Gandalf smiles and knocks with his wooden stick thingy. A few seconds later the door opens revealing… a younger Bilbo Baggins. Oh, he looks like Martin Freeman. Wait… Oh my god, this is in "The Hobbit" universe. Well that's just peachy. I haven't read the book nor have I watched the movie, I've only seen the trailer… once.


"Gandalf…" Bilbo breathes out breathlessly, the dark circles under his eyes clearly visible. Poor guy, he must be exhausted.

"My dear Bilbo. It seems that we are the last ones to arrive." Gandalf chuckles amusingly.
The small hobbit gazed up at him, confused.

"We?" he asks, puzzled. By "we" Gandalf means himself and a random girl from another universe who just conveniently got stuck in here. Oh, that girl would be me.

"Bilbo, meet Oriana-"Gandalf says, moving to the side so Bilbo could see me. I smile brightly at him and wave.

"-my only child." Gandalf finishes and I nearly choke on my spit. O-only child? That's his master plan... introducing me as his only child?

Bilbo, along with me, stared at Gandalf baffled. Does this make me "Oriana the Gray" now? Snapping out of my daze I bow down to Bilbo.

"Oriana, at your service." I say politely. Bilbo blinked a few times but once he was over the shock he bowed.

"Bilbo Baggins, at yours. Please, come in." he says moving aside so we could come inside. You could hear loud singing and the sound of footsteps dancing from the inside of his house. Wow, and here I am thinking that Bilbo isn't a party-hard kind of guy. Gandalf, or should I call him "daddy dearest" was already inside chatting with the noise makers, leaving me to stand with Bilbo.

"Do I have to take off my shoes? " I ask Bilbo who is staring at me confused. I supposed that's because of my "strange" outfit. Well, it's strange here. I'm wearing an emerald green blouse and a short-ish black skirt paired with leggins. He shakes his head slowly, gulping.

"Uh no, there is no need." He says quietly. "Pardon me for asking lady Oriana, but Gandalf is such a large man and you are… a rather petite she-dwarf. How is it-" He mumbled nervously, barely choking it out. I chuckled to myself. Beats me, Bilbo, beats me. Gandalf is one kinky bastard, I guess. Just kidding, I didn't say that.

"He never talks about my mother." I shrug nonchalantly. "I only know she left a long time ago." I say with a hint of sadness in my voice. God knows I'm not a good actor but Bilbo seemed like he believed me. He nodded understandingly, dropping it.

Not wanting to press the subject any further, he escorted me to the living or dining area and as soon as we entered the room, all eyes were on us… especially on me. There must be at least 15 dwarves in here.

"Jesus, are you throwing a dwarf rave or something?" I muttered quietly to which Bilbo stared confusingly at me.

Gandalf rose up from his seat, smiling at Bilbo and me.

"Allow me to introduce you to Oriana, my only child." Gandalf says smiling. All of the dwarves gasped and looked at me, bemused. One even choked on his drink. I bit back a laughter, waving at them awkwardly.

"A daughter? I didn't know ya' had a daughter?" one of the dwarves with a bald head said. Gandalf chuckled amusingly and gave him a knowing look.

"There are many things you don't know about me, my dear master Dwalin." He said smiling. "Oriana, let me introduce you to Dori, Nori, Ori, Bifur, Bofur, Boumbur, Gloin, Oin, Fili, Kili, Balin and Dwalin" Gandalf said and pointed at each and one of them. I blinked a few times, staring blankly. Yeah, that's not going to be hard to remember at all. Note the sarcasm.

"Err- My pleasure?" I say hesitantly. I noticed that almost all of the dwarves were hairy, beardy and overweight. So that must mean that they have food in here. Man, I'm starving.


"Is it always this cheerful?" I ask Bilbo, smiling at the dwarves who were downing a barrel of beer.

"No, it is not." Bilbo huffed, glaring venomously at the dwarves. "It's quiet and peaceful and-"

"'Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt." A dwarf, smaller and more childish looking than the rest, approached us with a plate in his hand. "But what should I do with my plate?" he asked Bilbo. I chuckled at his innocence.

"Here you go Ori, give it to me." Fili, I think that's his name, said and took the plate from Ori throwing it to another stunning dwarf. I had stopped smiling (and breathing) and stared at him in awe.

While almost all of the other dwarves were hairy and beardy this one however, Kili-I think-, has shoulder length messy brown hair, warm brown eyes and he is the only one who doesn't have a full on beard. He caught the plate with ease and threw it behind his back. But that wasn't all; Fili continued to rapid fire the plates at him and he caught every single one.

"This is so awesome!" I exclaimed grinning. Bilbo turned towards me, mouth hanging open. My smile dropped as I frowned at the dwarves.

"I uh- I mean, this I rude. Very rude indeed!" I said as I laughed nervously. Bilbo just shook his head. One of the dwarves passed Bilbo and me, barely balancing a pile of plates that were over his head. I found it hilarious but Bilbo… he was freaking out. The look on his face was priceless.

"Put that down!" he ordered. "Put that down this instant! Those are my mother's finest plates!" he yelled, going after the dwarf. I laughed to myself, clutching my sides. I wasn't expecting to enjoy myself this much.

"J-Just don't do that! You'll blunt the knives!" Bilbo shouted from the kitchen. All of the dwarves started laughing and all of a sudden they broke in to a song.

"Blunt the knives and bend the forks!
Smash the bottles and burn the corks!
Chip the glasses and crack the plates!
That's what Bilbo Baggins hates -"

By the end of the song I was pretty much screaming along and choking myself with laughter. Man, these dwarves sure as hell know how to have fun. Suddenly, out of nowhere a plate was flying right at me. Instead of ducking down I froze and just stared at it. I never had great reflexes or in this matter any sport ability. I blame my genes. The plate would have hit me if it wasn't for the dashing Kili who caught it, inches from my face.

"Thanks" I breathed out, gawking at his beautiful face. He smiled at me charmingly and the winked before going over to the table. With a childish grin on my face I gazed in his direction.

"Oriana-" Gandalf mused, waking me up from my daydreaming.

"Hm?" I mumbled. Oh my god, was I drooling? No, no. I wasn't drooling. Thank God. Gandalf chuckled amusingly.

"Sit my dear." He says motioning to the chair. I nod and sit on the chair which was, to my luck, next to the hot dwarf and his brother. At first I was withdrawn and quiet as the dwarves around me laughed and casually threw the food to each other. It was like a snowball fight just… without the snow. But, after a couple of minutes due to the annoying grumbling my stomach was making, I decided to grab a bite. Reaching for the brown bread that was on a nearby plate, I stuffed it in my mouth quite viciously. Yeah, I was never graceful.

"Lady Oriana, is it?" a husky voice asked beside me. Mouth full, I raised my head as my eyes meet with the same mesmerizing brown ones of Kili. Great, just when I look like a bloody squirrel. Swallowing the food, I smile brightly and nod.

"Yup." I say, popping the "p"

"Kili" he says, observing my face.

"And Fili" his brother adds, leaning over to look at me.

"At your service, Lady Oriana." They both say at the same time. I found this incredibly amusing and laughed.

"Do you two do this all the time?"

"Sometimes." They shrug, answering at the same time. I chuckle and shake my head at the two. I like them.

"Forgive me for asking but, how are you a female dwarf if Gandalf is a wizard… and a large on at that." Kili blurts out. Why do I have the feeling that I'm going to be getting this question a lot more?

"Nah, it's alright." I wave it off with my hand. "I dunno, actually, he never talked about my mom." I shrug, trying to drop the subject. They just nod.

"Don't tell him this but, I hope I don't grow out a beard like his. I mean, the thing could be used as a carpet…" I trailed off as the two brothers stared at me baffled. Then they started laughing hysterically.

"Then let us hope you don't grow one out, Lady Oriana" Fili grins at me.

"Call me Oriana, please. You don't have to use the "lady" part since I'm far from a lady." I say as I take another mouth full of the bread. They both laugh and smile at me. Just as I reached for another piece of bread there was a knock on the door and everything went silent. What the heck happened?

"He is here." Gandalf announced darkly.

"Who's here?" I asked confused. Whoever it is he must be some freaky person since he can make a whole room of singing dwarves-and a wizard- go silent just by knocking on the door.

"Our uncle is here." Kili whispered to me.