Leia was standing right outside, arms crossed and scowling. "How can you do that!"
"You mean feel sorry for him? Forgive him?"
"Yes."
"You don't know Anakin Skywalker and are only judging Vader."
"The're the same. He tortured me, Padme." Leia still had trouble thinking of anyone but Breha Organa as her mother, though she did think very highly of Padmé Amidala. Even before she knew she was alive and her mother, she'd been a hero of hers when she studied pre-Empire senators. Hence her confusion over her treatment of Vader. "I have nightmares and I don't ask for pity." She growled.
"In a way, they are the same. In another way, they aren't. Anakin is the light, Vader is the shadow. And Anakin hates Vader even more than you, hard as that is for you to fathom. Why do you think he's having nightmares? Anyway he isn't asking for pity either. He also isn't trying to wreck the room. That's a side effect."
"He isn't safe to be around!" Leia fired.
Padmé couldn't dispute that. "No, he isn't. But consciously, he's chosen to be Anakin again. If he hurts anyone it'll be by accident."
Leia eyed her mother. "So your saying he never hurt you?"
"Losing our dreams hurt me." Padmé touched her cheek lightly. "And yes, I hate Vader for it. I'm angry with Anakin for making a choice to risk using the dark side to save his friends at the expense of everything he believed in. He was warned. And as soon as he used it he forgot why. He forgot how to love. That's what it does. It's like a drug."
"You said it was to save you." Leia whispered.
"I had a lot of threats on my life."
Which left out a lot. But Padmé had her secrets too. Obi-Wan and Artoo knew Vader had nearly killed her. Bail knew some but not all. Luke knew because Anakin had confessed, at the same time he'd confessed to her what he'd done to their children. It had been a heart wrenching, soul searching moment. It was easier forgiving what he'd done to her, than to them.
"So we have a former Jedi, former Sith who is going through the equivalent of withdrawal."
"Yes."
"And it didn't give you nightmares when he hurt you?"
Memories lanced Padmé. Seeing a man who looked like her husband but had a stranger's expression and attitude, surrounded by fire and lava and fear as he choked her. Horror as she realized that Obi-Wan and he had fought and he was probably dead. The horrified dreams and imaginings of what he suffered behind that mask when she realized Darth Vader lived as more machine than man. "It did. But I know Anakin and I know it's not what he wanted or intended. I've had years to make my peace with them." She paused. "That doesn't mean I didn't hate Vader. He was the dark shadow that stole my husband. But now I have him back. I won't let him go without a fight!"
Leia was having nightmares too, but she didn't choose to share that fact when they happened. For all the joy of the victory over the Empire, the 'Vader as Luke's father' conundrum plagued her. She was afraid for Luke, afraid of Vader's influence over him. Confused and angry at how easily he seemed to forgive him. In her nightmares, there was nothing new about revisiting her torture at his hands on the Death Star. But now she dreamed she could see through the mask to the man now locked up in Obi-Wan's quarters. His face twisted in a scowl of determined fury. "Where is the rebel base?!" Holding her still and allowing Alderaan destroyed at Tarkin's command. She raged and fought him. But forgive him? Never! She couldn't do that, even for Luke!
Anakin's nightmares didn't abate either. Usually it was the temple massacre and Order 66. Sometimes Luke and Leia appeared in the temple, as younglings struck down. He knew what they looked like at that age and he knew they hadn't been there. But dreams had their own rules. But sometimes he returned to Mustafar, choking and nearly killing his wife, only this time, she really died. He battled Obi-Wan and sometimes he won but usually he ended up burning, burning forever even after encased in the suit. Or sometimes he killed Obi-Wan and still ended up burning. Sometimes it was his battle with Luke only he missed his hand and killed him or Luke just kept falling instead of escaping on the Falcon. Sometimes he returned to the death star and was torturing Leia.
When he was awake he pondered the irony of the situation. The difference between dream and nightmare was perspective. There was a time when he'd dreamed of killing Obi-Wan and thought it good. It fueled him in his mad hunt to finish the Jedi. It focused his mind in his despair. It allowed him to avoid the realization that he'd been conned into betraying everything he believed in. But he had not been in his right senses then. His perspective had been tainted by the dark. Without it filtering his vision he could see the dreams for the obscenity they were.
The medical droid was disturbed at Anakin's sudden deterioration. He had been recovering well from being on life support for twenty some years. Now the patient was losing weight because his appetite faded. His eyes had dark shadows around them from his desperate attempts not to sleep. The medic droid tried giving him a sedative. This proved disastrous for the guard droids and every piece of machinery. Not only was he having a nightmare but he couldn't wake up. The force storm unleashed by his panicky attempt to stop whatever plagued his dreams sent remaining furniture smashing into walls, destroying the guard droids and rattling even the nearby rooms.
Padmé was the only one who figured out what to do. She evacuated the area with warnings of a coolant leak, and slammed the emergency locks closed. Then she flatly told Mon Mothma and the other leaders that until the sedative wore off, the last thing anyone should do was approach.
"I don't think this is going to work." Mon Mothma confided. "We can't expect General Kenobi to literally stay here like an akk guard dog all the time."
Padmé didn't comment. The leaders had been grilling Anakin for information on the inner workings of the Empire and it's likely responses to the Emperor's death for weeks. They were satisfied with the information he gave them and it was proving useful. But they were only inclined to do so when Obi-Wan was around, for fear of Anakin's powers. Clearly they were impatient and afraid. Only his ability to aid them in restoring the Republic was saving him an execution. If he was more trouble than they felt they could handle, they might change their minds.
By the time Anakin awoke from the drug induced sleep, his bed clothes were drenched in sweat. He made a frantic dive for the refresher and retched. He collapsed on the floor. It was cold and he focused on that to drive away the horror of the dream. He grabbed a cup and rinsed his mouth out, took a cloth and wiped his face.
For some time, he just forced himself to do some relaxation exercises. Finally he hit the cell wall com.
"Let me speak to Senator Amidala, please."
"I will see if she's available." The droid on the other end replied.
It was some time before a response came. Anakin wondered whether they were intentionally forcing him to wait. He was quite sure Padmé wouldn't.
"Ani?" Her voice was worried. "Are you all right? No-one could get near you. Things were shaking in the corridor."
He paused, enjoying the sound of her voice. "I'll live." His voice was tired. "How long was I out?"
"Thirty six hours."
He sighed. "I guarantee that was not a restful sleep. No more drugs for me."
"It really backfired."
"Yes."
"Ani, they won't let anyone in there until Obi-Wan gets back. Except a converted mse droid to deliver food."
"Wonderful." He said dryly. "I don't suppose you could program it for dejarik?"
Padmé gave a sad laugh. "I doubt it, but I'll ask."
"Thanks."
