Cristina leaned against the kitchen counter, her head in her hands, listening to the coffee brew and willing her hangover to go away. She had slept late, but still felt sluggish, and resented the fact that Meredith had come downstairs all perky, despite the grim circumstances of yesterday.
"I talked to Alex. He was going to tell Izzie, but I convinced him to wait until we get there." Meredith pulled two mugs out of the cupboard and started to pour the coffee.
"Just let me have some coffee first. And I want to stop by my place and change before we go in to the hospital," Cristina replied. She blew on the hot liquid to cool it, and took a sip. It was scant comfort for her headache, but it was something. She went over to the table and sat.
Meredith leaned against the counter, looking at Cristina. "Owen didn't come over last night just to have a beer with Derek, did he?"
Cristina looked up, but didn't reply.
"Did he stay over?"
"No, he didn't stay over," she muttered.
"Good. That probably wouldn't have been a very smart idea," Meredith answered, coming over to sit across from Cristina.
"Don't start," Cristina warned.
"Don't start what?" Meredith asked, faking innocence.
"You know what. Just leave it."
"All I'm saying is that it wouldn't be very safe for you to let Owen sleep over."
"Look, do we have to do this now? Because I'm really not up for you grilling me about Owen. He was worried about me, and he was upset about George, too. You have Derek. Just let me have my person, too," Cristina replied angrily.
Meredith was taken aback. "I thought I was your person," she said softly, hurt.
Cristina looked up and gave an exasperated sigh. "You are my person. It's just that…" She paused, her eyes searching around the kitchen as if she would find an explanation there. "It's just that you have Derek, too. And I have…" she stopped, not sure if she should finish her sentence the way she wanted to. She threw her hands in the air in frustration.
"And you have Owen," Meredith said, finishing Cristina's sentence. "You think Owen is your Derek." She shook her head in disbelief. "After all that has happened, you think Owen is your Derek."
Cristina nodded. "After all that has happened, yes, that's exactly what I think. That's what I know."
"Cristina—how is that possible? What about the choking, the nightmares, the not being able to sleep together? You broke up with him."
"Meredith, Derek did and said so many horrible things to you, many of them on purpose, and you still love him. You love him because you think what you have is meant to be. Because no matter what he says or does, no matter what happens, you can't help but love him. You can't help it." She turned her eyes away, back to her coffee. "I can't help it," she mumbled, almost to herself.
Meredith sat back in her chair, watching Cristina. "You can't help but love Owen Hunt," she said, quietly incredulous. Cristina looked back up at her, her eyes pleading with Meredith to let it go. It was too early for this, and there was too much more to deal with than to have this confrontation now.
Meredith understood Cristina's silent appeal. This conversation would have to wait till later, but she wasn't going to forget it. She got up and put her coffee cup in the sink.
"Come on. Hurry up, so we can get to the hospital and tell Izzie her best friend is dead," she said, walking out of the kitchen.
