Kate Beckett hasn't been herself lately and she is determined to find out why. The results of her investigation will change her and Rick's lives forever.

Disclaimer: Nope, not mine.


As Kate stood outside the morgue waiting for Lanie a week and a half later, she thought back over the last few weeks trying to figure out why she felt so unlike herself. She knew she wasn't pregnant, the three negative tests in her bathroom trashcan proved that. She knew she wasn't sick because physically she felt fine. She had even taken to the internet to look up her symptoms. She was surprised to see that she could either be dehydrated or dying from cancer; and everything in between. She had decided last night to talk to Lanie after she had to stifle tears while watching a dog food commercial.

"Hey Girl, what are you doing here? Do we have a case?" Lanie called out while walking towards Kate.

"No, I need to see you for personal reasons," Kate said quietly while giving a little shrug.

"Girl, please tell me Castle didn't do something stupid," Lanie replied while rolling her eyes and opening the doors to the morgue.

"Funny. No, Castle didn't do anything stupid…I just need your medical expertise."

Lanie squealed at an octave that Kate hadn't heard from someone over 6 years old, "Oh my God, are you pregnant?"

"Lanie just put your stuff down so I can talk to you. And no, I'm not pregnant."

Lanie detected a hint of sadness in Kate's voice and she instantly went on alert. She knew Kate had been off for a couple of weeks but didn't read too much into it. She was now a little worried since Kate never sought medical advice even when she so clearly needed it.

Lanie dropped her bag, hopped onto a stool and clasped her hands together on her lap. "Okay, I'm settled. Start from the beginning and don't leave anything out."

Kate slumped onto the stool next to Lanie and took a deep breath. "So…for the last couple of weeks I have been tired, moody and a little snappy with people. I thought I was pregnant so I took three tests on Sunday. They were all negative. I still haven't gotten out of this funk and I'm either dehydrated or dying of cancer."

Lanie noticed that Kate's eyes dropped when talking about the pregnancy tests, but didn't say anything. "Okay; so other than those symptoms, what else has been going on the last couple of weeks?" Lanie had her suspicions of what was wrong with Kate, but she needed a little more information.

"I haven't done much but work and start planning the wedding."

Lanie saw the sadness again and this time didn't let it pass. "Kate, you got a look on your face when you talked about the negative pregnancy tests and you just got the same look on your face when talking about wedding planning. What's really going on?"

Kate let out an audible sigh and decided to come clean with Lanie. "I was happy at first that the tests were negative, I mean we aren't married yet and believe it or not, I think of myself as a traditional type of girl. But as that sunk in, I was devastated. I want kids with Castle and when he saw the tests, I could tell that he was upset too. We haven't really talked about it, but I knew he was as disappointed as I was." She ran a hand through her hair and continued on. "As far as the wedding, I don't know Lanie. I want to marry Castle…that is definitely not the issue. It's just that every time I think about it, I realize that I'm not going to have my mom around and she won't help me get ready or pick out a dress or any of that. I mean, I know that I'm a big girl and shouldn't still need my mom, but…I want to get married, I just don't know if I want the wedding. Does that make any sense?"

Lanie noticed Kate's breathing quicken during her confession and reached out and grabbed her hand to ground her. "Kate, let me take some blood and run some tests just to be sure, but I think I can diagnose you right now." Kate looked up at Lanie with watery eyes and Lanie knew that her friend was hurting. "Honey, in the last year you have gotten engaged, quit your job, gotten a new job, moved away from your friends and family, quit that job and came back home…not to mention some incredibly hard cases. Wanting your mom with you as you plan your wedding is nothing to be ashamed of and I will smack you if you think that way again." Lanie gave her a small smirk and continued with her advice. "You haven't had a vacation in at least a year and I think it's time to give yourself a break. You need to take some time off…go somewhere and relax with Writer Boy for a while. I also think you need to tell him about your issues with the wedding, although he probably already knows. He's been around you for 5 years and the man is not stupid."

Kate nodded and held out her arm to indicate to Lanie that she was ready for her blood to be drawn. As Lanie got to work, Kate thought that maybe Lanie was right. She had been working nonstop since at least before leaving for DC. She and Rick had taken a couple of weekends and gone to the Hamptons, but she needed more than a couple of days. She hated admitting she needed anything, especially time off; but this was different. She needed to get away and find her center again. Once Lanie withdrew the needle and placed a band aid on her arm, she hopped off the stool.

"Thanks Lanie, I'm sure I'm just a little overwhelmed and need to step away from wedding stuff. I'll let you know what I decide."

"No problem girl. I'll call you in a couple of hours once the test results are back. Let that man take you away Kate. I can always write you a doctor's excuse to force you into a vacation!"

"Not necessary Lanie…I'll talk to you later."

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As Kate made her way to the 12th, she realized that she actually felt a little bit better. She knew Lanie was right; she just didn't want to admit it. As she arrived on the Homicide floor, she saw that Captain Gates was in her office and Kate decided to talk to her now before she had time to change her mind.

Kate looked over at her desk and saw Castle sitting in his chair watching her with curiosity as she knocked on the Captain's door.

"Come in Detective Beckett, I've been expecting you," the Captain said through the closed door.

Kate opened the door and entered her office. "You've been expecting me? I'm…uh…ok." Gates took her glasses off and looked at Kate with a knowing expression.

Captain Gates let out a small sigh and began, "Detective, you have been a little, shall we say grumpy lately and I saw you nodding off at your desk yesterday. Your team has been tiptoeing around you for weeks and I was going to call you in here by the end of the day if you didn't come to me first. So…when are you due?"

"Due…what…Sir…I'm NOT pregnant!" Kate stammered. She sighed, "I don't know why I'm moody and so tired, but I was coming to see if I could take a few days off and get out of the city for a bit."

"Well since you haven't taken a vacation since I took over and you have been coming in on your scheduled off days…you are officially on vacation beginning immediately. We'll see you next Monday. If you need more time than that, let me know; but I'm sure you want to save some days for the wedding and honeymoon." Kate thanked the captain and made her way to the door. "Oh and Beckett, make sure you take your writer with you," Gates said with a small smile.

Kate nodded at her captain and closed the door as she left her office. Castle was watching her intently as she made her way to her desk. He watched as she sat down at her desk and pulled out her phone. Kate sent a quick text to Lanie to let her know that she was going on vacation and she would see her on Monday. Lanie texted back to tell her to have fun and she would call if the blood work came up with anything. Kate then stood up, grabbed her coffee and made her way to the break room. Neither she nor Castle had said a word to each other, but he got up and followed her anyway. He was thoroughly confused and Kate had a small smirk on her face.

"Boys, mom and dad are going on vacation. We'll see you on Monday and don't throw any keggers while we're gone," Kate said as she met up with Ryan and Esposito in the doorway to the break room. They both had stunned expressions on their faces, but Castle's face was full of shock as his jaw dropped. Kate spun on her heel and grabbed Castle's hand and led him towards her desk.

"Let's go Castle, we need to go home and pack for our vacation," she said as she grabbed her bag from the bottom drawer. Castle still hadn't said a word as he grabbed their coffees from Kate's desk. Finally, a huge grin spread across his face.

"I'm going to need a little more information than that, but let's go!," he said as he grabbed her hand and led her to the elevator, deciding not to say anything about her use of the word home.