A/N: Okay ladies (and gentlmen?) here is just a little bit of Tanya's crazy for us to enjoy. Please don't take this chapter to seriously. I was just having a little bit of fun with it. I don't plan to use Tanya in ATHEA anymore, but I thought why not make fun of her one more time. Okay so maybe I was just goofing off with a word document open and this is what happened. lol, anyway this isn't really relevant to the story, but enjoy anyway.

Stephanie Meyer owns twilight.

Outhouse Mouse

"Really…again?" I tried to suppress the groan building up in my chest. I was already beginning to lose my patience and she had only been here for ten minutes.

"I know Doctor, but I just really thought that this time was different." She whined. I couldn't stand listening to her whine. I had been seeing Tanya Denali for a long time and I still had yet to find a redeming quality in her.

"Tanya we've been over this. It's always the same. It was the same with the lawyer, the dentist, and now with Dr. Cullen. What have we talked about Tanya? I questioned trying to mask my frustrations and keep a professional appearance.

Tanya sighed deeply, and I wondered if it was ethical for me to pass a patient to a colleague simply for the sake of my own sanity.

"Tanya, say it. What have we talked about?" I said; insisting that the words come out of her mouth.

"Just because I like a man, doesn't mean I can force him to love me." She mumbled staring at the ground.

I hear you saying it Tanya, but I don't think you mean it.

"Right, now exactly what happened this time?" I asked, although I'm sure could figure it out on my own.

As unprofessional as it might have been I was more than a little irritated this time because her obsessive nature was affecting another one of my patients. One who was trying to get his marriage back on track and didn't need the extra problems Tanya caused.

"He was perfect for me Dr. Brown. He's gorgeous and I was sure he wanted me too. Unfortunately his mousy little wife had to show up just like she always does." She pouted like a child.

"What happened when Mrs. Cullen showed up?" I hedged. Surely this would be entertaining.

"Well we were standing there. I was talking to Eddie…"

"Dr. Cullen." I interrupted trying to make her see him in a professional light.

"Fine. I was talking to Dr. Cullen…I was trying to help him, make him see what was right in front of him, and things may have gotten a little loud. He said some things he didn't mean and then she had to show up." She said in her annoying voice.

"She humiliated me in front of half of the hospital staff. I'll never be able to show my face in that place again. It was mortifying and entirely uncalled for."

I was somehow able to keep the smile off my face while I imagined what Bella must have said. I had been on the receiving end of Bella's anger, and despite how docile she may appear, the woman has a temper when provoked.

"Tanya." I said slowly. "You tried to steal a women's husband out from under her; what did you expect to happen?"

Tanya became very interested in a strand of her hair, while I waited for her response. I always felt more like her babysitter than her therapist. Things had been improving with Tanya for a little while. She had been doing really well about…Oh, of course.

"Tanya you stopped taking your meds didn't you?" I questioned in my no nonsense voice.

She looked up at me and slowly nodded her head.

"Why, you had been doing much better?" I questioned.

"I thought I didn't need them anymore, like you said I was doing better." She mumbled.

"Your medication has helped you keep your obsessive tendencies under control. You can't just give them up whenever you feel the need. It can be dangerous for you." I said calmly.

Like if Bella decides to take a swing at you the next time.

"I know. I just thought I was over everything." Tanya said looking defeated.

"Tanya, I know how hard it was on you when your sister stole your boyfriend from you in middle school, but at some point you've got to get past that. It was almost twenty years ago." I said, at my wits end.

"Just because that guy didn't want you, doesn't mean you can force every male you come in contact with to love you. You have to move on."

"It's not fair. I loved him." She cried.

"Tanya, you were thirteen. It's time to let it go, and to let Dr. Cullen go. He clearly doesn't have feelings for you. He's in love with his wife, not you." I said, being as direct as possible.

"I know, but why doesn't he love me?" she questioned exasperated.

Um, because you're bat shit crazy and have spent over a year trying to force yourself on him, showing no class at all.

"Why do you think he doesn't love you?" I said out loud.

"Because it wasn't meant to be." She mumbled wiping away a tear.

Sure, we'll go with that.

"Right, so I don't think we should waste anymore of your time on someone who doesn't want to be with you. I really think you should take some time and work on yourself so that when you do find that special someone who deserves you and can appreciate you, you'll be ready." I said softly, nearly choking on the huge load of crap.

"You're right doctor. Eddie never deserved me anyway." She said with a smile.

Whatever you say, Tanya.

"Alright so where do we go from here?" I asked with mock enthusiasm.

"Well, I requested a transfer to a different hospital and I'll start there in a week." She said proudly. I had a feeling she would have been transferred even if she hadn't asked. I doubted the chief of medicine would have been happy to hear how upset his daughter-in-law was.

"Good for you, a fresh start will be great. You're going to start taking your pills again right?" I questioned seriously.

"Yes, Dr. Brown. I hate to do this, but I have to cut this session short. I have a meeting to get to." Tanya said nervously.

Thank God!

"Oh, that's too bad. Well I guess I'll see you next week then." I said standing to walk her out.

"Thank you doctor." She said before stepping out of my office.

I shut the door quickly and sank down into my office chair. I pulled open my bottom desk drawer and found the flask hidden beneath the files. I took a long pull from it and let my head fall back against the chair.

I should have been a pediatrician.

A/N: Alright so I hope you enjoyed a laugh at Tanya's expense. Please don't let anything Dr. Brown said or did effect how you view her in future chapters of After... I was just having fun.

I should have chapter 32 to ATHEA up sometime Friday if not sooner. I'm working on it I promise, this was just me taking a breather.

So if it's not too much trouble, and you've got nothing better to do, you could hit that little review button and let me know what you're thinking....no pressure of course. : )