Chapter Two

Two months later.

Prince Simon was lying in his bed listening to the sound of his wife as she struggled with her morning sickness in the bathroom.

"Goddammit, Rachel! Just hold my hair! Is that too much to ask?" – shouted the Princess.

Simon smiled. At the same time, his phone rang. His mother, the Queen called him to announce the death of his father. After they hung up, he went to the bathroom to break the news to his wife.

"Simon, get out!" – ordered Helena when she saw him in the mirror. – "You know that I hate when you watch me…" – she couldn't finish her sentence.

He turned away his head, then he decided to leave the room. She came out from the bathroom five minutes later with pale face and ruffled hair, but she seemed more calm.

"So what did you want to say?" – she asked as she started to brush her hair.

"My father died."

"What? That is… that is so unexpected. I'm so sorry, darling." – said Helena, and with the hair brush still in her hand she hugged her husband.

"I'm going to the Buckingham Palace. Are you coming with me?"

"I can't, I'm sorry. The doctor will be here soon. First real ultrasound, you know." – smiled the Princess.

Her husband nodded.

"Make sure, he takes some pictures of her… or him."


"Good morning, Doctor!" – said the Princess as her gynecologist entered the bedroom.

The doctor bowed.

"Your Highness!" – He started, then he added in a friendly tone. – "Are you excited?"

"I can't wait." – answered Helena honestly.

He put the ultrasound machine on her belly, but he didn't say anything.

"So… girl or boy?" – asked the Princess impatiently.

But the doctor was still awfully silent. That made her nervous.

"Is something wrong? Problem with the heartbeat?"

The man finally began to speak.

"No. You don't have to worry. Everything is fine. You are expecting twins."

Helena was shocked.

"Twins? Let me see them."

When she saw the ultrasound image, she suddenly thought about Alistair.

"What if they are his children? Isn't that an evil metaphor of her life? … Two men, two babies…" – she thought. – "It doesn't matter. I'm their mother and I'm going to love them."

"Of course, you are, Your Highness." – answered the doctor kindly.

"What?" – Helena was surprised by his words until she realized that she actually said the last sentence out loud. – "Oh, I'm very happy. The Prince will be too, thank you, Doctor."

When the doctor left, she was still thinking about Alistair. He has called her twice since that night, but she didn't return his calls. Still, she was worried about him. He was in a so fragile state, she could barely recognize the man he used to be. His words still echoed in her ears.


"Welcome to the Kensington Palace, Captain Alistair Lacey!" – greeted the Princess her ex-lover with overacted happiness in her voice to mask her uneasiness.

"It's good to see you He… Your Highness!" – he answered reservedly.

Helena took a step towards him, she didn't know what to say. He changed so much.

"It was a long time… You are so thin. Are you all right?"

Alistair laughed bitterly.

"No. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here. I needed to see you."

The Princess felt uncomfortable hearing this confession and she didn't want anyone else to hear it too.

"Why don't we go to my room?"

When they got there, she couldn't hold back further her thoughts.

"Where have you been? I haven't heard from you for… years. I used to ask my mother about you, but of course, she didn't tell me anything."

He looked at her scornfully.

"I was in war. You knew that. And you never bothered to know if I'm dead or alive."

The Princess smiled at him sadly.

"I knew that you were alive. My husband is in the Royal Navy. He gets the reports every month on the military casualties."

"Your husband. The Prince of Wales."

"Yes. Couldn't we just move on from that?"

He saw that his comment annoyed her, but he didn't stop.

"No, we can't. You are a Princess, you lived in a place like this in the past four years while I was sleeping in a tent listening to the sound of gunfire and explosions… You don't understand…"

"Then, explain it, please. Talk to me!" – she begged.

After a long pause, she added:

"You said I broke your heart when I got married, but now you're breaking mine."

Alistair was struggling with his feelings, but he finally decided to tell her the reason of his visit.

"Hellie, you know how much I loved you. You weren't just a lover to me, you were my best friend. After you left me, I had nothing. I was alone since I was a kid… but in the Army, I suddenly had a family. It's so different when your life depends on someone else. It's so simple. You don't have time for playing games or lying and betraying… you only have time for love because the next day you or your comrade might just die."

"I've never lied to you, Alistair..." – Helena interrupted him quietly.

"I know. But that doesn't mean you didn't hurt me. I went to Kuwait, for god's sake, to forget you."

The Princess cleared her throat.

"And did you? Did you forget me?"

He snorted.

"No. I mean, how could I? You're the Princess of Wales, you are everywhere."

Helena nodded. She felt that this was a mistake and she was about to end the conversation, but she couldn't help herself asking:

"Was that the only reason?"

"Of course not."

After a long pause, Alistair continued.

"They want to give me some kind of medal. As if they know anything about this… the war… These people…Your people…"

"My people?" – asked the Princess resentfully.

"Yes, your people." – he repeated.

Helena suddenly felt anger boiling up inside of her.

"So here we are again. Poor little stable boy and the mean aristocrats. All you had to do was to elope with me. But you didn't. You were a coward."

Her ex-lover shouted back.

"This is not about you. For once in your life, Helena, this isn't about you."

"Then who?"

"They want to honour me because I killed people."

She couldn't take it anymore. She walked to him and caressed his cheek.

"You saved people."

"Not everyone."

She lowered her hand.

"What do you mean?"

Alistair sighed.

"There was a boy, Henry. He was a lot like me. He lost his family and he lost his love too, so it wasn't so hard for us to find the common voice. For the past three years he became my best friend. Indeed, among those circumstances, he meant more than anything to me. Even more than you."

"You mean…"

"No, not that way. But he was family and I couldn't save him. The day that he died… I should have been the one to step on that mine…"

"Don't say that!" – she begged with tears in her eyes.

"Do you remember that night when you brought your father's gun to the stables and asked me to kill you?"

Helena downcasted her eyes. She felt ashamed.

"I wasn't serious…"

"I know, but I'm thinking about it a lot. What if I would have shot you? And then myself?"

His words terrified her.

"Please, stop it."

But he continued.

"Maybe it would have worth it."

She looked him in the eye and took his cheeks into her hand.

"You can't blame yourself. It wasn't your fault."

He took her hands and kissed her on each palm.

"I don't blame myself, don't you get it? I blame you."

Helena pulled away her hands.

"Me? That's insane."

Alistair laughed at her.

"I would' have never had my heart broken, if it wasn't for you. I would have never seen war, I would have never killed people, if it wasn't for you. I would have never known Henry, if it wasn't for you and I would have certainly never had to watch him die."

"It's not fair, Alistair. You know it's not fair." – cried the Princess and tears ran down her face.

"Life is not fair, Princess. We can't all live in a castle happily ever after."

Helena sighed. She was still sobbing, but her voice was firm.

"Maybe you shouldn't have had to come here."

"Maybe I shouldn't." – agreed the man.

They remained quiet for a while, but then the Princess broke the silence. She didn't cry anymore and her voice was dreadfully emotionless.

"You can't imagine how much your words hurt me. That you of all people actually believe what you say about my life. Four years ago I was forced to marry a man I barely knew. A man who whispered me about another girl on our wedding night. A man who still grieved his lost love as I did mine. Yes, eventually we got used to each other, we had a son, and you are not the only one with a family now. I got one too. But now you are suddenly here out of nowhere with all your hatred and accusations and I don't know what to say or do because…"

But then Alistair stopped her with a kiss.

"No, no... Please, Alistair, stop! – she moaned as he gently started to remove her clothes. – "I can't... I can't do this…"

He let go of her, but his eyes were begging to her.

"Please, Hellie, I love you. I'm begging you, help me forget him." – he whispered and Helena finally gave up her resistance.


She was looking at the picture of her babies what the doctor left her, and she decided to ask for Robert. He was the only one who could distract her thoughts and might cheer her up a bit as well.

"Come here, darling, I'd like to tell you something." – she said when her little boy arrived.

"Why are you still in pyjamas?" – he asked curiously.

"It's not pyjamas, it's a nightgown."

"Answer me when I ask!" – demanded Robert imitating his mother's tone.

"You are your mother's son, that's for sure." – muttered Helena. – "I'm in bed, because the doctor was here."

"Why? Are you sick, mommy?"

"I'm not sick. He came to see me because you are going to be a big brother soon."

The Prince looked confused.

"What's a big brothel?"

"Not brothel, it's brother." – said Helena with a smile.

"What's a brothel?" – Robert asked again because he sensed from her mother's voice that this word might be more exciting than the other one.

"It's a place for adults." – came the answer.

"Do you go there?"

"No. I went there once in Amsterdam, but I didn't like it."

The little Prince didn't let it go just yet.

"Does Daddy go to the brothel?"

Helena sighed. She started to regret that she let her son take control of the conversation.

"I hope he doesn't."

"Why?" – asked the little boy.

"Because if he loves me, he doesn't need to go there."

"Then I don't go there, mommy."

The Princess smiled.

"That's very kind of you, darling. Now can we focus on the word brother instead?

Robert nodded.

"So…" – started Helena. – "You are going to be a big brother, which means that you are not going to be the only child here anymore. I was an only child and I was always very sad about it when I was little."

The Prince listened to her very carefully, but he didn't seem to fully understand."

"Why were you sad?"

"Because a brother is a friend. And I didn't have one. Your father has a brother, your uncle Cyrus."

"But mommy…" – chirped Robert on his high voice. – "Uncle Cyrus is not my friend."

Helena laughed with him.

"You are right. It wasn't a good example. But you will love your brother. Or your sister, if it's a girl. I can promise you that."

Robert still didn't fully get it, but he seemed to understand at least that something good would happen to him.

"Can I tell you a secret?" – asked the Princess very seriously.

The little boy nodded.

"Your father doesn't know about this, you will be the first to know. But you can't tell anybody. Can you do that?"

"Yes." – said Robert as seriously as her mother.

"You are a very lucky boy. You will have not one, but two friends. Two brothers or two sisters… or one brother and one sister."

"That will be fun." – declared the little boy, although in his vocabulary a friend usually meant something he could carry around in his hands, then put back on the shelf. And definitely not Uncle Cyrus.