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Ch. II
Jasper POV
The summer has always been my favorite season.
I don't know what it is. Life just gets easier around this time. There's no school, there's no responsibility. It's like the chaos in life almost stops. For a few months, I can get a peace of mind. I mean, I know when August hits it's going to be a whole different story, but until then I just want to be content.
I've always spent my summer vacation with Emmett and Edward. Their mother, Esme Cullen, would fix up the guest room in their house especially for me. I'd stay with them all summer, every summer. It never failed. Their home became sort of like a sanctuary for me. I've never told Edward and Emmett, but becoming their friend was the best thing that ever happened to me.
My life isn't like theirs.
My father isn't a rich plastic-surgeon and my mother isn't the modern-day version of Marion Cunningham. I didn't come from a home that served hot, home-cooked meals for dinner every night. At my house I never knew when my next meal would come. It always depended on how high my mother was on the given day. Sometimes she was able to function; other times she was entirely incoherent.
My parents have been drug addicts for as long as I can remember. It's still weird admitting that. Everyone in Forks knows by now. My family history is a trending topic in this town, especially since I'm so close to the Cullens. They're like celebrities here.
I guess I'm pretty famous around Forks as well, but I don't really like to think about it.
I just try to live my life the best way that I can. It definitely gets hard at times, but I don't let life defeat me. That's not the role I play. I'm the person who's always easy-going, smiling, and happy. That's what my friends expect out of me, so that is who I have to be.
The only person who has seen a glimpse of my somber side is Bella, and that's only because she's the type who just has to talk about feelings, dreams, and other emotional bullshit. There have been times where I was literally in the middle of fucking her and out of nowhere she started asking me how I felt about her and our "relationship".
I've opened up to her about my family and my goals, but I've never told her how I truly feel about her.
To be honest, I don't know how I feel about Bella. It's obvious that I have a soft spot for her. I don't treat her how I treat other girls that I mess around with, but at the same time I don't treat her how I would treat someone that I saw myself having a future with.
I don't see a future with Bella. I know it's not meant to be. She knows it too but she's not going to give up on me. Bella has a love for me that she wants to bloom and blossom. I'm not going to let it get that far though. I can't give her what she needs out of a man, so I don't want her to waste her energy on me. If today she decided that she didn't want to fuck around with me any longer, I wouldn't spend one second trying to change her mind.
That's just me though.
"What are y'all doing?"
A feminine voice wafts into my ear and drags me away from my thoughts. I look up from my iPhone screen, realizing where I am. This is Edward and Emmett's apartment. I'm standing in the kitchen with the boys. We're all leaning over the granite island, ignoring the empty bottles of alcohol that lay scattered across the counter.
The girls have just walked into the room. Alice is the first person I see. Her raven-colored hair is sitting on top of her head in two, short pigtails. She has bright red lipstick coating her lips, causing the smile she flashes in my direction to sparkle and glow. I give her a nod of recognition, and switch my eyes onto Bella.
She's walking beside Rosalie with a pensive expression. I'm not sure if she's looking that way because she's still pondering Edward's escapades from last night, or if she's concerned about the scene she just walked into.
Naturally, she comes and stands beside me. I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her into my side. I watch Rosalie cross the kitchen and post up next to Edward. Out of my peripheral, Bella's face tightens with displeasure. I want to laugh and make a joke at her expense but now is not the right time to do so. I decide to wait until later. Between Bella and Edward's bottled up feelings; there's always room to make up a joke.
"What are you guys up to?" Alice wonders, watching James fill up a slew of measuring cups with codeine cough syrup.
Edward smirks at the weariness inside of her eyes. "James is making dirty sprite, Ally-Cat."
Dirty Sprite is called "lean" on the streets. The name is accurate because once you drink it you'll be so fucked up that controlling your body becomes a non-existent skill. You'll start leaning, literally. The shit makes you numb and sluggish like a zombie. I've never tried it but James and Edward have. They claim that it's a high unlike any other, but like the girls I'm apprehensive about dabbling in drugs that affect your consciousness so heavily.
Bella frowns but it's a curious frown. "Where'd you get the promethazine?"
Dirty Sprite basically consists of promethazine syrup, which contains a copious amount of codeine.
The syrup is measured and mixed with a drink, usually a lemon-lime soda, sometimes with Fanta. Then, jolly ranchers are added to the concoction to make it sweeter. It's typically a dirty purple color. Hence the name.
James lifts his cloudy, blue eyes. If I weren't so keen at noticing details, I'd mistake them for grey. I don't know what it is about James. He's never sober enough to express himself, but it's clear that he hasn't been truly happy since we were in grade school.
He reminds me a lot of my mother and father.
"Mike Newton's uncle owns a pharmaceutical company in Port Angeles." Edward says, keeping his attention focused on James's work. I can't lie. I'm a bit mesmerized by the purplish liquid as well. My eyes follow the violet waves as they slosh around the bottle they're contained in.
James moves his head from side to side, staring at the concoction with mixed emotions. "One pint of this shit is four hundred dollars."
I slide my eyes away from the lean and study James insead. His brows furrow as he shakes up the bottle, causing an eruption of fizz and foam to brew within. I want to ask him why he looks so disappointed.
Is it because the money he spent on these drugs won't be worth it in the end?
Is it because he knows that no matter how fucked up he gets it won't take away his pain?
I don't speak my questions into existence. I nudge his shoulder and put on a silly face. "The perks of being a rich underachiever, huh?"
James and Edward were both born into wealthy families. James's father is an aerospace engineer. I don't know what that means or what his line of work entails, but James has always been taken care of. He's never had to want for nothing. The funny thing is that James isn't even from Forks. His family actually lives in an affluent city called Mount Vernon, which is at least four hours away from Forks.
The only reason he grew up with us is because his parents didn't have time to raise a child and tend to their blossoming careers. They sent him to live with his aunt on his mother's side, which just so happens to be Rosalie's mom.
It's like he's been stuck between two worlds his entire life; I wonder which one makes him feel the most at home.
"Are you going to sip?" He asks the question in general, but he ends up looking at me.
My chest immediately begins to tighten. It's weird because I have no problem drinking alcohol or smoking weed, but I practically have an anxiety attack every time someone propresitions me with anything else. I'm afraid of resembling my parents even slightly. I can't let myself become overly friendly with the idea of venturing into new drugs. I don't want to turn into them.
That's my biggest, most troubling fear.
I blink apprehensively. "I don't know dude."
James and Edward are both looking at me. There's no expectancy in their eyes. They know me so they're aware of my qualms. I switch between James's foggy eyes and Edward's jaded emeralds, chuckling nervously when James untwists the top to his bottle.
The soda fizzes and races to the top, spilling over the outside of the bottle. I watch the liquid stream down the green plastic like a volcano spewing purple lava. The color mixture offends my eyes and I turn away as James takes his first swig.
"No pressure." Edward says, patting my back.
He's right. I never feel pressured to join Edward and James. They've done just about every drug known to man, and have always respected my decline in offer when they've invited me along. That's why I like being their friend. We understand each other.
We understand things about each other that sometimes others can't comprehend, that sometimes our own selves can't comprehend.
I don't think Edward and James really know why they can't function unless they're high … but I do.
It seems like they're just two, spoiled teens on the surface. They have so much money that they stay with the latest fashions, the newest technology, and the fastest cars. Everybody wants to be their friend. Everybody wants to fuck them. Everybody loves them. If they wanted, they could take off right now and travel to any part of the world. They can have literally anything they want. They're set … for life.
It's like they already have everything that all the normal people have to work their entire lives to get. At just eighteen, with no effort at all, they've experienced everyone's idea of happiness. The sad part is that the two of them are still not happy.
"Don't do that shit, Jazz." Alice says disapprovingly. Her blue eyes sparkle. "Edward and James are going to kill themselves."
Rosalie silently absorbs Alice's displeasure. She's standing beside Edward, staring at him with concern. I note how she doesn't express her censure out loud to him. She knows it's not her place.
"They can't stick to normal shit like marijuana." Bella snaps.
She's looking at Edward too. And just like Rosalie; Bella knows it's not her place to criticize Edward. Bella however, never quite stays in her place. She's always doing a little too much. That's just how she is. I don't expect her to change any time soon.
"Five years from now, you two are going to be strung out on some street corner." She says, frowning as they ignore her and continue to sip. "Don't beg any of us for money either. We're not going to be responsible for your addiction."
Her words are meant to be spiteful and they are, but everybody is used to Bella saying mean shit. Only on rare occasions does any of us ever step up and put her in her place. A quick glance across the room tells me that she's at least rubbed the majority of us the wrong way. Her little quip has bothered me for sure. I can feel the annoyance flowing through my system.
"Shut up, Bella." I say, causing her to shrug my arm from around her shoulders. Her dark eyes snap up to mine, daring me to speak against her again. She has taken offense and it blazes through her reaction. "That's not something to joke about."
Bella readies herself for a response. She's always ready to defend herself, even when she's wrong. This is something she's been doing since we were children. Her mouth drops open and her tongue flicks, but someone beats her to the punch.
"We should go see a movie tonight..." Jacob suggests, in an obvious attempt to lead the conversation away from an argument.
Everyone knows that Bella and I will go back and forth until we're blue in the face.
She switches her eyes onto Jake, softening her angry expression. "No can do."
"Why not?"
"You mean besides the fact that Edward and James are about to be slumped?" Bella rolls her eyes.
"Edward and James can control themselves."
She smirks a little, lifting her slender shoulders. "Well, Esme told me to let you guys know she wants us over for dinner."
All of us go quiet as we wait for Bella to laugh and give away her joke. She doesn't. Her face stays set in stone. Her eyes are serious and unrelenting. The only thing that changes about her is the smugness at her mouth. It deepens as her lips stretch into a pointed smile.
"Fuck." Emmett curses, eyeing his brother speculatively.
It doesn't take long for lean to take its effect. Normally, it depends on the amount of codeine in the lean mixture. James and Edward are not rookies, so their codeine to soda ratio is a little haphazard. I can already see where the drug has slowed down Edward's actions. His face moves like quicksand. It falls slow and snail-like.
"Why didn't you tell us that before I started drinking this shit?" His voice comes out coherent but slurred.
Edward is Esme's most prized possession. She'll never admit it, but Edward is her favorite son. She swears that she loves all her boys the same, including me, but everyone has noticed that she brightens up just a bit more whenever Edward is around. Her world revolves around him. There's no way she's not going to notice that he's on something. Knowing Esme, she'll fuck around and have a heart attack if she finds out her golden boy has such dirty habits.
"Because I know it's going to be funny watching you try to act like you're not high."
Edward attempts to shake his head, but he stops halfway through the motion. "That's evil, Bella."
"Payback is a bitch." She beams, undeterred by Edward's inebriated censure.
James look towards Bella with confusion. "What's he being paid back for?"
I look towards Bella as well, wondering if she's going to respond to James's inquiry with honesty. She doesn't open her mouth to speak. Her little hands dig into the kangaroo pocket of her hoodie. She pulls out her cellphone and gives it all of her attention, ignoring the fact that we're all waiting on her to say something.
I think we're all confused as to why she wouldn't say anything to stop Edward from fucking himself up, especially since she knew beforehand that his mom wanted us to come over for dinner. Obviously, her intentions were vindictive and bitchy, which is sadly not surprising when it comes to Bella.
"Little, green-eyed Bella." I say, smirking at the way her eyes involuntarily shift in Edward's direction.
I'm not the only one aware that Bella is lowkey hella upset about Rosalie and Edward having sex. It's practically written across her forehead in bold, black letters. I think it's funny, considering how just last night she was begging to have my dick inside of her. Edward hadn't crossed her mind when she was screaming my name. Now, all of a sudden she's feeling some type of way.
Bella clearly doesn't know what she wants.
Or maybe she does … who knows?
"Shut up, Jasper." She demands, rolling her eyes towards the ceiling.
I smile with my teeth and reach out for her. She allows me to grip her hand and pull her back into my side. I tuck her underneath my arm, keeping her close, inhaling her strawberry scented perfume.
Her eyes squint at me, ridiculing the challenge resting beneath my curved eyelashes. "Why don't you make me shut up?"
Her demeanor immediately lightens up. All you have to do is give Bella attention to satisfy her. I learned that a long time ago also. As long as the world is revolving around her, Bella's displeasure is non-existent. But as soon as someone else gets a little bit of her spotlight Bella's whole sense of self-worth crumbles. It's like she can't be truly happy unless everyone has their eyes on her.
I have often wondered how she developed this extreme need of attention, but I can't recall ever really asking her outright. It has something to do with how her parents raised her. I know that for sure. Mr. and Mrs. Swan divorced when Bella was just an infant so she grew up in two households. Her mother, now Renee "Dwyer", moved back to Arizona with her mother. Her father, Charlie Swan, stayed in Forks. That left Bella with no choice but to circulate through both states and households. Unfortunately, neither of her parents really considered her a high priority.
That's why Bella is so fucked up in the head now … she's never been loved the right way.
"You're so fucking annoying." She laughs as she says this, narrowing her eyes at me playfully.
"That's not the word you used to describe me last night."
Bella doesn't respond to my jab. Instead, she tells us all to be on time and at Esme's house in thirty minutes. That doesn't leave us with much time to get ready, but we all simultaneously burst into action, attempting to make ourselves somewhat presentable.
The last thing we need is for Esme to worry over us, so until dinner is over we'll pretend everything is copacetic.
We're all good at pretending.
-LS-
Rosalie POV
The drive to Mrs. Cullen's house is an interesting one.
Alice and I ride with Emmett, Jacob, and James. Bella rides with Jasper. Edward decides not to come because there's just no way he can hide that he's high. Esme notices everything about him. It would only take a quick glance at his features to conclude that there's something foreign resting in his system. That would ruin the dinner for everyone, especially Esme.
It's funny how as soon as the group has divided everyone starts speaking their true feelings about the ordeal that occured before we left the boys' apartment.
Alice turns the radio dial to the left, lowering the volume of the music that blasts out of Emmett's thunderous speakers. She turns towards the back seat where Jake, James, and I sit; cocking her sculpted eyebrows towards me. "Is Bella getting on anyone else's nerves more than usual?"
The car is silent, even the music seems to quiet. None of us really enjoy talking behind each other's backs. We may argue a hell of a lot , but our group has always maintained a certain loyalty among the members. We don't let anyone from the outside talk shit. We'd go to war behind each other when it comes to the rest of the world, but the situation becomes a degree more complicated when someone from the inside talks shit. You're then inclined to either agree or disagree with their statements, which establishes "sides" and whole lot more bullshit that no one wants to deal with.
Jake sighs and pulls out his phone, illuminating the strain on his face. "Bella is the way that she is, Alice. She's never going to be particularly easy to deal with."
Alice doesn't like that no one has immediately agreed with her. She wants to voice her vexation towards Bella, but she doesn't want to be the only one complaining. It'll make her feel more at ease to have other people on her side. That way it won't seem like she's being catty and starting drama.
"Leave it to Jacob to be Bella's personal saver … always taking her side." Her tiny voice is influenced by her annoyance. Though her face remains relatively neutral; Jake's refusal to jump on her bandwagon has obviously ignited her motivation to argue.
I don't like having static amongst the members of our group because conversations like this always become the result, and there's no possibility that what's said behind someone's back will remain hidden from them. I peek at Jake out of the corner of my eye, watching the way his fingers slide across the screen of his Iphone. I wouldn't be surprised if he was texting Bella right now.
He must feel me watching because he lifts his eyes towards mine. His thumb presses the power button on the side of his phone, causing his cellular device to lose its illumination. The car is filled with darkness again.
"I'm not saying that she was right, but Edward's the one sipping on lean like it's no big deal." Jake tries to keep judgment out of his voice, but it's clear that he's standing up for Bella at Edward's expense. "He's going to have to take responsibility for his own actions."
When the conversation began I had not intended on participating. However, I find it unfair of Jacob to bring Edward's name into the discussion. Edward partaking in drugs is nothing new; neither is Bella being a bitch. The difference is that Edward doesn't affect the entire group by being high. That's between him and himself.
Bella pulling stunts like she did today puts all of us in a compromising position. Mrs. Cullen is a mother figure to me, just like she is to Jasper, and everyone else that Emmett and Edward consider their friends. I don't want to disappoint my own mother or see her upset, so why would I want to disappoint Esme?
Bella's only being petty right now because she knows Edward and I had sex last night and she just can't take it. She's so used to being the center attention among the boys that her whole world has caved in on itself now that she understands everyone isn't secretly dying to have her.
It's actually sort of amazing how Bella can make every situation about herself, even when it literally has nothing to do with her. I made a move on Edward last night because we only have one summer left before everything changes, and I couldn't let the opportunity pass to see if the trust I had in him exceeded a platonic level.
And honestly, no one has ever touched me the way Edward touched me.
"And who's going to take responsibility for Bella's actions?" I wonder, rhetorically of course, yet I know someone is bound to respond to my question.
Jake sighs again; this time in resignation. He doesn't want to debate with the both of us over Bella. His reason for responding to Alice was to diffuse the possibility of a dispute; not to trigger it. "Why don't you two talk to Bella about it, then?"
I scoff beneath my breath, sharing a knowing look with Alice. "There's no talking to Bella about her shortcomings."
"Then you might as well save your breath because talking to us about them isn't going to ease your frustrations." There's a decidedness in Jake's boyish voice that indicates his refusal with going back and forth. He pulls his earphones out of the pockets of his joggers and carefully plugs his ears, turning his head to stare out at the dark roads that blur past us.
Sometimes I wonder why he's so faithful to Bella. I've never seen her reciprocate that affection.
The car is quiet for the next few minutes and then Alice speaks again. "Emmett, why do you let Edward do those kind of drugs anyway?"
Emmett and James have been quiet for the duration of the car ride. We're almost to Mrs. Cullen's house now. I have a feeling they both were hoping to arrive before being roped into an unpleasant conversation. They hadn't voiced their opinions when Alice posed her first question for a reason. Now that Alice has addressed Emmett directly, he has no choice but to speak about how he feels. His broad shoulders sag from the driver's seat, visibly inconvenienced by Alice's choice to confront him.
Jame's however, is the person who decides to talk next. His entrance into the conversation surprises me, especially since he's usually the person who remains entirely impartial throughout our group disagreements. His voice is flat with indifference but heavily accented with the affects his dirty sprite has taken on his body. "Edward is his own man. He can do what he wants."
Alice turns back around to face front and sinks into her seat. She's about 3x's more upset now that a second person has jumped to the defense of someone she was trying to throw under the bus. She wants to talk about members of the group who are not here for what reason I do not know. I'm surprised she hasn't dragged Jazz's name into the conversatio yet. Then again, she never really has anything negative to say about Jasper.
"You just don't want anybody to stop him because then you wouldn't have a partner in crime, and you'd actually probably start feeling bad about being high all of the time."
The car goes silent. Trepidation fills my body and clogs my pores because I know how ugly this conversation can potentially become. Alice is my best friend but James is my blood by birthright. If she has offended him; I'll have no choice but to speak up in his honor. That's the last thing I want to do.
The stillness in the car is not settling. It's the very opposite. My chest feels tight as I twist the rings on my index fingers back and forth, giving me something to do with my hands to keep them from fidgeting with anxiety. I'm waiting to see how James will respond. I think we all are.
Jacob pulls one of his earbuds out of his ear, and I do not detect music playing from the speaker. Either he put them in to keep us from talking to him, or he wanted to block out just enough noise to keep our voices from interferring with the one in his head.
The car is so quiet now that his curiousity must be peaked, even he wants to know who will speak next.
"Ally-Cat , you always think you know something…" James's voice is not unpleasant when it fills the open space. It's hushed and mellow. There's no indication in his tone that Alice's words upset him, but the easy expression he wears across his face looks a bit stormy now in this dark car. "When you literally have no true knowledge on what you're talking about."
It's quiet now … quieter than before.
But it doesn't matter because we pass one, two, three houses … and we're at our destination.
Why does it feel much further than it ever was before?
