Chapter 2

Lilly was sitting on the beach reading the words written in the book and became fascinated and even obsessed with not just the words, but the girl who wrote them. Oliver kept begging her to go surfing with him and she kept brushing him off. He then started trying to get amorous with her and she had to threatened to grab his testicles and squeeze them until they crushed if he did not leave her alone. They had hooked up every now and then after they broke up just for some sex between good friends, but Lilly was to into reading the journal for anything else. It was a journal that the strange new Goth girl wrote as if she was talking to or writing a letter to a friend. While it covered portions of the girls' life when she was younger, according to the dates in the upper right hand corner of each page, it was recently written. It told of her parents' death when she was younger and of the kindness her best friend's, Ran, parents and her love for them and her love for her friend Ran. Lilly got a little envious of the way the girl described that love for her friend and hoped she loved Miley that much. It was an incredible love and friendship. It told a little of how the poor girl was jumped and beaten badly by three girls from her previous high school and how she suffered verbal abuse and rumors over her years there. It told of her love for a girl named Samantha and the betrayal of finding her girlfriend in bed with another girl but how Amber still loved the blonde with incredible passion. Oliver had to pry Lilly from the journal to get her to go home. It was getting late and the blonde declined an offer for dinner and went home to eat. He mom fixed her some dinner and she sat there reading the words. Later she went upstairs and read the notebook in her room. She got to the more recent writings, the writings that seemed to tug at Lilly's heart. First her friend Ran died and when Lilly read that part and the way the girl described her grief she felt tears of her own slide down her cheeks. Then the poor girl's bother died while serving in the marines in Afghanistan and then the shooting death of the girl she loved, Samantha, in a store robbery. Lilly read how Amber loved the parents of her best friend but opted to live with relatives she did not know thinking to protect them. Lilly read how her uncle and aunt wanted her to live with them even if they had never met her. It soon became apparent why. Amber's uncle Arthur was her father's half brother. Apparently her father and his half brother have not spoken in years, even before Amber was born. They acted nice and sweet and caring at first. Arthur was a prominent plastic surgeon in Malibu (Lilly even knew who and heard his name mentioned often) who lost his license due to prescribing drugs illegally. He got his license back but his practice suffered a great deal and he lost a number of clients. They wanted the money Amber may have gotten from her parents. And her parents did leave her a large sum and then she was the beneficiary of her brother's life insurance as well. Unknown to her new guardians at the time was that all the money except a small monthly allowance was put in a trust she would not get until she was eighteen and the trustee was a Byung Isuel (Lilly new it was the girl's best friend's father). Byung was a very intelligent man and also a very good judge of character. He did not sign over that trust to Amber's Uncle Arthur so they got nothing. To say her uncle and aunt were angry was an understatement. They beat Amber until she promised to add them to her current bank account so they could take the money that was allotted to her monthly and they took her check book and credit cards from her. They also made her promise to get a job to work after school. Lilly learned through her reading that her aunt Marian was a drunk and addicted to prescription pills and very cruel. Her aunt and uncle have a nine year old daughter Amber had not met yet since the little girl was attending a summer camp. God, no wonder she is so depressed…everyone she loved has died and she left two people she obviously loved like her own parents to live with these poor excuses of human beings…ohhh poor girl…she needs a friend! Lilly thought and decided she would try her best to befriend the girl. Lilly looked at her clock and it read 2:38am. She decided to read one more entry before going to sleep. She was enthralled and deeply saddened by the writing. This one was dated two weeks ago.

"My Dearest Ran,

I am so sorry….please forgive me, baby! I need to beg your forgiveness for the promise I broke to you! I tried, baby, I tried so hard! But I cannot do it! I want to…I have even tried but I am such a coward! Please forgive me, Ran…please. Oh God I have tried to do it but I can't. I will…I will soon…please just give me time! I will be with you soon…I promise! My dearest Ran…do you remember the day we were in my bed after the only fight we ever had…and it was not your fault Ran…please understand that! I know you always felt it was and you always felt the guilt of that, but it was not your fault. I know you felt that guilt even when you were in that terrible hospital bed, but it was not your fault and I never blamed you! Please know I never blamed you! Anyway…remember when I told you I wished you were gay so I could love in a different way that I do love you and you laughed and told me you just could not be…I regret that you were not. I truly wished I could have made love to you one time. I experience the passion you have. I know the love we have was more and deeper than any love we ever had for anyone we dated and were in love with, including Samantha and Jason…and even the love you had for my brother (who I wish I could have made love you back just to see you happy), but I wish I could have experienced the passionate love you had to give as a lover…even if it was just once. I just wanted you to know that and stop telling me I am gross and stop laughing at me!

I read your letter you wrote before you died everyday and carry it in my purse all the time. I need you to forgive me for the promises you asked in the letter I could not keep…the promise of being a daughter to your mom and dad. I love them, Ran, I love them so much and that is why I had to leave. I gave them back the ring you gave me…I cannot be their daughter and I will have no daughter of my own to give it too…please forgive me, Ran…I beg you on my hands and knees!

"Well he finally came to me last night. I knew he would. I saw the way he looked at me while his wife (I refuse to call them aunt and uncle. From now one I will call them man and woman) would be drunk or high on the pills (which I have been looking for to use to join you but no luck yet). Hell even when she seems sober, which is not often, he still looks at me like that…desire…in his eyes. I don't know what took him so long but he did finally come to me…." Lilly read this part with disgust and sadness but she could not put it away. It was written in such detail she felt she was there and the one being used....

Amber lay in her bed with her eyes open. She heard the turn of her door knob to her bedroom and then the click of the lock. She locked her door every night, but the person coming into her room had a key to unlock it. She waited and the door opened and the figure soon filled the doorway. The man she new as Uncle Arthur stood there for a moment and whispered her name. Amber could pretend she was asleep but knew it would not do any good and to be honest with herself, she did not care anyway. She knew what he came to do and she did not care. What could he do to her that would cause her pain? Nothing he could do could cause her more pain than she has already felt in the death of those closest to her…in the death of her mommy and daddy, in the death of her Ran, in the death of her brother, and in the death of her dear sweet Samantha.

"Yes?" Amber said in a quite whisper. She knew the man smiled. He came into the room and turned on the small light by her bed so he could see her better. Amber looked up into those dull brown eyes and was thankful that while he was her father's step brother he did not look like him. That she could not have born. She felt her blankets being tossed from her body and the man leered at her. She wore just a tee shirt and panties. She felt his hands pull her panties down and Amber did not struggle. She did not care. She felt her legs being spread and she offered no resistance. The man grinned at her.

"Damn, you look just like your mother. She was beautiful too. I almost fucked her…did you know that?" He taunted and Amber winced at the mention of her wonderful mom. "Yeah…she screamed and begged me not too…just like you will beg. I like it when they beg. But your dad came in before I could fuck her. She wanted it…I know she did…but that asshole brother of mine stopped me. He almost killed me before your mom pulled him off me. Funny…here you are and I finally get to fuck her…almost…and get payback for him beating me." Amber grunted in pain as the man's finger slide into her. She was dry and he frowned.

"Not wet for your uncle huh? Well I came prepared." The man skirted some lubricant on her private area and his finger and entered her again, this time with two fingers. Amber grunted a little but did not cry out or plead or beg. She just did not care. The man frowned at her and slapped her face. "Oh, you'll beg me you little, cunt! Before I am done you will beg me and scream and after I am done training you, eventually you will beg me to visit you at night." Amber did cry out in pain even if she did not want to when the man inserted his other two remaining finger inside her. But she did not beg him to stop. After the initial pain she just lay there staring at those dull brown eyes. She cried louder when she felt the man trying to insert what felt like his entire hand inside her and he laughed at her pain and commented cruelly he would have to stretch her tight hole out to fit his hand in her. He then stepped back and undressed and Amber saw he was already sexually excited. He moved his pelvis area and his erection to her face and Amber stopped him.

"Wait…no yet." She sat up and took off her shirt. She folded the tee shit neatly and laid it down gently on the floor. The tiger mascot of the East Seattle High School showed perfectly in the fold with the word volleyball under the tiger. It was her friend Ran's practice tee shirt and Amber was not going to allow it to be sullied with what she was going to be forced to do. It meant to much to her for that to happen. Amber reached out with her hand and took the erection in her small fist and stroked it. The man groaned in pleasure and grabbed her small perky breasts hard and pinched her pink nipples tight between his fingers which made her cry out again in pain. Amber was only feeling physical pain since she was dead emotionally. She felt her head being grabbed from behind and pushed to his erection. Amber opened her mouth and allowed the man to enter her small lips.

The man used her that night. He used her mouth until she felt the sticky warm liquid burst into her and slid down her throat. She was forced to swallow it. Then he became hard again after a few moments of pinching and prodding her painfully and he entered her between her legs and still she did not cry out or beg or feel anything. He commented again on how tight she was and pushed harder. She felt some physical pain, but nothing else. She grunted when he entered her harder and harder and she knew he was close to the physical release and suddenly he stopped and turned her over and entered her butt. Amber cried out in the pain as he pushed into her in one thrust and then gripped the sheets and grunted as he used her from behind. He soon climaxed in a series of loud grunts and she felt his hot sticky seaman enter her and felt it squirt deep in her bowels. He pulled out and Amber lay face down on the bed feeling dead on the inside. A feeling she was accustomed to now. The man got dressed and told her to role over. She did. He then went to her closet and picked out some of her clothes, telling her he was going to approve what she wore everyday.

"You look so sexy in your whore clothes and you will wear what I tell you. If you don't…I'll make things worse on you. And make sure you put your makeup on like you do…I like that slut look on you!"

Amber looked at him, "Ok." Was all she said and had to tell the man that the skirt her laid out did not match the blouse but she would make sure that she found one that did he would approve of. He grinned.

"Yeah, you are going to be a good whore. I am also going to get you some birth control pills you will start taking. I like to cum inside you and I don't like condoms and I can't have my slut getting pregnant."

"Ok." Amber replied as she stared at him.

"And I will come see you every night and even when you are on the rag I will fuck your ass or mouth."

"Ok."

The man stared at her for a moment and left the room. Amber got up and took a shower in the bathroom attached to her bedroom and went back to bed. She picked up the tee shirt, held it tight to her chest, and asked Ran to forgive her for what she just did and closed her eyes hoping to sleep. Amber did cry then. She had not cried since Samantha died and thought she had forgotten how, but tears came to her as she gripped the tee shirt tighter. She did not cry for what happened to her...what the man did to her. She did not cry from the pain or humiliation but cried because she wished it was her friend Ran she was holding and not just her shirt. She cried because she wanted Ran to be there holding her, stoking her hair, whispering in her ear it was going to be ok, and making the emotional pain go away liked she used to.

"Ran, I guess I am his whore now. Well for a little while. I am going to look for the pills the woman takes while her and the man are out one day. They should help me do what I need to do. I promise I will be with you soon...my love always…your Ams."

Lilly closed the book and felt the tears running down her face. She wanted to stop reading what the man did to this girl, but she couldn't. She could not pull away regardless of how terrible it was. She put the book on her night stand and picked up a tissue. She wiped her eyes and blew her nose. I know this is personal…but…I did not know it was this bad…I…poor girl needs help. Lilly thought as she rolled to her side and was determined more than ever to be this girl's friend and to help her if she could.

Lilly woke the next morning and sat up in bed and opened the journal again. She needed to read it, she needed to understand, and she became obsessed with the writing and the girl herself. She read the next "letters" and they described how the man and woman (as Amber called them) sold her car when it arrived. Lilly could almost feel her pain over the loss of the car. It was not that Amber was sad because she no longer had a car, but that the car belonged to her brother and he spent years restoring the old car to perfect condition and gave it to Amber in his will. Amber felt pain because she lost something that was given to her by someone she loved dearly. Lilly read the next part and something caught her eye. The man and woman's daughter came home and Amber wrote how she ignored the girl in fear of growing to found of her and then of her starting school and Lilly saw one thing that caught her attention and she read it over and over. "…this school is not so bad really. The man makes me go in fear of social services checking up on him. He is afraid I will tell people, but I don't and won't. Why should I? I don't care what he does to me. Some boys have asked me out and of course I tell them no…funny if they knew I was a whore I wonder if they would be so interested in me…or maybe they can see it in me and that is why they ask me out. One boy in particular is very persistent. I think he can sense I am a whore since he can be very crude. His name is Jake something or another. He is attractive and from what a gather a big shot who did some movies or something. I have been told by others to leave him alone since he is dating a girl named Millie or…Miley that is it…like I would want to date him...or anyone for that matter! The few girls who do even talk to me only do to warn me off their boyfriends…which I promise I do not talk to…I just want to be left alone!" Lilly was a little shocked. She new Jake was a manwhore but Miley would never see it. Lilly then read more and again Jake's name came up. "…that boy Jake asked me out again. He said his girl friend was gone for a few more weeks and wanted me to…well I will not be as crude as him but he said he wanted me to have sex with him. I declined for the millionth time and he seemed pissed this time…" Lilly was getting mad a Jake. First for trying to fuck around Miley's back and then for going after this poor emotionally hurt girl. She read more looking for Jakes name.

"Oh, Ran, I thought I could not be hurt emotionally anymore, but they do. The physical pain I am getting used to, but they think of new cruel ways to hurt me emotionally. The man visits me every night and uses me and humiliates me…God I hate them! Ironic I use the word God and swear by that word…and it is just a word to me…I know he does not exist. Do you remember when we were little and we would go to church…either with your mom and dad or with my mom and dad? Remember how I would make you change clothes over and over again so you would be dressed in what I would call "appropriately for church" and you would fuss at me for making you dress up so much. God I remember how beautiful you looked…anyway…at church we were told one time that you cannot believe in God and not believe in the devil or you cannot believe in the devil and not believe in God. They both exist and one cannot exist without the other…that was a lie! God does not exist! How could he? How could someone we were taught who was kind and loving cause me to lose all that I loved and not take me as well. Why didn't he kill me too, Ran? I wished he would have! I begged him to when I thought he existed. Remember how I begged him to kill me so you could live? Remember how mad you got at me for that. But I would have, Ran! I would have gone to that sacrificial alter willingly and let the priest slit my throat if it would have saved you! I dream that at times, I dream I am lying on a cold altar dressed in white as a priest dressed in black touches a cold steel blade to my throat. I look up and him and smile to let him know I go willingly. I look over his should and see the White Lady. She is so lovely and also dressed in white. Her long white hair is blowing in the wind and she looks so beautiful and sexy. She smiles at me calls to me to join her. I smile back and when the priest brings the knife across my neck I wake up. I don't to wake. I want it to end!

Anyway…God does not exist but the devil does. The devil drove the car that killed my mom and dad, the devil was the horrible disease that murdered you, the devil was the people who shot my brother twelve times and killed him, the devil was the boys who robbed that store and killed my dear sweet Samantha, and the devil is the man who comes to my room every night! Yes the devil exists but God does not….hold on, Ran, some girl is trying to talk to me at lunch…I just met the strangest girl. At first I thought she was the bully girl going to beat up the new girl, but she seemed nice and she wanted to be my friend…she said at least. Her name is Lilly…yeah we know I will remember that one. I was going to blow her off more than I did until she told me her name…same as my mom…weird huh? Anyway she reminded me of you and Samantha…she was dressed like Samantha always did very casual and well…boyish…and had blonde hair like her and she was very pretty like both you and Samantha. She reminded me of you because she was persistent in trying to get information out of me…anyway I got rid of her. She did have the cutest whiney voice I liked for some reason…not that she was whiney at all…just the pitch of her voice. I can't have any friends…I don't deserve any! Well lunch is over so I will talk soon…loving you always!"

Lilly smiled, she thinks I am pretty and nice…awww how sweet! But I do not dress boyish and I do not have a whiney voice! Lilly giggled to herself. She read some more. "…and I made a big mistake, Ran, I talked to the daughter this evening. She came into my room…I forgot to lock the door…her name is Natalie and she is so adorable. She is very pretty with yellow blond hair like gold. She talked for a while and I could not help but like her…I don't want to, but I could not help it. She told me I was her older sister now and she would love me! Oh, Ran…I can't love her…I don't want to! Oh Ran…don't allow me to love her, please baby! After she left I wondered if the man would ever come to her room when she got older. Well I have to go now; the man is coming soon and he brought me an outfit to wear for him tonight…I won't describe it because it is to humiliating and I don't want you to see me or know me in it. I love you very much and please do not think poorly of me…your Ams."

Lilly read more and then got to the last few pages. "…I saw the White Lady again and like the last time it was not a dream. As the man drove me to school this morning I saw her standing on the side of the rode smiling at me. She was lovely and in like the dreams she did not call to me or motion for me to join her, she just stood there smiling at me. I wonder who she is and what she wants. I do not dream of her anymore but I see her when I am awake.

"I have found myself hoping for the girl Lilly at school to talk to me again even if I don't really want. I saw her in the hall way and watched her for a while. She seems very popular and nice…and…very very pretty! I had to hide quickly before she saw me. Why do I look for her? I don't want a friend! I swear I don't! Oh I found the pills the woman takes and looked them up on the internet. They are strong pain killers and I figured five or six would be enough. I took ten to make sure and did not consider she would count them. Well she does. She found out I took them and hid them under my mattress. She was not happy. I was ironing the man's shirt for work the next morning and she yelled at me and then slapped me and called me a "junkie"…funny huh? The pill popping whore called me a junkie. She then made me hold my hand on the board and placed the iron on my palm. It hurt badly, Ran, so bad. I tried not to cry but I could not help it. The little girl Natalie heard and told me later I should not make the woman mad because she does things like that. I asked her if the woman did things to her like that and she just got afraid and told me never to spill my milk. I knew what she meant…oh Ran…I have fallen in love with the little girl! God help me I have! She is just so small and precious! I…I have to protect her, Ran! Like you used to protect me! I don't think the man uses her like he does me…she is too young…but she will get older one day and he will. And the woman hurts her…I know she does. I…I have decided I know what to do. I will tell you later when I work out the plan…but the girl will be protected and I then can be with you and the White Lady. I just need more time…please give me more time!" Lilly read and felt more tears in her eyes. She read more and it got to the last entry that was dated yesterday.

"…and Jake must have followed me in the bathroom before lunch because when I got done peeing he was standing by the sink. Funny I was not afraid and knew what he wanted…of course I knew what he wanted he made it very clear the previous days…" Lilly felt anger burn inside her and she imagined her in the bathroom…

Amber adjusted her skirt as she opened the stall door and saw the boy Jake smiling at her. She first thought he was very attractive with that charming smile and then she gave him a questioning look. Amber was not afraid. There was nothing he could do to her to make her afraid. She new what he wanted and Amber knew he would get it as well. She was to weak to fight back and no longer had strength anyway and she no longer cared. She wished he would kill her when he was done, but she knew he was too much of a coward to do that.

"Hey, sexy…I figured since you did not want to go out with me we could at least meet in here and you could give me what I want." The boy said and walked to her. Amber just stood there with her hands by her side and looked down. She felt the boy close to her and then his hands unbuttoning her red blouse. Amber grunted as she felt his hands pull her bra over her breasts and start to play with her nipples. Amber grunted in pain as he twisted them but she still just stood there with her arms at her sides waiting for him to finish and hoped he would be fast so she would have time to eat something. The man and woman did not allow her dinner last night or breakfast this morning.

"Nice tits…small but nice and firm…love you nipples too." The boy then brought his mouth to her left breast and sucked and bit her nipple hard. Amber bit her lower lip to stop herself from crying out. "I'm on my period." Amber squeaked out and it was true. She did not care enough to lie to him

"That's ok…you can give me a blow job then." Jake then spun her around and pushed her into the stall and made her sit on the toilet. He unzipped his pants and pulled out his erect penis. Amber thought it was very small compared to the few she has seen.

"Suck it, whore…my girlfriend does not give it up and even when she is in town she rarely gives it to me and never suck me off. Suck it good, whore." The boy grabbed her head and Amber opened her mouth and allowed the boy's penis to enter her parted lips. He was quick and after only a few minutes Amber felt his warm sticky goo squirt in her mouth and he pulled out and zipped his pants back up. Amber stood and spit his cum in the toilet. He laughed at her and made a crude comment about her not swallowing him.

"Yeah, I knew you were a whore…next time I am going to fuck you. Monday meet me in the gym during lunch. I know a place we can go. Will be off the rag then?" Amber nodded.

"Good…I am going to fuck you good. Just be there!"

"Ok." Amber said simply as she adjusted her bra and buttoned her blouse. The boy looked over her one more time and grinned, "Damn you are a hot little slut. I may bring a friend or two along." His grin got wider, "Yeah you would like that wouldn't you, you little whore?"

Amber buttoned her last button and looked at her feet, "Ok." She simply said in her dead voice. A voice that used to be so musical and cheerful was now nothing but a dead tone.

He walked from the bathroom and Amber washed her mouth out with warm water in the sink.

"…Oh, Ran, I have become such a whore…but I don't care anymore! I don't care how these men use me…I just hope you don't think poorly of me and forgive me…I could not stand it if you didn't forgive me. But it will end soon…very soon. I know my plan now. I am going to make sure the man and woman never hurt me again and they will never harm poor Natalie again either. Maybe your mom and dad will take Natalie in after we are gone. They would love the adorable little girl. I know they would and she would love them…how could she not? They are wonderful people and have so much love to give. I just need to make sure they know to look after her. I…I need to contact them to make sure they know about her. I just have to come up with a way to do it! The man has a gun; I saw it when I was looking for the pills. I just don't know enough about guns to use it. Maybe I could find someone to show me how to use one. Well gym is over with now and I will write you later tonight after the man leaves my room. Tomorrow is Saturday and I have a job to start in the morning. I have to be there at ten and work until seven. A place on the beach…yeah me and the beach can you believe it? Don't worry, I have plenty of sunscreen. A place called Rico's Surf Shack. It is owned by an odd little teenager from our school…or his parents…and I will be working there with a boy named Jackson something or another. He seemed strange but in a good way and almost made me smile once…he can be goofy I think. I am looking forward to working there so I can leave the house that reeks of evil. Love you…Ams."

Lilly read the last entry and slammed the notebook on her bed. That fucking pig! I could kill him! That fucking asshole! He is cheating on Miley and he raped this poor girl! I am going to cut his fucking nuts off! Lilly thought with tears in her eyes and looked at her clock. It read ten thirty five. She had plenty of time to eat and go to the beach. She was going to talk to Amber today and give her back her journal…somehow explain she had it. Lilly was also concerned about the mention of the gun in the writing. She needed to tell someone but she also felt she betrayed the girl by reading her journal. She did not know what to do.

Lilly put on her bikini bottoms and top and then put a tee shirt and tan cargo shorts on over them. She brushed her hair and pulled it in a ponytail and walked downstairs to get something to eat. He mom was in the kitchen and smiled at her.

"'Mornin, sleepy head…hungry?"

Lilly nodded and sat at the table while her mom cooked her some bacon and eggs. "Hey mom…lets say you knew a girl…this is pretend ok…and this girl was well…she was having a rough time…real rough. She was being abused physically and sexually at home, she has not friends. She had a lot of people she was close to die…like her parents, her best friend, her bother, and someone she was in a relationship with. Well…she was…well she told you what was going on or you found out and then found out she was thinking of doing something bad…real bad…like kill herself and someone else. What would you do?"

Lilly's mom turned around with a look of concern on her face, "Lilly…is there something you need to tell me?"

Lilly sighed, "No mom…God…it is just a story I am reading…and this girl's friend is at a dilemma of what to do and I was just curious what you would do. I…well I think I would try and help her. Even if she was not really a friend just someone I knew…what would you do?"

Her mother turned back around and started her cooking again, "Well first I am surprised you are reading…glad but surprised...but umm…I would tell someone who could help. Like the police or some other professional. That would be a lot for one person to deal with and if not properly trained you could make matters worse. Yeah I would go to the police."

Lilly sighed, yeah you would. No they can't help…they would need proof and they would lock poor Amber up in a nut house and while she needs help that is not what she needs…she needs a friend…she needs me and I am going to talk to her and make her see she needs me! God…why am I so fascinated…no obsessed with her! How can I help! Hell I am just a confused teenager too! I don't know if I am gay or straight or bi! What can I do? I'm only seventeen! But she is screaming out for help and a friend…I can read it in her writings and well…she did hope she saw me again and even spied on me a little…maybe she is crying out for me to help! And If I see Jake I am going to cut his fucking nuts off! Lilly ate quickly, grabbed her beach bag and the journal, and drove to the beach. On the drive there she called Oliver and told him to meet her at Rico's.