A/N: I do not own Conker or anything related. Only my OCs. The rest belongs to Rareware and Microsoft.

CONKER: LIVE & RELOADED

The nightmare begins

Conker's POV

Before I start explaining my Live and Reloaded Adventure, I am going to explain exactly how the assault on the castle happened.

So, like I said, it all started 4 years after my Bad Fur Day. I was sitting on my throne, drinking a goblet of milk, trying to put up with this new way of life.

Like I said: after all those horrible and beyond bizarre incidents, I have spent these past years as the king of all the land, and I owned all the money in the world. But the truth is…I DIDN'T want ANY of that. All I ever wanted was to return to my home sweet home with…Berri…

I sighted. "Berri…" I moaned. "I wish you didn't have to die…"

Yeah, Berri is all I wanted in this whole entire world…but no. Because she was killed before my very eyes, by that bastard Don Weaso!

(Flashback)

After I had collected all the wads of bills in the vault, I had become a millionaire, when I noticed Berri looking at something.

"Hey Berri! What are you looking at at?" I asked her.

"Conker honey!" Berri pointed at something from behind me.

I looked back and saw what appeared to be a black panther in a king's outfit, crown included and all that stuff.

"Oh…easy come, easy goes." I said. "Who is this guy? Berri? Do you know him?"

"Ya got me." Berri replied.

"Hmm, yes, at last…a red squirrel…good…" the panther said in a dark chilling voice.

"Red Squirrel?" I asked myself. "Oh, I think he means me…I don't recognize this guy…unless he's…the Fabled Panther King! But, he lived only in stories, like my mum used to tell me to put me to sleep. Guess he was real after all…the Fairy Panther King."

The Panther King looked at me surprised. "Who're you calling a fairy?" he roared angrily at me.

"What? No, I mean "Fairy" as in ephemeral…like a fable, like a legend, like it doesn't exi…meh, doesn't matter." I said.

"Oh no! Doesn't matter, not anymore…not for you." The Panther King said. "Weaso!"

Next Don Weaso, a mafia boss-type weasel appeared next to the Panther King. "Right here boss!" he said.

"Your bounty!" The Panther King offered him a wad of bills.

"Ah, thanks very much!" Don Weaso accepted the bill. "So what are we gonna do with them?"

I could not believe this! Don Weaso double-crossed us both! I couldn't help but feel anger boiling up my blood.

"Leave the red squirrel to me!" The Panther King said.

"What? So you're not going to kill him?" Don Weaso asked.

"Not exactly…" The Panther King said.

"Stand back Conker, I know how to deal with men like this!" Berri said standing up for me.

"Ah, such loyalty…misplaced!" The Panther King said and turns to Don Weaso. "Get rid of her!"

"Easiest thing in the world boss!" Don Weaso said and pulled out a Thomson Gun. "Sorry Doll Face, but business is business! Adios!"

I ducked thinking he was going to shoot me, but little did I realize he was shooting Berri to death, until he ran out of bullets.

"What the? Hey mind where you sh…" I trailed off when I noticed Berri laying in a pool of blood breathing heavily. "Berri?" I walked up to her in concern.

"Con…k…er…" Berri breathing heavily as she tried to pull me into an embrace, while I tried to embrace her back, until she stopped breathing.

"Berri? Berri?" I called, but she didn't reply. "Oh no!" I whispered as I realized she was dead.

(End of Flashback)

"If that bastard ever shows his face in front of me, he won't live long enough to see his next happy birthday!" I growled under my breath.

And I really mean it! That bastard killed my girlfriend under that Panther King bastard's orders! Seriously! Who does something like that? It's unforgivable!

Meanwhile, I look at the halls of the throne room, there are those two weasel guards, then there's those female cogs, Marvin the mouse with gas problems, along with a hunk of cheese, Franky the Pitchfork, Ron and Reg, those two annoying bastards, a paint can and a paint brush respectively and finally Rodent, a childhood friend and drinking buddy of mine.

These guys are all my servants, who look up to me and praise me as their king. I've meet them all during my Bad Fur Day, and I helped them out with many problems. But the truth is…they are idiots, idiots who annoy the hell out of me! I just wish they could leave me alone and stop bugging me and thinking I am their king! I don't want to be the king of anything! I just want to live a normal life! I want my Berri back!

"Sire? Are you okay?" One of the weasel guards asked me.

"NO! I AM NOT! I DON'T WANT TO BE KING! I WANT TO LIVE A NORMAL LIFE WITH BERRI INSTEAD OF LIVING IN A CRAPPY LIFE LIKE THIS!"

My outburst echoed throughout the whole castle to the rest of the kingdom. I was so furious I couldn't stop thinking about Berri and what an idiot I was being an alcoholic and a materialist, whish all resulted into this crappy life.

But as soon as I calmed down, I've realized everyone was staring at me with scared looks on their faces.

"Oh my! The king is feeling cranky!" Franky said.

"Yeah! He yelled all of the sudden, even louder than a fog horn!" Ron said.

"Yeah, even louder than a fog horn!" Reg said.

"HEY! I though I've told you to stop repeating me!" Ron glared at Reg.

"Oh, sorry…" Reg apologized.

I said nothing, everyone kept starring at me scarred of my sudden outburst, until Rodent walked up to me.

"Conker? Care to explain what is troubling you?" he asked me, and I've noticed his expression filled with concern.

"Meh, I don't want to talk about, it ain't any of your business…" I said in depression.

"Want some cheese?" Marvin asked me offering the cheese, who was screaming in terror.

"No thanks, I'm not hungry." I said.

"More milk then?" one of the weasel guards asked me holding up a pack of milk.

"No, I'm not thirsty anymore…" I said.

"Is there nothing you want at all sire?" the other weasel guard asked me.

"No, there's nothing else I want, you're all dismissed." I said, trying to make them leave.

"But Mr. Squirrel…" Franky tried to talk to me.

"I said: YOU'RE ALL DISMISSED! NOW PISS OFF!" I outburst again

No one replied, they simply ran out of the room in fear…all except Rodent. "You too Rodent!" I said.

"Oh, okay…" Rodent said a little depressed as he started to leave, suddenly he stops and turns to me. "Uh, Conker? If you ever want to share your problems with me, then please meet me in the Cock and Plucker, okay?"

"Yeah, whatever…" I said.

And with that Rodent finally left…strange…Rodent seemed to be very concerned about me. I could tell by the look on his face. I know we have been friends since we were kids, but…oh who am I kidding? I do have a problem and I need to get over it, but how? Perhaps Rodent can actually help me? Hmm…I guess I should at least give it a shot, or I ain't going nowhere with this.

Normal POV

Meanwhile, somewhere in outer space, on board of a sinister looking space station, an evil plot was being plotted. Evil robotic teddy bear like creatures known as the Tediz were patrolling the whole place, some were at the training course practicing for their future battles, while others were simply having fun playing M rated games and reading porn magazines. One Tedi soldier walks down the hallway until he reaches the main office door.

"Permission to speak with our glorious leader!" the Tedi spoke in a chilling evil tone, using his germen gibberish.

"Granted!" one of the Tediz guarding the door spoke in the same tone, allowing his fellow Tedi brother walk in.

The Tedi soldier went inside the main office. "Master! Our troops are awaiting your orders to assault the Panther Kingdom! All we need now, if your permission to attack!" he said.

"Permission…granted!" the leader revealed to be none other than Professor Von Kriplespac. "Vinnaly, after all these past 4 yearz, I vill zainally have my vengeance! That vittle $&%# is gonna be sorry for ejecting me through that air lock!"

(Flashback)

Conker pulls the lever, which ends up opening the airlock, it starts sucking everything into space, including the Panther King's corpse and his throne.

"WARNING! WARNING! AIR LOCK OPEN! AIR PRESSURE COMPROMISED!"

Next Conker entered a mechanical exo suit, ready to battle Heinrich the Xenomorth, who was about to grab Berri's corpse.

"Get away from her you bitch!" Conker threatened.

Heinrich turns to Conker, as Berri's corpse was sucked into space through the airlock.

"Oh! Oh! Oh no!" Von Kriplespac cried as he started to get sucked into space. "Vat is? Oh! I vorgot about ze airlock! Oh #$&%! What the #$%&! Oh! Oh, I didn't put the high power! Oh I knew I should have done that!" he cried as his hoverchair was sucked out the airlock and into outer space, while he continued to struggle. "Whose idea was it to go into space? Oh, it was mine! #$%&! This is it! This is the end! No legs! And now no life!"

He cried in terror as he was ultimately sucked out the airlock and into the cold void of space, leaving only Conker and Heinrich onboard the ship, as they engage in a battle to the death.

(End of Flashback)

"Vit was all that $%&#ing squirrel that I nearly died, and now, ze's going to pay for it!" Von Kriplespac laughed maniacally.

"Indeed you will my liege! You were lucky we were close enough to scoop you up before you could suffocate." The Tedi soldier said. "By the way, you and our new commander will be joining us?" he asked.

"Yes! In fact, I have a little surprise for him!" The madman-type weasel chuckled evilly as he turned to a shady figure in the shadows. "Soon, he will fall and my rein shall rise again! It will be like killing two birds with one stone!"

Von Kriplespac continued to laugh evilly as the camera zoomed toward the shady figure in a dramatic way.

Meanwhile, back with Conker…

Conker's POV

I was walking down the road from the castle and on my way to the bar. As I walked I could get the feeling I was being followed. I look at my surroundings, but saw…no one! Well, except for Birdy the Scarecrow, sleeping next to a tree, and a few empty bottles of beer lying around him. I shook my head in disbelief as I continued to walk, but little did I know I was being followed by someone.

Finally, I made it to town, I see all the people in the streets just minding their own business, in order to prevent them from going after me, all I had to do was keep a low profile and no other funny business. I entered the Cock and Plucker bar. I look around and see a bunch of people minding their business, Da Weasels playing their music and waiters serving the costumers. Then I saw Rodent sitting at the table drinking some root beer. I walk up to him and sit right next to him.

"Oh, hello Conker!" Rodent greeted me. "Would you like a bottle?"

"Uh, sure." I said and Rodent called the barman to get me a bottle of root beer.

A few minutes later, the barman came up to us giving me a bottle of root beer. "Here ya go, on the house." He said before he left.

"Well anyway, I suppose you've came here because of what we had talked about earlier, right?" Rodent asked me as he drank

"Yeah, that's pretty much about it." I said after I drank my bottle.

"Well, you know that I am your friend since we've met in school and I am here to listen to your problems." Rodent said. "Care to explain what is troubling you?"

"Fine…it all started 4 years ago…" I ended up explaining to Rodent about my Bad Fur Day, from the party in the bar, to the hang over leading me to the Panther Kingdom, to retrieving the Queen Bee's hive, blah, blah, blah, blah…and finally, I've told him about Berri's death at the hands of Don Weaso under the Panther Kingdom's orders. I've also told him about how the Panther King died due to the fact that professor guy planted an alien egg inside him, and then the alien suddenly busted out from his chest. I've tried to get rid of him by throwing him out the air lock, but he kept jumping back in. Then I ended up telling him about the lock up…

"A lock up?" Rodent looked at me confused.

"Never mind…anyway…" I continued on, and then I told him I finally killed the alien by decapitating him with a katana sword in the throne room, when suddenly he and the rest of the guys showed up and crowned me king, all when I suddenly I came to the grim realization that Berri was still dead. "And the rest…you already know." I finished my story.

"Oh…I'm sorry Conker, I didn't know…" Rodent looked down in depression.

"No Rodent, it's not your fault…it's kind of mines…" I said sadly. "I promised my parents that I would never touch alcohol and to be a materialist…but in the end, look at what I have become…because of that stupid hangover, I ended up living the worst day of my life and lost the woman I love!" I bursted into tears. "BERRI COME BACK TO ME!"

"C-Conker! Get a hold of yourself! Everyone is watching!" Rodent called in panic as everyone in the bar was starting to stare at us.

"I DON'T CARE!" I cried out loud I ended up running out of the bar.

"Conker! Come back!" Rodent called and ran after me.

Normal POV

As Conker ran down the streets crying, with Rodent running after him, a cyborg Tedi, wearing a red ninja like clothes who was watching them. It was a Sneeker class Tedi. He pulls out his communicator.

"He's heading back to the castle! You guys better hurry up and attack now!" The Sneeker Tedi said.

"Roger!" someone on the other side said.

Meanwhile, on the other side was a Grunt class cyborg Tedi, as he turns to his comrades. "Go Tediz! Attack! Show no mercy! Leave nothing behind and take no prisoners!" he shouted.

The other Tediz hissed as they unleash and fire their cannons at the castle.

Meanwhile, inside the castle, the servants feel the whole castle shaking. "Whoa! Like, what's going on!" Franky cried.

"Agh! We're under attack!" Ron panicked.

"Yeah! Under attack!" Reg panicked as well.

"Quit repeating me!" Ron glared.

"Sorry." Reg said.

"Everyone! Protect the castle!" one of the weasel guards said.

Soon after, the Tediz managed to blast the main gate open and infiltrate the castle, shooting and blasting everything and everyone on sight.

"EEEK! RUN!" A female cog panicked as she and the others ran from the Tediz.

"Like, run!" Franky panicked as he ran from the Tediz.

"RUUUUUUN!" Ron panicked.

"RUUUUUUN!" Reg Panicked.

"You're really asking for it chump!" Ron glared.

"Sorry…can't help it…" Reg said.

"ACK! RUN!" Marvin panicked as he ran with the cheese in hand.

The castle guards were trying to fight back, but they all end up being killed in gruesome ways by the cyborg teddy bear terrors.

"CONKER! HELP US!" all servents and a few of the guards panicked as they ran and struggled to fight against the Tediz, but in vain.

Meanwhile, with Conker and Rodent…

Conker's POV

"Conker! Where are you? Conker!" Rodent kept on calling out for me, until he found me sitting by a rock. "Oh, there you are Conker! Come on, it's time to go back to the castle!"

I didn't reply, I just could stop but think about how stupid I was to disobey my parents and let all my life go to hell. Because of that, I let Berri die and I completely forgot all about her right before I was crowned king of this damn kingdom. I swear, if Don Weaso ever shows up, he's gonna pay with his life!

"Conker! Snap out of it!" I heard Rodent shout at me. "Come on, crying over something that happened in the past isn't going to get you anywhere!"

"What do you mean?" I growled.

"Uh…" Rodent hesitated when he noticed something near by. "Hey! Why don't you try stepping onto that B thing there?"

"Huh?" I looked confused until I noticed Rodent pointing out a Context Sensitive pad. "Okay, why?"

"I don't know, maybe it can help you feel a little better, or not…anyway, go on and step onto it." Rodent said.

"Fine, like I have a choice…" I groaned and walked up to the Context Sensitive pad.

As soon as I stood on it, a light blub appeared over my head, and then next thing I know is I took tranquilizing pill, and suddenly felt in a better mood.

"Wow, I feel a lot better!" I said. "I still feel mad about that thing, but not as much as I was before now! Thanks Rodent!"

"You're welcome Conker!" Rodent said happily. "Come on, let's head back to the castle.

"Ok." I said.

We both started walking back to the castle, when we suddenly realized that there was smoke coming from that direction.

"What the heck?" I said. "Why is there smoke coming from the castle's direction?"

"Yeah, unless…" Rodent gasped all of the sudden. "That castle's under attack!"

"What? But who would be attacking the castle?" I asked.

"Maybe it's one of those rival kingdoms who want to overthrown you!" Rodent guessed. "Come on! We've got to drive them out!"

"Fine, let's go!" I said.

Normal POV

The castle was more than half destroyed, all the guards were useless against the invading Tediz. The servants were all cornered by a squad of them.

"Man, the king was only out for a few hours and we're suddenly cornered by these terrors!" Marvin said shaken.

"I just wish he would hurry up and save us!" Ron said.

"Yeh, save us!" Reg said.

"Reg, do you even realize that you just keep repeating me over and over?" Ron glared.

"Sorry…" Reg apologized.

"So, any last words?" one Tedi asked in a cruel tone.

"Could you please just stop attacking us and leave?" Franky said. "Cuz if not, King Conker will show up and kick your butts!"

"That red squirrel? Heh, we can easily kill him now that we have a secret weapon!" the Tedi soldier said. "Men! Ready your weapons!"

The other Tediz aim their rifles at the servants, ready to kill them. "Ready…aim…choose a target…annnnnd…FI-" the Tedi soldier was suddenly killed by a knife sent flying against the back of his head.

"What the?" the other Tediz noticed their fallen comrade with a knife stabbed on the back of it's head, then they notice Conker, holding a pair of knives, while standing on another Context Sensitive pad, and Rodent was right next to him.

Conker's POV

"Tediz! I though you guys were blown to smithereens back on your little island." I said glaring at them.

"It's the king! We are saved!" Franky cheered.

"Yay, King Conker! Teach these teddy bear monsters who's boss!" all servants cheered.

"The red squirrel!" a Tedi soldier said. "GET HIM!"

"Get behind me! Quick!" Rodent jumped in front of me and retreated inside of his suit.

All Tediz fired their rifles, but thanks to Rodent and his armor, I was completely unharmed. "Alright, time to finish you guys off, right here and now!" I said as I pulled out my nailed baseball bat, and using Rodent as a shield.

All Tediz tried to shoot and kill me, but no matter what they throw at me, Rodent's suit was able to handle them and protect me. I charge at them and bash and crack their skulls to bits with my bat.

"Hold still and drop that shield so we can hit ya you $%&#ing bastard!" a Tedi yelled at me, but I end up cracking his skull to bits with my bat.

Soon after, I finished killing all Tediz in the room. "There, I think we've got them all…" I said panting. "Go job Rodent!"

"With pleasure!" Rodent said.

All the servants then gathered around me overjoyed about me rescuing their butts. I guess I just couldn't blame them. The Tediz are evil and cruel after all. However, it wasn't over, when suddenly an explosion destroyed the castle walls completely. I looked back along with everyone else and to my shock; I could see a certain cyborg weasel on a hoverchair, laughing maniacally at me.

"Ah, Conker the King I presume?" the weasel asked. "HAH! King MY ASS!" he laughed maniacally.

"Yeah, well, you don't seem to realize something: I never asked for this life to begin with." I told him in apathy.

"Of course not, all you ever wanted was to go home with your beloved girlfriend, who unfortunately was killed in front of your very own eyes!" the weasel taunted.

"Shut up! You don't know anything about me OR Berri!" I yelled. "Besides, weren't you supposed to have died after you got sucked out into space or something?"

"Vah yes, I was! I thought I was a goner for sure, but luckily I've still had more Tediz where that came from!" the weasel said. "So %&$# you!"

"Whatever! I beat you, your Tediz and your pet alien, and I can beat you again any day of the week!" I said.

"Yeah! You tell him sire!" the servants cheered for me.

"Oh really?" the weasel asked me.

"Yeah really!" I said.

"Well then…I believe it is time you meet my Tediz's NEWEST commander!" the weasel said. "Come forth!"

With that, this "commander" character emerged from the shadows and…no! No way! Not possible! It can't be! I tried to deny this, didn't want to believe this was true! But it was…

"Surprised? I know you are!" the professor weasel guy said. "Everyone, say hello to the commander of the Tediz: Commander…"

"BERRI!" I cried. "Berri! I can't believe this! You're alive! But how? I saw you get shot by Don Weaso!"

But the commander, who indeed was Berri, still in that cool outfit, except she was wearing this strange helmet over her head, didn't reply, she just stood there emotionless.

"Berri?" I asked confused. "Why won't you say anything?"

But she still didn't reply. She just stood there emotionless. Until that professor weasel guy gave her an order.

"Commander…KILL HIM!" he ordered.

And then, Berri pulled out her Assault Rifle and started firing at us!

"Conker!" Rodent used himself as a shield to protect me from her shots.

"What the! Berri! What the heck! It's me Conker!" I tried to reason with her, but her only response is shooting her Assault Rifle at me, while Rodent kept on using himself as a shield.

"Hey! You leave our majesty alone!" Franky yelled and attacked her.

"Franky NO!" I shouted.

Then Berri saw Franky coming and roundhouse kicked him away against the wall, knocking him unconscious.

"Dude! I say we RUN!" Marvin panicked; he grabs the cheese and runs off.

"Yeah, me too!" Ron said following him.

"Hey! Don't forget me!" Reg said following him as well.

"Don't worry dear! We'll help you!" a female cog said. "Ladies!"

"Yeah!" the other two female cogs said.

The female cogs charged at Berri unleashing their wrath, Berri fought back, resulting into a catfight between them. I just stood there watching, helplessly behind Rodent, who was hiding inside his suit. The mad weasel continued to watch with delight.

"Commader…FINISH THEM!" the weasel ordered.

Then, next thing, Berri grabs all three female cogs and tights them up in chains, and sends them flying against Franky who was still out cold.

"Berri! STOP!" I called, but she still ignored my words.

Then the next thing, a whole bunch of Tediz entered the room, with Marvin, Ron, Reg and the cheese hostage.

"My liege! What should we do with these little $%&#ers?" one Tedi soldier asked.

"Put them with the rest of the little bastards over there, and knock them out first!" the professor said.

"Okay!" the Tediz then knocked Marvin, the cheese, Ron and Reg out, and toss them on top of Franky and the cogs.

"Now Commander Berri! Finish these two off!" the professor ordered pointing at me and Rodent.

Berri turned back to me and Rodent, only this time, she puts away her Assault Rifle, and pulls out a big knife, as she approached me in a dangerous manner.

"Come on Berri! Please! You don't want to do this! I'm your boyfriend! Please!" I kept on calling her out while using Rodent as a shield, but she continues to ignore me.

However, before she could do anything, she suddenly dodged some incoming bullets with a back flip jump.

"Huh?" I looked confused.

"What the $&%#?" the professor looked dumbfounded.

I looked up and saw a huge flying transport, armed with heavy weapons, the hatch open revealing the Colonel of the SHC along with a few grunt soldiers.

"Quick boys! Get on board and let's get the hell out of here!" the Colonel shouted as he tossed me and Rodent a ladder.

At first I hesitated, when I noticed Berri and the Tediz approaching in for the kill. "Forgive me Berri, but don't worry, I'll rescue you…somehow…" I whispered softly as I grabbed the ladder along with Rodent. The transport flew up high, with the Tediz trying to shoot us down, but the Sky Jockey piloting the transport activated the defensive force field to prevent them from causing any damage.

Rodent and I climbed up the ladder until we were inside the transport. "You boys alright?" the Colonel asked.

"I'm okay, but I'm afraid Conker isn't…" Rodent said as he looked at me, realizing my depression.

"What's the matter son?" the Colonel asked me.

I didn't reply as I looked out the window, and all I could see was the castle being blown to bits by the Tediz, thinking about what happened back there.

"Berri…" I whispered. "I'm sorry…"

Next thing I know, I fell down and blacked out, and all I could hear was Rodent calling out for me in concern…