hand, and one half sleeve is hanging on by a thread, exposing her shoulder. Bits of her skin can be seen through various rips and tears in the fabric.
It's all very confusing. It has been a very long time since she has worn a dress. She can't even remember the last time one was worn voluntarily.
What throws her off even more is the jacket sitting in her lap. That was the soft thing her head was resting on when she woke up. She shifts it in her hands and recognizes it as Cassian's immediately, remembering the familiar scent that she couldn't place. Why was she using Cassian's jacket as a pillow? Better yet, where is the person this jacket was normally keeping warm and wrapped around? A lot of questions for him are beginning to stir in her mind and she needs answers. Also some water and medicine for the drum circle starting in her head.
"Hey, you're awake," a soft voice says and she turns to see Cassian striding toward her wearing the easy smile he rarely shows in public but she loves so much. No, wait, on second thought - it isn't easy at all. The smile reaches his eyes, but his face appears...strained. The lines around his mouth are tense and his hands are folded behind his back, like he's hiding something.
Jyn frowns. "What's going on? What's wrong with you?"
"Pardon?" Cassian halts and straightens up like he's been called out by General Draven for disobeying orders. That only makes Jyn even more certain that something is up because he only ever does that when he has, in fact, done something wrong. Or, well, not wrong - but not by the book or something out of the ordinary. It is apparently an action he only started doing after he met her (Draven has not forgiven her for it) and now, she's using it against him.
"You're acting suspicious," Jyn points out, moving to stand up. Her bare feet slip in the sand and, with her balance already out of commission due to a growing hangover, she nearly stumbles to her knees. Only Cassian moving swiftly and catching her by her arms keeps her standing and she regains her balance. He jerks his hands away quickly, returning them to behind his back. "What are you hiding?"
"I am not hiding anything," Cassian tells her plainly and he would be very convincing if it was anyone but her.
"Well, then can you explain why I'm wearing this contraption?" Jyn questions, not looking away from his face.
Cassian's eyes drop from her face to rove down her body and she suddenly feels very conscientious of her appearance. She must look like an utter, hot mess - hair a disaster, sand and twigs probably sticking out of it, the raggedy dress, dusty sand everywhere - but that doesn't stop a hungry look from appearing in his dark eyes. She does her best not to blush. She briefly recalls the same look in his eyes last night, flashes of it throughout the night until finally he pulled her into the dark behind a shack and pressed her up against a wall.
Just thinking about the way he had her gasping for air, with so many others not so far away, makes Jyn blush no matter how hard she tries to hide it.
"Also, where are my boots and clothes?" Jyn asks in an attempt to cover it up.
"Ah," Cassian says as he pulls his eyes back to her face, "that I do not know."
He catches his mistake the second she does. Jyn narrows her eyes. He looks away from her, pretending to be focused on something behind her. Now she knows he's keeping something from her and she doesn't like it. She doesn't have to say anything though; all she does is continue staring at him until he can't ignore her any longer. It only takes a minute before he drags his eyes back to her, a sheepish expression on his face.
"Cassian," Jyn says in a very controlled voice, "why am I wearing this dress?"
In response, he licks his chapped lips and she can tell that he's stalling. It's not hard to see that his mind is working overtime. It's in his eyes. "What do you remember of last night?"
"Bits and pieces," Jyn admits, but then she hasn't been trying to focus. Cassian is still wearing that same expression, but there is a hint of pleading in his eyes that she didn't catch before. He wants her to remember - needs her to remember - and she feels a rush of desperation as she starts to wrack her mind.
What does she remember? She remembers…
Struggling to speak with the aliens of this planet until Chirrut found a youth that had been taken captive by Imperial soldiers and learned the language. Cassian's frown when he found out that he would have to drink after every decision was made, but accepting it regardless. The tension slowly rolling out of the group the more they drank and attempted conversation. That young alien trying to teach Baze a certain song. The way the bonfire glowed in Cassian's eyes as he watched Bodhi and Jyn dance with the aliens. The feel of Cassian's rough hands on her skin. Murmured words whispered in her ear. The smell of smoke. Laughter ringing in the night air. The warm water of the alien ocean lapping at her feet as she kicked and splashed. The heat of his body, the cheerful songs of the aliens, the fires.
She remembers a lot of things, but none of them exactly make sense on their own. It's like she's missing the connections to each scene. She had a fun, wild night under the influence of alcohol, but that doesn't explain how she ended up like this.
"We kept jumping over fires," Jyn says, picking a specific and strange memory out of the bunch. Cassian nods his head, but says nothing. The scene is foggy around them, but she and Cassian are clear in that memory. The two of them, holding hands, leaping over small fires, laughing like children, her bumping into his side, him staggering but catching her every time. What she remembers the most is the way he looked at her after every time, like she was the only thing in the world, like they were completely alone, like she was the most beautiful sunrise he had ever seen when he had thought he'd seen his last.
Like he looked at her in the elevator on Scarif - terrified and accepting yet wanting so much more, more than he could ever imagine, like she was it and he had no idea what to do with that knowledge.
Jyn tilts her head. "Cassian…" She doesn't know what else to say but his name.
He takes a hand out from behind his back and she reaches for it instinctively. When she looks down, her eyes immediately catch onto the dark, matching metal bands on their fingers. Ring fingers, her brain points out, but now she doesn't know what to do with that knowledge.
"I might have asked you to marry me," Cassian finally sighs as he traces the scars on her hand. "You might have said yes."
"Might have?" Jyn echoes in a voice that is a lot more high pitch than she intended.
She stares down at the ring. Her - married. Jyn Erso - married. Or is it…? Is it Jyn Andor now? She has absolutely no idea. What are the laws on marriage on this planet? How binding are they? (How binding does she want them to be?) When they landed here for this mission, the only intention was to secure this place as a possible location for a Rebel base, not to get married. Truly, she never once considered marriage before. It just didn't seem to be in the cards for her. Life as a Rebel was dangerous, fast, and over too soon. And even before that, when she wasn't even Jyn Erso, she was alone and it didn't even cross her mind.
She loves Cassian. She has known that for a very long time. They have never said it before, but she knows it's there. Some people say to tell the person you love as often as possible, but they didn't need words. Cassian's love is… It's an intangible thing that she has never been able to explain. Like the stars. They're there and they comfort her, but she's never touched them herself and she doesn't need to because she knows they will always be there. She knows that he's sometimes afraid and insecure about it, but it's the one thing she has never pushed him on, perhaps because it scares her as well.
But marriage? That is something else altogether.
"What do we do?" Jyn asks because it has always been "we" since the first time they met. She didn't like it then, but she can't imagine it being any other way now.
Cassian pulls his hand away to run it through his hair. Sand is shaken out. "I do not know. My main concern was to keep you from shooting me once you found out."
She can see why he thought she might react poorly. Jyn hates being backed into corners and accidentally getting married while under the influence definitely seems like one of those corners. Except… Indeed, a part of her is disgruntled, but not at him. She is angrier with herself for not being able to remember the night perfectly. She wants to remember how she felt, why she so willingly said yes, his reaction to it, why he asked in the first place when he never talked about it before.
Oh god, the others were there. How did they respond to this whole affair? Would they have to report it to General Draven? He would be furious at her for dragging his prized Intelligence officer down like this. Who knew what Mon Mothma would say. And Princess Leia...who is missing the man she loved. How would she able to face any of the other Rebels again?
But she is married. She distantly wonders if her parents would be happy if they were alive or just relieved.
"I am not certain on the customs here or how they relate to the rest of the galaxy," Cassian was saying, forcing Jyn to snap back to attention. She blinks, watching his typical laser focus rearing its head. "I will talk with someone to see if there is anything we can do to dissolve it-"
Jyn's heart seizes. Dissolve the marriage? Did he…? Does he regret it? Her?
"What if I don't want to end it?" she interrupts. Abruptly, Cassian cuts himself off and stares back down at her. His face is relatively passive, but she catches the wariness hidden behind it. A part of her wants to stop, act like she didn't say anything, but Jyn is the type of person that pushes forward no matter what. "What if we just…?"
"Stay married?" Cassian asks disbelievingly.
Jyn, with her grand emotional depth, shrugs her shoulders in response.
"You would want to stay married?" Cassian repeats, his voice still damnably suspicious and untelling.
"Is that so hard to believe?" Jyn retorts, folding her arms across her chest and gazing up at him heatedly. She wishes he wasn't so good at being a spy. Then, he wouldn't be able to hide how he felt even from her. Normally, she's excellent at reading him, but sometimes, even he can become unreadable to her and she feels uncertain. She's never been good at trusting, but she trusts him. Sometimes though, she fears he doesn't trust her - or at least he doesn't trust her completely to not leave one day, as everyone else does.
Cassian lifts a hand, like he's going to brush her hair out of her face, but then stops and lets it drop. "I did not think…"
"That I would want to be married to you?" Jyn harrumphs. What a stubborn, self-deprecating man. Can't he see that she's on the same level as him? That she always will be? "I said yes, didn't I?"
"You were drunk," Cassian points out.
"Well I'm certainly not anymore," Jyn counters.
A faint smile appears on Cassian's face and this time it's the easy smile that she adores. "So you are not going to shoot me?"
"I might if you bring up getting a divorce again."
Cassian chuckles. "I would not dare. I dreamed of this."
Jyn arches an eyebrow and waves a hand. "Of waking up with a killer hangover on a beach with little recollection of your marriage to your stubborn partner?"
"Of finding hope," Cassian tells her gently.
No matter how hard she bites her lip, Jyn cannot stop from smiling because honestly, she has never felt so much warmth in her life. Is this what it is to be loved? To want the future? To look forward to it? She still rolls her eyes at him and he grins at her, but then he lets her duck into him briefly as the others begin to stir around them. The ring does not sit heavily on her finger; it's as light as a feather.
