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Chapter 2: What the Youngling Wants, the Youngling Gets
Of course Anakin and Padme had shown up an entire standard hour earlier than expected, the two of them shuffling into his office like greysors caught in the voorpak pen. Of course Leia instantly settled herself on his lap. Of course Luke went straight for the captain of his guard and demanded his helmet. Of course Anakin had a fantastically transparent excuse for why he and Padme really needed to catch the next Mag-lev train out of the Senate District.
And naturally, he now sat an hour later with a pile of datapads, each with their own Very Important Deadlines, and two gundarks-in-training roaming loose around his office.
"I wanna shu-cream!"
That was new.
Palpatine stared blankly down at Leia. She stood in front of his desk, tiny right foot tapping impatiently, chubby hands propped on her sides, her hair in miniscule little buns (Padme's fashion sense was really going), reminding him of her mother during one of her Senate tantrums.
"Wanna shu-cream!"
Dear departed Sith Lords. "A what?" He glanced at the Senate Guard at the far end of the room, but the coward stayed perfectly still behind his mask.
Suddenly, Luke appeared at his side, one of Palpatine's prized fossils from Mandalore in his right hand. Is that…saliva? "She wans a Shuura-cream," he pronounced carefully. "I do too."
For a moment they just looked at each other, then Palpatine sighed. "Well, that's different then." Where was he expected to find the sugary Naboo treat on Coruscant?
His sarcasm passed over their tiny heads, and now both Luke and Leia were wriggling in place with their excitement. He imagined seeing Anakin the next day, the words that would come from his mouth with deadly seriousness. I babysat your infernal spawn. Now, you turn to the Dark Side. It's only fair.
But no, the galaxy spiraled on and continued to mock his efforts to turn the Chosen One. Honestly, if Skywalker weren't potentially the most powerful Force user in existence, Palpatine would have long ago conquered the Republic and set up his Empire. Unfortunately, extremely powerful did not always correlate with extremely intelligent (like it did with himself), and Anakin continued to blissfully remain an ignorant tool of the Jedi Council.
There came a tug on his robes. He glanced down. Leia smiled, suddenly much closer. "Shu-cream now?"
We may have a delicate situation here, and I'm not certain it can be overcome. "Leia, I'm afraid you shall have to wait until you return to Naboo. We are on Coruscant," and here he subtly stressed the second syllable, "and Coruscant doesn't have Shuura Creams."
Her lower lip quivered.
"Dex has 'em," Luke piped up. "I like Dex!"
The little princess's eyes lit up. "Me too! Me too!"
"That abominable excuse for a restaurant?" Palpatine said before he could stop himself. What was Anakin thinking, feeding his children at places like Dex's Diner? And Padme for letting him… Many years of that, and they'd be working up a sweat just lifting a lightsaber… Not if he had anything to say about it. After all, they were his future apprentices. He ran a hand through his silver hair. "I think you would much rather prefer a meal prepared by my personal chef back at 500 Republica."
It was truly remarkable how human children could attain such decibels when alarmed.
"NOOOOOO! WE WANT DEX!"
In stereo. Lovely.
"Dex! Dex! Dex!" Now they were feeding off each other, evil little gleams in their bright eyes. He took a deep breath and summoned all the gravitas and power of his office.
"That will be quite sufficient. I am going to take us back to 500 Republica, where we will eat food that is far less likely to leave gaping holes in your intestines."
Luke's eyes shot to the size of small moons, and he looked ready to capitulate then and there, but Leia was another matter entirely. Her eyes narrowed, and she put both hands on her tiny waist. "I wanna vote of no Confint."
What by Korriban had Padme been teaching this child? "You aren't old enough to call a Vote of No Confidence," he told her. "Let alone understand it. And you are, by all accounts, at least a decade from reaching the Senate."
"I want one," she insisted, ignoring his logic with perfect aplomb.
Aghast, he scrambled for an appropriate response. "Well, this isn't a democracy, young lady." What his political enemies would not give for that soundbite! "And what I say, goes."
Anakin's daughter paused, and he could see the gears grinding in her spry little mind. If demands proved ineffective, then alternative methods were clearly required. Palpatine winced as she unveiled her master plan.
"No. No, you will not cry. Do you hear me? Such an infantile tactic will not be tolerated."
His pleas – no, his commands – fell on deaf ears. And then Luke joined in, sensing his weakness. They were like Anoobas, scenting blood on the air. As the Supreme Chancellor of the Republic, Palpatine had faced down countless indignant senators in his illustrious career. As Dark Lord of the Sith, Sidious had wrangled the fates of trillions. As Anakin's friend and mentor, he could not handle the sight of sobbing three year olds and the pitying look his guard was giving him. If he were not careful, he would snap.
And explaining to Anakin how his children had died would not go well. Not at all.
"All right!" He threw up his hands and pushed back from the desk. "Very well, we'll go. But I want you both on your best behavior."
"We promise!" Luke said, bouncing in place and then latching onto his shiny left boot with both arms. "Thank you, thank you!"
Dragging Luke along, the boy chuckling and squealing all the way with inexplicable pleasure, Palpatine gathered up a case of his most important datapads and debriefings. With a little luck (and maybe the malevolence of the Dark Side), he could get some work done in his apartments once the twins were asleep. He glanced at the guard. "Clear the area for Dex's Diner. We'll be departing shortly."
"Sir!" The guard ducked out through the main doors, likely glad to escape. Envy was unbecoming, Palpatine reflected, but he felt it anyway. Reaching to place his Gran ceremonial wind drum back on its pedestal (How had it gotten on the floor?), he noticed a tug on his robes. Leia stood at his side, her precocious scowl nowhere in sight. Instead, she looked quite pleasant. A tingle of foreboding ran up his spine.
"I like Dex!" Leia said shyly and beamed up at him. "An' I like you too, Palpy!"
Force preserve him…
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Ah, Leia, you've got your godfather Palpatine wrapped around your little finger… Hardly. He'll be traumatized for life, and I am having way too much fun with this silliness.
And they're off to Dex's!
