A/N: Chapter two, this story will come around slowly because I'm still in the middle of semester. I will hopefully update once every two or three days though! Enjoy!
Chapter 2: The Truths About Anders
Yvaine
"I'm telling you, Hawke, there's something wrong with Blondie!" said Varric, his tone both heated and slightly worried.
I smiled convincingly at him, "No, I'm sure he's fine."
It was a lie. Ever since the incident in the Mage Underground involving Ser Alrik and Ella, in which Anders had very nearly killed the girl, he became even more subdued, withdrawn and altogether distant from the group.
Fenris and Isabela kept silent as the four of us strolled through Darktown in the late afternoon, allowing me to order some more poisons and grenade from Thomwise but judging by the look Isabela gave me, it seemed unlikely that my words fooled her.
Varric gave me a sceptical look whilst Fenris ignored the topic of conversation altogether. I shrugged helplessly, "He… doesn't tell me very much anymore," I admitted with some sadness.
Anders and I had always been close being fellow mages, each understanding the plight of mages, what it was like to constantly be on the run and after I lost Bethany to the Templars, he and I became ever closer to one another. There was a gigantic "but" though. He always had his guard up around me. Over time, I realized that it wasn't because he didn't trust me. The problem was he didn't trust himself and Justice.
Anders was… wonderful and his constant need to keep an arm's length often hurt me deeply. It wasn't intentional and for that, I never bore a grudge but in my heart, I wished to be more than just a fellow mage. The man who taught me so much about magic, about healing others, the man who gave his all in helping citizens, children, everyone. Over the years, the number of times he had come to my rescue was not, by any means, a small number. And he never complained about working late, staying up till dawn trying to save lives, never a word. I admired his heart, his dedication, his strength and wished with all my heart that he would let me share his burden.
After all, who does a healer turn to when his heart needs healing?
In my heart of hearts, I wished he would turn to me.
Thomwise's voice called out, "Hawke. Hawke. Hey."
I shook my head to clear the fog and forced an apologetic smile, "Sorry. Had a long day."
Thomwise chuckled, "A day in the life of Hawke, nothing out of the normal, I assume? Charging off to change the lives of others?"
This time, my smile was more genuine, "I guess so."
He promised, "I'll have these delivered to you in two days." I nodded and left, automatically walking towards Anders' clinic without thought. Fenris' arm shot out to stop me, "You're walking the wrong way."
I hesitated for a moment. The last time I had seen Anders, things had not gone well between us. I had pushed for answers, hoping to help and he had all but thrown me out of his clinic. There was still a dull clench in my heart even at the thought of his bitter expression. Sensing my thoughts, Varric sighed exasperatedly, "Alright alright. Let's try inviting him to a night of Wicked Grace again."
Fenris' lips curled in slight distaste but seeing my worried expression, he surrendered and resolutely stomped in the clinic's direction. Isabela linked her arms with mine and I trailed along. Her brown eyes were bright with sympathy, "You know pet, you're not doing yourself any favours by being so hung up about him. If he's not going to jump at the opportunity of being with you, just leave him alone and move on," she leered at me, exaggerating her pout to cheer me up, "I know I'd love a chance to tumble with you."
My arms curled around her curvaceous hips, giving her a slight squeeze before muttering a quiet, "Thanks but I'm alright." When she gave me another doubtful look, I said, "Really. I am. And I know I should move on but Anders is… special to me. He always will be."
Her eyes darkened with lust as she suggested, "Maybe you should just curl into his bed one night and beg him not to deny you. Or maybe you should tell him how much your body aches with an ailment and let him play healer, making his fingers drag and caress all over your skin until he discovers how wet you are… he won't be able to resist."
My face flushed a bright red and I covered my cheeks in my hands. I managed a scandalized, "Isabela!" whilst she protested, "What? It'd get the two of you together and that's what's important."
I blushed some more as I admitted, "I'm very sure that he'd be an incredible lover. What with his electricity thing and the healer's hands thing but…"
"You want more than just sex," she finished for me. For a pirate captain who seemed to need a man or a woman or… any living, breathing something at night, she never belittled my wants or dreams. She was the only one who knew of the affection I harboured for Anders. She understood and maybe, just maybe, a part of her wanted what I did but after everything she'd been through, she'd settle for good enough.
I couldn't do that. I sighed, "It doesn't matter anyway. He doesn't see me that way. He doesn't even look at me that way. I don't think he thinks of me as a girl. I'm probably just a mage to him."
She shot me yet another doubtful look and said, "Keep telling yourself that, sweet thing," but her expression was so sad for me that my heart turned over just a little. I cheered her up, "You think I'm beautiful, that's good enough."
Anders' clinic was already dark, which was unusual. Patients went in and out until very late into the night. Sensing trouble, I readied my staff and tried to turn the doorknob. It was jammed. I put my ear against the door and heard nothing. I took a step back and turned to my friends, shrugging.
BOOM
There was an intense explosion from within that shook the door, unsettling much of the dust that had settled in the jamb. Flames of bright blue fluttered from beneath the door and I felt the blood rush out of my face as I recognized what it was. Justice.
I quickly motioned to Isabela, who bent at the knees to pick the lock. The door swung open.
"FOOL! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"
Anders was on his knees, his body bowing almost backwards as the blue energy issued from his chest, bursting all throughout the room. A heavy wind blew into the room and it was not from the outside, a torpedo of bright blue encased Anders for a moment, like he was the eye of a storm and then it slowly dissolved. It was like a fading image, the particles of blue becoming less and less obvious to the eye but in the last moments, I saw a gap in the air, like a tiny portal, a window that led elsewhere. It faded so quickly though, that I had no time to determine what it was.
My horrified gaze found Anders, a quickly shrinking Anders. The four of us stood at the door of his clinic, watching with shock as over a few moments, the Anders that was left sitting on the ground was a tiny child, surrounded by robes that were far too big for him.
My heart was undone as I found the little Anders staring around him with lost disorientation, flapping the sleeves of endless materials with his tiny arms. Varric and Isabela had the poor taste to actually chortle at the situation, finding amusement in the irony of the situation and tiny Anders began to cry, silent tears flowing down his cheeks as he tilted his head forward, swinging hair the colour of spun gold down to hide his face.
I walked to him but was stopped by Fenris. He snarled, "Don't touch him! He could be a demon in that form hoping to lure you in!" and reached for his great broadsword.
My blood turned to ice at the very thought of Fenris harming a child and I shouted, "Stop it! He's just a child!" I turned an angry glare at the others and both of their amused smiles instantly disintegrated with a single look. I pushed Fenris away from Anders and strode to the other side of the room, falling to my knees before him and opened my arms in welcome. Anders hesitated, his jaw clenched in an attempt to stop the tears but after a brief pause, he awkwardly threw himself into my arms, jumping onto my lap for safety.
Through the materials of Anders' robes, I could feel little fists clenching at my shoulders and robes, hiding his face into the crook of my neck as he sobbed to his little heart's content. My arms wrapped around him easily and I smoothed my hands down his back, making gentle shushing noises as I went, in the hopes of comforting the little boy. His silky hair rubbed against my cheeks and without any reluctance, I rubbed my face into his hair and kissed the top of his head. When Anders' hiccups and soft sobs began to cease and ease away, I gently lifted him away from me.
I murmured quietly, "Are you alright, Anders?"
Anders looked at me with suspicious eyes, the kind of eyes that made my heart break. What could have possibly happened to Anders at such a young age to cause such suspicion to crop up in his eyes? He asked, "How do you know my nickname?" then his eyes turned hopeful, "Are you saving me from the Templars?"
I looked towards the others for answers, what could I possibly say to a child to make him understand? Instead, I asked him, "Anders, that's not your real name, is it? Do you want me to call you by your real name instead?"
He shook his head violently, "No one calls me Theodore. Only my parents and I haven't seen them since I got took by Templars."
I smiled, "Taken, Anders. Since you were taken by Templars." Already, I had incorporated myself into the task of teaching the child grammar, he would be my charge, I thought to myself.
He sighed a little in adorable exasperation, "I haven't seen them since I got taken by Templars," he said dutifully.
I asked again, "You sure you want me to call you Anders? And not Theodore?"
Anders bobbed his head in assent and I asked him, "How old are you?"
He lifted his right hand up but with so much material covering them, he told me in a quiet tone, "I'm five, Serah," before amending his comments, "Almost six!" then he asked me again in desperation, "Are you saving me from the Templars?"
I touched his cheek gently and countered, "What's the last thing you remember?"
Anders' eyes turned fearful, scared, a light of terror glinting from within its honeyed depths as he muttered quietly, "I was in the dormitory and when the Templars said lights out, I didn't put out my candle. I wanted to read and when the Templar guarding our door found out, he hit me with the back of his metal hand and took my book."
Tears began to well up in his eyes, making them glassy and magnified and he hiccuped lightly before throwing himself at me again, begging with desperation, "Please don't make me go back to the Templars! Please! I won't go! I'll be good! I'll be good!"
His confessions made my heart ache and my own tears threatened to fall. He was so young, so little and so unprotected from the ugliness of life. Being hit by a Templar wearing gauntlets at five, being away from his family at such a tender age, I comforted him without thought, "No Templars will find you. You're safe with me. I'll never let anyone hurt you. Never."I clutched at his body tightly, hoping to make him feel secure. Eventually, he stopped shaking and pulled away a little, wiping his face with the backs of his hand.
Anders looked at me with hopeful eyes that were marred by suspicion and slight mistrust, "Pwomise?"
I smiled at him, "I promise." I waved my staff over him to shrink his robes and have them fit. He stood with the exact same outfit, with fluffy pauldrons and boots that almost went to his knee but it was the tiny version.
It seemed that performing magic seemed to be the right course of action as Anders' eyes widened with disbelief and with a hushed voice, he asked, "You're an apos- apostit, apost-"
I smiled, "Yes, Anders. I'm an apostate, too. We're the same, we're mages." With a gentle hand, I carded through his hair, "You'll always have me. I'll protect you, alright?"
Anders looked at me with some surprise as he surveyed his surroundings, "We're not in the Tower? Where are we?"
My expression turned desperate and Varric came to my rescue. He bent down and told Anders with a flourish, "We're in Kirkwall. Hawke rescued you from those Templars and ran away with you and now you're in Kirkwall. It'll be dangerous here though so you need to keep those magic talents hidden away so the Templars won't suspect. Can you do that, buddy?"
Anders nodded his head fervently. I told him, "This is Varric, Isabela and Fenris," introducing him to my friends, "they are friends and travel with me a lot. You'll meet more later."
Isabela crouched down and tousled his hair whilst Fenris managed a slightly civilized nod. Anders looked up at me with scared eyes, "Is he a Templar?"
I shook my head, "He's just a bit grouchy. Don't worry. He's a friend. He's like this to everyone."
As I stood up, I wondered about our next course of action. Now that Anders was a child, everything was different. All the things that had to be done were not conducive to a young child's health and safety. The running around would tire him out. The constant battles would endanger his life. The patients that came in need of healing would never find Anders and most importantly, we needed to find a cure that would turn him back into the man.
Varric offered, "I'll rally everyone up at the Hanged Man. You sort out what you need to and we'll discuss this."
I nodded, "Thank you, Varric. I appreciate this."
As Isabela, Fenris and Varric left me to my devices and new charges, I turned to Anders and asked him, "I need to gather a few things from the desks. Could you stay with me?"
Anders nodded and sat on one of the cots, patiently waiting for me. I looked around. Anders was by no means a neat and tidy person but his things were, at the very least, organized. The medical supplies were in stacks along one shelf and his books, manifestoes, pieces of parchment were stacked upon the desk. What could have gone wrong? How did Anders become a child?
The answer was soon clear. A half-cracked flask sat on the dirty floor, the bottom still with a few drops of dark purple potion. The same colour as the solution that was still bubbling away next to the desk. As I looked at the opened book that lay on the table, I saw a list of ingredients, a pile of the same ingredients on the desk and all sorts of measuring spoons, beakers, flasks and scales. Could it be a potion that Anders had consumed?
I poured the remaining potion from the cauldron into multiple flasks and stored all but one in a medicinal cabinet, away from potentially curious hands. I took his books and any notes I could find, heaping them up in my arms with the flask. I called for Anders and together we strolled to the cellar doors that led to Hawke Estate. I told Anders, "Could you reach through the grates of the door and slide your hand along the wall until you find a small piece of material and pull it as hard as you can several times?"
I had a small bell installed that led from the bottom of the cellar to the kitchens where Oranna, Sandal or Bodahn would hear my ringing and come to open the door for me. We waited a little while until Bodahn greeted us. He seemed to recognize the severity of the issue, possibly from my expression and took the books and flask, promising to keep it in my room for my later perusal. With my hands free, I went back to Anders' clinic to lock the doors, blow out the lantern and on a snap decision, went into Anders' bedroom to collect a few personal possessions. His bedroom was sparse, with a few robes hung up, a few sheets, an old embroidered pillow and a few staves. There were no private possessions and I realized that his possessions had been few and far between and perhaps, most of what he owned was only his knowledge. I took the robes, pillows and staves and said to Anders, "I want you to remember this door. This is the cellar door that leads to my house. You'll be living with me from now on, alright?"
Bodahn came down to take the rest of Anders' possessions as Anders nodded. He reached up with his left hand, stars of hope gleaming in his eyes. I smiled and reached for his hand, holding it within mine. His entire hand wrapped around two of my fingers and I offered, "You know, I could carry you if you like?"
It was like watching the sun burst free from the horizon. His face bloomed with happiness and without a second thought, I picked him up, carefully wrapping my hands under his bottom and around his back whilst he settled his arms around my neck and buried his face into the crook of my neck.
It was a little worrying how scared baby Anders seemed but I shrugged it off. I was prepared to do whatever it took to make Anders happy, safe and most of all, secure in his own skin.
I had so much affection for Anders as a man, it seemed inevitable that my feelings for him had intensified and doubled the way it had. Though it wasn't the same feeling and what fondness and affection I felt for baby Anders was miles away from the attraction and chemistry I felt with the man, the truth was that both had wormed their way into my heart.
A/N: Please R&R! Love, Ann
