Chapter Two: Shadows

A/N: Wow thank you all so much. I can't believe how many reviews and story alerts I've received from the first chapter. You guys are amazing.

Disclaimer: If I wish really hard then maybe … but probably not…

~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~

It's well past noon before everything in Ziva's apartment settles down. Agents had been wandering in and out, bringing messages, or information, for most of the morning, and even Vance had stopped in a few times. However, her team had never moved far from her side. Abby's arms had held onto her tightly since the airport, Tony and McGee never seemed to let her out of their sight, and although Gibbs was often answering his phone he to watched and waited.

It isn't until the last of the other agents finally leave that Ziva speaks.

"I am not going into shock." She say's firmly into the silence.

She knows they are smiling without having to see any of their faces, but she fights to keep her face a calm mask.

Each of them insists they are sure she is fine, but none of them move.

They talk and ignore the fact that she is waiting for them to leave. Her team teases and jokes, and for a moment it's like it was before.

Ziva can't stop the small smile that slips onto her lips as she tells them that she really is fine. For a moment they almost seem to believe her, except they don't relax, don't move far from her side, and most certainly don't leave.

They stay and talk, make her smile, and Ziva feels safe even though soon all her nightmares will come back. With them around her she is kept safe from the dark creeping up, and she can feel herself begin to relax even though she really does know better.

Yet she smiles, and laughs with them, and tries to show them that she is okay. At the same time she forces herself not to think about what will happen when it gets dark and they leave, and she has to face the shadows on her own.

The sun had long disappeared before anyone makes any move to leave. Gibbs is the first. He tells them all that they are expected to report for duty tomorrow, except Tony and Ziva.

Ziva watches as perhaps the two most important men in her life meet each other's gaze. Tony gives Gibbs a small nod of understanding, and she can't help but be irritated by it.

"I do not need a baby sitter." Ziva growls softly, but she yawns at the same moment, and it's not nearly as scary as she had meant for it to be. Not that it would have mattered, at least not really.

"Never said ya did," Gibbs says kneeling down beside her.

He kisses her cheek softly and whispers something in her ear. Whatever he says makes her eyes go wide, and her cheeks turn a soft shade of pink as she tires not to laugh.

The others watch in silence as Gibbs pauses at the door, and Ziva gives him a real smile, the first any of them have seen from her in far to long.

No one asks. They know she won't tell them anyway, so they play a hand of poker and pretend they aren't all wondering the same thing. Games, teasing, jokes, and it is almost the same, but it will never really be the same.

Ziva drifts off to sleep on the couch not long after Gibbs leaves, with Abby sitting protectively beside her.

Part of Ziva screams that she shouldn't feel so safe with all of them here; she knows they won't hurt her, but they also won't stay. She will wake up to the silence of the night and there will be no safety then. Yet Ziva can't help it, and slowly she drifts off to sleep.

It's almost midnight before they leave. Tony tells them they have to go to work tomorrow. He insists they need to go home and get some sleep, but Abby doesn't want to leave Ziva.

"What if she wakes up and we aren't here," Abby murmurs looking down at the sleeping woman beside her.

Tony and McGee glance at each other but neither one smiles.

Abby had refused to leave Ziva when they first got her back. She had taken the first week off, and stayed with Ziva through the worst of it the parts that she couldn't hide no matter how hard she had tried.

Tony touches Abby's arm lightly, bringing her back from the memories months of tearful nightmares had left her, and gives her his best charming smile saying, "I'm not leaving Abby, she won't be alone."

Half an hour later, McGee finally leads a hesitant Abby out of Ziva apartment, after promising to take her home, and Tony promise's that he will call if Ziva needs anything.

The door snaps shut behind them, and Tony returns to the couch in time to hear her soft whimper, and her eyes flicker as she tries to wake. The sound brings a strangled tightness to his chest that is almost painful.

Slowly and careful not to hurt her he picks Ziva up off the couch and carries her to her bedroom. Even in her sleep she tenses as his hands touch her, he pushes down the anger that surges, and instead whispers softly in her ear that "its time for bed."

"Tony," the word is almost too soft to hear, but he hears it.

For a moment he thinks she has woken up, but as he lays her down gently on the bed she doesn't stir.

He shouldn't feel excited that she says his name in her sleep. It shouldn't make him want to reach out and touch her dark curls while she is lost in her dreams, and it definitely shouldn't make him want to lay down next to her and protect her, but it does.

There was a time she would have killed him for staying the night in her apartment, but that was a lifetime ago. Now she might kill him by accident if he scares her, but he won't leave. He won't leave her. Against his better judgment Tony lays down on the bed beside Ziva. She curls into him as if intentionally, and he resists the urge to wrap an arm around her tightly. He settles for brushing her hair from her face, and allowing himself to drift off to sleep with her steady breathing keeping time with his.

~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~

Ziva wakes with a warm body beside her, instinctively she tenses in his arms, until her mind catches up with the rest of her senses. The smell of old spice and pine that is uniquely him surrounds her, and she lets herself relax knowing it's him beside her.

Tony is lying beside her on top of the blankets, while she is safely tucked under them. It shouldn't make her smile, but it does. Her head is pounding again, and her nausea is back, a pressing memory of why she shouldn't stay here in his arms.

Slowly and silently she slips out of bed and heads to the kitchen. It isn't until she takes her first sip of water that she realizes how dry her mouth is. Her stomach convulses as the water hits it, and she has to lean against the cool counter for support.

Ziva needs to think, needs to run, but she doesn't want to leave the safety of her apartment when it's still so dark outside, so she sits in the shadows of her apartment cleaning her gun and thinking.

The blankets beside him are still warm, but she is no where in sight. He moves slowly through her apartment to find her sitting in the kitchen, her gun stripped before her. Tony stands and watches her for several moments, before she tenses realizing he is there.

"You should be sleeping." He says simply as he approaches. "Abby will kill me if she finds out you didn't stay in bed all night."

Its teasing almost like what they had before … well before. Almost. Once maybe she would have run with his open remark, but not tonight. Not here in her apartment, with her mind still racing through to many things to keep track of. Instead she gives him a small smile and tells him she isn't tiered.

They both know it's a lie.

He could call her out on it, and maybe he should, but he doesn't. Tony sits down beside her and watches her finish cleaning her gun slowly, and then put it back together. He doesn't flinch as she loads it, or as she snaps the safety off. He simply sits and watches her, waiting.

"Maybe we should go back to bed," she says finally her fingers running lightly over her gun.

He doesn't remember the last time she teased him, it was a different lifetime. So Tony gives her his best DiNozzo smile and it makes her laugh. It's a soft sound and it surprises them both into silence.

Almost a full minuet later, Tony stands and Ziva follows him into her bed room without another word.

He hears the click of the safety as she climbs back under the covers with her back to him, and suddenly he isn't sure what to do.

Before he can speak he hears a soft voice say, "stay."

It's the only incentive that he needs. Slowly he slides into the bed beside her, careful not to touch her. He lays frozen beside her his eyes watching every breath she takes. Slowly she relaxes at his side, and her breathing evens out as she drifts off to sleep. Soon Tony feels himself relax beside her, and he too falls into the abyss of sleep.

When Ziva wakes a few hours later the sun is only just rising, casting a dim shadow through her bedroom. Her head is resting on Tony's chest, and the warmth of his body next to hers sends a chill through her. His breathing is slow and soft, the rhythm of someone sleeping.

She can't help but feel safe with his arms around her, and her head on his chest, but she shouldn't feel safe with him like this. It shouldn't be as comfortable as it is to wake up in his arms. How many nights had she slept with him beside her? How many morning had she woken in his arms? Too many, but not enough.

When she can't stand the contradiction any more she slowly and carefully slides out of his arms and off of her bed.

Ziva hesitates at the end of her bed. She has to get away from him long enough for her mind to clear. It was stupid of her to ask him to stay, worse still that he did. Everything that has happened between them washes through her, and she stifles a sudden sob.

She has to get away.

Quickly she grabs her running clothes and heads to the bathroom. Ziva changes as quickly and quietly as possible. Still her eyes graze over every scar, every mark that shouldn't be there. He knows. He knows what happened, because she couldn't keep it from him, but he doesn't understand, not really, and for that she is thankful. She hopes to whatever God is still listening that he never really understands, because it's already to hard to face him.

Her phone is sitting on the table, she should take it, and he might call if he wakes and she's gone, but she needs to get away, so she leaves it.

The door closes behind her with a snap, and she takes a deep breath. It will be cold outside, winter is almost here, but she doesn't care. The cold will help her focus, so she takes another breath and starts to run. She runs praying that some how she can out run her demons, but knowing that she never will.

~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~

This time when he wakes the sheets are cold. It doesn't surprise him, not really. He didn't expect her to stay all night, but he had hoped.

He expects to find her in the kitchen, but doesn't. Tony moves quietly through her deserted apartment, not realizing until he reaches her living room that she is gone. Her phone is lying on the table staring back at him, mocking the fear that grips his heart at her absence.

She left it intentionally, and it bothers him more than it should. Its Ziva after all, but it's not really. She isn't the same as she was, and now he can't keep the panic making his breath come in quick breaths. He could go looking for her, but he knows she doesn't want him to. She wants to be alone, that's why she is gone, and didn't take her phone.

Tony sinks down onto her couch. He will give her an hour, it's an hour longer than he wants, but not enough. It doesn't matter though; he will give her an hour to come home before he goes looking. Even though an hour is to long.

~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~ NCIS ~

Ziva isn't sure if she wants him to be gone or waiting for her at home, until she hears the click of the lock as she opens the door and sees him sitting on her couch looking worried. It isn't until she sees his face, and the warmth rushes through her that she realizes she can't want him here. He has to leave, before she isn't strong enough to make him leave at all.

She stands in the open doorway her eyes wide with surprise, and it takes everything he has not to walk across the room and touch her, just to make sure she is okay. He can see it in her eyes. Something has changed, the shields are back, but they are colder and it's like a knife to his heart.

"Z?" Tony's voice is worried, but he doesn't move from his place on the couch.

"I thought you would have left by now," She says dropping her eyes.

Ziva heads into the kitchen and Tony follows her slowly, the ache in his chest growing with every step.

"I was worried about you, you didn't take your phone," he said gesturing to the thing on the table as they pass.

Ziva shrugs and lies "didn't think about it."

Tony hovers his eyes following her as she moves around the kitchen, finally when she can't take it any more she says, "why are you still here tony?"

"I wanted to make sure you were okay, I didn't want you to be alone."

"Well I am fine so you can go."

"Ziva please don't." His voice is thick with pain and concern and her resolve waves for a moment.

The moment is long enough for him to touch her arm softly and turn her to face him. He can see the conflicting emotions battling on her face before they disappear behind the calm mask.

"You should leave Tony."

"I though we were past this?" He says softly.

She pulls away and turns to the bedroom. "I'm going to have a shower; I don't want you to be here when I get out."

Ziva disappears into the bedroom and he watches her go, there is nothing else he can do, as he hears the lock click. Tony leaves locking the door behind him; he thought they were past this.