Fire and Blood
A/N:
The beginning of this is from the book New Moon chapter 4.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does.
Fire and Blood
Chapter 1:
Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.
Charlie's fist came down on the table. "That's it, Bella! I'm sending you home."
I looked up from my cereal, which I was pondering rather than eating, and stared at Charlie in shock. I hadn't been following the conversation- actually, I hadn't been aware that we were having a conversation- and I wasn't sure what he meant. "I am home," I mumbled, confused.
"I'm sending you to Renee, to Jacksonville," he clarified.
Charlie watched with exasperation as I slowly grasped the meaning of his words. "What did I do?" I felt my face crumple. It was so unfair. My behavior had been above reproach for the past four months. After the first week, which neither of us ever mentioned, I hadn't missed a day of school or work. My grades were perfect. I never broke curfew- I never went anywhere from which to break curfew in the first place. I only very rarely served leftovers.
Charlie was scowling. "You didn't do anything. That's the problem. You never do anything."
"You want me to get into trouble?" I wondered, my eyebrows pulling together in mystification. I made an effort to pay attention.I was so used to tuning everything out, my ears stopped up.
"Trouble would be better than this… this moping around all the time!"
That stung a bit. I'd been careful to avoid all forms of moroseness, moping included. "I am not moping around."
"Wrong word," he grudgingly conceded. "Moping would be better- that would be doing something. You're just… lifeless, Bella. I think that's the word I want."
"I'm sorry, Dad." My apology sounded a little flat, even to me. I'd thought that I'd been fooling him.
Keeping Charlie from suffering was the whole point of all this effort. How depressing to think that the effort had been wasted. "I don't want you to apologize."
I sighed. "Then tell me what you do want me to do."
"Bella," he hesitated, scrutinizing my reaction to his next words. "Honey, you're not the first person to go through this kind of thing, you know."
"I know that." My accompanying grimace was limp and unimpressive.
"Listen, honey, I think that- that maybe you need some help.
"Help?"
He paused, searching for the words again. "When your mother left," he began, frowning, "and took you with her." He inhaled deeply. "Well, that was a really bad time for me."
"I know, Dad," I mumbled.
"But I handled it," he pointed it out. He stared at me and I looked down quickly. "I think we both know it's not getting better."
"I'm fine." He ignored me.
"Maybe, well, maybe if you talked to someone about it. A professional."
"You want me to see a shrink?" My voice was a shade sharper as I realized what he was getting at.
"Maybe it would help."
"And maybe it wouldn't help one bit." I don't know much about psychoanalysis, but I was pretty sure that it didn't work unless the subject was relatively honest. Sure, I could tell the truth- if I wanted to spend the rest of my life in a padded cell.
He examined my obstinate expression, and switched to another line of attack. "It's beyond me, Bella. Maybe your mother-"
"Look," I said in a flat voice. "I'll go out tonight, if you want. I'll call Jess or Angela."
"That's not what I want," he argued, frustrated. "I don't think I can live through seeing you try harder. I've never seen anyone trying so hard. It hurts to watch."
I pretended to be dense, looking down at the table. "I don't understand, Dad. First you're mad because I'm not doing anything, and then you say you don't want me to go out."
"I want you to be happy- no, not even that much. I just want you not to be miserable. I think you'll have a better chance if you get out of Forks." My eyes flashed up with the first small spark of feeling I'd had in too long to contemplate.
I won't tell him this, but all I have been thinking about lately is leaving. The thought of actually getting out of here gave me hope that I had not had in a long time. Ever since He left I wanted to hunt down the first vampire I could find to change me.
"I'm not going to Mom's," I said quietly, playing with a strand of my hair. If he wants me to leave then this is the perfect time to set my plan in motion.
"Bella, I spoke to your mother, "he said. His eyes flashed up to my face, gauging my reaction. He looked at me a few moments before continuing. "We both feel that it's in your best interest," he paused a moment before continuing, "if you took some time to yourself, then come back at the end of the school year." He spoke in a detached voice, as if he was saying a speech he memorized.
I sat there thinking over what Charlie was saying. I was mentally making a list of all the reasons to stay and all the reasons to go. The only reason I could come up for staying was Charlie. Could I really leave him to fend for himself? That got me thinking that, before I got here, he was doing just fine. I have been nothing but a burden since coming here.
I made up my mind. I was not going to be a burden to anyone anymore. I will look after myself, and the first thing I am going to do is find a willing vampire to change me.
"Ok, I will go and pack," was all I said to my dad, while getting up and turning my back on him to run up the stairs to pack.
A/N:
The next few chapters are going to be Bella on her own. I want you guys to get a feel for her then we will get into the good stuff.
I will Like to take the time and say Thank You to my wonderful Beta TheBonfireOfVanities
