In the weeks that followed, Zim combed through almost every page of the Records, convinced that even the mind-numbing portions of law and number-chronicling held some secret that he could uncover. Whenever he was summoned for testing, he hid the screen hurriedly and left his cell, pondering what it could all mean. At the end of every painful test, he would drag himself back to his cell, snarling threats the entire way, then lie down on the floor to recover. Often, Dib would walk by his cell, throwing taunts at him. Zim always demanded release, but the horrible child would only laugh at him. Him! The future slave-master of the entire race.

One day, after a particularly grueling experiment, Zim lay curled in the corner. He heard the bootsteps, and decided he wouldn't even acknowledge Dib this time. He wasn't worth it. If only the burning would stop so Zim could concentrate and talk to Ayam. Whatever or whoever this Ayam was, he was most informative. He was even, Zim secretly admitted, pleasant conversation. Intelligent conversation at least. Much better than GIR's mindless prattling.

"Hey spaceboy. You might like to see this." Dib's voice was smug. Zim cracked his eye open, peering through the slit as Dib toted a hoverscreen into view, adjusting the dials. "Thought you might want to know how you were caught."

Zim's antenna twitched.

"See," Dib gloated, "No one would believe me, but an actual transmission from actual aliens proves things."

The Irken frowned. "What are you saying, smelly?"

Dib gestured to the screen. "Why don't you watch for yourself?"

Despite himself, Zim glanced at the screen. For a second, he gave a glad cry. "My Tallests!" A smile split his face. "You've come to rescue me!"

"Hello, Earthlings. I greet you in the name of the Irken Empire." Tallest Red stood, arms crossed as he delivered his message, while Tallest Purple waved from the side.

"This message was sent to all Agents of the Swollen Eyeball network." Dib explained smugly.

"A while ago, we exiled one of our worst Invaders to your rock, hoping he would die. Unfortunately, he hasn't, and we're sick of his plots messing up our plans for Invasion."

"Not to mention his constant calls. And the times he tries to force us to come to Earth." Purple whined.

"The point is," Red continued, "We're sick of him. We would appreciate it if you caught him and did whatever it is you want to do to him, just get him to shut up and leave us alone. This," and here, Red disappeared as a hologram of Zim in disguise popped up, "Is what he looks like. In disguise, of course."

Purple pushed aside the hologram and chirped, "In exchange for dealing with Zim, we'll promise never to blow up or invade your planet. Everybody wins!"

"Except Zim," Red snickered. "Which is just fine with us. Almighty Tallests Red and Purple out."

The screen fizzled into blackness. Zim stared at the screen, the smile frozen to his face.

"So, Zim, any thoughts?" Dib smirked. "Any proclamations of doom and destruction, or are you still under the delusion that you really were sent to conquer us?"

Zim's eyes began to smart. He hadn't closed them once since the transmission began. Slowly, he pulled himself to his feet and turned to Dib. The boy's grin faltered at the crazy smile pasted on the Irken's face. Without warning, Zim lunged at the wall of the cell, slamming into it face-first and scratching furiously at the glass. Little shavings curled out from under his claws and dropped to the ground.

"I will kill you, Dib. Kill you! Do you hear me? I will rip out your throat and claw out your eyeballs, BOTH of them! Let me go, NOW, so I can squeeze your puny little neck until your head explodes!"

Dib stumbled back, shaken. "Y-you'd better knock it off, Zim. They still have GIR, they'll take him apart if you keep this up."

The frantic scratching ceased, but the manic smile remained. "It doesn't matter. I will be free, Dib, and when I am, you're the first one I'm coming after. This is all your fault, you and your stupid Eyeballs."

"How is it our fault you got exiled, huh?" Dib countered. "It was your own stupid fault."

Zim growled, "Leave, now, human. Before I forget about GIR."

Dib grabbed the view-screen and darted out of the room.

Zim sank to the ground, threw back his head, and howled at the ceiling. Fury stretched his vocal cords to the limit at his howling became shrieks of pure rage.

"How DARE they, how DARE they! I AM ZIM! ZIM! Do they not KNOW that I am ZIM? Do they not KNOW all I have done for THEM, for their precious invasion? I am the pinnacle of destruction, the epitome of an Invader! I served them faithfully, and THIS is how they repay me? Ayam!

No need to shout. I can hear you perfectly well.

"Ayam, rain down doom and destruction on the Tallests. And then on these humans. You say you are the being in these records known as 'God'. If that is so, then do some of that stuff you did in the beginning of the Records. Immediately!"

I am not to be commanded by anyone, Zim.

Zim growled. "But you should! We are comrades, aren't we? What of our many conversations? You would not do this for Zim?"

No, Zim.

Gnashing his teeth, he shouted, "If you won't destroy anything, what good are you? Get away, leave me alone!"

As you wish.

"Oh, so you'll do THAT for Zim, but you won't do OTHER things."

Silence.

"Don't bother coming back either."

Nothing.

Zim sat against the wall of his cell and pulled out his own screen from his PAK, calling up the last place he'd left off in the Records. He had just finished the first portion of the Records, the solid chunk known as the Old, now he was about to begin the New. Perhaps there would be more stories or warnings of destruction. That would cheer him up… maybe.

Zim frowned as he began. Only a few sentences in and he was already confused. He gritted his teeth. Flattening his antenna, he muttered, "Ayam… what is a virgin, and why is it so important if one has a smeet?"

…..

"So… what you're saying is, you became a human."

Yes.

"And tried to teach them, but they killed you."

Yes.

"But before they killed you, you took all the badness from the time the first dirt-bags ate the evil fruit stuffs all the way into the future to the end of time… and put it in yourself?"

Yes.

"Aaaaand then you came alive again."

Yes.

"What are you, a zombie?"

No.

"Cause only zombies come back to life. All the earth-films say so."

Zombies don't exist, Zim.

"Well neither do dead people coming back to life!"

But I did.

"How?"

I was a man, and I was God. Fully both.

"That makes no sense. You can't be both, you have to be one or the other."

Zim, how many dimensions does the Irken race deal in?

"Eh? Oh, four or five."

And the humans?

Zim snorted. "The puny things are still stuck in the third, and grappling with the concept of the fourth."

I made the dimensions, Zim, and there are more than you can count.

Zim's eyes bugged. "Wh-what?"

And I Am above them all. I can be both fully God and Human, and it makes perfect sense. But there are some things you can't see or understand, because you are stuck in the fourth and fifth dimensions.

Zim frowned, but the voice chuckled. Don't forget the best part.

"But I don't get this part! Little fires light the heads of your minions and they start speaking like they have brainworms, but somehow everybody understands. And they say that if they just believe that you took their badness, died, and became alive again, they are saved. What does that even mean?"

Their souls, Zim. Their souls are saved.

"Right. That thing I don't have."

It's right here.

Zim stiffened as he felt a strange warmth in the hollow of his chest. "What are you doing? Stop that!" The warmth receded.

You have a soul too. I know. I made it.

Shakily, Zim muttered, "The Records indicate your creation of the humans. It says nothing about Irkens."

That's because it's the human record, Zim. There isn't an Irken Record. Yet.

Zim glared at the floor. "So this soul-saving thing. What does it mean."

There are two places to be when the body ceases to function. One place is with Me. The other is away from Me. Those who reject what I have to say choose to go where I Am not.

The enormity of that statement struck Zim like a plasma bolt. Rather than be with Ayam, these people chose to be in the single place in all existence where the very Essence of Existence Himself was not. He never sent them there, they chose to go. And he let them.

"You're stupid!" Zim exclaimed. "Absolutely stupid! If you just made them all choose the right way, then there wouldn't be a problem."

I don't want minions, Zim. The voice came sternly. I don't want an army of SIR units or heartless machines. I want friends. People who choose freely to serve and love Me. There is no joy in a parrot screeching 'I love you' over and over.

"Love." Zim snorted. "Another idiotic idea."

Don't mock what you don't understand.

"Why not? It is a weak emotion, devoid of intelligence and… stuff."

Care to try a taste?

"Why not? There's no way it could possibly change any—"

The warmth he'd felt before exploded through his body, enfolding every cell and fiber of his being. It felt like every molecule of his body was coming to life and expanding outward, reaching and stretching toward something. Underneath it all he felt a hollow cavern, a gaping hole where he had always screamed without being heard. From here he had shouted at the Tallests for hours until they'd acknowledged him. From here he had wiped out all his fellow Invaders in Impending Doom 1, seeking to be the greatest. From here he had sought time and time again to impress his leaders, only to fail and earn their hatred. Into this poured the life, the overwhelming sense that he was, indeed, important, if to no one else than this being. That this being would stretch across time and space and move the sky and the sea if Zim would just let him in.

Slowly, the sensation receded, leaving the Irken trembling like a leaf on the floor, eyes full of some unknown gloppy substance.

And that, Zim, was only a taste.

Panicked, Zim bolted upright. "Don't leave me! Don't take it away!"

I will never leave you or forsake you.

"Be my leader! Be my Tallest, please!" Zim begged. "I will serve you, I will be your most loyal servant ever!"

I accept, Zim.

"I will! I promise!"

I—

"Really, you won't find anybody else better suited to the task than Zim, please!"

Zim. I heard you. And I accept.

Pausing, Zim managed, "Really?"

I never turn away anyone who comes to Me.

Zim blinked. "Just like that?"

Just like that.

"Wow." Zim sat there for a little while. A smile slowly crawled across his face, his antenna rising. "Neat."