To Spock's relief, Captain Pike had not brought up the subject or anything related since his unfortunate exposure the day before. He decided yesterday after lunch, that he was going to ignore everything. What he was experiencing because of Tilly. It would simply go away. It was illogical. It was a lost cause anyway. He wasn't feeling sorry for himself, simply avoiding the drama. There were more important things to focus on. It was an easy decision to make the day before when he felt naked and stripped from his exposure, even if it were only to one person. It wasn't like he was ashamed of feeling something for her. She's beyond everything he ever dared dream of. It was that he didn't like anyone to see his human side. A side he spent most of his childhood to suppressed. That side was only for the ones he felt worthy. A typical Vulcan reaction.

However today, he felt like he had condemned himself to a lifetime in prison. He felt crushed. This wasn't going away and he knew it was illogical to even think that it would so soon and easily. All he could hope for was that it would be soon enough. Damn, he needed a distraction. It came soon enough when Admiral Cornwell came on board and demanded to see him.

He was sitting there answering her questions. It half humanly pained him to think that people could think him capable of such things, even if he weren't in his right mind. It was right then when Michael walked him and defended him. Why was she? Was she trying to make up for their childhood? Or was she doing it for the sake of his mother they shared? Either possible reasons didn't appeal to him. Why was he still feeling so indifferent to her?

His interrogation ended soon enough. He was not going to dwell on his fate just yet. There was still a mystery to be solved, that's all he wanted, but then Michael insisted that they figured it out together why the Red Angel chose him. Their chess game had not gone well. He took out everything he was feeling on her. Everything.

Spock made sure to avoid all close proximity with Tilly. When he heard her voice he turned and headed in the opposite direction. He didn't want to lay eyes on her. He knew he wasn't ready. He didn't trust his emotions just yet. They were still on a high. It would kill his decision he made right away and he would do something stupid, like talk to her.

He kept busy in Stamets' lab, where he was busy trying to fix the spore drive. An odd place. This was the most likely place to see Tilly, but he knew she was on duty on the bridge so he should be safe for now.

He managed to get his focused back to solve the mysteries around the Red Angel and why he was chosen until the ship went into red alert when they approached Section 31's headquarters and the power went out.

Stamets convinced him to help. It felt great when the power came back on. He had accomplished something. It felt great to feel he had control again. Yet there it was, the pain when Stamets told him that Michael loves him. Could this be true? Could he finally put an end to one of his childhood's most painful traumas? Was he too hard on her? Maybe it was time to finally let go.

There was no way he could avoid Tilly now. If he truly wanted to mend things with Michael, he would have to face his feelings for Tilly. They were friends and roommates after all. There wasn't time to think about the logic or any kind of sacrifice he had to make.

Spock and Stamets arrived on the bridge just in time to hear, "..and all on board will die." Airiam said.

Spock suddenly felt overprotective. Micheal…. Tilly… Sentient life… Logic? Why was he feeling so conflicted? Why did he have to choose between, logic, Michael and Tilly. All three of those things were now on the top of his list. Which were the most important? Was he losing his mind again? He took a deep breath.

Spock could hear Tilly's was voice deep with emotion, she was crying. She was trying to get through to Airiam. His walls were broken swiftly, there's no way he wants to give her up, however, he felt like he was betraying her. KNEW he was. This was the worst and most difficult decision he ever was... no felt forced… to make. Seeing her… HEARING hear, he felt so lost. He desperately clung to his entire being. The largest part of his life. Logic… Vulcan. No matter what he wants, wish, hope or dream for, he could never be anything than himself.

Sometimes selflessness may linger on the border of selfishness. He could only hope those he respect… love would see the true one from him. The true one he meant, felt and want. How he said things and how he sounded were not always have been the same as he meant. It was only the closest to him that could see the difference.

"Michael stop!" Spock finally said. "It's her or you." He eventually continued. There it was. His betrayal. He was literally telling Michael to kill one of their friends. One of Tilly's friends. You can only be you.

When the airlock was opened and Airiam shot into space all he wanted to do was go to Tilly and hold her. It would be stupid. They've never even talked. She wouldn't take it well, especially from him.

The funeral was hard, even for him. Seeing them saying goodbye. Seeing her at her weakest. Her emotions ran so deep. He just wanted to hold and protect her. Tell her everything would be alright. Things he never cared about doing for anyone. He wanted to do it for her.

When everyone dismissed she came up to him. His heart stopped. Tilly's eyes bore into him. She looked angry. Disappointed. He knew why. He desperately wanted to say something. To mend something that hasn't been there yet. Before he could, his past started to loop in his mind.

"You are helping the human part of me to express." Spock said.

"The human part of you is so small it won't make a difference in your life." Micheal said. "You are not capable of love."

"I am." Spock said.

"No, you're not. You are Vulcan. You will always be cold and distant, like a moon somewhere. You weird little half breed." Michael said.

Spock took a sharp deep breath, the only thing he could wish for now was not to cry. Why was everything tormenting him?