The Party
The Next Morning – 8am – September 17th, 2005
As soon as Dean opened his eyes, he immediately regretted it. The familiar hangover hit him like a train wreck and it didn't help that the light coming from the slightly open window hit him directly in his squinted eyes. He groaned and cursed himself for drinking too much, again.
It took him a moment to realize who had woken him up.
"Sammmmmmy!" Dean whined, pulling the pillow over his head.
"Come on Dean, wake up. You have to eat something before Lisa gets here."
He was really going to kill Sam for opening the curtains up completely now and he most definitely hated him for waking him up after letting him drink himself to sleep once again.
No, scratch that. He hated himself for drinking again.
He hated how he can start just as fast as he ended. It killed him that he was doing this to himself again. Maybe he should get help? He truly didn't want to become a drunk idiot that ends up treating his crew and fans badly. He certainly didn't want to lose either of them either.
No, he was stronger than that. He was Dean fucking Winchester, his dad and good friend Bobby had taught him better.
He moaned into the pillow when he realized the headache wasn't planning on going away and that he needed oxygen.
"Don't let me drink so much ever again Sammy."
He heard himself grunt as he tried to sit up in bed, still grumpy from being woken up. Sam made a noise that seemed like a frustrated yet hysterical laugh.
"As if you ever listen to me once you've gotten the bottle."
"Shut up and close the damn curtain already, it's hurting my aching head."
Sam rolled his eyes. "Dean, hurry up already. You've got to take a shower and eat. She's gonna be here any minute now and you know how she hates to see you like this. All hung over..."
"She can go fuck herself Sam."
"Well, I'd personally rather have her doing that than to what she's fucking now."
"Well fuck you too."
Dean turned his head towards Sam, looking at him with his drowsy eyes.
"I am very much do-able, thank you very much. She's lucky to have me as a sexual partner."
"Dean! Too much information!" Sam looked away, putting his hands over his ears and quickly walked out of the room.
Dean grinned, very pleased with himself, and finally managed to get off his comfortable bed. He picked up his pants and headed to the door that led to his private bathroom.
"If she comes before I get out of the shower, take her to the recording room Sammy!" He yelled out, knowing Sam can hear him wherever he was.
Sam was probably rolling his eyes at him.
Dean stripped the last remains of his clothing. He noticed his clothes weren't what he had on the night before, probably Sam's doing. It explains why he was in bed when he woke up rather than on the floor somewhere. He looked into his laundry basket that was beside the door, noticing his old clothes where there.
Dean threw his clothes into the basket and stepped into the shower. He stood still under the warm water as it washed most of his tension away. He soaped up his hands and washed his body before shampooing and conditioning his dirty blonde hair. Afterwards, he stepped out of the shower and shaved before brushing his teeth and wrapping himself in a fresh fluffy towel.
He tried to ignore the dark bags under his eyes and how he used to hate it when he had a hangover.
"Sammy?" Dean called out from his room, fishing for new clothes in his closet and drawers.
"It's Sam, you jerk."
There was a pause and a shuffle downstairs.
"What?"
"Is she here yet?"
"Not yet. Come down here and get something to eat. I made some fried eggs and bacon."
Dean grinned happily once more. Sam knew exactly how to cheer him up. He got dressed in record time and was in the kitchen before Sam got to set up the table.
He took an aspirin and some water before looking at the delicious food in front of him.
"Morning." Sam said and Dean ignored him, more in favor of pushing as much bacon into his mouth as possible.
"Dean, take it easy. Your heart's gonna give out someday with the amount of crap you eat every day." Sam gave him a stern look before taking the plate full of extra bacon away from him.
Dean glared at him. "Shut up Sam. You made me delicious breakfast, let me relish in the joy." He tried to grab the plate of bacon from Sam but it was out of his reach.
Sam just shook his head sadly and poured Dean a glass of fresh orange juice.
"You gonna join me?" Dean looked at Sam's empty side of the table, besides a glass of juice and the plate he had yet to return to Dean's beloved side.
"I had breakfast after I came back from my run earlier."
Dean rolled his eyes, forgetting that this was Sam he was talking to. There was a silence afterwards as Dean continued to eat.
Sam took a sip from his glass and finally decided to bring an end to the silence.
"Dean, you have to stop drinking."
Dean's face turned grim as he slowly put his fork down, his appetite completely vanished along with his train of thought.
Sam tried again. "Dean, I'm serious man. The way everyone kept their distance from you last night after you got completely drunk… Like they knew exactly what would happen once you were pissed… It's frightening and you swore to never go down this road."
Dean's eyes were cover by his hair as his head leaned down, just so Sam couldn't look him in the eyes and prove him correct.
"Sam, I've tried." Dean choked out. "You know nothing about how much I've tried to stop. You can't just come to my performances and spend a week with me here once a year and expect to know everything about me. You have no idea how it is."
"Dean, I'm your brother. Remember?" Sam looked upset, as though Dean had insulted him, which he might as well had done. "I DO know you and you know that. Why won't you let me help you though? Why don't you let anyone else help you? It'll only be a matter of time before this gets out and your fans see …"
Dean looked up, silent tears forming in his eyes.
"Until fans see me as what? Worthless? A drunk, empty man-whore? Sam, I knew when I started this whole gig, it wasn't going to last long. I'm nothing, just a pretty image with a good sound attached to it. When no one in my life cared enough to stay around, why would a bunch of strangers do so? I am nothing and I know that already, okay! Dad made sure I knew it..."
Dean froze.
Fuck, did he really just say that out loud. He stood up abruptly and left Sam to be by himself for a while. He went to the recording room and shut the door.
This was his favorite place to be when things went wrong, a place where he can just let all his feelings out and never have to worry about anything afterwards. He held his guitar and was very grateful that Sam didn't follow him here. He hated himself for snapping at Sam and saying those last few words. Sammy was only trying to help and he just made things worse for the both of them. Dean pushed him away, just like anyone else who decided to care enough for him. He always did that because he continued to deny help in favor of losing the ones he held close.
He strummed the strings a little harder with every swing of his wrist, making the instrument cry out in his hands. He knew by experience that breaking his beloved guitar won't help him calm down, but it didn't stop him from trying.
He had lost count of the time he had spent wrapped up in his self loathe and hatred. So by the time the door swung open and in came Lisa, he was thankful that he had managed to calm down.
"Hey Lis. You're late." He managed to put on a half-smile and turn towards her as she made her way in.
She kissed him on his cheek. Typical.
"Hey Babe. Sorry, I got caught with Ben."
She smiled and Dean immediately felt better. He gave her the still useable guitar and sat behind the piano.
They worked hard for the next 3-4 hours but the new songs were not coming out as good as Dean had hoped for. It almost felt too forced out. He knew he couldn't get away with anymore songs related to him. There's only so much self-hatred a fan base can take before they start screwing you over, right? His stomach made a noise and that was Dean's sign to stop. He looked over at Lisa, who looked equally frustrated.
"I think we should go help Sam make lunch. This isn't going anywhere." Dean spoke, standing up from his seat behind the piano.
Lisa agreed, setting down the worn out guitar.
"By the way, why didn't you bring Ben?"
"Seriously? He wouldn't have let you practice at all if he were here right now."
Dean smiled, he loved that kid and always thought of Ben as his own son.
"So? I love that kid and you know I like spending time with him."
Dean opened the door for her and followed her out the door.
"Yeah but you also have to spend time with me. We still have to make your next album Dean, aren't you even a little bit concerned about that?"
Dean shrugged.
"What none of you have realized was that I never counted on this being a long term thing. I knew someday, it would all come to an end. I'm Dean Winchester… That's just how it works."
Lisa shook her head with disbelief but said nothing about it. She went to the other room to call Ben and check on him so Dean decided to make amends with Sam.
He knocked on Sam's door and slowly opened it.
"Hey… You up?"
"..Yeah."
Sam was lying on his bed, reading a book. It was something about law, as usual.
'Oh shit.' Dean thought. Dean was so stupid! Sam has an interview coming up in two days and he completely forgot about it. And he had left everything just to come and be with Dean and all Dean did was complain and whine like a child when he should have been helping him.
He sat down by Sam's side.
"Sam… I'm sorry man. I shouldn't have…"
"Dean, you don't have to explain yourself."
"I want to, damn it! I want to!"
Sam looked at him like he was a ghost and that killed Dean on the spot. He sighed softly and looked away from him.
"Look Sam, I know you're right. And I've been trying for 6 months to stop. Last night… I just.."
Sam stared at him like he could see right through.
"It's about him, isn't it?"
Dean nodded slowly.
"Sam… When I come here, I feel like when he was here with me and it hurts. It's like he's haunting me inside my head, mocking me about how I can't have the real thing. I can't fucking think anymore without his voice… Sammy... I just miss him so much."
Sam looked quite shocked and honestly, so did Dean. He hadn't let his feelings out since… well forever. Sam nodded though, in understanding, and sat up so that he was face to face with his older brother.
"Well, I'm sorry that I talked the way that I had before. You know I just wanted you to be happy and Dean, you're the happiest on that stage. The fans cherish you and you deserve it. I'm proud of my big brother and I want him to be happy with who he is."
Dean smiled at him softly and patted his head like he used to when they were younger.
"Hey, don't worry your smart ass, Sam Winchester. Big brother will always look after his family."
Sam smiled too.
"Dean, I never doubted that. What I want is for you to be happy and take care of yourself."
Dean nodded.
"I will tell Pam not to serve anything but beer and non-alcoholic drinks for me on tours from now on. Is that enough to make your worry lessen?"
Sam just nodded once. "It won't stop me from worrying since I'll always be worried about you, but it will calm me down a bit."
Dean nodded and switched topics. "So… Monday is the big day?"
Another nod.
"You ready?"
A shrug. Well at least it wasn't a nod.
"I really appreciate you helping me when you have your own situation. I would have understood if you hadn't."
"Dean, you're my brother. I won't ever deny a chance to make another moment with you, good or bad. We are family."
Dean looked at the phone beside Sam's thigh, switching the conversation again.
"Jess coming for the party?" Sam looked at him with a slight smirk.
"You bet your ass she's coming. Last year she had so much fun. Almost too much fun."
They both laughed at the memory. Having her around always ended with an amazing memory.
"Dean… I'm gonna ask her to marry me."
Dean, not expecting that statement at all, suddenly lacked oxygen in his lungs. 'What?! But Sam was just 22! He was too young! What if…' He had to take a deep breathe to stop himself from fainting as though he was the one getting married. 'He's a big boy now Dean.' His conscious finally stated. 'Just be happy for him and support your baby brother.'
Sam looked at Dean nervously for his response and was very relieved at his smile.
"Wow… uh, well. I'm very happy for you man… I hope she says yes, you two are way too perfect for each other anyways. And you know I'll be there for you every step of the way, right Sammy?"
Sam grinned happily.
"Yeah Dean… thanks."
Dean gave Sam a hug, though it was very awkward since their position on the bed wasn't the best for hugging. Damn it, his baby brother was going to be engaged soon, though Jess still had to accept his proposal first. He was so fucking happy, he couldn't even stand still.
He finally went downstairs towards the kitchen where Lisa should be, singing happily. He managed to bypass Lisa's question on why he was so happy all of a sudden and make the one thing that can make this day any greater, burgers.
* A Song For You *
The Following Night – 7:30pm
This party was amazing! The food was great, the champagne was perfect, and the music… Well, it was mostly his songs.
He took a shrimp and bit into it while he followed Sam with his eyes. His skyscraper of a brother looked like he was gonna be sick and Dean almost felt sorry for him. But he was very glad it was Jess, he couldn't imagine Sam getting married to Ruby. He shuddered slightly. Jess was different, she was cool, funny, kind, and most importantly, she cared for Sam. Dean knew he could trust her with Sammy.
He looked around and found Lisa, talking to some random, possibly European guy. He was kinda hot, being blond with light blue eyes and a good smirk on his face.
Dean tried to pick up some of their words. Yeah, that was definitely a French accent. Huh, not bad Lisa. He lost interest in the conversation after a few minutes and his eyes began to wander once more.
After a while, his eyes caught sight of another guy at the other end of the room, this one definitely fitting his standards better than the other. Grey eyes, dark brown hair, angular sharp jaw and a full set of lips. Yep, absolutely his kind of guy. He looked cool so that even if he didn't swing that way, they could still be good friends, right?
With that thought in mind, Dean found himself flirting with the guy a few moments later.
Well, trying anyways.
"Cool party, huh?"
He looked at Dean for a brief moment before facing forward again.
"Yeah… You're Dean Winchester, right?"
Dean nodded and shook his hand.
"My name is Michael."
Dean nodded again, noticing how he didn't give him a last name. If he didn't want to say it, it was completely cool with Dean.
"It's nice to meet you Michael."
Michael just nodded once.
"So, what brings you to this party?"
Michael sighed, probably hesitating on saying anything to a stranger. After a while he finally spoke.
"My younger brother's boyfriend wanted my brother to come here but he wasn't very keen on that idea, so he asked me and our other siblings to come along.
He looked at his half full glass before looking at Dean.
"My brother has been acting strange for a week now. It's really unnerving…"
Dean wondered what was wrong with Michael's brother for a moment before skipping to a bigger matter. Dean was pretty sure Michael had said his brother had a boyfriend. Would that mean Michael was gay too? Or maybe even bi?
"Huh, I hope your brother is okay then… Say, how about you then? Anyone here with you? Girlfriend... Boyfriend?"
Real smooth Dean. How much more obvious can you get.
Michael chuckled deeply, a very beautiful laugh if Dean said so himself. Yeah, Dean definitely had to get into his pants tonight.
"Fortunately for you Dean, I have no one with me here tonight or anywhere else. So feel free to flirt as much as you'd like."
Dean laughed, a smirk growing very quickly.
"Oh, am I really that obvious?"
Michael matched his smirk. "Well, that and I've heard how you like to handpick your one night stands at parties."
Dean shrugged and leaned back slightly. He could be as forward as fuck sometimes.
"Not always. It's been quite some time since I've had a one night stand. I thought maybe I could try and start a relationship, but if you're into that kind of stuff, I'm fine with that."
Michael actually blushed! Dean smirked proudly and mentally patted himself on the back.
"I'm only kidding. But seriously, would you like to spend the night with me?"
Michael's smirk was back again.
"Am I able to talk about this with my friends at school?"
Dean snorted. Seriously, where has this guy been all these years? But then again, Dean knew there had to be a catch. No one was perfect, or at least, no one else.
"Hmmm, we can get to a middle agreement about that, can't we?"
Dean winked and he could actually see the effect it has on Michael. He had to straighten both his shoulders and ended up looking Dean in the eye.
"Yeah, we can make it work."
"Perfect." Dean smiled and switched their topic to movies and actors they liked.
Dean was making a comment about how incredible sexy Clint Eastwood was when Pamela ran towards him.
"Dean, you seen Lis?"
Dean shrugged, really wishing she would go away.
"Last time I saw her, she was talking to that French dude over there."
He pointed his thumb towards said guy.
"You mean Balthazar?" Michael asked and Dean raised an eyebrow in question.
"The French guy you are talking about is Balthazar, who is also my brother's boyfriend."
Pamela nodded and glared a Michael slightly.
"Yes, and he is also a very big producer. That's why Lisa was talking to him earlier, Dean."
It made a lot more sense now. But that still didn't answer his question as to why Pam interrupted his chat with Michael.
"Ok, that's understandable Pam but I still don't see how I can help you."
Pamela rolled her eyes and her glare turned towards him now.
"Well, Ben called and since I couldn't find Lisa, you're my only choice."
Dean felt his blood run cold. Did something happen to Ben?
"Ben? What is it?! Is he okay?!"
"He's okay Dean. He just needs someone to go and pick him up because apparently his babysitter baled."
Dean's worry turned to rage. How many fucking times did he tell Lisa not to leave Ben with random babysitters?! Why didn't she ever listen to him! He's going to have a serious word with her later.
He sighed and looked at Michael.
"Will you be okay if I go and get him? He's only 5 but he's the coolest kid you'll ever meet, honestly."
Michael seemed surprised by Dean's choice of words to describe the young boy.
"Will it be ok if I come with you then?"
It was Dean's turn to be surprised.
"Absolutely. Let's roll."
He gave Pam a reassuring look and guided Michael outside. They got to the parking lot and Dean swore he just heard Michael gasp when they stopped by his baby.
"This is your ride? You're kidding me?"
Dean smirked and looked down at his black 1967 Chevy Impala.
"Ain't my ride, she's my baby and you're the very first stranger to sit inside so feel honored."
Michael chuckled again and Dean had to laugh with him.
"Come on, get in before I change my mind and make you walk."
Michael nodded and got inside the car.
* A Song For You *
Dean looked in the mirror where he could see Ben in the back, very much sound asleep, before he turned to Michael. Michael was looking over his cassette tapes but Dean could sense a question hanging in the air above him.
"Okay, spill. Ask what you want, I won't get upset or mad."
Michael looked at him for a good minute before he spoke.
"Why do you still have cassettes? I didn't know you liked classic rock."
Dean raised his brows at him.
"Well, that wasn't the question I expected. And dude, seriously? Have you even heard a record of mine?"
Michael blushed again. Seriously, a guy that handsome and hot shouldn't be blushing so much, right? Dean never blushed.
"Well, now I will. I always thought that new, famous people are all about that pop crap you hear a lot."
Dean laughed.
"Oh I think someone should give the new guys a try. Actually with all the talent shows, that has very much changed."
Michael looked out of the window.
"Oh right, you were in one of them."
"Was..."
"You didn't win?"
"Nah. I placed second."
"Huh… Oh hey, what did you think I was gonna ask before?"
Dean looked at the kid in the backseat from the rear mirror and shrugged.
"Oh… Is Ben yours?"
"Nah… If you asked me, I'd say yes because come on. That kid is awesome and he just acts so much like me. But Lisa says he's not so… I ain't pushing that."
Michael smiled at him. It was strangely familiar to Dean. Honestly everything about this guy sitting next to him was, and it was kind of nerve-racking.
"You wish he was yours..."
That wasn't really a question, so Dean didn't answer.
"Hey, how old are you?"
Michael looked at him like he was trying to see right through him. God damn it.
"28. I'm 28."0
Dean nodded.
Good, so he was only 2 years older than Dean. Why did he even care though? It's not like he was going to start a relationship with Michael here, right? But then again, he had let him into his car. Dean moved his fingers in his hair and pushed them back, staring at the road in front of him.
This was stupid. He hated how Michael had gotten to him like this. This was not like Dean Winchester at all. Michael was just another guy who would leave him soon enough.
When they got back to the party and Dean had given Ben to Lisa, Balthazar approached them.
"Dean Winchester, I've heard so much about you. Finally, I get to meet you in person and you're already friends with my boyfriend's brother. That's good."
Dean didn't like how sure of himself Balthazar spoke but hey, you can't always have what you want, right?
He raised his hand to shake Balthazar's.
"You must be Balthazar Milton. My manager Pamela told me about you, it's nice to meet you."
Hey, if manners could get him a big, fat, expensive contract, he could behave. Against all rumors, he was actually pretty good at controlling his actions. He just didn't see any point in doing it so often.
"I suggest we move this party to somewhere more… private. There's more fun in having couples around, don't you agree? We are still young and can have much more fun than champagne if you ask me." Dean was playing this out real smoothly.
Balthazar winked before he nodded.
"Of course. If only I could find my boyfriend, he has been suspiciously hiding from me all night."
'Well, he wouldn't be if you hadn't forced him to come here.' He thought, feeling very sorry for the poor boy who was somehow this strange person's date.
Dean felt completely annoyed though. What was up with these people and not saying the dude's name? Was he just 'the boyfriend' and 'the brother'?
"Why don't you just text him?" Michael said and Balthazar nodded once.
He looked at the two men before guided them to one of the back rooms while Balthazar texting this mysterious boyfriend.
Dean texted Sam to take Jess there as well. Young couples, right? Plus he didn't like being surrounded by these strange people. He needed the comfort of Sam being there with him.
Before he knew it though, they were all sitting in a room full of alcohol while they waited for Balthazar to bring in his boyfriend. Aside from Dean and Michael and Sam and Jess, there was Anna, Michael's sister, and her date, and Gabriel, Michael's twin brother and his two girls were there too. No one actually knew where they had come from.
Dean didn't know exactly HOW he ended up kissing Michael, but he was definitely kissing him right now.
He ignored Sam's glare and pulled Michael a little bit towards himself, pushing him to the couch. He even tasted familiar, like he reminded Dean of something he used to love when he was younger.
They pulled apart when the door opened and Balthazar came in, pulling a guy right after him.
Dean felt everything stop at that very moment and he couldn't help but turn very pale.
Dark, gorgeous black hair.
Dark, ocean blue eyes.
Pink but full chapped lips.
The strong shaped jaw and nose…
Jesus fucking Christ.
It was him. It was him.
