Night of the Bachelors (and one married man)


From Guest:

I would be very very happy if you did one where maybe Bryce is getting married and he wants Neal to be the best man only Peter doesn't know about Bryce so they have to plan the whole wedding and bachelor's party within Neal's radius. Plus bonus if Neal shows up to the FBI after the bachelor's party insanely drunk. If you can't do it I understand but I really like your stories. Please never stop writing them. :)


When Bryce told him that he was getting married, Neal wondered where he found the time. Last he knew, Bryce was trying to win Sarah back.

"It's okay, we meet on a mission," Bryce assured him, "and she already knows all about you so, would you be the best man?"

"Not really reassuring," Neal responded, glaring into the phone. He didn't want to think about how much information a CIA agent could pull up on him. He was one of the world's greatest conmen, not really someone a CIA agent would get along with. "I thought you would give best man to Chuck?"

"Well, sort of. She's from New York and wants the wedding there so we thought you would-"

"Do all the work?" Neal supplied.

"Sort of. Since you have a radius, I thought Chuck would help you. He's one of the groomsmen anyway."

"You would put a CIA agent at the beck and call of a criminal?" Neal questioned, wondering if this was some kind of delusion. The FBI would have a field day with the way Bryce treated him.

"It's Chuck," Bryce said matter-of-factly, "and it's you. I trust you not to mess this up."


Bryce knew just what buttons to press and Neal agreed before he could think about it. It meant a lot more time on the phone and more conversations with his brother in a few weeks than he had in years. It meant running around New York, as much as he could within his radius, and trying to find places to hold the wedding, reception and the bachelor party.

As well as keeping this from Peter and the FBI. The FBI would not take kindly to a CIA spy wedding in New York and Peter would probably be upset the Neal never told him about his twin brother.

Neal had no idea how to bring up Bryce's existence with the agent so, he did what Neal does best and, he kept it a secret.


Neal stood in the middle of his apartment and dinged his spoon against his wine glass. The table which was usually there was pushed away to divide between the part of the apartment where his bed was and the rest. The table was covered in a black cloth and had numerous catered goodies splayed out over it.

Chuck held up a microphone and walked to stand next to Neal.

"Alright, spies and gents," Neal coughed and Chuck added, "and criminal-turned-CI. I hope you're enjoying the wine! For those of you who need to drive tonight, there's a lovely non-alcoholic punch provided by the wonderful lady who owns this home and is letting us party here in Neal's apartment."

As those gathered clapped, Neal took the microphone from Chuck in what looked like a snatch but really wasn't.

"Let's hear it for Bryce who, in less than a week, is going to tie the knot! He'll be a bachelor no more! Which is probably a good thing considering how he wouldn't let me invite models or exotic dancers to this."

There was a round of 'boos' while Bryce shrugged and Casey cocked a gun.

"Not while my daughter's fiancée is here," he grumbled, motioning towards Morgan who was hoarding food from the table with a plate.

"What?" Morgan questioned when everyone's gaze fell on him.

Chuck took the microphone back from Neal.

"Yeah, Neal. My wife would probably kill me," he commented, "and she's a government trained assassin so I'm not taking the risk."

Neal muttered something that looked like 'scaredy-cat'.

"If I recall, you didn't even want to suggest models or exotic dancers to her," Chuck pointed out.

"Right, give that back," Neal said, slightly offended.

"No way!" Chuck responded, jumping out of Neal's range as he tried to grab the microphone. "We're going to do karaoke!"

Bryce jumped up and took the microphone from Chuck's hands. They both froze.

"Karaoke?" he questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"Chuck's suggestion."

"I wanna hear you sing."

"Oh! The twins should do a duet!" Morgan suggested.


Peter looked up as Neal walked into work around an hour and a half later than usual. He was stumbling around a bit and knocked things off his desk and sat down without even picking it up.

Strange behaviour for his usually punctual, coordinated and neat CI. Peter put the file he was working on away and walked out to meet with Neal.

"Everything okay?" he asked.

Neal glanced up and blinked slowly. Then a wide grin appeared on his face.

"P'ter!" he slurred in a familiar cheery tone. Either Neal was drugged or drunk. And, judging by the sour and sickly sweet scent wafting on his breath, it was probably the later.

"Neal, are you drunk?" he questioned in an incredulous manner. Because Neal was responsible enough to not drink early enough to turn up drunk to work. Hungover maybe, rarely, but Neal was good at hiding it and didn't let it interfere with his work.

"Iz not my faults," Neal said, waggling a finger at him. "I told 'em I could not drink because I works 9 to 5 nowz but he spiked the drink!"

"Spiked the drink?" Peter questioned, concerned, "who?"

Neal ignored him and kept 'explaining'.

"Because iz 9 to 5 time I got a taxi here when-" he paused for a moment to think. "When they stops looking at me. Huh. I am insanelys drunk. Tell Peter I'm goin' home."

Peter sighed and rubbed his forehead. Neal was going home alright because, he was going to take him.

"Jones, take my calls and get Diana to start on the paperwork for the Hansen case, I'm taking Neal home."

"Sure. Is he okay?"

Peter shot him a look that said he wasn't sure but if Neal was faking then he would wish he wasn't when Peter was done with him.


Peter drove Neal home. Neal fell asleep in the seat not even a third of the way there. He pulled up in front of June's and tried to shake Neal awake.

Neal stirred.

"Go away, Bryce," he mumbled.

"Neal," Peter said and Neal jolted awake, apparently forgetting that he he been with Peter. When Neal calmed down from his post-wake-up shock, Peter asked, "who's Bryce?"

Neal just groaned and opened the car door. He swayed as he stood up.

"Thanks for driving me home," he said through the car window, "I'm going to go sleep this off."

"I'm taking you up to your apartment," Peter announced as he climbed out of his car and locked it. He could just imagine the state Neal would be in if he slipped down the stairs and it scared him. Neal wobbled, solidifying his decision. There was no way he was going to leave Neal to walk up all those steps alone.

It didn't mean he didn't scold Neal as he did so. Neal was evasive as ever about how he had ended up so drunk so early in the morning and didn't mention the 'he' who 'spiked the drink' again.

Peter was surprised to find Neal's apartment door unlocked and open. Moments before he reached it, a tall brunette with curly hair appeared.

"Found him!" he called inside the apartment, moving out to help Neal inside.

"Who are you?" Peter asked, glaring suspiciously at the strange man.

"Chuck, Chuck Bartowski." Chuck greeted him happily and innocently so Peter believed that was his real name.

"Who's out there, Chuck?" another voice commented and Peter's jaw dropped as another Neal stepped into the doorway. "Agent Burke?"

"Bryce!" Neal greeted the other Neal, "I brought him to meet you!"

"Uh, no. I invited myself when you turned up at the office completely wasted," Peter corrected.

"Yeah," Chuck said sadly, "no one noticed when Morgan spiked the punch. Rest assured, he's being suitably punished."

Peter raised an eyebrow. He didn't know who this 'Morgan' was but, Chuck had just answered some of his questions.

"'Suitably punished'?"

"He's tasked with cleaning up," Bryce explained, "alone."

"Spoilsports. Can't take a joke," a small and bearded man commented as he climbed out from under the table. Peter was startled enough to pull his gun and found another gun pulled on him.

"Casey!" Bryce and Chuck scolded in unison, "put it away!"

Casey sneered at them before doing so and moved to drag Morgan up onto his feet. Peter took a moment to glance around and noted all the decorations and the setup which looked like a party.

"What happened here?" he asked.

"Yeah, sorry about the mess," Chuck said, rubbing his neck. "But, we really couldn't find anywhere in Neal's radius which was appropriate for Bryce's bachelor night."

"Not when you nerds want to play games all night, no," Casey snorted.

"How much have you figured out?" Bryce asked Peter when Peter looked to him for answers. When Peter didn't respond, he added, "I'll fill in any points you missed, but I'd like to know what you already know."

"Your name's Bryce," Peter said, "that's Chuck, Casey and Morgan." He pointed at them as he said their names. "You're probably Neal's twin but, if not, related to him in some way. Chuck, Casey and Morgan are your friends and probably not Neal's because I've never heard of them but, then again, I've never heard of you. And you had a bachelor night here where Neal was drinking the punch which Morgan spiked and he must have had a lot of it in order to turn up to work drunk this morning."

"I challenged him to a drinking race," Morgan said, "who could drink a bottle of punch the fastest."

"Which was a ruse to get Neal drunk," Bryce said with disdain, glaring at Morgan. Then he turned back to Peter. "You've got most of it. I'm Neal's younger twin, my name is Bryce, I'm getting married soon and Neal is my best man." Bryce offered his hand for Peter to shake.

"Nice to meet you," Peter said, taking the offered hand.