My fall will be for you

My love will be in you

If you'll be the one to cut me

So hard, I'll bleed forever

(From 'Ghost Love Score' by Nightwish)

Chapter 1

It was quiet. Everything felt so strange. When he tried to open his eyes, all he could see was blood red. It didn't feel like a dream, nor did it feel like reality. He thought that he should be in pain, but he didn't feel any. Not even a little.

He heard something close by and tried to focus on it. It was cries of anguish. Someone was there beside him. He couldn't see him, couldn't tell who he was, but he could hear him crying. He was crying so hard. Had he caused this person such great sadness? He felt an overpowering urge to reach out a hand to that person, wipe the tears away from his face and tell him that everything was alright. But his body wouldn't move. He wanted so badly to comfort that person, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't reach him.


Paddy had been staring cautiously at the closed door of Aaron's room for a while now. He was already late opening the surgery, but this was much more urgent. The door had remained closed all morning and not a sound had come from the room.

Every day, his worry for Aaron was increasing. At first it had been hard to convince him to come home from the hospital and rest. But when he did, he had heard muffled cries coming from his room. A few nights ago they had finally stopped, but now every morning his eyes were bloodshot, his speech was slow and his whole body seemed completely drained. He hadn't been back to the hospital in days, just went to work, came back and locked himself away in his room again. Not eating, not sleeping, just sinking into despair.

Deciding it was now or never, Paddy knocked gently on the door, afraid of what state he was going to find him in this time.

"Aaron?" He said quietly, but was met with silence. Swallowing his nerves, he inched the door open and peered inside.

The room was cold and the curtains were still drawn. In the dim morning light he saw Aaron lying on the bed, deep in sleep. His first thought was relief that he was finally sleeping, but the worry soon returned. He was still wearing the clothes he'd had on the day before, meaning he'd only gotten to this point by staying awake until he passed out from exhaustion.

He moved into the room as quietly as he could to get a spare blanket from the cupboard, afraid that the slightest noise would disturb Aaron from his much needed sleep. It saddened him that he'd been sleeping so soundly while Aaron had been suffering all alone. He was supposed to be Aaron's father, he'd sworn that he would watch over him. Right now he was doing a terrible job of it.

Taking great care not to wake him, he covered Aaron's sleeping body with the blanket. He didn't move, just continued breathing deeply. How long would he stay asleep, Paddy wandered, and would he feel any better when he woke up? As he left the room, he hoped that Aaron would stay asleep for as long as possible, because at least in exhausted dreamless sleep, he was safe from everything that tormented him.


Sleep hadn't done anything. When he had woken, finding it was already past noon, all he'd wanted to do was crawl back under the blanket, go back to sleep and ignore the rest of the world for a little while longer. But he'd already wasted too many hours with sleep. There was a strange feeling stirring inside him that he should be doing something, but he couldn't figure out what it was. There was no point in going to the hospital anymore. Jackson didn't need him. He was no good there. All of this was his fault, and his being there would just make it worse.

So he had decided to go to the garage and make up for the work he had missed. That was all he was good for right now.

The walk through the village was hell. Everywhere there were people asking him about Jackson. Was he ok? Was there anymore news? How was he coping with it all? Each question was another knife in his heart. He kept on walking, ignoring them all, wishing they would all disappear and leave him alone. But at the same time, he wanted to be punished more.

"Aaron!" A familiar voice broke through his thoughts and snapped him out of the stupor he hadn't realised he'd been in. It was Adam, running towards him with the same concerned look that everyone else had. He realised he hadn't seen him for quite a while and couldn't even recall the last conversation they'd had.

"Aaron, I'm glad I caught you. It's good to see you." Adam said when he reached him, out of breath.

"Yeah, you too." Aaron replied. Because despite everything, it was good to see his friend again.

"Are you ok? How is Jackson doing?"

There it was again, the knife in his heart. He knew Adam was just trying to help but he was no different than the others, he didn't realise that he was hurting him.

"I'm late for work," he mumbled, heading quickly towards the garage.

"Now? I'm sure Cain isn't that much of a heartless bastard."

"I have to work, don't I?" He said, not looking at Adam, though he could hear him following close behind.

"Worry about all that later. Just go to the hospital."

He stopped abruptly and turned sharply to face Adam.

"Why does everyone want me to go to that damned hospital?" He shouted, the anger boiling over, "I did this to Jackson, everyone should be hating me, not giving me sympathy. How stupid are you all? Can't you put two and two together and see it was all my fault? I'm the one who caused this, why are you acting like I can solve it too?"

A long silence stretched between them. Tears had formed in his eyes without him realising. He wiped them away, clearing his vision and saw that Adam was still standing in front of him. Even after everything he had said, he was still there.

"You think it will be better if everyone hates you?" He said.

"Well maybe there's a good reason for that." Aaron scoffed, looking away again.

"Do you think this is what Jackson would want you to do?"

"Staying away is the best thing I can do for him. It's not like I can heal him or anything."

"No one expects you to be a miracle worker. Just being there for him is enough." Adam said, pleading with him. Desperate to change his mind.

"How? He doesn't even know I'm there."

"It'll help more than you think. Besides, you want to see him too, don't you?"

Those words chased out any other thoughts he had. Of course he wanted to see Jackson, he wanted that more than anything. But at a time like this, he couldn't just think about what he wanted.

"I-I can't. They don't…want me there…" He said quietly, afraid his voice would betray his emotions for a second time.

"Don't worry about anything else." Adam said, placing a comforting hand on Aaron's shoulder, "If you want to see him, then go to him. Just be with him while you can." They looked at each other, but didn't smile. Both of them knew what he had really meant by that last sentence.

"Alright." Aaron said. "I'll go."

"I can go with you, if you want." Adam offered.

"Nah, I'll be fine." He said as he turned to head towards the bus stop. "Trust me, you don't want to put up with…"

He stopped abruptly and stared across the road at the stone wall which separated the village from the open countryside. For the briefest of moments, out the corner of his eye, he thought he'd seen someone standing there, looking directly at him with an intense, fixed gaze.

But when he'd looked closely, he saw that the spot was completely empty. He glanced around but there was no one anywhere near it.

"What's wrong?" Adam said, obviously puzzled by his strange behaviour.

"Nothing," he said, looking away and rubbing his head. "I must've lost more sleep than I thought."

So now on top of everything else, he was seeing things that weren't there. Was he subconsciously hoping that some angel would come down from heaven and make everything better again?

"See you later," he said, turning to Adam one last time before he walked away. Adam waved him off, then watched him leave. He knew his friend was still worried about him, but he didn't want to trouble him anymore than he had already. He didn't deserve to be dragged into this mess.

As he walked, he found himself looking upwards to the sky. It was perfectly clear and blue, as if there wasn't anything wrong anywhere in the world. But still, it was just the same old sky.

No angels from heaven ever came to this village.


When he stood in front of the hospital, he wished that he had asked Adam or Paddy to come with him. He was frozen with fear. Fear of what Jerry would say to him. Fear of all the bad things that could happen in there. Fear even to look at Jackson, knowing he had condemned him to this fate.

If Paddy had been there, he could've drawn some strength from him, at least enough to keep walking forward. On his own, he didn't even have the strength to do that. He wanted to turn and run away and never look back again. That's what he had been doing so far. Maybe there was a reason that all he had strength for was running.

He thought of everything Adam had said to him. It had made him realise that he did want to see Jackson again, even if it was just one last time. Not being with him, especially now, was breaking his heart. It hurt more than anything he'd ever felt before. That thought finally set his feet in motion.

Nothing stopped him. No more bad thoughts distracted him. This was all because Jackson was so important to him, and he had to be strong for him if he wanted him to survive.

He kept going until he was stood outside the room. He'd made it. He'd overcome his fear. Jackson was right in front of him.

But in an instant, his strength left him again. Jerry was there. The fear was taking him over again, and there was no one there to help him. He didn't know whether to grant Jerry's wishes and leave, or to just walk straight into the room and face him. In the end, all he did was stand there like a moron as Jerry approached him. The look in his eyes was like poison.

"You just keep coming back here." Jerry said, his voice thick with hatred.

"Yeah." Aaron mumbled, unable to say anything else. He wished that he could be brave for Jackson's sake, but he felt like a small child being told off.

"You give me a big speech about why I should let you come back, then you don't even show up? And you still make me out to be the bad one here?"

"I'm sorry. I-I just…want to see him…" he said, knowing how feeble he sounded.

"You think I'll allow something like that?" Jerry roared at him, making him tremble. "I never thought my son was stupid before, but of all the people he could have chosen, he went for you? What could anyone possibly love about you?"

"That's enough!" A sharp voice shattered the heavy atmosphere. Both men turned to see Hazel, filled with anger that was directed at Jerry. "What gives you the right to say that to him? And especially in front of Jackson."

"You're taking his side?" Jerry snarled at her. "He doesn't even show up."

"Well you're one to talk, aren't you? At least he has a real reason for staying away from Jackson."

Jerry's fists clenched as he fell silent, his words dried up and his fury suppressed. Even he was no match for Hazel when she was like this. Aaron felt relieved. He was glad to have this unstoppable juggernaut on his side.

"Go on in, love," she said to Aaron, switching instantly to her kind voice again, "take as much time as you need." She smiled at him, but it was a smile that hid her sadness. She had remained so strong, but did that just make things harder for her?

He watched her drag Jerry away, saw the last glare that he cast at him. She was the same as the others, he wished that she would stop giving him so much undeserved sympathy. Why didn't she scream at him, hit him, say what she really thought of him? He could tell that she really wanted to. It was there in her eyes whenever she tried to be kind to him.

His attention turned back to the room in front of him. For the first time in days, he was alone with Jackson.

Slowly, he walked the last few feet to Jackson's side. With every step, the invisible weight hanging on his heart grew heavier. He could see his face clearly now, beautiful but scarred. It filled him with such great affection, and such great sadness.

He'd made it past all the obstacles. He was with Jackson, where he wanted to be. But now he was wandering why he had wanted to come. Seeing him like this - His body just a shell being kept alive by machines, it was more heartbreaking than he could have imagined.

Slowly, cautiously, he reached out and took hold of Jackson's hand, gripping it tightly as if he were trying to save him from falling. Could he feel him from within his dreams, even just a little?

Memories of the few short months they'd spent together kept coming back to him. They seemed another lifetime ago now. Nothing but dreams. He kept wishing that all of this was a dream and it was still summer. But denying something didn't stop it from being true.

The touch of Jackson's hand was warming him from the autumn cold. Aaron suddenly worried that he was stealing the heat from his body and pulled away. Jackson's hand fell limply onto the bed. He was still.

The whole world seemed so quiet, and they seemed so utterly alone. Aaron sat in silence, just staring, and felt an immense guilt. Why did he feel this way, like he should be doing something to bring Jackson back from the brink of death? What could he do?

Hazel seemed so certain that everything would be ok. She kept talking about stories of people falling down elevator shafts without getting a scratch on them. She forgot that there were other stories of people dying from the slightest little thing. His own grandfather had drowned in barely an inch of water.

The doctors said that all they could do now was wait and see if his condition improved. But nothing had changed. He only had a slither of life left, and he could barely hold onto that. Nobody said it out loud but they didn't need to, the truth was clear.

He was going to die.


The rest of the village was sleeping quietly by the time he arrived back at the house. The house seemed so lonely when it was dark and still like this. There was no one there to welcome him home.

He made his way to his room quietly so he wouldn't wake anyone. He didn't bother to turn on the light, just sat on his bed in the dark, staring at the floor, unmoving. He didn't feel tired, nor did he feel alert. Things like time and sleep had stopped being important. It was like his whole being had stopped, with just the constant thought of Jackson's life force slipping away.

After a while, he glanced at the drawer beside his bed. Something was in there that he hadn't thought of for a while, but just now it had somehow come back to his mind again.

He rummaged through the mess until his fingers touched upon something smooth and cold. He latched his fingers around it and drew it out. A small slither of moonlight crept through the gap in he curtains and gleamed against the small object in his hand. Clyde's dog tag.

It was the one thing he had kept when his pet had died, but he'd immediately shut it away in the drawer and ignored it. He ran his fingers across the small carved letters. On one side was Clyde's name, on the other his own name and address, in case Clyde had ever gotten lost.

"Hey boy," he said out loud, "I never really just talked to you, did I? Well I wish I could talk to you now. I feel like there's so many things I want to say to you, but I left it too late."

He fell silent again, wandering if he was going mad. He knew he was speaking to no one, but it didn't matter. These were words he had to say.

"I could really use you around right now. You were the only one who always forgave, no matter what I did. I just kept doing worse and worse things, and now…" He stopped as a lump formed in his throat and the tears returned. "I don't deserve forgiveness anymore."

"I…I don't know what to do anymore. Running away didn't work. Trying to kill myself didn't work. So…So what am I supposed to do now?" He gripped the tag tightly as the grief became too much. His face was soaked with tears.


Outside in the autumn cold, the lone figure was there again. Though he wasn't in the room, he could sense Aaron's words and the thoughts that haunted him and refused to stop.

Aaron didn't realise it, but he was close now to saying the words which would change everything. The figure begged for Aaron not to say them and condemn himself to even worse torment. But he could beg all he wanted and it would still be worthless, for his own desire counted for nothing.


"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry." Aaron wept uncontrollably, "I was supposed to look after you but I just put you in danger, and I got you killed. Now I've done the same thing to Jackson. He…he's going to die. I know he is. I killed him too." The tears stung his eyes as he clutched the tag closely to his chest.

"I'd give anything for him to live. I…I wish that he and I had never met. I wish he could go back to his old life, and forget that I ever existed."

He couldn't speak anymore. All he could do was sit there and cry and cry, until the tag was wet with his tears.

He was never aware of the person outside his window, crying with as much anguish and sorrow as he was. His soul had also been crushed, for his greatest fear had come to pass. The wish had been made.


As the world was sleeping, he walked through the empty corridors of the hospital, silent as a gust of wind. It was very dark, but he didn't need light to see. He stopped outside the room where a young man lay, unconscious and close to death. This young man's body had taken a lot of damage, and the small amount of life left in him was rapidly fading away.

As the lonesome figure approached the young man, every part of his being screamed at him to stop. He had been hoping and praying that he wouldn't be here, about to do the unthinkable - To take away the thing that was most precious to this man and the one he loved.

It was so cruel of him to feel this way, even if it did save the man's life. But it didn't matter how strong his will was, he couldn't disobey the wish.

He leaned forward until his face was close to Jackson's. Gently, carefully, he placed his palm on his forehead.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered before a dazzling white light erupted from his hand. In an instant, Jackson's body was brimming with life once again.


He felt something strange. Something unlike he'd ever felt before. It didn't hurt, yet it felt like something had just been torn straight from him. His eyes opened ever so slightly. The blood red world was now lit by a brilliant bright light.

He could see the shape of someone close to him, leaning over him. He tried as hard as he could to focus on that person and find out who it was. But the light was fading now. He could just about make out that it was a man with long hair.

The strange new feeling was overwhelming him, making him feel tired again. He was afraid to go to sleep, he didn't know if he would ever wake up again. He tried to hold on, but he wasn't quite strong enough. As he slipped away again, he thought he could see tears glistening in the man's eyes.


AN - Sorry for the long delay in updating this fic. This chapter ended up being waaaay longer than I anticipated. Hope you liked it all the same, and that it didn't dampen your Christmas too much.

I'm on holiday until near the end of January, so I promise I'll beat out another chapter or two in that time.