A/N

Hi Guys/Girls/Horses! This is my first fanfiction EVER so please review, comment, rate, whatever you guys do with these stories. All feedback is welcome, especially since this is my first time doing this and I plan for it to be a trilogy- spanning story. I know, I know, a monumental undertaking, especially for a newbie. But don't worry I had Liara help me with writing long winded papers, and took some filler techniques from her reports on Prothean schtuff, so expect very long chapters. Sorry if you don't like it like that, but sorry, once I start typing it's hard to stop.

PLEASE! REVIEW! PM ME YOUR OPINIONS, FEEDBACK, TIPS, ETC.

DO IT OR WREX WILL EAT YOUR BABIES!

Double A/N

Decided to revise a little of it after someone gave me a thorough review.

Triple A/N

Ok i revised a lot more than i thought. Hopefully the message still get's across.


Chapter 1: Rough Beginnings

Shepard walked down the hallway to the launch bay. He was deep in thought. This would be his first actual mission, and he wanted everything to go right, so he went over the plan formulated by Staff Lieutenant James Briggs. They were here to investigate a colony on Akuze that had gone dark. They would search the colony for any sign of conflict, and search for any residents. They would not act hostile towards contact, but safeties were to be off in case everything went to shit. If there were no inhabitants, they were expected to find out what happened.

"Shepard! Move your ass Corporal, before I leave you here and make you do laps around the cargo bay!"

Shepard looked up, fear in his eyes, as he realized he had stopped walking and was just standing there. However, his fear quickly dissipated, as it was not Staff Lieutenant Briggs, but his best friend, Corporal Thomas Toombs. Shepard breathed a sigh of relief, but made sure Toombs didn't see it. Immediately, a retort sprung to his lips.

"Watch yourself, Toombs. Talk to me like that and I'll have you kitchen duty for a month."

Toombs laughed. "hah, come on Shepard, you wouldn't do that to your best friend would you?" A shit-eating grin split onto his face.

Shepard tried to stay mad at his friend, but he just couldn't do it. He stared at Toombs for a few more seconds, and broke out laughing.

"Ah, man. You're lucky I like you Toombs." He patted his friend on the back, albeit a bit roughly. Toombs staggered, and nearly fell over, but he put a hand on the nearby wall and steadied himself before he did.

"Jesus Christ, Shepard. You have the strength of a goddamn elephant. You think you could not break my spine next time?"

Shepard grinned. "What? It wasn't even that hard man! You're just being a little wimp about it." Shepard smacked his back even harder.

This time, Toombs did fall down, but quickly stood up, trying to retain his dignity at the same time. Shepard nearly lost it as his best friend tried to recover without losing face. He offered a hand out, and pulled him up. Toombs glared at Shepard for a second, and then chuckled. They both started off down the hallway again, and no words were spoken. None needed to be. They were buddies, and they have been through it all since basic training. Shepard glanced over at his buddy, and smirked. He didn't know what he would have done if he hadn't met Toombs at basic.


Shepard was crushed and defeated. The mission to Akuze had been a disaster. Everyone there died to a thresher maw attack. Not just one thresher maw, but three. He remembered it all so vividly. Everyone was dead, including Toombs. Shepard felt tears stream unbidden down his face. He didn't brush them off. He let them flow, and choked out sob thinking about his friend. He would never see his face again.

He was currently on Arcturus Station, Home to the Alliance Parliament and chief staging area for Alliance ships. He had just been debriefed about the mission to Akuze, and was assigned to see a psychiatrist to see how he was coping with it. His first appointment would be tomorrow morning at 0800. But for now, he had nothing to do besides wallow in misery. As he walked down corridors and hallways, he eventually found his way to a food court of sorts, and immediately went to a bar. He pulled up a stool and sat down, arms of the counter, and head hanging low.

The bartender walked over. "What can I get you, son?"

Shepard didn't bother looking up. His voice dripped with sorrow, and was shaky as he spoke.

"whiskey, strongest you got."

The bartender nodded, and walked off to get Shepard his drink. When he returned, he downed it in one go, and held the glass up for the bartender and said one word. "More."

The bartender complied, and this pattern repeated several more times. On his fifth shot, he stopped. His glass was full, but he didn't drink it. Instead, he sat there, and mourned for his friend. Footsteps could be heard behind him, and someone sat next to him, no his left. He glanced up, and back to the glass, only to open his eyes wide, and immediately back to the man on his left. The man of his left was an Alliance Captain!

Immediately, Shepard stood, knocking over the stool, and nearly spilling his glass. He stood to attention, and looked straight ahead and barked out, "Sir!"

The Captain chuckled, and waved for him to stand at ease. As Shepard complied, he spoke up.

"Sit with me, son. This is strictly off the record, so no need to be formal with me. The name is Anderson, David Anderson. "Anderson chuckled again.

Unsure of himself, Shepard righted his stool and sat down again, albeit somewhat hesitantly. What could an Alliance captain want with me? And why would this be off the record? Shepard wondered. Shepard took the drink in hand again, and downed it, but in two takes this time. Anderson himself only ordered a glass of water, and together they both sat in silence, neither saying anything.

As they passed the third minute of their silence, Anderson spoke up.

"I heard what happened on Akuze. Came to see how you were holding up."

Shepard was unsure of how to reply. "Sir?"

"You know what I'm asking you Shepard. You just went through hell down there. There is no way in hell you are completely fine."

Shepard couldn't find a way to respond. Should I tell him? Wait. Why would i tell him? hes Alliance brass, he has no reason to care about just one marine, does he? I'm just a grunt. Maybe he is evaluating me... God i can't think straight this whiskey is taking its toll...

"Honestly sir, not well. Lost a lot of good people down there." Shepard mumbled. where did that come from? Well i guess I'm telling him now.

"Hmm. Drop the sir Shepard. Remember, I'm not talking to you here as a Captain, but as a friend. Just call me Anderson."

"Okay si-, I mean Anderson." Shepard corrected. A few more seconds passed between them, before Shepard spoke up again.

"It's all my fault."

Anderson looked over to his companion, and raised an eyebrow.

"So it was you who unleashed those thresher maws? It was you to led them to the colony and you who commanded them to kill your entire unit?"

"What!? No! I didn't do that!" Shepard was indignant. How could he say that? he was mourning them! ALL of them. but some more than others.

"Then I don't see how this is your fault."

Shepard stared at the glass in his hand. "I should have known." Shepard practically spat out the words.

Anderson shook his head. "Son, how in the hell could you have known there was a thresher maw there, let alone three?"

"I don't know! I could have prevented it! I could have saved them! I only survived because I ran while they ate all my unit! I'm no hero for surviving. I'm just a coward. I lost my best damn friend today to an overgrown worm. and i could have saved him." Shepard spoke bitterly, and tears coursed down his face.

Anderson fixed his eyes of Shepard again, and spoke with compassion and sympathy.

"Listen to me Shepard. There was nothing you could have done to save them, and you know it. Those were thresher maws. Hardly anyone survives encounters with those beasts, plus there were three! The fact that you survived an attack from THREE thresher maws shows you have something. You have the will to survive! You showed considerable fortitude in being able to survive, and besides, drowning yourself in liquor isn't going to bring them back. What you need to do is get back out there and fight in their memory. Don't mourn them by drinking, but honor them by fighting, and saving lives."

As Anderson finished, he laid a hand on Shepard's shoulder, and gave it a soft squeeze. Shepard hadn't realized this, but his body was actually tensed up. As Anderson comforted him, he felt himself loosen up, and relax.

Minutes passed until Shepard spoke again.

"Your right, Anderson. I couldn't have saved them. Doesn't make me feel better, but your right. I just don't know what I'm going to do now." Shepard sighed and took a sip of his whiskey.

Anderson eyes narrowed, and he spoke. "Sure you do. You're going to get back out there, and fight to honor the memory of your friends. Don't let their sacrifice drag you down. Let it strengthen you."

Shepard was still in a down mood, but maybe not as low as he had been 15 minutes ago.

Shepard stood up, and turned to Anderson. A small smile split Shepard's lips, and he realized this is the first time he had laid eyes on Anderson. He was handsome, but he wasn't horrifically ugly either. His eyes were filled with sympathy and concern, and he had a small smile on his face. He had dark skin, and you could see age was beginning to take its toll on him. As he 'reviewed' Anderson, he realized that his voice was very father-like. Caring, but not without authority. Shepard knew he could respect a man like Anderson, and would follow his orders without question. Once Shepard was done analyzing, he realized Anderson was looking up at him expectantly. Shepard spoke again.

"Thank you sir, for coming down to talk to me. It helped a lot, and I feel much better than I did 15 minutes ago."

Anderson's face split as a sincere smile graced it, and he stood up himself. He stuck out a hand for Shepard, and Shepard eagerly took it up, He noticed that the man was not without strength, but also not without compassion as well. Shepard definitely approved of Anderson.

"It was my pleasure, Shepard. You needed someone to talk to, and I was happy to help. So what are your plans now? I assume you were given leave?"

"Yes, I was given a month of shore leave to relax, but also I was to visit a psychiatrist to check up on me." Shepard sighed. He knew he would hate those meetings. He knew they wouldn't help in the least.

"Sounds like you don't want that though." Anderson replied. Shepard shook his head in affirmation.

"Yeah I would much rather be out there fighting again, instead of sitting down and talking to someone."

Anderson chuckled. "Don't we all? But you know that after Akuze, you need a psychological evaluation. One where you are sober enough."

Shepard sighed. He REALLY didn't want a psych eval. But he knew he had to do it if he were going to be able to get back out into the fight again.

"Alright," Shepard replied. " I'll go see him tomorrow morning."

"Good. Now for some better news. Once you get properly evaluated, I'll get you transferred under my command, and I'll turn you into the galaxies best soldier." Anderson had a grin on his face as he spoke. As he finished he put his hands behind his back in parade rest position.

Shepard nodded. "I would be honored to join your crew, Captain."

"Excellent. Maybe while we work together, we can get you to loosen up and not be so stiff, heh."

Shepard just nodded dumbly, becoming more and more intoxicated from the whiskey. As Shepard was standing, the ground began to spin around him, and Anderson had to catch him before he fell. As Anderson held him up by his arm, Shepard's brain was in two places. The rational part of his brain was saying he's making a fool of himself. The drunk part was saying he wanted to pass out on the floor. As Anderson helped him up, he heard him speak, but didn't know what he said.

"Sir?"

"I said, where is your designated room?"

"Oh. Room 145."

"Good. Let's get going then."

Anderson supported Shepard by laying his arm across his shoulders, and proceeded to slowly walk to where his cabin was situated. As they slowly progressed, no words were spoken, probably because Shepard was close to passing out, and Anderson was probably thinking, he didn't know. he was too smashed to think straightly. Wow i feel like shit. I really drank way too much. I hope i don't puke on Anderson's uniform. It looks nice. Wish i had one. hmm. What was i thinking about?

10 minutes later, they arrived outside his door, and Anderson hit the panel and it opened up. As Anderson led Shepard to his mattress, He started mentally planning on how to integrate Shepard into his crew. Would he be just another marine in the detachment, or more? The more he thought about it, the more he realized that Shepard could one day be a great Captain. He just needed some motivation and help. Help Anderson was all to willing to provide. As he helped Shepard down into the bed, He glanced down at Shepard. Even in his intoxicated state, he still managed to get into a proper sleeping position, not one where a regular drunk would be in, half out the bed. Yes, this man could definitely be a leader. And Anderson would get him there. But for now, he would start out at the bottom, and work his way up.

Shepard muttered something, something Anderson didn't catch.

he leaned down closer to Shepard. "What was that, son?" He spoke softly as to not disturb Shepard too much.

"I'm sorry Thomas... I tried." The words were barely inaudible, But he caught them this time. Before Anderson could question him, quiet snores were heard. Anderson righted himself and turned to leave. He pondered who 'Thomas' could be. He pushed the thought out, knowing he would find out later. For now, their were other matters to attend.


A/N

Phew. That was a pretty long-winded chapter, especially since this was sort of supposed to be a prologue of sorts. Anyways, friendly reminder, REVIEW OR I WILL FEED WREX YOUR SOUL!

JK.

But seriously. Please review. And wish me good luck and good fortune in writing this story.