A/N ok let's get something straight here. I don't own anything here except for mah characters.

Review response for guest: This is not a self insert story (but if you really want to treat it like that, you do that. The fourth wall breaks are there because they're fun to write. I won't use them to often because they cease to be funny when overused.


As Sylvia entered the Great Hall, she noticed a group of students hanging around her normal seat.

"Yo V. You got the stuff?" Cassie, a 3rd year Gryffindor asked her.

"Have I ever forgotten?" Sylvia shot back with a smirk. "One galleon, two sickles." She handed the other girl a stack of graph paper, a calculator, and about four #2 pencils.

"Thanks. I might actually pass fucking astronomy this year."

Sylvia laughed and turned around to see Janice, 4th year Hufflepuff. "I heard that you have wooden, erasable quills. Is it true?"

"They're called pencils, and I can hook you up for a starter pack for a small fee of 5 sickles."

"Well... do they really work? Or is this just some scam." Sylvia pulled out a piece of paper and drew a smiley face on it in pencil. "Now you see it," she then proceeded to erase it. "And now you don't." She pulled a box of 10 pre-sharpened pencils out of her bag, sling with 3 pencil top erasers. "That would be 5 sickles."

Janice eagerly pushed the money into Sylvia's hand, grabbed the pencils, and ran back to her table for breakfast. Sylvia sat down next to her friends who were all counting their money.

Since they started at Hogwarts, mostly the purebloods had been buying muggle school supplies off of them. They had essentially started a black market of muggle objects and office supplies. People called them: the smuggleborns

~~Le time skip~~

It was the first class of the year, double Defense Against The Dark Arts with the 3rd year Slytherins and Gryffindors. They were learning how to conjure a corporal patronus.

"The thought must be your HAPPIEST thought. What was the best thing that ever happened to you? Take it, think it, preform it." The DADA teacher marched up the rows of students, lined up facing each other, wands out.

"EXPECTO, PATRONUM!" A Gryffindor screamed, her eyes squeezed shut. Everyone held their breath, until the small wisps of smoke she had been able to conjure before turned into a full fledged velociraptor, floating around the room, scaring several students.

"Da fuck is this?" Cassie yelled

Several students, all muggleborns, stood up and began to sing the Jurassic Park theme song. The girl that had managed her patronus kept it floating around the room. A few students had conjured up instruments and were playing along.

"OKAY THAT'S ENOUGH!" The professor yelled, breaking everyone's concentration. "WARDREN. ONE day without you screwing something up."

Sylvia flashed her 'little miss innocent' smile. "I wasn't the one who started it this time. I just... helped continue it?"

The teachers unamused glare did not waver. "No more random musicals. Ok?" She addressed the entire class.

The rest of the class continued without incident. Only 3 others managed to get a corporal patronus, Korri's being a kitten. Sylvia and Mina both got some sort of silvery blob, but it wasn't quite strong enough to take shape.

"I don't get it." Sylvia complained after class. "Why couldn't I get it?"

"Don't worry about it. You'll get it eventually. In the meantime, let's go to the library." Mina said

Upon reaching the library, Korri ran off to meet up with a few of her other friends. Sylvia and Mina noticed four girls hovered over a piece of paper.

"Hey guys!" Sylvia called out running up to the table. Ivy, Annabeth, Emily, and Dessire looked up and grinned. "What are you guys up too?"

"Well, we have Mr. Crousse after lunch, so we're preparing a 'happy back to school' present!" Ivy held up a picture of Celestine (some mouse from a French show) with their History of Magic teacher's head cut out and pasted on the female mouse's body. "We were going to owl it to him so he gets it during class. Annabeth has a free period that period so she's gonna do it."

"Awesome. OPERATION PETITE BAGUETTE IS A GO!" Sylvia screamed before getting sushed by madame Pince.

~~later, during HoM~~

Tap tap. A brown owl was tapping on the window of the HoM classroom. A student ran over to let it in, and it flew over to the teachers desk, dropped a piece of paper, and flew off again. Mr, Crousse walked over to the spot where the paper was dropped and picked it up. "What is this?" He showed it to the class and everyone burst out laughing. It was a picture of their teachers face pasted onto the body of Celestine, a French, female mouse. Sylvia even took it as far as to fall out of her seat in laughter. "Oh la la." The teacher muttered. "Class dismissed."

Ivy, Mina, Emily, and Sylvia all high fived after the classroom was out of sight. "Hey guy, what do I do with this plastic pineapple I took from around the room as we left?" Everyone stopped to look at Sylvia, who was, in fact, holding a plastic pineapple she had just pulled out of her bag.

"One word. Ransom."

~~Later that night~~

Mr. Crousse considered himself to be a good teacher. So when he received pictures like the one from earlier, he thought it to be all in good fun. At that moment, a small cat darted into the room holding yet another note. He bent down to grab it, and the cat let go and ran off. He opened it up reading its content.

Dear Mr. Crousse,

We have your pineapple.

Do you really want it back?

Don't assign homework for a month.

You will find it placed outside the kitchens in 31 days. Don't forget.

We have the pineapple.

-from Petite Baguette

He stared at the paper in from of him. No homework? For a plastic pineapple? That pineapple he got for an amazing deal at Target. There was no way he was going to let it go that easily. His eyes narrowed. Let the games begin.


A/N so here is chapter 2! Mr. Crousse is based off my French teacher who really does have this plastic pineapple that he seems very attached to. I dunno. It's weird. But, that's not place to judge. Much. :)

Also, review please! I love reading them and will answer any question, fix any mistakes you find, or ignore you if you start talking trash. If you think it is a horrible story, why are you still reading?