Phase the second - Dance to another tune
The adventure still went on in her mind, still affected her, corrupted and changed her. It creeped in her veins towards her heart like the venomous black drops of dreamshade.
Her father became very strict after her night out. He did not know about her visit in Neverland, but it was clear for everyone that she was severely affected by something. She was shouting in her sleep, was shattering mirrors into pieces with her small fists. She was found standing in the window at night, almost jumping off, laughing as loudly as a demon. Sometimes she could not stop singing, not even when somebody asked something. She had to finish the song before being able to answer. She burst out in tears for no reason other days. She tore storybooks apart, shouting that everything was a lie and that she knew everything better than the writers. She was maniacally writing all night. She felt an urge to write down every small detail of the stories she imagined. And she even painted illustrations to the book. Other days she did not get out of bed and was just lying there, crying, not answering to questions, hitting those who wanted to get near her.
She could not go out her room if she did not behave well. But it was impossible to behave well. She did not do it on purpose. She lost her mind in those moments.
It was not allowed for her to read or write. It scared her, as it was the only thing that was left. She was hiding a handwritten storybook from everyone. The rest cure they forced on her was horrible. She had to do something with herself, otherwise she would have lost her mind.
She missed Neverland, but she thought she can never go back there. She had to occupy her mind, so she made up her own stories. They were full of fairies, evil witches, everything that she was interested in and what she missed in London... and even in Neverland. Wendy wanted to believe that her world was better than Neverland. But she knew, that it never could be like that. Neverland was real. The Enchanted forest wasn't.
It has been more than three years since she last saw Bae on that gloomy November evening. She still visited Neverland occasionally in her dreams. She saw everything, almost everybody but Pan, and Neverland was scarier than ever. She always woke up panting, scared to death. She needed to go back, really go back, not just in her dreams where she could do nothing. She couldn't get in touch with Neverland, only in her dreams, but in her dreams she was invisible to others. When she was awake, she kept on writing to survive, she tried to believe every day, as the shadow told her. It just did not work, so writing was her only consolation.
She even wrote a story about Bae. He wouldn't have loved it, though, she thought. She also wrote about Bae's family. She tried to imagine them, and the way they left Bae. She was a bit cruel to him… she had to admit, that no matter how she liked him… she was still very jealous of Bae, and this was her revenge. It felt good, and even if it was not true, she liked to believe in these stories. Her imagination was her only refuge. Real life was suffering.
Her seizures and sudden mood changes got even worse a year later, and she was separated from her little brothers. She got her own room with a piano, a bed, a mirror and barred windows. No books, no paper. They continued her rest cure. She hated it. But she had no choice.
Her mother did not tell her what she was saying in her dreams, but she had some wild guesses… maybe Peter's name? Or even worse, was she begging him to take her back to Neverland? She may have been shouting about her imaginary characters…. they seemed so real to her. Her family started to look at her with a different eye. Wendy scared his little brothers. Her father became a stranger to her. He did not even look at her any longer... it hurt her, of course, because she could not help her mental state. And this isolation just made it even worse.
She was standing by the huge window, staring out of it, and thinking about a story, a story of a daughter of a poor, unimportant miller… she was beautiful and wanted power yet everyone despised her… until... and this was when her mother disturbed her.
'Are you with me, Wendy, darling?'
'Are you being nice to me or you're just addressing me on my full name?' She was just in the middle of something important. Nobody would understand her. Why do they even bother visiting her, she asked. They could just send up the food and everything else with a servant. She is the crazy woman hidden in the cellar, anyway. She wanted her mother to go, so she could write her story down. If her soul felt alone then why couldn't they leave her body alone, too?
'Don't be silly, Wendy.' said her mother with her usual smile on her face. Why was she treating her like that? It made her angry. She felt powerless. She could not speak her mind, because if she did, they called her a madwoman. How could she tell her how annoying they were?
Not being able to talk to anyone who could understand her thoughts, she used to not saying anything nice at all. It was better to be hated than not be taken seriously. She thought that she deserved much better than this. Locking her up, not letting her to do the only thing that remained, writing stories, freely? She was special, yet her family did not appreciate her, and Pan… he sent her away, too. 'Start practicing for tomorrow's ball. No noisy interpretations. Do as the instructions say. You hear me?'
'I can't avoid hearing you, mom.' talked back Wendy impatiently. 'And you know I play as I please.' It was the only way out, silly balls. Beautiful music. Stupid audience. Still, she could get a glimpse of the outer world, and it was worth it.
'Don't be that bitter. Leave it to old spinsters.'
She smiled again, and left her alone with her choler.
Which I would love to be, but they'll never let me, she said to herself, while practicing on the piano. She was almost sixteen, she was almost an adult now. She never wanted that. She wanted to think about her stories, but her experiences were stronger. Her thoughts run fast and the notes followed them. The music was as loud and violent as the vivid memories of Neverland inside her head. Wendy closed her eyes, and tried to forget about her forthcoming adult life, just playing, not looking into the sheets. She had a talent in this, but her family thought that it would be inappropriate for a lady to start a musical career. She did not want it, though. She wanted real power, and freedom. She only had it in Neverland.
So, she closed her eyes and let go of herself. Her fingers run through the ivory and the jet-black keys faster and faster every second. She played turbulently, even when she wasn't supposed to do so, but she liked to scandalize her audience. She gave a twist to everything. Every story of hers was about known fairy tale characters, but she changed them. She also wrote about those who she knew in real life, like Bae or the pirates of Neverland.
But not about Pan. She just could not imagine his past. She never wrote about Pan. And Wendy herself was not in the stories. At least not explicitly.
She suddenly felt some cold breeze on her hot, rosy face. She opened her eyes, because she remembered that she closed the window, and what she saw made her stop playing. There was a boy standing there, leaning against the window pane. A boy, or… a young man? It seemed these years had affected him as well. She was three years older. So was he. She was sixteen. He looked eighteen, or a bit more.
But it was impossible, she shook her head.
'What were you playing?' he asked. Even his voice was different.
'A rhapsody.' she answered, in a trembling voice. She has never imagined that she would ever see Pan in London. Actually, she never thought that she would see him again at all.
'It was brilliant.'
He never complimented her. He wants something, she assumed.
'Well, thank you, Pan. How long have you been here?'
'Long enough to see adolescence made you… a better raw material.'
'For what?'
'It is yet to be seen. But you surprised me, Wendy bird.'
As she looked at him more carefully... it was Pan, but… no, it was impossible. 'You surprised me, too. You look...' she was not sure, how to say it '...different.'
Peter smiled, and jumped off the window. She stood up immediately.
'You're quite a sight, yourself, Wendy bird.' he chuckled. 'And Neverland is quite a site… if you know what I mean.'
'Are you going by the name Peter Pun these days?' she asked with a sneer.
'Good. You apparently grew a sense of humour.'
She raised her eyebrows. Peter thought she needed detailed explanation.
'You know, sense of humour. It shows the quickness of mind, and that one is witty and is in possession of powerful imagination.' he said, taking a few steps closer to her.
'I know what it means.'
He definitely was much taller than her now. But how-
'What are you doing here?' She had to ask that. 'Can you leave Neverland?'
He was now really close to her. His eyes were as green as his clothes, his fairy talish clothes, which seemed so anachronistic and odd in the late 19th century interieur.
'As you see I can. But do not worry, I'm always doing what needs to be done, Wendy. You know that.' he said eyeing her up and down. It somehow sounded really creepy this way. 'You're wearing longer skirts now.' he observed. 'Grown-up life, huh?'
'It is actually a nightgown… and I am not a grown-up, yet.' Wendy rolled her eyes. If she wasn't sure about the fact that he was merely a boy, who refused to grow up, she would have thought that he was flirting with her. It was impossible. On second thought, one never knew what was going on in Pan's mind. 'So, are you going to tell my why you came here or not?'
'Don't be hasty! I've just arrived from another world. Don't you want to… show me around?'
'Definitely not. Why would you be interested?' she replied as fast as possible. He did not seem to be offended by her unfriendly tone.
'You talked about your father's school...remember?'
She nodded.
'Of course, I do… don't tell me you're considering to let the boys here?'
'Oh Birdy, you sweet, naive girl' he said, shaking his head. He looked out the window to the stars. 'I'm considering to take boys there...' He said in a definitely overdramatic voice. She was struck dumb for a second, but she realized, that it was just an emotional blackmail. Why would he bother telling her about that plan, if not because he wanted to use it against her? She knew she was right. He even glanced at her to see her reaction, then went back to his role. She was determined to go with him, and she had to play his game. She missed Neverland. She needed it, and maybe she needed… no. It was he who needed her
'Unless you save them by coming back to Neverland.' he added, just as Wendy imagined.
'Never...' she said. He seemed slightly surprised. She played his annoying game, and it felt good. And it felt bad that it felt good, but it just did feel good, she couldn't do anything about it. She acted as her favourite characters from the book she wrote. Always enjoying the game of power.
'...unless you tell me something. Why did you came here? I go with you on condition you're being honest. I'm not a little girl anymore, and I don't like childish blackmailing games.'
That wasn't entirely true, though. She liked it. Pan seemed to notice that in her eyes. But he liked the game.
'Okay, then. We need you to come back. Neverland needs you.' he rolled his eyes, then added:
'I need you.' He seemed to be honest, but Wendy was unable to trust him. She sighed, shook her head so angrily that all her brown locks were flying around her face..
'Being honest would hurt you? Aw, Pan, you are such a child...'
'I am a boy. What else would you want me to be?' He shrugged off the insult laughing, but his eyes were not happy. Maybe he was honest, and she hurt him? Oh no, he was incapable of such emotions. Or?
'Oh, Pan, I just don't know. I haven't heard anything from you that was serious. You're like an adult. You're never honest… '
He was now seriously offended. He did not seemed to believe what he has heard. He furrowed his brows, and folded his arms. He shook his head, and said:
'Oh, yeah? Try me!'
'All right, tell me about your parents. Your past!'
The only thing she could not imagine was his story. And she was interested in it. Wendy sat down and crossed her arms. Now they were really like two angsty teenagers. If they weren't taking themselves too seriously at that moment, they would have laughed at each other's red faces.
'Now is the only time I know.' said Peter smiling.
'On Neverland, maybe. But this land has a past, so do you.'
He gulped.
'You see, you're not able to answer. How unfortunate for you.'
Pan stared at her for a long, long moment. He turned his back to her.
'It is because you… Won't understand it… yet.'
'Oh, yeah? Try me!' she repeated his words. He seemed a bit tense.
'Stop echoing... I'll tell you if we go back.'
'You promise?'
'I do.' He sighed.
'All right. I trust you.'
He grabbed her hand.
'Wait! I want to say goodbye to my brothers...'
'They can't see me. I'm sorry.'
'You can stay here while… Pan! Let go of my arm, I'll be here in a few minutes!'
'I can't.'
'Why?'
'You wanted me to be honest...' he said with an evil smile. 'Wendy, you may trust me but I trust you not. At least, not yet. And now we're leaving. No time for goodbye kisses.'
And then he just took her with him, without any hesitation.
So there she was again, sitting on her old bed in her tree house every day, or rather, every night. She left Neverland three years before that, and since then there were no days. The bright moon was hiding behind heavy clouds, and the sun was not rising. She was back in Neverland for a long time, yet nothing changed. She was not free.
She was locked up in the tree house, and only three boy knew about her presence - Felix and Pan. And probably Rufio as well. Felix visited her a few times a week to bring food and to bully her, if he was in a bad mood. Which was his default mood.
'I want to talk to Pan.' Wendy told him that night when he was uncommonly kind. He tossed her out of his way.
'It does not really matter what you want, Birdy.'
'Oh, it does.' She said, and followed Felix. She played her ace. 'He made a promise.'
Felix looked a bit surprised, and it took him a few seconds to process the information, but when he did, he tardily nodded. Promises were somehow the only thing these boys kept. They needed some rules, after all, since life was even more chaotic that it had been before Wendy's first coming.
'I'll ask him. But I think you're bluffing, he would never give you his word.' he said in a hostile voice.
'Think that if it comforts you.'
As the angry Felix left the room, somebody whispered into her ear.
'So?'
She jumped, and turned her head around to see Pan standing there with a confident smirk on his face. He definitely looked older, but she knew, that it was impossible. Nobody gets older in Neverland.
She was trying to get used to it. Maybe it was a long time, and she forgot his face. Oh she knew she did not, but she had no possible explanation.
'How did you know I was-' she snorted. 'Oh, you know, I don't want to hear it.'
'Why did you need me?'
'We've been back, for... I don't know how long, but it has been many weeks… you shut me here, and you never bothered visiting me.' she said in a disappointed, but rather calm voice.
'I thought you will be angry because you have to be a prisoner.'
'I'm not angry, I just don't understand it… You brought me back. I thought you came for me because I've proved that I belong here.'
'You proved that you belong to Neverland.'
'Why did you lock me up then?'
He sighed, but refused to say anything.
'All right, do not answer me. Then... Tell me about your past.'
Peter snorted.
'Okay, let's get back to that previous question.'
Wendy sat down on her small bed, while impatiently playing with her hair.
'You can't go out, because the island has changed. It is dark, and dangerous.'
'Then it started to become like you...'
Peter theatrically sighed, and sat down in the end of her bed.
'You sound like my late mother.'
She turned her head quickly and stared at him.
'Are we talking about you then?'
Peter nodded, and held her hand down.
'Stop fiddling with your hair... I made a promise, and I have no objection to keeping it. But I have to be sure that we trust each other when I tell you my story.'
'All right. It is you who has problems with trusting others. Trusting me.' she sighed. 'So you don't want to let me out because it is dangerous?'
'Yes. The jungle is not for innocent girls.'
'But it is suitable for innocent boys?'
'I never said that. It is madness now, most of the time. I like it, but… I don't know.'
'You don't know what?'
He fondled the soft skin of her hands.
'I often think about letting you out, I promise.'
She slowly pulled her hand away from his.
'Can I see Bae?'
Peter shook his head.
'Oh, I let him go shortly after you've arrived. He is back in your world, and I suppose, he is a grown-up now.'
'What are you talking about, only a few weeks have passed since I arrived here!'
'Time works differently here. I thought you have already learnt that, Birdy'
'Stop calling me a bird, I think I am starting to hate it, Pan.'
'I'll stop it if you stop calling me Pan. I'm Peter.'
'What's wrong with Pan?' He remained silent. 'I called you Pan because I thought that you preferred it.'
'Well, now I'm telling you that I like Peter better. Pan reminds me of bad things, I am more successful since I am Peter, too...'
'It is curious... Villains usually do not use their first names.'
He raised an eyebrow, and smirked.
'Well, you're quite right. I am not a usual villain. But you know what? I won't call you Birdy from now on, since aliases here are not for villains.'
'Thank you.' she said, but when she looked at his smile, she realized what he was implying, and that made her very angry. 'You mean I am a villain too?'
'You caused the curse that is on the island.'
'Me? What curse... the night?'
Pan nodded.
'You also sent Bae here. Then you proved that you are capable of great things. Evil things, too.'
'What things? Evil piano playing? How villainous.'
'I don't think you need me to tell you.'
Wendy's eyes widened.
'I need you to tell me.'
'I don't know.'
He shrugged.
'Are you trusting me enough or not?'
'Obviously not yet. I just give you something to think about. You know what I mean. Deep down you know that you are just like me, creating worlds, playing god.'
'I don't understand you. We're nothing alike. Nothing. I am good.'
'Before I came here, I thought the same. But now I know what I am capable of. Soon you will find out, what you are capable of, Wendy. With such powers… you'll see what is important. And then you will be over this good and bad thing.'
'Soon… I waited three years for you. I lost my patience.'
Peter laughed with the eyes of a maniac.
'Three years! I waited a bit more than that.'
Wendy made a face.
'All right. So you're giving me something to think about… well, I only learned that even you had to come here somehow, and once you were normal, you had a family and you were a good boy.'
'Sort of.' he noted.
'That's it. How am I supposed to think about this until you grace me with your company again?' she asked sarcastically.
'That's correct, it's not enough. Well… I think I should tell something about your past first. For example have you ever wondered why you're father is helping lost boys?'
'He is the opposite of you. My father helps boys to find their place in society..'
'Oh I know him, and I know what he has become. I was the one who let him go back.' he was trying to suppress a smile. Wendy was unable to speak. 'Good night, Wendy. See you sometime.'
And he just left. She was constantly thinking about his words all week. Her father was once a lost boy? It was unbelievable, yet… now it makes sense. He was the one who told them not to follow any shadow if it appears. He hated every imaginary stories, he forbade her to write. She liked to disobey him. That is why she waited for the shadow all her life. It was hard for her to imagine, how could he go back to London after spending an awful lot of time here. She felt relieved when she got back here, and that world was just a dull, horrible world in her eyes. A Land without magic, a land without imagination. Neverland was exciting and exotic. Imagination ran wild here. And it was even more beautiful and mysterious now than it was the last time. Just like its king. This thought made her blush.
We're alike, he said to her. She shook her head. What did he mean by that? Playing gods… she did not know. She felt tired after hours of pointless arguing with herself. She lay down, and she fell asleep.
When she woke up, she felt lonely. She missed Pan, and she hated this feeling. When he was there, she felt important. When she was left alone, it was hard not to cry.
A huge storm was coming. She could feel it in the air. It made her to feel dizzy.
It began to rain and it just refused to stop. She liked it, although it was a bit monotonous. This rain was nothing like English rain, it was a loud tropical thunder, loud and scary. She just stood in the window for long hours and did nothing. The air became fresher and she felt as if she could smell faraway things, salty water, smoke, flowers, wet furs of mysterious creatures. It give her power back. She felt much better. She was alone, and she was herself. She was now sitting in the grey noise of the rain, with closed eyes and open mind, and for the first time in her life, she realized she had endless time. Now she did not imagine new stories. She did not have to hide. She had time. Time for herself. Time to think, to fall apart. In the wedge-shaped core of darkness she did not know who she was. Who is she without the rules, without the strict social role? She did not have to be a lady. Nor a woman. She could be who she wanted. But what did she really want?
She peeled off the layers of her previous self. She was in a process of self-inventing. Peter knew it, and he did not come to disturb. Not yet. Not until Wendy needed him.
And one day, Neverland visited her again. At least, somebody from the outer world. She barely could focus on his face. She was hungry, she did not realize it before.
'Hullo, Birdy.' it was Felix, slowly climbing up her ladder, spitting out the words with disgust. 'Aren't you bored here alone?'
'Maybe a bit, but-'
'Oh, cry me a river.'
She raised her eyebrows.
'It was better without you.'
'Was it really? What kind of girl are you? Do you like being a prisoner? A bird in a cage?
'Whosoever is delighted in solitude, is either a wild beast or a god.' she whispered.
'What? Are you quoting some stupid thing again?'
She turned up her nose.
'I am. I never thought you would be able to understand it.'
Luckily he left his awful dog downstairs. Last time she made a remark on Felix's mental abilities, that beast almost attacked her. Felix now only thrusted her out of his way and snorted.
'Whatever. Pan sends his regards. Oh wait. No, he never thinks about you.'
She assumed Felix did not know about Pan's visit, so she acted as if nothing had happened. She asked him, without making any comment on Pan:
'Do you like it here?'
'Even you, you angelic creature, like it here. Am I right?' he said. 'You wanted to come back more than anything else, didn't you?'
She nodded. Felix said something she would have never admitted. There was something in this place that was indeed magnetic. Or somebody.
'I am not angelic.' she shrugged. 'Why do you like it?'
'Oh, leave me alone. There's no explanation, why. Neverland is the best place in the world, and that is that. Pan created it and he never fails.'
'Oh, I see.'
'Oh no, you don't see anything. You're just a stupid girl. You'll never be able to be one of us. You are too weak. Pan would never-'
'You seem to be an expert concerning Pan. You need him more than he needs you, I'm sure of it. But I don't need him more than he needs me. Too bad.'
'Oh, I think you do need him. Do you fancy him, little bird?'
She hated his face, and she hated, that he cut her in the quick, so she just grabbed the weekly pack of food, tossed the hysterically laughing boy down the ladder, and slammed the door without any words. When she turned around, Pan was sitting on her bed, playing with his red scarf.
'That three years did you good. Now you're sassy. And harsh. I like that.' She was bluffing before, and she did not like it that he heard what she shouted. Pan saw how red she went when Felix mentioned Pan.
'At least you enjoy yourself, Peter.' she said, not even realizing that by this she did exactly what he wanted her to do. She was sassy and harsh.
'Do you want to talk about your past?'
'I thought it is you we are to discuss eventually.'
'But not yet, Wendy.'
She sat down next to him.
'Stop fiddling with your scarf.'
In a course of a second his face went to white.
'Are you okay?'
'Of course I am.'
'You hate when I echo your words.'
'That's true.' he smiled. She soon broke the silence, because she had too many questions to bear it.
'So you knew my father. Why did you need him?'
'It was the shadow, not me, who led him here, actually.'
'Which one?' She knew that many shadows inhabited the caves in the northern side of the island.
'The first. Pushan, that's his name. Not important.' he said crossly. Wendy raised her eyebrows. He seemed a bit tense. 'So, back to your father, Daphnis… or what is his name now?'
'George. It's George Darling.'
'Right. George spent only a short time here, and it was me who sent him away.'
'Why did you want him to go?'
He gave her an eloquent look.
'You mean… no, you can't mean it.'
'I sent him away so you could come here. Well, it took me a long time to find out, who your father will be, but it was him. I did not fail. I never do, actually.'
Wendy felt a bit dizzy. But how?
He either read her mind or it was just obvious what she had that thought, but he answered:
'I told you. I knew that the daughter of one of the first four Lost boys will be ready to come here one day. But you were not as I imagined, you brought eternal sun instead of night, and that is why I sent you back. Shortly after that night I realized, I made a tremendous mistake. The night came, and you stopped denying yourself. You are the one.'
Her stomach did a somersault when he looked up at her. It was not the same boy she left here last time. Something changed him, formed him into a more mature, yet, more vicious boy. He was not innocent anymore. He was a teenager, with all the angst and wildness, the sudden mood changes, and with a burning desire in his eyes that made her heart beat faster.
'What do you need me for?' she breathed.
'Oh, that question is about me. We're supposed to talk about you tonight.' She raised her eyebrow. 'You know what I mean.'
She nodded. It was only one, strange long night. Time was strange, one could not follow it. If the long day made her overly excited, then this eternal dark started to make her hazy. This curse may have affected Pan as well. Could it be the reason of his aging? Or what? She knew he wouldn't tell her. Not yet, not yet. She had to be understanding. She wanted to win his trust.
'All right. You said you realized that I had to come back. How?'
'At first, the night did not turn into day. And then other things happened. A fairy arrived here while you were away. She told me… things.'
'Things, things. I thought you were trying to be honest.'
'Not telling the truth and telling lies is not the same. I'm always honest, Wendy. I promised to tell you about my past, though I hate it...' She made a face. 'Trust me. I just... rather not share everything with you for a little while.'
' You have to tell me everything eventually. Otherwise I refuse to help you.'
'You won't, trust me. You're already helping me.'
'How?' she mouthed.
'Oh, I don't know. But somebody definitely arranged everything as I imagined. Don't you know who?' she blinked. 'I mean, I needed Bae and you brought him here. You're the reason he became a lost boy. Oh, I do not mean that one time you sent him away. I meant you made him a lost boy even before you knew him.' she furrowed her brow. It was not easy to understand him. 'Try to think about this, Wendy.' he said with a confident smile. 'Let's call it a day… I mean, I'll visit you a bit later.'
He winked, and the next moment he disappeared, only leaving his sweet, strange smell behind. It reminded her of fallen leaves and dead flowers. It made her uncomfortable, yet somehow she would have missed it if it weren't there. She punched her pillow.
Pan loved this, playing with her mind. He loved to lead her into the forest of a deep, important conversation, to disappear and leave her there with her thoughts.
When Felix left her, Peter Pan always appeared, she told herself, so he waited Felix as if it was him she missed. Somehow she started to be excited about seeing Pan, and Felix was his forerunner. The next time he came, Wendy was smiling at the tall, blonde boy. He was surprised by that. He folded his arms and snapped at her:
'What's so funny?' She was in a good mood, so she answered laughing:
'We are in a sick Red Riding Hood story.. in which I'm your Grandma, Felix. You know, you carry this basket and all-'
'I am the Wolf in that story, Birdy...' he thrust her. 'Now get out of my way or I lock you up with my dog.'
Wendy did not mind the rude behaviour, and jumped into his way again, laughing maniacally. She did not know why, but she enjoyed teasing him. She felt more powerful than she did before, and she hated him so much…
'You don't know my version, do you? The Wolf is not a pathetic bully… it is a strong girl. Like me.' For a second he was just frowning at her, not even moving, but then...
He grabbed her arms violently and pushed her against the cold wall. She may have been stronger than him concerning her spirit and mind but she was weak physically.
'Say that again, little bird. Oh, now you don't feel like joking, do you?' he spat the words into her face. She refused to look at him. He took his knife out of his pocket, and draw a line on her neck, not cutting the skin, just showing her that he would be able to kill her if he wanted.
'Look at me, bird!' She forced herself to look into the cold, black eyes of the boy. She saw madness. 'You think you are a wolf? You are just a bitch...'
'What part of never-to-touch-her did you find hard to grasp?' said a cold voice. Everything happened fast, she did not know what was going on.
Felix shouted and his arms fell off. The small, red knife was in Peter's hand now. Wendy realized that it was red because of somebody's blood. She touched her skin, but she was not hurt. Felix's normally pale face, however, was red, and was dripping with his blood. A huge scar cut his face into two sides.
'Peter, please...' he begged. 'She was provoking me...'
'Just go.'
Felix disappeared in a minute, but Peter's eyes were on fire even long minutes later. She never saw him that angry. He kicked into her bed and cursed.
Her hands could not stop shaking. He realized that she was too shocked to move. He gently took her hands and led her to her bed.
'Thank you.' she said with a faint smile. 'I don't know what happened. I said a joke but... He was all insane… He has a bad temper, but he was never like that before.'
He was not surprised by it.
'That is because of the night. Strange things are happening to everyone. Well, not to us, apparently...'
Wendy looked at him curiously.
'I see how the madness is spreading all over them.'
'It is suffering for them! Why don't you just let them go?'
'Oh, it is not, believe me. To be mad, is to be free. Freedom. They just love it, Wendy.'
She disagreed.
'To be mad is to have no control over your body. I know it, I am suffering from hysteria.'
'There is no such thing as hysteria. Only Victorian doctors made it up. They gave you that rest cure. It did not help you out of depression, it just drove you a little bit mad.'
She swallowed.
'We all go a little bit mad sometimes, do not worry. It did you good. While you were locked up there... You did great things, Wendy. And that made you free.'
'What did I do? I wrote a storybook.'
Peter nodded.
'Exactly. So. You think these boys are not free. They are. They enjoy themselves.'
'How?' Her eyes widened. Neverland was the only place where she was not despised for being… different.
'Oh, you want to try it! You astonish me, Wendy.'
'Try what? I don't get-'
Peter grabbed her hand gently, yet there was no escape.
'You know what is it like to dance to my music, don't you?'
'Yes, but-'
'Don't you want to come and join us in our hunting?'
'But won't they recognize me? I thought you were hiding me from them for a reason.'
'Oh, I am hiding you. But do not worry, Wendy. They won't remember you. Nobody remembers their actions when I stop playing. I don't think you remember dancing naked or turning cart-wheels... ' he looked away but he still paid attention to her reaction.
'No. I never did such thing, I remember everything I did.' she said blushing with embarrassment. How could he even say that she was naked in front of boys?
'Of course you do. I just tested your memory.'
He touched her neck, and she was sure that he felt how her heart was almost jumping out of her body, pumping her veins with hot blood.
'You know, I loved to watch you dancing. At first you moved like a lady, but a short while after… I could see the real you. You were free, you looked… I felt-'
She shut her eyelids.
'It was a sensual evening.' They stood like that for ages, at least it felt like ages. She dropped the basket Felix brought her, and a few apples rolled out of it. That reminded her of the ending of that night,
'And then you sent me back.'
He suddenly let go of her. He turned his back to her, but she could hear him breathing heavily. It felt good and somehow really bad. He regretted that decision. Oh, he let her suffer, and now, it seems he is suffering… at least a small part of him feels her pain.
She took a deep breath. He was a boy yet she sometimes thought of him in a different way… that made her blush. Pleasure, embarrassment, good and bad. Is there any feeling that is pure? That is free of another? she pondered. He picked up the reddest apple, maybe just to do something, and bit into it. She bit her lips as she saw it, and they were now just as red as the fruit.
'I want to go hunting with you. But only with you.' she said.
'Aren't you afraid of me?'
'I know you would never hurt me.'
Peter turned back to her. He smiled at her, showing off all his white, shiny teeth.
'I am happy to hear that. We will talk after the hunting.'
He wished her good night and left her, as he always did.
She couldn't wait for the hunting. If she kills an innocent animal, Peter will trust her, she thought. By that she will prove that she is as strong as any other Lost boy. That she is capable of living here. She hoped that Peter will eventually start being honest with her.
