Undecided:
Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls.
Ch.2
Rory sat in the dorm room that she shared with Paris two weeks later wondering what she should do. She knew she had to talk to Jess about the kiss at Sookie's wedding, but she didn't know how. Every time she thought about what that conversation would be like she would blush in embarrassment. What do you say to someone after you kiss them while you still have a boyfriend? She thought about calling him, but didn't want to risk hearing the regret in his voice. The kiss had probably meant nothing to him. Why would someone like him want to be with her? He could have girl he wanted.
After sitting there thinking about this for a couple of hours she decided to write him a letter:
Dear Jess,
I don't really know how to start this, but do you remember the kiss at
Sookie's wedding?
"This is stupid." Rory said, crumbling the paper and throwing it in the trash can. She was about to pull out another piece to start again when the door burst open and Paris came in.
"Red, purple, green. Where the hell is it?"
Rory pulled out another piece of paper and was just about to start writing when Paris said, "Hey, Stop doing whatever it is that you're doing. I need help here."
Rory reluctantly put the paper aside to see what Paris needed help with. Once she turned around and took in her appearance she remembered that Paris had a date that night.
"That's it I'm shaving my head."
"Okay. Paris, you have got to calm down." Rory said while getting up and calmly walking over to Paris.
"I had a black sweater, and now it's gone." Paris said while trying to put her hair in a pony tail.
"I'm not just talking about right now. In general, you need to calm down."
"He's almost here. I'm not dressed, my makeup's not done, and I haven't gone through the Zagat to pick out a restaurant."
"Why don't you just let him pick the restaurant?"
"What if he doesn't have a Zagat?"
"Then he'll wing it."
"Wing it? How come other girls get planned-out dinners, flowers, candy, rose petals thrown on the floor and I get "wing it"?
"Well you don't know that you got "wing it"?
"No, I do. I've got "wing it". I can't do this."
"What?"
"Date. I can't date. I'm not genetically set up for it.
"That's not true."
"I get no pleasure out of the prospect of the preparation. I'm covered in hives. I've showered four times. And for what? Some guy who doesn't have the brains to buy a Zagat so we don't wind up in a restaurant that was really just a front for a cocaine-laundering ring?
"Sit."
Paris reluctantly sat down. "It's a dare. He was dared to take me out. I bet Trent Lott was behind this."
"Trent Lott did not dare Jamie to take you out." Rory said while sitting down next to Paris and helping her with her make-up. "Close. Jamie likes you. He asked you out because he likes you. Now look up."
"Maybe I shouldn't go. I mean what if I fall for him and he doesn't like me?"
"Then you'll find someone else."
"But what if there is no one else?"
"Then you'll buy some cats."
"I wish I knew if he was right for me. You know? So I don't put myself through all of this for nothing. I mean women fall for men who are wrong for them all the time. And then they get sidetracked from their goals. They give up careers and become alcoholics. And if you're Sunny von Bulow, wind up in a coma completely incapable of stopping Glenn Close from playing you in a movie."
"I think you should wear your hair down." Rory said while getting up and going behind Paris to do her hair.
"How do you know if a guy is right for you?"
"You just have to feel it."
"All I feel is my back breaking out."
"You'll know, okay? You just have to let it happen. And then, probably when you're not looking you'll find someone who complements you."
"Meaning?"
"Someone who likes what you like. Someone who reads the same books or listens to the same music, or likes to trash the same movies. Someone compatible." The only person Rory could think about while she said this was Jess. She had just described him and their relationship.
"Okay."
"But not so compatible that they're boring." As Rory said this she thought about Dean. She couldn't remember the last time that they had really had fun together. Usually when they hung out she was bored out of her mind. She liked to talk about books, movies, music, etc. Dean didn't. He thought all of these things were extremely boring and preferred watching 'The Lord of The Rings' a trillion times. It was then that she realized what she had to do.
"Someone who's compatible but not compatible."
"Yeah, kind of. I mean you respect each other's opinions, and you can laugh at the same jokes, but I don't know there's just something about not quite knowing what the other person's gonna do at all times. It's just really exciting."
Paris looked up at Rory and smiled. She knew who Rory was describing: Jess. She may not have known him for long, but she knew that they had a lot in common, and that they both had feelings for each other. She just wondered how long it would take them to realize that.
"Look, just have a good time. You'll figure it out." Rory said while picking up a black sweater.
"Yeah, I hope I figure it out fast before I throw up." Paris replied, putting on the sweater that Rory had found.
Before they could say another word they heard a knock on the door. "That's him. Turn around." Rory said, inspecting her work.
"Well?"
"Perfect."
"Promise?"
"Swear."
"Thanks. Now get in the closet."
"What?"
"If he comes in here and sees you, he won't want to date me anymore."
"Paris, that's crazy. He's seen me for two weeks."
"Yes, in conferences, crowded lecture halls, badly-lit banquet rooms with crappy food smells. Not at night when it's dating time and he's thinking about dating, and you look all datable."
"I'm not looking datable."
"Please. I can't risk it. At least if there's nothing to compare me to then I've got a fighting chance. Please."
"Okay." Rory reluctantly replied. "But when you get home, you need to get a new therapist because the one you have is really not working." Rory said all of this while walking across the room, picking up a notebook and a flashlight, and going into the closet.
Once the closet door was shut Paris said, "Thanks for helping me get ready."
"Any time." Rory said hoping Paris and her date would leave soon. She had a lot to think about. 'I can't believe it took me so long to realize that I like Jess. Not like that realization will help me. Just because I like him doesn't mean he likes me. And even if he did, I wouldn't be able to be with him until I broke up with Dean. Wait. Where are all of these thoughts coming from? I can't break up with Dean. I love him. Don't I?' Rory sat there in confusion for the next hour or so before she realized that she had been lying to herself. She didn't love Dean. She never really had. She had just loved the thought of him. I mean who wouldn't. He was really nice, considerate, and the perfect first boyfriend, but he wasn't the guy for her.
With that thought in mind she opened up the notebook and began to write:
"Dear Jess,
Wow! I really don't know what to say. What do you say to someone after you kiss them while you have a boyfriend…I guess I should just be honest. Do you remember the kiss at Sookie's wedding? I sure do. I know that you're probably expecting me to apologize, but I can't. You see, I enjoyed it. And I'm not sorry that it happened. I'm just sorry that it happened under the circumstances that it did (with me still being with Dean.) But you won't have to worry about that for long. I plan to break up with him as soon as I get back to Stars Hollow. I don't know how I will, but I will. Is there any way to break up with someone without hurting them? Because I really don't want to hurt him. He's always been there for me, and he doesn't deserve to get hurt. Not by me…But enough about Dean. Dean isn't the point of this letter. You are. You see I like you, a lot. I have for a long time. I was just too scared to admit it. But I'm admitting it now: I like you Jess Mariono. I know that you probably don't feel the same way about me, but I thought you should know. I just hope that you knowing this won't affect our friendship if you don't feel the same.
Rory
After Rory finished the letter she got out of the closet, put it in an envelope, grabbed her car rental keys, and went to the nearest post office. She knew that if she didn't send it now then she never would. 'I just hope this doesn't make things worse.' Rory thought as she put it in the mail box and drove back to the convention.
