Author's Note: Ah, there's nothing better than Random Name Generation for Ike's previous blind date set-up scene. S = all playable characters in Path of Radiance. By the way, the women who show up are as follows: Mia, Ilyana, Lucia, Lethe, Lyre, Nephenee, and Vika.

Ike, Soren, and Heather all walked together back to the mercenary fort.

"So, really, you just like to stab things?" Heather asked.

"Hey, MY weapon is good for slashing too!" Ike responded.

"I guess you and I really aren't so different," Heather said.

"No, we're not," Ike answered.

"Listen," Heather said, "I guess I should leave you two alone for the night. Get back to my drab, lonely, girlfriend-free lifestyle."

"Hey," Ike said, "Soren and I would be happy to help you look for a girlfriend."

"You would?" Heather asked excitedly.

"We would?" Soren asked incredulously.

"Yeah! I know plenty of single women that I could set you up with!" Ike responded.

"Oh, thank you!" Heather shouted. She wrapped her arms around Ike.

"You're welcome," Ike responded.

Heather skipped home happily.

"We are NOT doing this," Soren said simply.

"But why not?" Ike asked, "Don't you want Heather to be happy?"

"Of course I do," Soren responded, "But… can't she be happy without our help? I mean remember the last blind date you set people up on?"

The last blind date Ike had set up was between Ranulf and Oscar, the former of whom wanted to get heated and frisky, and the latter of whom wasn't even aware it WAS a date. This resulted in some confusion when Ranulf pounced on Oscar and shouted, "Take me, baby!" Oscar thought Ranulf was high on catnip.

Assuming that Ranulf was inebriated, he simply responded "no," after which Ranulf burst into tears.

"Heartbreaker!" Ranulf screamed, "You ruined our date!" Then he transformed and ran away.

Several seconds passed, and Oscar asked the empty room, "That was a date?", shrugged, and walked away.

"But that won't happen this time!" Ike said, "Trust me!"

"Oh," Soren sighed, "I just don't…" Then he looked into Ike's blue eyes, "Dammit."

"I knew you'd come around!" Ike shouted, squeezing his partner dangerously hard.

Soren squeaked, "Ow."

"Let's celebrate our new arrangement!" Ike shouted, and carried Soren to his room.

"Oh, Ike," Soren said, as the larger man kissed and caressed him.

-------

"Okay, Heather," Ike said, "We're going to find you a woman."

"Your pants are down," Heather noticed.

"Oh, they are? Oh, yeah, that's right. I was in a hurry to meet you, and didn't get them up all the way," Ike said, embarrassed, pulling up his pants.

"You had a nice night, didn't you?" Heather asked.

"Oh, yeah!" Ike said quickly, hoping Soren wasn't coming around the corner. He whispered to Heather, "He's as compliant as a wall you command to stand still".

"Hmm…" Heather said, "Sounds like my kind of girl."

"I'll keep that in mind," Ike said.

Soren came around the corner with several papers.

"Soren," Ike asked, "What are the papers for?"

"They're advertising for Heather. Single women wanted. Is that good enough?" Soren asked.

"YES!" Heather shouted.

Several women showed up. One of them in particular caught his eye.

"Lucia?" Ike asked, "What are you doing here? I thought you were dating Bastian."

"I am, but…" Lucia said, "We have an arrangement."

"Duly noted," Ike said. "You're cheating on him."

"It's not cheating if we're not married," Lucia said.

"I'm not married to Soren," Ike answered, "Does that mean I'm allowed to sleep with Ranulf?"

"Of course it does!" Lucia answered.

"Oh, it does, eh?" Ike asked. Soren slapped Ike for being a pervert. Then he slapped Lucia for encouraging him.

"Oh my goodness!" Heather shouted, "ALL of these women look FABULOUS! I guess I'll just have to date ALL of them to see which one I like the best."

"Oh, we're dating a woman?" an excited Lyre asked her sister, "Cool!"

"It is not 'cool,'" Lethe responded, "It is disgusting, and I am taking my leave now."

"You're no fun, Lethe!" Lyre responded, "You're just afraid that you'll have the hots for her and then you'll be a BEORC-LOVING HOMOSEXUAL!"

Lethe hissed in response, "I am coming to terms with the fact that I may like ONE beorc. And HE is NOT THAT WOMAN!"

Soren hissed back at that moment. "Hands off, you bigoted hypocrite."

"I'M A BIGOTED HYPOCRITE? YOU'RE the one who calls me a bigot after insulting laguz!" Lethe said.

"THAT WAS ALMOST FOUR YEARS AGO AND I WAS DOING IT TO PROVE A POINT AFTER YOU INSULTED IKE FOR NO REASON!!!!"

Ike was terrified that if he did not intervene he would be a pseudo-widower. Just like that time almost four years ago.

"Stop fighting! PLEASE!" Ike said.

"You're lucky Ike is cute or you'd be dead now," both Lethe and Soren said in unison.

"Oh, I remember you," Heather said to Nephenee who was bashfully waiting in a corner.

"Oh, hi, Heather!" Nephenee said, "Are you here for the date?"

"Oh, yes!" Heather responded.

"Who are we dating anyway?" Nephenee asked.

"Me," Heather responded gleefully.

"You?" Nephenee asked. "I'm sorry, I thought we were here for a fella."

"Fellas are so BORING! No offense, Ike," Heather responded.

"None taken!" Ike said, "Crazy…"

"Come on, Nephenee!" Heather said, "Give me a CHANCE at least."

"Well, I've never been courted by a lady before…" Nephenee said.

"What about Calill?" Heather asked.

"Calill? She never courted me; we were just friends!" Nephenee said, laughing.

"Or were you?" Heather asked.

"We were," Nephenee said, "I swear. I've never been courted by a lady before."

"Have you been courted by a man before?" Heather asked.

"Yeah, once, but he ended up marrying Tamyra," Nephenee said, "Darn her perfect figure!"

"And who are you?" Heather asked.

"I'm Vika," Heather responded, "And you must be Heather."

"Yep!" Heather responded happily. "Alright, I want ALL of you lovely ladies to date me, so… who should I date first?"

"NOT IT!" Lethe shouted, as she transformed and ran away.

"Please excuse my SISTER'S rudeness," Lyre said, "I would be HAPPY to experiment with you!"

"I… can see why you like Ranulf…" Ike said hesitantly.

"I know! Isn't he great?!" Lyre shouted.

"How about… you?" Heather asked, pointing to Vika.

"Me? Well, I guess I could," Vika said.

"Okay, here's the deal," Ike said, "We have a double date at the Calill Inn."

"A double date?" Heather said, "Swell!"

"And Heather?" Ike asked.

"Yeah?" Heather responded.

"When you DO choose… I hope you don't choose Lucia. She's taken, you know," Ike said.

"That doesn't mean I can't try her, does it?" Heather asked.

"That's not my concern," Ike said, "I just don't want Bastian to end up heartbroken."

"Not a problem," Heather said, "She's hot, but so are all the other girls!"

"I'm glad you feel that way," Ike answered.