Song- Here Without You by 3 Doors Down…

Disclaimer: I own nothing, not the character, not the lyric nothing

Derek still couldn't believe how she had the voice of an angel, he didn't know that she could sing like that and it only made him wish that she were still his even more. He loved the way her hair smelled like Lavender, he loved how she snored while sleeping even if it kept him up at night, he loved the way her smile would go from her lips and reach all the way to her eyes when they were making sweet wonderful passionate love to one another, And he missed her terribly. He knew that she was singing that song to him, the look in her eyes while she was on stage said it all, and he knew that he needed to tell her how he felt or else he might lose her to Finn and even though he was married he still didn't want Finn to have her, even if he was married to Addison. He went and picked out a song for karaoke and prepared himself for what he was about to do. The emcee announced his name and he took the stage, he looked at her to try and gage her reaction and saw a look of curiosity on her face. He took a deep breath as the music began and started belting out the lyrics meaning every single word.

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
It had been 100 day since he had chosen Addison over Meredith and he felt as if it had been 1000 he felt old and tired and he just wanted her back, she made him feel young and alive and he loved her. He didn't know how he was going to get through this marriage with Addison without going mad. She was nothing like Meredith and he was getting to the point where he couldn't stand Addison anymore.


And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face
She may not physically be miles away but it felt like they were, he missed her every day. He had promised Addison he would stay away from her and he regretted making that promise, he regretted choosing his wife over her. He dreamed of her every night, when he slept with Addison he had to pretend that she was Meredith just to get through it. He missed holding Meredith in his arms after making love and he missed everything.


I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me
He dreamed about Meredith every night, he was the last thing on his mind when he fell asleep at night and the first on his mind when he woke up in the morning. He longed for her to be in his bed lying next to him, to be standing next to him in surgery helping him to save the lives of his patients. He wanted her, he needed her and yet he had chosen not to have her. She had begged him to choose her and like an idiot he let her get away and now he was paying for it. He hoped that this song would show Meredith how much he still wanted and needed her and he hoped that Addison wouldn't see the meaning in his eyes or performance because he really didn't want her to cause a scene in front of all of these people.

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go
Pretending was exhausting, he was tired of putting up a front of happiness and pretend that people weren't talking about him and the mess he had gotten into since he had moved here from New York. He just hoped that one day he would have the guts to do what was right for him and not the right thing because he wanted to be happy and to be happy he would have to divorce Addison and make things right with Meredith so that they could be together and he only hoped that one day this dream of his could become a reality

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

He went to bed every night hoping for Addison to go back to New York, so that he could be happy, he knew that he didn't have the guts to do the selfish thing, he had to be responsible, he couldn't divorce his wife to be with the person he loved, he had taken vows and even though they had already been broken he couldn't be the one to ask for the divorce, it had to be Addison to make the first step and he feared that she would never give him up so that he could be happy.

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it wont take away my love
And when the last one falls
When it's all said and done
It gets hard but it wont take away my love

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

He loved Meredith Grey and wanted to be with her and as he belted out the last line of the song he put so much heart and feeling into it that he hoped that she would see how much it hurt him to be without her, to see how much he wanted to leave Addison and be with her but he couldn't be selfish because other people's feelings were at stake and even though he didn't love Addison anymore he still cared for her even if it was only because they had been married for 11 years, and had dated for 2 before that. He got off the stage and walked back over to his table every now and then glancing at Meredith for a reaction, she had tears in her eyes and when their eyes locked she nodded as if to say I miss you too. He didn't know how but somehow he was going to get her back. Somehow he was going to leave Addison and be with Meredith forever. He only hoped by the time he did it , it wouldn't be too late.

Please Review... let me know what you think... give me pointers and ideas on how to make it better give me CONSTRUCTIVE critism please just be kind about it seeing as this is my first fanfic and I am NOT an English major