The room got silent as we had just heard the news only the creaking of the floor could be heard and the wind making the window pane shake, I looked over to darry and could see that he was thinking the same thing I was, why soda? Why couldn't this happen to anybody else? It just had to be Sandy's baby

the silence was finally broken when soda burst out in wailing tears "i just don't understand" he cried as his sorrowful screams echoed through the house "it's all my fault I shouldn't of let her go off without me, I should of stayed with her even if she declined my help" he yelled

darry grabbed him by the arm and clenched him so hard that I could see his veins poppin "look kid" he said as tears ran down his cheeks "this ain't got nottin to do with you, god knows how that baby died but it ain't your fault, you ain't got nottin to do with it's death" he said coughing up the words as they stuck to his throught

I watched in silence as the squeals of pain and agony went on, all I could think about is if this had anything to do with the connection of johnny's death, how he died so young, how it was as if my fault

soda tore open the envelope and we all crowded around to see, he tried reading it but his tears choked his voice

darry took the letter and read it to us "hey soda I know your probably still trying to get over what I did to you and I wanna say I'm sorry, but I needed to tell you that... the baby, it was born early last week and it's breathing was very faint, I found out the next day that it didn't make it, I'm sorry I couldn't call but, I just didn't want to break the news so quickly, I'm sorry soda but I guess it just had to end this way I'll come and visit ya soon please don't feel bad about this, It was my fault Jeff and I were cheating behind your back anyway just take care all right

sincerely,

sandy

I felt sick, like I was in a hot room of lies filling me with heat until I threw up all over the floor, heat that would stick forever

darry sighed "sorry kid" he whispered as he looked at soda

I stared at soda, he looked awfully pail, almost like all the blood had rushed out of him, like a ghost, I looked into his wild, reckless, dancing eyes they had turned dull and lifeless, I finally spoke up "so she's coming to visit us?" I said hoping to change up the subject a little

soda sighed and took a long pause then faintly whispered "yeah, but I don't know if I can really trust her here anymore" he said, "i haven't seen her since she moved off to Florida" he looked up at ponyboy his dried up tears sticking to his face like a magnet "all I can wonder is, does she still love me" he said

I almost fainted, how could somebody do such a cruel thing to such a sweet guy like soda and still love him afterward, I thought but yet again he still loved her

darry quickly stood up "come on it's time to eat I don't want yall getting all worked up about this before supper, you need yer energy, we can talk more about this tomorrow" he said pulling me up by the arm

I sat down at the table rubbing the red spot on my arm where darry grabbed me, more like a body builder than a house builder I thought

darry handed me a plate, I looked down and saw that it was fried chicken and waffles "what the heck is this supposed to be? Breakfast and lunch unite?" I asked

darry rolled his eyes and gave me a frustrated look "its chicken and waffles you idiot, now stop your fussing and eat" he said in an angered tone "damn kid" I heard him mumble

I was about to argue but feared the worst, who in the damn world would eat chicken with waffles, I thought to myself, I saw soda walk in and sit down, he just stared at his plate not really saying much through dinner

as I helped darry put the plates up he whispered something to me "hey kid, I want you to take it easy with soda tonight, I don't want him thinking about sandy or notin savvy?"

I looked at darry and shook my head then turned back to look at soda, I saw a tear run down his eyes as he got up and went into the bathroom, "darry?" I asked "what are we gonna do if he still wants to marry sandy?"

darry looked at his feet then looked up at the ceiling "i don't know little brother, I don't know, all we can do is hope for the best and hope that this can't get any worse, he's got enough troubling him right now and I don't want that lying two timer coming down just to make soda feel miserable, she can go hang out with Jeff if she's moaning over that baby, it's his child anyway" he said trying not to get to loud though it was hard since darry had such a deep voice

I just stood there silently occasionally nodding, after I brushed my teeth I went into our room to see soda already in bed curled up like he was scarred somebody was gonna come kill em, "hey" I said as I crawled into bed, no answer, "are ya going to work tomorrow" I asked, all he did was shake his head no, I tried changing it up a bit "did Steve steal any hubcaps this week?" I asked, he shook his head yes, I was about to go off on him but then remembered what darry tole me, I sighed and layed my head down, if only sandy would of stayed with soda, this would of never happened, I thought

I woke up the next morning to darry slappin my leg "get up already pony its 10 o'clock" he said pullin the covers off me

I moaned a tired sound "alright I'm up I'm up" I said in a sleepy tone, I went into the bathroom to find and empty shower, soda always takes showers in the mornin where could he be?, I went into the living room after I washed my face and combed my hair back I still wish I wouldn't of had to bleach it, I liked having my long brown hair but it was for johnny and I had to help my friend

darry came into the living room with his bag and stuff "don't smoke to much and try to get outta the house for a while today" he said before leaving

I gave him a funny look "now why would I stay cooped up inside all day long smoking" he asked, darry gave me the look and I quickly shut up, sometimes I wonder if darry ever had fun as a kid, I turned the TV on and started watching mickey mouse, "shoot there ain't no mickey mouse without two-bit being here" I said as I got up to call two-bit, I quickly remembered that two-bit had gone to Tennessee for his cousin's wedding, I slapped my hand against my forehead feeling stupid, I went back into our room to find soda still in bed, I proded him in the side hopping it would wake him up

no movement

I tried again this time shaking em a little "come on soda mickey mouse is on it's your favorite episode too" I said hoping it would make him rush up

still no answer or sign of movement

I gave up and decided to go back and watch some more TV, I went into the kitchen before going back in the living room, I grabbed a slice of chocolate cake and some chocolate milk to go with it, I thought for a moment, it isn't like soda to be so quiet and motionless in the morning, I decided to go check on em after a while, it must have been a rough night having to think about Sandy's baby

about an hour later I still didn't see soda up, I started to worry and rushed into the bedroom, I shook him rapidly "soda come on wake up" he was silent, "soda please wake up" I couldn't see him breathing and guessed the worse, I noticed he still had the covers over his head, I lifted them up slowly praying and mumbling cuss words only to find a lump of pillows and soda nowhere to be found