A/N More of this is coming to me now :) So much for being a one-shot! More like a series of glimpses.
A flurry of snowflakes fell steadily, blanketing the Curtis' front yard in even more white. The powdery snow hid all the remnants of green grass underneath it, branches of trees also covered in the cold evidence of winter.
Soda didn't care about the glare the sun created, as it shone on the snow. Goosebumps spread across both of his arms, shivering both from the below freezing temperature and the misery found in today's date. He picked up a handful of snow, pressing his fingers into it, burrowing them into the cold until it almost hurt. He held the iciness to his cheek, creating another river of chills.
"What are you doing, man?"
Soda heard Steve's voice, felt his presence behind him, as he clenched his fist around the snow. He loosened his grip, the flakes slipping through his fingers, falling back to the ground.
Steve came to stand next to Soda. "It's like you haven't seen snow before."
"It's been a rough day in my head, Stevie."
"I know, buddy. I didn't forget today."
"I can't believe they've been gone a year, but at the same time, it feels like forever."
"I can dig that." Steve put his hand on Soda's shoulder. "I miss them too."
Soda nodded, hot tears glazing over his eyes.
"Hey, you know I'm here if you want to talk or anything, but damn, it's freezing out here." Steve let go of Soda's shoulder to rub his hands up and down his arms. "You look like you don't even feel it, but can we please go back inside?"
Darry stomped his feet on the mat in front of the door, shaking the snow from his brown boots. He entered the house, unzipping his coat, then pulling the boots off.
Not seeing either of his brothers, Darry hung up his coat, then went into the hall. He saw Pony and Soda's door was closed and raised a hand to knock, but paused when he heard his middle brother's voice.
"I do feel like doing it sometimes. I guess I can't help it. And today, I really do. But I didn't, I promise."
Darry's hand dropped to his side, but he didn't move away from the door. He knew, hearing Soda's tone and the tears in his voice, exactly what he was talking about. He also knew he shouldn't listen, that his brother wasn't talking to him, but he remained there, hearing Steve's voice next.
"It's all right, buddy. You don't even have to promise. Damn, even if you did do it again, it's not like I wouldn't still be right here. My ass would be right where it is now, making sure you talked about it."
Darry felt a hint of a smile cross his face, realizing he and Steve shared the same sentiment. He heard Soda's voice again, though this time, it sounded muffled.
"I know. I didn't mean it like that. I just don't want you to think I'd lie if- I know I kind of did before because I tried to keep it a secret."
Darry let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. As much as he wanted to believe Soda, he couldn't help doubting that his brother would come to him if he slipped. He heard Soda's voice once more, followed by Steve's.
"Sorry, I just-"
"No. If you need a hug, you just do. That's that. I'm not going to let go til you're okay. Shit, I can't just sit here and watch you hurting, buddy."
Darry felt a tug to knock and another to walk away. He knew he should, a pang of guilt going through him for listening to so much of what was definitely supposed to be a private conversation. But he wouldn't mention it to Soda. He would talk to him, but there was nothing he planned to ask now that he wouldn't have anyway.
Soda laid his head on his pillow, trying to breathe in the softness, as he sank into it. Yet, the only semi-coolness didn't seem like enough. He put his hands on his face, letting his fingers run down, creating invisible scratches. He gripped his hands tightly together, squeezing hard, fingernails leaving tiny arches on his skin.
Soda let out a sharp breath, as he sat up and dropped his head into his hands, his fingers now caught in soft strands of hair. A knock startled him, and he jumped, his heart beating, like he'd been caught in an offense of thought.
"It's just me, little buddy. You okay?"
Soda turned his head, allowing Darry's eyes to look into his own. "No."
Darry came fully into the room, sitting on Pony's side of the bed. He put his hand on Soda's back, rubbing circles. "Remember what I said."
Soda let his head fall to Darry's shoulder, resting it there, the strong presence of his big brother enveloping him. He closed his eyes, the material of Darry's shirt rubbing his cheek, the roughness of his unshaven face brushing against the top of his head.
Darry slid his arm all the way over both of Soda's shoulders, drawing him closer. "I know it's hard, but don't close up on me here, little buddy."
