He left work, shouting over his shoulder that he wasn't feeling well so he was going home. He only vaguely registered the way everyone jumped out of his way as he strode through the hall. He had to get to the bottom of this... this... whatever this was. Practical jokes are one thing, but even his friends wouldn't carry it on this long. He didn't know exactly where he was going, just that he needed to be somewhere other than work. He walked for about an hour when he saw something that made his heart skip a beat: Robin. But no, it couldn't be Robin, because this chick was standing out in front of a restaurant with a news crew from Metro News 1 in front of her. He walked up to this not!Robin.
"Scherbatsky?" He asked, not daring to believe that she somehow would know who he was.
"Yeah?" She replied.
"What are... what are you doing here?" He asked, motioning to the restaurant behind her.
"Just a story on the best burger in New York. Can you believe the crap that they'll air on tv just to fill a time slot?" She laughed nervously. "So what," she continued. "Are you a fan of the channel or something? Cause if you are, you're probably the first."
Barney closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath. First Marshall, then Lily, then Ted, and now Robin didn't to know who he was either. This day just couldn't get any worse.
"Yeah, you could say I'm a fan. I used to watch every night."
"Oh, well, cool," Robin said enthusiastically. "Hey, I gotta get back to work or my boss is going to kill me, and between you and me, I really can't afford to lose this job or I'll lose my apartment, not to mention my boyfriend would have a fit... Aaaand I have no idea why I just told a total stranger that," she laughed nervously. "Anyway, thanks for watching." She walked off, completely missing the hurt look on Barney's face when she said 'boyfriend' and 'complete stranger'.
"Dreaming," he concluded out loud after Robin had gone. He turned to the first person that walked past him. "I'm dreaming! That has to be it. And you, ma'am are just a figment of my imagination! There's no other explanation. But how do I prove I'm dreaming?" He asked before walking away and receiving an odd look from the woman. "Pain," he continued aloud. "You don't feel pain in your dreams." He looked around for a moment, trying to decide the best way to check his theory. He turned towards the building, deciding that punching the wall would generate enough pain to correctly test his hypothesis. He swung back and smashed his hand into the bricks, screaming when pain laced through his hand.
"Right," he concluded. "Not a dream, then."
He was at a loss for what to do now. He wandered around aimlessly for a few hours, holding his now injured hand and thought, momentarily, about just going home and waiting for this, whatever, to end, but decided against it. Instead he wound up going to the one place that never let him down: MacClaren's.
On his way there he decided to call James. What were the odds that his own brother didn't remember him?
"James!" Barney said with relief after his brother answered his phone. "James, it's Barney."
"I know who it is. What kind of trouble are you in now? I'm not driving all the way out there again just to bail you out of jail. Have one of your little minions do it or something."
"Jail… what? No, can't a guy just call his brother for no reason whatsoever?"
"Umm, no. What's the deal, Barney? I haven't heard from you in six months so why the phone call now?"
"I… I haven't talked to you in that long? But, you're my brother."
"It's funny how you bring that up every time you need something. Now spill or hang up. Tom and I have somewhere to be."
"I don't need anything. I was honestly just calling you," Barney answered, hurt.
"Great, well if that's it, I'm going to hang up now…"
"James, wait!"
"What is it?" Barney heard James' sigh.
"Why don't we… why aren't we close? We used to be close."
"Why don't you tell me, Barney? You're the one who's too busy with his secretive job and his bimbos. So busy you couldn't be bothered to show up for my wedding."
"What? No, that's wrong… James, listen, this is going to sound crazy, but I woke up this morning and everything was wrong. I went to your wedding. Me, Ted, Marshall, Lily and Robin. We all went. Of course, they don't remember who I am, so why would they have been to your wedding?"
"Barney have you been drinking? It's too early to be drinking already. We've been over this."
"What? No, I'm not drinking, I'm serious. Last night I was at MacCleran's with Ted and this morning I woke up and went to work and my friends didn't know who I was."
"I wasn't aware there were people in the world awesome enough to be your friends, Barney," James replied sarcastically. "Now seriously, stop drinking, get a cab, go home and sleep it off. You can give me a call again when you're not crazy."
"James, I really…" Barney was cut off when James disconnected the call. Barney sighed loudly. Not only were his friends unaware of his existence, but somehow he managed to alienate himself from his brother, the one constant he'd ever had throughout his life. Things were definitely not looking up.
When he finally reached the bar and walked in he didn't know what to expect, but wasn't overly shocked when Carl didn't recognize him. He ordered a scotch and went to sit down at his usual booth.
"Come on, Stinson, think!" He said out loud to himself, ignoring all the stares he was getting from the other patrons. "There's got to be some sort of logical explanation here!" He tried to come up with some sort of reason for this Twilight Zone world that he woke up in this morning, but was coming up with nothing. Just when he'd given up trying to come up with an explanation and see if he could just drink away this stupid nightmare, Ted walked through the door. Barney shot up so fast he startled the young couple that was sitting at the table near him.
"Ted!" He yelled, waving Ted over to him.
"Uh, yeah?" Ted asked when he reached Barney. "Can I help you with something?"
Barney stared at Ted for a minute before answering. The reason for his staring was that Ted looked like crap. His usually gelled up to messy perfection hair was ungelled and sticking up all over the place and he'd let his beard and mustache grow out. It was decidedly not a good look for him. Ignoring the comments Barney wanted to make about Ted's appearance he said, "Ted, it's me. It's Barney!"
"Barney…? Oh, the guy who called earlier?" Ted asked. "Dude, what are you, stalking me?"
"No, I'm not stalking you. Listen, I know this is going to sound strange, but I know you."
"You know me? Right. How much have you had to drink? It's only 5 o'clock, you know."
"I'm not drunk! Why do people keep assuming that? Ted, listen to me!" Barney demanded, sounding desperate. "We're friends. I've known you for years. I woke up this morning and everything was wrong. None of you know who I am and I just need you to believe me right now because I'm kinda freaking out. I know I sound crazy, and maybe I am, but I need you to believe me! Ask me anything; something only a really good friend would know."
"Okay..." Ted agreed skeptically. "What's my favorite color?"
"You're favorite color?" Barney asked. "Seriously? I'm trying to prove to you that we're friends and you ask me what you're favorite color is? It's red. It's really 'salmon', but you got tired of being teased for your favorite color being pink, so now you tell everyone that it's red. Am I right?"
"Um, yeah... that's amazingly detailed, but that doesn't prove any..."
"You're parents were divorced for years before they told you because you're all a bunch of avoiders and never want to talk about important things. Now your mom's with some guy named Clint who your father goes fishing with. You met Marshall and Lily in college and the first day you met Marshall he was so high he thought you were the dean. You still think the first time that you met Lily was when you kissed her at a social and you refer to her as "unreasonably small mouth opening girl" despite the fact that Marshall said it was some other chick... Ummm, when you met Robin she was wearing a green top and she threw a drink in your face because one of her friends had just broken up with her boyfriend and you told her she could to make it look good to her friend..."
"You were right until that last part. I don't know any Robin," Ted said looking a little creeped out.
"Right! Of course you don't know Robin! I never introduced you to her here in bizzaro world! But anyway, was that enough to convince you that I know you?"
"Fine," Ted relented. "Suppose I do believe you, which I'm not saying I do, but I have nothing better to do right now and you seem relatively harmless. So, assuming you're not insane, what exactly do you want me to do about it?"
"I don't know," Barney said with a sigh, sitting back down at the booth. He looked up at Ted when he sat down across from him. "You really don't remember me? We met here. Well, in the bathroom. I was working on some pickup line about my deaf brother, then later I sat down with you at that booth in the back and told you that I was going to show you how to live. You really don't remember?"
"I don't, dude. I'm sorry," Ted said apologetically.
