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For the best

Chapter Two


It wasn't until I had shut the front door that I realised I had nowhere to go. The only family I have is my ever delightful sister Petunia, and she happens to have disowned me a few years ago. As for my friends? Well I'm pretty sure if I turned up at one of their houses at Merlin knows what time in the morning, they would ask a hell of a lot of questions. And quite frankly with the state I'm in, might actually likely to answer those questions, which would in no way be good or beneficial. I could tell you now that they would be all for me going back to James and telling him the truth. They would say it would all be ok and that I'm being stupid by leaving him.

The problem is I know it's not true. Even if by some miracle James was all happy and excited about being a dad, the fact still remains that we are in the middle of a war. A war where the pureblood James Potter is already a target for numerous things, like being an Auror, being an Order member, having a muggleborn girlfriend. If you were to add having a half-blood child into the equation I might as we write his eulogy now.

Don't get me wrong it's not like I'm planning on having an abortion or anything. Merlin I could never do that! I'm just planning on taking myself and this child out of the mix. I plan on fading into the background, becoming someone unimportant, someone easy to overlook. I figure doing that is less suspicious then if I just up and left completely. If I did that I know I would have people from both sides chasing me down. But this way I can just convince people I fell out of love with James, use some well placed concealment charms so no one figures out I'm pregnant and when I have the baby... well I guess I can figure out that bit later. My way might seem stupid to everyone I know, but this way James won't get hurt, or worse killed.

I couldn't just stand there outside what was now my old home, in case James got back. So I went to the first place I could think of, the Leaky Cauldron. I'm still not sure whether I can apparate of not so I figured the safest option was to walk to the local taxi station to get a taxi over to Charing Cross. Not that I don't trust the Knight Bus, but my gag reflex has already been tested to its limits today already. I was pretty lucky Tom barman was still up and had a room available. I was so grateful he didn't ask questions about my sudden appearance and even more so he didn't ask any when I told him not to tell anyone I was staying here, or that he had even seen me. If anyone knew where I was James would be banging on my room door within ten minutes.

I had a crap night's sleep, which I guess was to be expected. I dreamt that James had found out I was pregnant and was chasing me across a quidditich pitch screaming at me to give him his baby. It then switched to me sitting in Dumbledore's office at Hogwarts listening to him tell me I was irresponsible and didn't deserve a child. Next I was lying in St. Mungos with a miniature James in my arms, but someone came and took him away telling me I wasn't good enough to be its mother. After this the scene flipped to me placing a baby in a crib, then a high cackle and a flash of green light. I woke up drenched in sweat, shivering, with tears streaming down my face. I curled into a ball and pull the covers tight around me. I couldn't get over the fact that in my dreams everyone was trying to take away the baby.

I lay there for what felt like hours trying to go back to sleep. Just as I felt like I was making progress I felt that urge which was becoming only too familiar, the need to vomit. I crawled out of bed and made my way towards the toilet. It was a good half an hour before I felt anywhere near ready to move, but unfortunately I needed to go find a new flat so forced myself up and into the shower. It took me forever to get ready and dressed, I just didn't have the energy. Whether that was due to being pregnant or the fact finding my own place seemed to finalise everything being over between me and James I'm not sure.

Winter has never been my favourite season, but for once I was glad for the cold weather outside making it necessary to wear a thick cloak, it made sneaking out of the pub and into Diagon Alley without being noticed much easier. Once in Diagon Alley I made to the estate agents who had helped me and James find our current flat. I was fortunate that they had one flat available to show me right away, although from the tone of the estate agents voice I figured there had to be something terribly wrong with it, but they say beggars can't be choosers.

Arriving at the place I could see why the estate agent was desperate to get rid of it. It wasn't exactly the nicest place on the market. It appeared the previous occupied had thought themselves a bit of a poisons expert, however the scorch marks on the ceiling and burned carpet seemed to say otherwise. Apart from that it wasn't too bad. I mean the area wasn't great, it didn't have a garden, there was only the one bedroom and the place needed a serious clean, but all of this can be overlooked. Or at least that is what I was telling myself twenty minutes later when I was signing the lease. Like I said beggars can't be choosers and living in the Leaky Cauldron would make it too easy for James to find me, and somehow use that adorable smile of his to charm me into going back to him, which I couldn't let happen.

That afternoon I met my best mate Alice for ice cream. Yes I'm fully aware it is the middle of winter and that Christmas is only two weeks away, but it's one of our traditions to meet for ice cream every Saturday at Florence's. As I approached the ice cream parlour I realised how much of an idiot I had been. There sitting at our usual table was Alice, however she wasn't alone. With her were Sirius Black and the guy who I am desperately in love me, and who is father to the child he doesn't know I am carrying, James Potter.

I turned quickly planning on walking away before any of them could see me. Only it turns out I was too late as moments later I felt a hand on my arm turning me around. I purposefully kept my eyes down putting all my will power into not looking up into those hazel eyes which I knew where looking down on me. James said my name softly as he put a finger under my chin and raised it trying to get me to look at him, but I wasn't having it. I know from past experience that one look into his eyes, one look at the hurt and painful expression, I was certain he was wearing, that I would do anything he asked. However I also knew that this time I couldn't let it happen.

Before he could say or do anything else I summoned all my energy and willpower, fixed my gaze upon him and said with as much indifference as I could;

"I don't love you James Potter. I don't love you, I don't need you, and I don't want you. Now please leave me alone. It's for the best."

I pulled my arm out of his grip and ran. I'm assuming what I said shocked him so much he couldn't move, as he didn't come after me. Good that's what I wanted. Facing James was too hard. Even in that split second of looking into his eyes and seeing the misery mixed with pain and confusion, I wanted to tell him everything and go back to him. But I know I can't do that, it would be like signing his death warrant.


AN - Thank you everyone who has reviewed so far as well as those who have added it to your alerts and favourite. I hope you like this chapter just as much. Please review.