Where could a gang composed of anthropomorphic critters gather in order to procure themselves some illegal substances? a secluded grotto in some country of the Middle East? the cave of an obscure casino? or... a subterranean residence of an isolated island?
The answer to this question is: none of the above. In order to discuss diacetylmorphine and LSD discovery, the SEGA organize stratagems in Sonic's "Kool Krazy Kave", which is just another name Sonic has given to his mother's basement.
The SEGA were in their top secret base, thinking about a plan to procure themselves some sweet, sweet drugs that would dissolve their pains and miseries... for a few minutes.
"Okay, you little bitches. We need drugs, right?" Asked Sonic, removing his red sunglasses that made him look like a housefly that has no idea what it's doing.
His two amigos took a brief instant to think about the question, and then proceeded to nod. They didn't think that SEGA's leader was right, but they nodded because they knew that if Sonic talks about something like drugs, you better fucking agree with him. There's no fucking around whatsoever with this lunatic, oddly-colored oppressor.
"And if we need drugs, how are we gonna get them?..." continued Sonic.
Tails and Knuckles proceeded to think.
Sonic began glaring at his associates.
"I asked a question. Are you complete pussies to the point that you can't even answer a simple fucking question, you sissies?" asked Sonic, lighting up a Cuban cigar.
Sonic still had the same look to his companions. It was the look of a spoiled brat who always had to have everything as soon as possible. The worst part about it was that he had developed something inherently linked to his God complex: he never wanted anything. He needed everything. The fact that he had always had all of the things he desired previously in his life made it impossible for him to actually feel a desire as simple as "wanting" things, and he was unable to grasp the concept of an existing object that was impossible for him to possess. If Sonic didn't get something, he would probably become completely insane by realizing the fact that he is not a supreme overlord who can get whatever he wants whenever he wants.
And yet, Tails and Knuckles were still unable to see if Sonic was aware of all of that.
"So, uh... are you two retards gonna actually answer my question, or are you going to continue staring at me like I'm the hottest bitch with the finest ass of this whole motherfucking town?" interrogated Sonic, fiddling with his lighter that he got on sale.
Knuckles took the initiative of speaking first.
"Yo Sonic, if we wanna get our hands on dem drugs, we's gotta get dem moneyz to buy dem damn-fine drugs yo." the echidna said, acting like a gangsta rapper hailing from an underprivileged ghetto, even though he actually comes a very rich city in which he would often eat golden caviar, and be served expensive tea by very chic waitresses with golden robes and monocles made of diamonds.
Sonic started growling. His growling was quite reminiscent of a young chihuahua that didn't receive its favorite brand of biscuits.
"Wow, you're telling me that we actually need money to buy drugs? man, you're a fucking genius! If you weren't there, we would've never discovered such precious information! thanks a lot, dumbass!" Sonic said, exaggerating his sarcastic tone.
Tails looked at his two companions, wondering how many English swear words Sonic knew.
"Well, well... Tails, maybe you could say something? maybe you could be actually helpful for once? you know we're not really gonna get anywhere with Knuckles the fuck-idna."
Tails wondered how low someone's IQ had to be to actually refer to somebody as a "fuck-idna" without a iota of irony. He then tried thinking of an actual way to get money.
"If... if we invest in the s-stock market, we m-might get a cert... a certain salary" the fox said, twitching nervously as a result of the slight social interaction he just did.
"Tails, what the fuck? you know we're not gonna spend some time and energy to do something as shitty and boring as that." Sonic said, with a slightly blasé look.
"Oh yes, it... it's true. I for-forgot about that." replied Tails, even though he thought investing in the stock market is great to spend both time and energy.
"Mmmkay. Anymore actual useful ideas?" asked Sonic.
Tails then had an idea. He remembered something that he had read a while ago, back when he knew little about how crime worked, back when he didn't know horrible creatures like Sonic, and back when he didn't have to work for someone so hateable.
"Have you heard of th-the ch-chaos emeralds?" asked Tails.
"The chaos emeralds?" repeated Sonic.
"The... chaos emeralds?"repeated Knuckles.
"The chaos emeralds." repeated Tails.
"The CHAOS emeralds?" repeated Sonic again.
"The chaos emeralds!" repeated Tails again.
"The chaos EMERALDS?" repeated Sonic again a second time.
"The emeralds of chaos?" asked Knuckles.
"No, the chaos emeralds." said Tails.
"Are you talking about the chaos emeralds?" asked Sonic.
"The ch-chaos emeralds." stuttered Tails.
"Oh, the chaos emeralds!" said Sonic.
"The chaos emeralds! wait, you know the chaos emeralds?" wondered Tails.
"No." replied Sonic.
"So... what are the chaos emeralds?" asked Knuckles.
"I will tell you abou-about the chaos emeralds." said Tails.
Tails then made a detailed explanation about what the chaos emeralds are, what material they are made of, their molecular structure, their molar mass, in which ways they are emeralds, in which ways they are chaotic, how much time it takes for a blender to blend them, and a bunch of other things pretty much nobody cares about.
"...also, they pro-probably cost a lot of money!" finished Tails.
"Woah, that's really cool! actually, the only cool thing you said is that they're worth tons of money. Everything else that you said is uncool. But... where can we find those stupid things?" Sonic asked, leaving ashes of his cigar on the cum-stained floor of his mother's basement.
"Th-the nearest chaos emerald is in the Green Hill museum." explained Tails.
"Aw, bummer! that means we'll have to go to Green Hill Zone... I don't wanna go there. I always need to go there for some reason!" complained Sonic.
"I... I apologize." said Tails, even though he actually didn't care.
"Bruh, we gonna get dem emeralds, and den we gonna be rich mofos." stated Knuckles.
"Yeah Knuckles, you're right! we're gonna get those emeralds, and then we're gonna be the richest mofos of this whole town!" commented Sonic.
"Y-yeah guys, ha-having those emeralds will lea... lead us to be in a-in a situation in which we c-can be consider-considered quite rich mof-mo-mofos if i my-might s-s-say so mysel-myself whi-which allo-allows us to be patricians of our actual society, permitting us to look down upon other filthy plebeians." added Tails.
Sonic and Knuckles then looked at Tails, quite confused.
"Uh... yeah. Are we gonna leave dat place and get deez rad gems?" interrogated Knuckles.
"Fuck yeah! but first, I need to talk to my mom about it." said Sonic.
