Oh, no.
Definitely not.
He was not going to get the best of her.
And especially not this way. Not with sweet little notes accompanied by dirty tricks.
Emma rolled the paper up and began to beat the breakfast bar in frustration. "Stupid. Charming. Sexy. Idiot. Sassy. Newspaper-stealing-no-shirt-wearing-crossword-puzzle-finishing-asshole!"
Upon finishing her rant she tossed the newspaper in the direction of the back hallway, where it slammed into the window and flopped onto the floor.
A minute later, Ruby poked her head around the corner, looking at her roommate with wide eyes.
"Everything alright out here, Em?"
Emma rubbed the heels of her hands into her eyes, resting her elbows on the counter in front of her. "It's Jones. Fucking with my paper again."
"What'd he do?" Ruby asked as she pulled down a bowl and practically dumped the entire box of Apple Jacks into it.
"He filled in my crossword puzzle." Emma's head snapped up when she heard a man's laughter from the back hall.
"What's the matter, Emma?" Victor asked as he unrolled the newspaper and looked over the completed puzzle. "You mad because he can actually finish it?" His laugh at her expense was short lived when she took an orange from the fruit bowl and hurled it towards him, hitting him square in the chest.
Ruby laughed outright, almost choking on her mouthful of cereal. "Ha! That's gonna leave a mark."
Victor gave Ruby a withering glare and picked the now-bruised citrus up from the floor. He set it down in front of Emma before turning toward the cabinet and pulling down a mug. "My, my, someone's touchy this morning." He poured coffee into it and took a sip.
Emma got up, taking the mug from Victor's hands. He sighed before turning around and getting himself another one.
"I've already got one wise-ass to deal with, Vic. Killian Jones is more than enough." She sipped the coffee before going over to the pantry and getting a doughnut. "Why are you even here?"
Victor shrugged and gave her a wry smile. "Last night was date night." He waggled his eyebrows at her and snatched her doughnut from her hands. "And you know how I get after dinner and a movie."
Emma shuddered when Ruby giggled at her fiance's antics. "Ew, guys. TMI." She grabbed another doughnut from the pantry and went to sit on the couch.
"Now, back to my issue," Emma changed the subject, "I need to deal with that smug bastard."
"Why don't you just prank him back?" Victor asked, sitting at the breakfast bar next to Ruby.
"Prank him back? I don't know if that would even work." She tucked her bangs behind her ear and leaned back into the couch. "I don't know if he has anything that he cares about that much."
"He sure cares about himself a whole hell of a lot." Victor grumbled under his breath, and Ruby smacked him on the shoulder.
"Hey! Lay off, Victor. He's a total sweetheart deep down."
"I don't really want to think about how deeply you know him."
Ruby groaned and put her bowl in the sink. "Ugh. Cut it out. I'm gonna go shower."
Once Ruby was gone, Victor sat down on the couch next to Emma. "Don't worry, something'll come to you."
Emma smiled devilishly, and sat bolt upright. "Something just did."
When night finally came, Emma waited until the commotion across the hall had died down. Once the lights went out for the night, she waited a few hours more and sneaked out of her apartment with a small bag under her arm. She fished around in the pocket of her sweatpants and pulled out the spare key that David had given her and Ruby.
She slid the key into the lock and looked around the quiet apartment, hoping that she was right, and both men had been asleep for hours.
Emma closed the door behind her and waited a few moments before she made off in the direction of Killian's bedroom.
She turned the doorknob slowly, walking in on tiptoe, although she was sure that he was a relatively heavy sleeper.
She opened the door slowly, and immediately her senses were assaulted. The room smelled so much like him that she had to reach out for the closest wall as her knees threatened to buckle beneath her.
"Keep it together, Swan," she whispered to herself, "all you have to do is walk over to that bed, do what you came to do and leave."
Emma approached the bed, and almost dropped her bag to the floor.
"Of fucking course he sleeps in the nude. Why would he not?" She whisper-shouted, trying not to get frustrated. Or distracted.
The covers were pooled around his waist, but she could tell that he was not wearing anything beneath them. The linen started just beneath his pelvic bone, and she was glad that it was there.
Otherwise this night may have ended quite differently.
She tried her hardest to keep her eyes from drifting down past his navel, and she succeeded, but only just. After all, that's not why she'd come.
Emma set the bag down on the bed, and opened it gingerly. She had to cover her mouth to keep from laughing when she pulled out her ultimate payback.
She switched on the electric shaver and waited a few seconds to see if the buzzing was going to wake him.
She smiled to herself when his light snoring persisted through the commotion around him.
"Alright, Swan," she prepped herself, "it's go-time. The final countdown. Now or never, right?" She stepped closer to his sleeping form, and leaned her free hand next to his head as she brought the shaver down to his face with the other.
It only took about a minute, but before she knew it, she had completed her mission. She looked down at him, admiring her handiwork. The shaved half of his face looked so innocent and boyish that she was almost tempted to keep going. She decided against it, however, and made ready to clean up.
She threw the shaver back into her bag and whipped out her cell phone to take a few pictures. For Ruby, just in case he awoke tomorrow and decided to shave off the rest.
Once she was thoroughly satisfied, she left his room, turning back just before crossing the threshold.
"Sorry, Jones, but payback's a bitch."
Killian awoke the next morning, delighting in the feel of the sun's warmth on his face. He sat up, still groggy, and scratched absentmindedly at his chin.
"Bloody hell…" He laid an open palm against one side of his face, and then the other before his eyes opened wide in realization.
He threw on a pair of boxer-briefs and ran into the bathroom to see himself in the mirror.
What he saw made his blood boil. The bloody minx had shaven him in his sleep. "Swan!" He shouted into the mirror, not even bothering to consider the fact that David may have still been asleep.
A second later, David charged into the bathroom and stared at Killian with wide eyes before bursting into laughter.
"Holy shit, Kil! I probably should have told you not to mess with her!"
Killian shot David a death glare and pushed past him into the living room. "How the bloody hell am I supposed to go to work like this?"
David wiped at his eyes and slapped Killian on the shoulder. "Don't sweat it. I'll go talk to her."
David grabbed Emma's spare key and headed across the hall. He unlocked the door and found Emma sitting on her couch, broad smile on her face.
"Good morning, David! Would you like some coffee?"
He shook his head at her. "You know, Emma, I didn't give you that extra key so that you could sneak in while we're sleeping and play Sweeney Todd."
Emma bit her lip as she tried to stifle her laughter. "I'm sorry, David. But I had to, I've been putting up with his bullshit for far too long."
David sighed, rubbing at the back of his neck with an open hand. "Whatever you say. Let me borrow your shaver? He's gonna finish the job."
Emma ran into the bathroom and returned, placing the shaver in David's hand. "Here you go." She smiled sweetly at him, batting her eyelashes.
He took it and nodded his thanks before disappearing across the hall.
Twenty minutes later, as she and Ruby were preparing to leave for work, there was a knock on the door. Ruby went to answer it as Emma followed closely behind her.
Just outside the door stood Killian, dressed for work in his usual three-piece suit, and completely clean-shaven. "Good morning, ladies."
Ruby stepped aside and he let himself in, grilling Emma with his eyes. "Wow, Killian," Ruby gushed, "your beard is gone! What happened?"
Killian gave a nonchalant shrug, shoving his hands into the pockets of his trousers. "Nothing really. Figured it was time for a change."
Emma stifled a giggle, but Ruby interrupted her before she could say anything.
"I've gotta get to work, see you guys later!"
Once the door was shut, Killian crossed the room and stood directly in front of Emma, the toes of his dress shoes pressing into the toes of her high heels.
"I must say, Swan. Either I underestimated the importance of those puzzles, or this is a gross and unjust overreaction." He folded his arms across his chest and raised an eyebrow, but this time, there was nothing playful about the gesture.
Emma opened her mouth to speak, but he stopped her.
"You may think that this makes us even, darling, but let me tell you one thing: I'm not done with you yet."
With that, he spun on his heels, leaving Emma to stand alone in her apartment and wonder what the hell she'd just started.
