Hello, I'm really excited for you all to read this chapter. I've worked really hard on it, so I hope you enjoy! It's not that long, but shorter chapters will mean more updates. Please review and tell me what you think. Should I write longer chapters with less updates, or vice-versa?
I can't win, I can't reign
I will never win this game
Without you, without you
I am lost, I am vain,
I will never be the same
Without you, without you
I won't run, I won't fly
I will never make it by
Without you, without you
I can't rest, I can't fight
All I need is you and I
Without you
David Guetta- Without you
Peeta's POV
Effie's telling me Katniss and Haymitch won't get to say their final goodbyes. Though Haymitch doesn't really have any family or friends left, I feel truly sorry for both of them. Our final goodbyes are the last thing we receive from home, the last thing to hold on to. Even that has been taken from them.
Other than being really angry about this, it once again shows me that I should've been quicker. I should've stopped Haymitch, just gotten up there and tell all of Panem there was no way in hell anyone but me would go into that arena with Katniss. But all I had done was stand still and overthink every little thing. I can't believe I just let it happen. I mean, keeping Katniss safe is the one thing I need to do, my only job.
All the other things don't matter. It's not like I can keep Katniss safe when I'm not in there with her. I can't even help her by hinting to her in my interview like last year. I'm helpless. All I can do is sit and watch. I mean, I know I'm supposed to be their mentor, but it's not like I'm going to be of any help. I'm not Haymitch.
I'll have to face it. I'm a freakin' coward. No wonder Katniss doesn't love me. I talk all great, but when it comes to real courage… I don't have any.
My stomach flips. Katniss. What will she think of me after this? Will she be happy that her plans to keep me safe worked out? Or will she be even more disgusted with me than I am with myself? You never really know with her, so I guess I'll have to wait and find out. I just hope from the bottom of my heart that she won't shut me out. I don't know whether I'll be able to handle that again. We just got back to a kind of friendship after our victory tour.
"Peeta, darling?" Effie says.
As if really noticing for the first time she's there, I look up. She looks at me expectantly. 'What?' I merely reply.
I haven't really paid attention to her since… Since she started talking, really.
"Well, I asked for your opinion on my hair? I figured it would match Katniss's pin! We could get you something as well, don't worry. What could we possibly get for Haymitch? It's not like..." as Effie continues to ramble, my mind wanders off again.
For God's sake, how am I going to get those two - or at least one of them - out of the arena alive? All the other districts' mentors have done their job for ages. Or at least they're not completely new. And Effie's a sweetheart, but she isn't really helpful. Haymitch is going to have to teach me everything he knows if he wants to make it out of that arena alive. But… does he? There's a possibility he volunteered because he's just got enough of life.
Or,he just wants to save both you and Katniss says a little voice in my head. I tell it to shut up. If I can't even get the courage to run upstage and go into the arena with Katniss, the girl I love more than the world, I can't expect Haymitch to sacrifice himself, just because I can't live without some girl. But, then again, she's not some girl…
I notice Effie has dragged me to my room by now. I've received Haymitch's old room. Guilt pangs through me. I grab my suitcase and throw it against the wall with capitol paintings. I regret what I've done instantly and want to clean the mess, when I hear someone sob. I turn around.
There she is. Tear-stained cheeks, sad expression, hung shoulders. The sadness just radiates from her. I don't think I've seen someone so helpless in my whole life. So when I open my arms and she runs right into them, I tell her, despite my own lack of believing:
"Katniss, it'll all be okay." I've never called her any nicknames, because I don't think of Katniss as my 'baby' or a 'sweetie'. She's just Katniss.
I let her cry into my shirt for a while. When she finally looks up at me, I recognize that look I know all too well. There's fire in her eyes. I'm afraid of what we'll come. But no one, no one could've ever prepared me for what she says.
"We have to save Haymitch. He saved us, we should save him no matter what he wants. We owe him that much, Peeta."
I think I need a drink. In fact, I'm pretty sure I do. I let out a strangled whimper. 'No…' I tell her.
My ability with words has failed me. I feel like a little boy again. This can't be happening. Suddenly, I find my voice again. I tell her resolute 'No, it's his own stupid choice. You're not going to give your freakin' live up, just so he can drink his way through the rest of his.'
How has this happened? This is all a terrible nightmare. I mean, I need Katniss. I'm nothing without her. I'm interrupted in my thought by a raspy voice saying:
"Well, well. I thought you would think my life's worth a little more than that."
Haymitch.
Hi everyone, I've started editing everything. It's been a year and my English has improved quite a bit. There's also just errors I didn't see when I wrote the chapter. There are no really big differences, just things I needed to change. I won't change the Author's Notes in bold in the beginning of each chapter, though.
