Author's Note: This is written by Write-To-You. Or me. Because I'm Write-To-You. I think you got it.

Set in Season 2:

Dear Diary,

So, I've decided to start a journal! Who knows how long that'll last. I got about a month into my previous one, but then with everything that happened, I forgot to write.

I bet I could have used a journal though. The Particle Accelerator failed. Not only that, but it exploded, leaving Dr. Wells without the use of his legs, and Ronnie... Ronnie's dead.

But! It hasn't been totally bad. There's someone new at STAR Labs. His name is Barry Allen, and he has the ability to run at super speeds. He, Cisco, Dr. Wells and I were on a mission to save the city.

That was before Wells turned out to be Eobard Thawn, or the Reverse Flash, the man that killed Barry's mom. And is also a descendent to Eddie, who now is also dead, along with Ronnie, who came back to life, or, actually, never died, and turned into a superhero, but in saving the city from a singularity that was going to destroy the city, caused by Barry going back to save his mom-

Yeah. This is why I need a journal.

Instead of stating everything that has happened to me (including traveling to different worlds, and now having Harrison Wells -the real one's- Earth 2 Doppleganger on the team), I'm going to talk about things happening now.

There's this new man on our team, Jay Garrick. I think that he's trying to make a move on me, and I'm not sure how I feel about it.

It's not that I'm still stuck on Ronnie. Ronnie's been gone for a long time- even though he came back to life, he never really returned. It was never the same. In truth... I think I've fallen for someone else.

His name is Barry Allen. He has an amazing smile, beautiful green eyes, the most caring and wonderful heart I've ever known, and the ability to run at super speed and save lives. The whole crime fighting thing scares the living daylights out of me, but it's part of what makes Barry so amazing and special.

I don't actually know when I fell in love with him. I've known him now for, what? 2 years? At least close to that long. I found out for sure that I liked him when the Everyman (a meta that had the ability to turn into anyone he touched) kissed me. I barely resisted. I kissed him back, and I knew, then, that I had truly moved on from Ronnie.

But love? That happened, I think, the day that Barry stopped the singularity. He didn't save his mom. He came back to his life, full of responsibility and trials and hardship. And I love him so much for it. I do, I love him, so so so so much, and the worst part is I can't do anything about it. I've finally moved on. I've finally found the man of my dreams (other than Ronnie, of course. He will always be the man I love, but I can find someone else, too), and I can't even have him.

I don't think he's moved on from Iris. He says he has, and has even acted like it at some points, but, really, how can he? Iris is amazing. She's tough, and confident, but she's caring, and shows heart. I don't. I can't. I try, I really do, but I will never be Iri

"Barry Allen!" Caitlin shrieked loudly as her notebook was taken from her hands.

"I didn't take you as the journaling type." Barry said thoughtfully, tilting his head to one side as he flipped through the pages. "Oh, it's the first entry. So you're not really the journaling type."

"What do you mean by that?" Caitlin asked, affronted.

Barry shrugged, and she tried to grab the book from his fingertips. He flashed out of the way. "Wait, wait, I'm not done."

"Give that back, it's personal!" Caitlin yelled, leaping to her feet.

Barry laughed, a teasing glint in his eyes. "I know. That's why I took it." He turned the first page. "Anyway, I don't think there's much about your life that I don't already know."

Caitlin growled in frustration, tears threatening to start. She took a deep breath and held them back. "Bartholomew Allen, I swear, if you don't give me that journal in the next 3 seconds, the next time you get hurt I will purposefully stitch you up the wrong way. Or, um, not place you're bones the right way, or-"

Barry handed her back the journal, shaking his head. "Alright, alright, suit yourself. No need to get upset."

She clutched the book to her chest, and found herself shaking. "Some things you just- just aren't allowed to read."

He cocked his head at her. "Hey, you ok? You seem kind of pale?"

She forced her face to look normal. "It's the lights." Then she turned and fled from the Cortex.

Line-BREAKER-Line-BREAKER-(isthisworking?)Line-BREAKER!-Line-BREAKER!

Dear Diary,

Jay has started to become a huge problem. I honestly feel bad having that as my opinion of he now, but it's so true. He's obviously trying to make a move on me, but I don't want to date him.

Doesn't it just figure- the one guy that finally shows an interest in me, I don't feel the same way about him. If it was Barry, I would be the happiest girl in the world. But, no, it has to be Jay. He's cute, I guess, but he calls Barry "kid" all the time, and Barry and I are the same age, so it's a little strange that he wants to date me...

Speaking of Barry, he seems fine with the whole thing. If anything, he's happy for Jay and I. It's breaking my heart. Obviously, Barry wants nothing to do with me, romantically wise.

Or maybe he just wants nothing to do with me, period. Lately, I've been feeling like everything is changing. Dynamic trio Barry-Caitlin-Cisco is gone, and, though Barry's keeping up his friendship with Cisco, he hasn't invited me for coffee, or over to watch a movie in a long, long, time.

That hurts- it really does. I don't want to, I don't know, force myself on him, but at the same time, I can't just let him go. I love him, and not spending time with him anymore is killing me.

The worst part

"Do you always write in you're journal in the Cortex at 1:00?" Barry Allen whispered in her ear.

Caitlin jumped and screamed so loudly and Barry actually took a step back. "BARRY! Don't do that!"

"Whoa, sorry!" He held up his hands, looking bemused. "If I had known you were going to go all Black Canary on me, trust me, I wouldn't of."

Just because he was still close to her, she reached out and punched his shoulder. "You can't just walk in here and startle me like that."

He got a playful smirk on his face, and she reflexively hugged her book closer to her chest. He rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to steal your journal again, Cait, I promise."

"I don't believe you." She glared at him, and carefully put her notebook in one of her desk drawers. "I don't see why you want to read it so much, anyway."

He shrugged. "Because I'm bored, have nothing better to do, and you're reaction was worth it, anyway."

He wouldn't be acting so normal if he had seen what I had written about him. Caitlin repeated over and over in her head. "Well, it's rude, and it's private."

"You know," Barry grinned. "Having you keep saying that is making me really wonder what is in that journal. What's so completely awful that I don't already know it?"

"Not... not awful. Just private." Caitlin felt like a broken record. What else could she really say, though? 'Oh, yeah, I'm just writing about my undying love for you, and how it is completely unrequited and it's killing me inside. Nothing too important.'

"It's nothing that you need to know." Caitlin continued, closing the drawer and turning back to her desk. It was, actually, something he needed to know. Just... not yet.

This-Line-Breakers-On-FIIIIIIIRRRRREEEEEEEEE-(and-Barry's-nosy)

Dear Diary,

I've nearly stopped writing in you! SO MUCH has happened I don't even know where to start.

Cisco, Harry and Barry went to Earth 2 to find Zoom and Jesse. They got her back, and she's actually become my friend. That is probably the only good thing that has come out of that trip.

When they came back, everything started to go wrong. Jay was killed by Zoom. Barry has been really distant. And Cisco told me that my Earth 2 doppleganger has ice powers and loves to kill.

I'm scared. I'm terrified. What if I become like Killer Frost? Lately, I've felt so cold inside. My heart is being broken every time I see Barry's face. It's lost it's light. His eyes don't sparkle like they used to, and his smile usually doesn't reach his eyes.

I've shut myself off, mostly. I don't talk to Cisco like I used to, or bring anyone coffee. I rarely even go into scientific rants about the newest metahuman. This year has taken it's toll on all of us, and it's just so hard to remember why we're doing this.

I wish that I could help Barry in some way. I wish that I could do what Iris does, and comfort him when he most needs it. I'm too scared. I'm scared that if I say something wrong, everything will come out. I'll admit that I love him, or worse, shut myself off from him so much that it will never be the same. Then what? I don't know which situation is worse. They'll both end in pain.

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't even know who to turn to. My

"Hey, why are you crying?" Barry stepped into her field of vision, and for once, Caitlin didn't startle, or yell at him, or jump out of her chair and run away.

She just looked at him, before standing up, and wrapping him in a tight hug. "I'm so sorry, Barry. I'm so sorry."

Caitlin could feel his surprise in the way he held her: A little stiffly at first, but then tighter, harder, until she was pressed so close to his chest that all she could breath was Barry Barry Barry.

"I never meant for everything to happen this way." She whispered, her tears making her voice horse and wobbly. "I should be able to be there for you. I should be there when you need me the most, and I never am."

"That's not true." He protested, voice directly in her ear. "You are, Cait. You're always there right at the moment when I don't know what I need. Then I remember that I need you."

She pressed her nose into his shoulder and took a shaky breath. "I've been pushing you away, and it's not fair. It's just been so hard lately-"

"I know." He breathed. "I know."

No you don't, Barry. No you don't.

Line-Breaker-I-Promise-It'll-End-Well-No-Angst-Without-A-Happy-Ending!

Dear Diary,

If my life was a building, it would be rubble. Everything is burning around my shoulders, and I don't know where to turn anymore.

Jay is Zoom. I should have seen it all along. I should have figured it out. I didn't, because I didn't want to. Barry was right all along. He didn't trust Jay from the beginning. None of us should have.

But I did, and now I'm afraid that Barry will never be the same. He's never going to trust anyone, ever again. Because now Wally's kidnapped, and Joe and Iris are both complete messes.

Zoom wants Barry's speed. He needs it to heal. He doesn't deserve it. Nobody but Barry deserves to have speed, because it seems like he's the only one who uses it for good things.

Metahumans are everywhere. The Black Siren is one, which jarred the group to the bone, because Laurel was killed by Damian Dark. I think that's what broke Cisco. Everyone has broken at one point or another, and I'm not sure if we can be put back together. I'm not sure if we can be whole again.

I think I broke when I saw Barry throw Jay's helmet on the floor. His eyes were dark with such a rage that it actually scared me. Then he ran, and I don't know what happened. I don't know what he did. I don't want to.

Caitlin set down her pencil, and shoved her journal back into it's drawer. She couldn't handle this right now.

Yes-It's-Another-Line-Breaker-I'm-Running-Out-Of-Things-To-Say

Dear Diary,

People say that there are valleys and hills in people's lives. I think I've been living below sea level all year, and recently, I got to the center off the earth it was so low.

Zoom kidnapped me. He threatened me, and forced me to love him, and told me Barry was dead. For 3 week, I was broken. Then he gave me a choice. I could stay, and my life would be spared, or I could leave, and everyone I loved, including me, would die.

I couldn't do it. So I left.

It turned out that Barry was alive. He met me in the Cortex, and hugged me like his life depended on it. Then he told me how he had lost his speed, and been trapped in the Speed Force for days as an attempt to get it back. He kept apologizing, over and over, for not coming to my rescue.

I want to kiss him so badly. I want to tell him everything. I'm so scared. I see Zoom everywhere, and I need someone to be there for me. Cisco's trying, but he just doesn't understand like Barry does. He never has. Cisco's never lost anyone.

I'm worried about Barry. I think that he's starting to have a false sense of security because of his time in the Speed Force. I've heard what everyone else has said, but I'm not going to take part. If Barry thinks that he can stop Zoom, then I believe him. I'll always believe him.

"See? I'm not sneaking in and surprising you." Barry stepped into the Cortex, and laid a hand gently on her shoulder. He had been doing a lot of that, lately. Caitlin thought he was trying to make her feel secure. Protected. It was working a little bit, too, and she was grateful.

"Thank you." She murmured, not feeling up to banter with him at the moment. "I appreciate it."

He tilted her chin with his fingertips. "Are you ok? I mean, I know with everything that's happened that's a stupid questions, but..."

Caitlin looked down at her journal, and back at his beautiful green eyes. Something surged through her, and took a deep, steadying, breath. "Barry, we need to talk. Right now. I can't hold this in any longer."

He sat down immediately, and took hold of her hand, face lined with worry. "What's going on?"

"I- Ever since-" She didn't know where to start. "I've been pushing myself away from you lately, and it's not because I want to. It's because I feel like I have to. I can't keep this a secret anymore, but I just don't know how to say it."

"How about you write it?" Barry murmured, rubbing his thumb over across the back of her hand.

Caitlin looked again at her journal, then picked it up and handed it to him. "Read it."

"What?"

"Read it."

So he did.

Author's Note: What do you guys think happens next? Let me know in the comments!