Chapter 2
School the next day is very awkward. I didn't mean for it to be, but I found myself trying to avoid Kyle. If I avoided him, then I wouldn't have to see him. If I didn't see him, maybe I wouldn't think about him. I know it sounds juvenile and stupid but it's really the only thing I can think of.
First period comes and goes, I manage to hide out in the bathroom until he has already left his locker. However, once fifth period comes I realize that I can't avoid him any longer unless I skip class. I can't skip fifth period, it's American History and I'm just barley passing by the skin of my teeth. I can't afford to fail otherwise I risk getting kicked off the football team. Coach and the team would kill me! Besides, if I missed class Kyle would probably come by after school to bring me my homework. I'd honestly prefer to see him here than being with him alone in my bedroom.
Alone in my bedroom… mmm…. He would come in and show concern because he would think I was sick all day. He would come over to me and put his forehead on mine to check for a fever. Then, I'd lean up and kiss him. He's kissing back and pulls me tighter to him by the collar of my shirt, then works his way down my neck and… God damn it! I snap out of it and bring myself to focus on getting to class on time.
I shuffle into the class room, slide into my desk and lay my head down. I can hear him sliding into his desk next to me. He pokes me and I turn my head slightly to the side, looking at him with only one eye.
"Dude, you're here today? I thought you were absent. I haven't seen you all day, where the hell have you been?"
I just grunt in response and lay my head back down. He starts rubbing my back and I am suddenly very aware of his touch. My face burns with embarrassment. Why is he touching me? Ugh! He always touches me, it's what friends do. Why is everything so confusing and frustrating all the sudden?
"Are you sick or something? Maybe you should go to the nurse, your cheeks look red." He reaches his hand under my head and feels my forehead. I tense up quickly, though he doesn't seem to notice. He pulls his hand away and I breathe a quiet sigh of relief. "you don't feel like you have a fever" he says.
"I'm just tired I guess" I mumble. I guess this could be true. I didn't sleep very well last night. I kept trying to figure out what the hell is happening to me. Why am I lusting after my best friend? And why so suddenly? It's only been a week since I first started having perverted thoughts about Kyle. It started with a wet dream.
We were up in my room playing game sphere like we always do when he doesn't have basketball and I don't have football. We were playing a fighting game and I was kicking his ass. He became frustrated when he saw a K.O flash on screen after I gave the final blow. He threw down the controller and punches me playfully.
"Damn dude, again?" he grunts in frustration and all I can do is laugh and punch him back.
"If we were in a wrestling match for real, I would totally kick your ass" he says smugly.
"Sure, whatever dude."
"I'm serious, I've been working out, I'd totally win."
"Oh yeah? Prove it." I taunt.
He pounces and we start to wrestle, only a few moments pass before he is straddling me and has my arms above my head, holding my wrists together. I try the best I can to roll over and break free, but I can't seem to get the upper hand. He smirks as his entire weight is on my body and he's overpowering me with his newly acquired strength. "I knew one day I'd finally be stronger than you!" he smiles. I struggle again with little result; my breathing starts to get heavy and I look up at him with pleading eyes. He brings his face a mere inch or so from mine and whispers "Say uncle". I don't though, instead I reach my neck up and close the gap between our lips. He seems shocked at first but when he feels my tongue barley touch his bottom lip, he takes control. He is kissing back now, very hard, grabbing the collar of my shirt. He makes his way down my neck with his lips and leaves several marks. He hungrily fumbles with the button of my jeans. When I don't object, he says, "I've wanted this for a very long time."
"Me too" I breathe, reaching up to take off his shirt.
He slides my jeans off and reaches for my rock-hard erection, pumping now, almost violently. I moan in pure ecstasy. I am already close. I feel his erection on my thigh that he is now straddling, and I can't control myself any longer. "come for me baby! I want to see your O face." He smirks.
With that, I release with a violent cry, getting it all over my shirt.
"Damn dude, you're fucking sexy as hell! Look, at what you do to me." He says, gesturing to his erection.
I look at the bulge in his jeans and bite my bottom lip. He starts grinding against me, "Fuck, I wanna fuck you! Can I fuck you? Fuck it, I'm gonna fuck you!" he says as he urgently takes his pants off.
Beep… beep…beep!
BEEP…BEEP…BEEP! The alarm clock screams at me.
I woke from my dream with my heart still racing. I felt under the covers and… Shit… then I had to wash my sheets without waking my mom.
That was last week. Ever since that dream, I can't seem to masturbate without Kyle sneaking into my thoughts. I didn't think it was a big deal because I was just touching myself. Now though, it's a big problem. I can't even be intimate with SOMEONE ELSE. He's there, always. He's there to fill my brain with desire and the need to feel him in ways that best friends shouldn't feel each other. I don't know what to do. I don't want to pursue things with him because I know it wouldn't be right. I know Kyle is straight, and I can't risk our life-long friendship just because my brain and dick are ganging up on me. This is ridiculous. If I avoid Kyle, I risk messing up our friendship. If I keep thinking of him, I also risk messing up our friendship. The only way out of this is to just make the thoughts go away. I'm not gay anyway. I can't be gay. I'm Stan Marsh, and Stan Marsh most certainly is NOT gay.
Kyle doesn't speak again because the teacher has started her lesson.
Wendy said that it's possible to still be straight and just have an attraction for one other person of the same sex. I guess that's possible. Why do I feel like I need another therapy session? I don't want to talk to Wendy though. I really don't feel like being around her and giving myself more grief for what happened yesterday. I don't even know if she's my girlfriend anymore. I pull out my phone and hide it under my desk. I send a test message to Wendy.
'Are we still together? I understand if the answer is no. I'm just so confused right now.' Send.
She doesn't text back. Not that I expect her to, we are in the middle of class. The bell rings, signaling the end of fifth period. The rest of the day goes by surprisingly quick. I can breathe a little bit easier because I only have the one class with Kyle.
Still, I can't help but wonder what's really going on. This isn't normal, is it? I need to talk to someone, but who? I don't want to talk to Wendy, not yet. I can't talk to Kyle, even though I've always talked to him about everything. Who does that leave? Cartman? Hah! Yeah right. I sigh and text the only person I truly feel I have left.
'Hey Kenny, I was wondering if you could come over after school? I have something that's been bugging me and I really need to get it off my mind'
He responds almost immediately.
'Well, I planned on getting high when I got home, and I doubt very seriously your parents wouldn't notice if I lit up in your room. You can come keep me company at my place if ya want.'
I let out a sigh. I've known that Kenny smokes weed, but I still get slightly uncomfortable with the thought of being around it. I guess it's my parents and Mackey hammering 'drugs are bad' into my head. I start to wonder what made him even want to try it in the first place. I decide that the talk is too important to be a pussy about a stupid little plant. Maybe if he's high enough he will forget the conversation shortly after it happens.
'Kay, I'll be there at about 3:30.'
End Ch 2
