"It's you, Alex." I mumbled, screwing my eyes tighter.

His grip on my shoulder loosened, and I heard him take a step back. I wanted to open my eyes and face him. Tell him it was a stupid crush, tell him I know he's in love with Eliza. In love with a woman.

Tell him I'd leave and never bother him again, if he asked me to.

But I couldn't. I couldn't open my eyes. I couldn't tell him all those things. My tongue had become a heavy weight in my mouth. My heart, a sopping wet towel in my chest.

I heard him swallow, a loud gulp in the quiet office. I heard him lick his lips, probably contemplating escaping while my eyes were still closed.

"You...uhm...love.." He began. "...me?" It came out in a whisper, almost like he was talking to himself.

My eyes had snapped open at the sound of his voice, and they were now roaming the ceiling. I ran a hand through my hair, undoing the band that held it back. Deep breath, John, you can do this.

I stood straight, pushing away from the desk. I took a deep breath and raised my head. His mouth was agape, his eyes were wide and darting around my face. He always looked so handsome when he was flustered. Wait, no, stop it, you should apologize and leave him alone to his happy, straight life.

"I…I'm sorry, Alexander." I whispered back. "I shouldn't have said that, but I just… you were pushing for an answer and I completely… went for it." I wanted desperately to slam my eyes shut, to not have to glance up and see his muddled brown orbs. But, I'm no coward… right? No, right now, it seems the only thing I'm good for now would be shutting the door behind me as I leave.

He shut his mouth, only for his lips to part again in aftershock. He kept pulling his eyebrows down, probably attempting to formulate an appropriate let down, with no result. Softly shaking my head, I accepted my fate as his former friend. I gradually moved one foot in front of the other, reluctantly making my way to the office door. I could hear his breathing become shallow, and could practically hear his heart thundering in his chest. Wait, don't leave. What if he ends up having a heart attack because of all the stress you've caused him? All the pain you just caused, could cause his early death. You're a coward, leading a man to death with words and then abandoning him.

"John…"

I froze mid-step, hand hovering over the bronze doorknob. Soft footfalls made their way in my direction. Once again, a warm hand was placed on my left shoulder, turning me towards him. My right hand fell from its suspended place near the doorknob, hanging limply at my side. Lift your eyes, John, look at him.

My sight drifted from the floorboards, easing towards Alexander.

He cleared his throat, boring his brown eyes into mine.

"Eliza and I… we're getting a divorce." He sighed. "She is in love with another man, one we know quite well." He swallowed thickly, his Adam's apple bobbing with the motion.

What? They're divorcing?! How the hell could I not have known that before?! I was his best friend goddammit!

"What? When… when did you decide that?" I opted to say instead of my foul thoughts. He sighed again, running a hand through his medium-length black hair.

"Actually, the night after our wedding day." He sheepishly grinned. "Before bed, Eliza came up to me and said she had met someone the night before. Also, that she was incredibly sorry, but you know, my mind stopped registering what she was saying after the whole 'I accidentally fell in love with one of your fellow soldiers and he wants to run away with me' talk."

My jaw dropped, realizing just who Eliza had danced with all night.

"Hercules?"

"Yeah." He confirmed.

Oh, man. I knew that Herc had a lot of fun at the wedding, but I thought he was just in good spirits because of him being the flower girl and all. Now, thinking back to that night, he did steal a lot of glances at Eliza. He cut into her and Angelica's dance, too, and he and Eliza danced together pretty much the entire night… Jesus, Hercules, really? Your friend's WIFE?!

Well, at least he didn't fall for anything other than a human.

Eliza had always wanted Alexander to take a break from writing, which was basically his life. That was the one request from her that he could never satisfy.

"I'm sorry." I offered. "I know how much you liked her." I couldn't stop fidgeting. Why had he told me all that? Why not just let me leave?

"It's okay, I think it was more of a… forced kind of thing, you know?" He shrugged. "We didn't really connect that much."

"Oh." My eyes meandered around the candle-lit room. "I… uhm, have some work to finish up tomorrow. I should get back and get some rest." I rubbed my shoulder with my sweaty palm. God, this is awkward.

Alexander's eyebrows shot up. "Are you leaving? Tonight?" Was that… panic in his eyes? Filling his face?

"Oh, uh, no…not tonight." I assured. "I'm not going back to South Carolina for a couple more weeks, I actually meant my room. I'm going back to my room… to rest."

"Right, right, your room." Alexander nodded. "I… hope that you have a good night's sleep, John." He scratched his head, fiddling with a lock of his dark hair. A small smile flittered across my face.

"You, too, Alex." I'm sorry I professed my undying love for you, goodnight. "I'll see you at daybreak."

He gave a short nod, acknowledging the fact that they'd be working on their slavery essays in the morning. There was much work to be done, there was no time to stop due to unexpected declarations of love.

I lowered my hand towards the doorknob once again. Grasping the cool, bronze surface, I opened the door and mumbled a 'goodnight'. I stumbled into the hallway, filling my head with the tension-free air. I had swung the door close behind me, leaning back onto it for support. Oh, my God. Did that all just go down? Did I really tell Alexander that I was inimitably enamored with him? Did he really tell me he was divorcing Eliza? Did I just….

Did I just blow the closest friendship I've ever had, for a shot at love? Did I just throw away my shot?

I pushed myself off the worn door, shrugging any lingering questions. I quietly shuffled down the hall, stopping at my bedroom door. The bedroom that Alex is letting me stay in while we write out arguments, not love letters. The bedroom that is right across from his bedroom.

"In case either of us think of any new angles for the fight against slavery," He'd explained. "that way we can tell the other faster."

I rubbed my shut eyes, the weariness hitting me all at once. My bones ached, my eyes burned, my head felt heavy. I pressed my forehead against the chilly wood of my door, trying to find the knob without opening my eyes. There, now open it, okay, don't pass out in the corridor, John.

I wandered across the dim room, the candle in the window casting shadows across the aged floor. I vaguely remember pulling my boots off, my clothes not too far behind. Somehow, I missed blowing out the candle and groggily closing the drapes.

Suddenly, I was in bed contemplating my earlier conversation with Alexander. I'll have to think on it more tomorrow, when I'm not painstakingly drained. For now, sleep was all that I could bear in mind. Save for one Caribbean, that is.

Goodnight, Alex.

A/N: Good lordy lou that took forever to write. Alright, folks, I'm kinda starting to lean towards making this a multi-chapter, and completely abandoning the plan to only have one or two chapters. I'd just like to know if people are actually liking it and want to see where it goes. If I do go on, I'd probably bring in Eliza and Hercules, and get Alex and John together, if that interests you guys? Again, thank you for reading and please, please leave a review! They are the best cure for my writer's block:)