I'm having technically difficulties again. My modem broke and I have to wait for the phone company to replace it, so I haven't been able to update as often as I'd like. I'm actually at an Internet cafe at the moment ;)
For those of you who're eager to see Sawyer – he's mentioned in chapters 2 and 3, and will appear in chapter 4 (I'm sorry, but I have to set up the story first or it'll feel too contrived!). And for those of you who're more interested in Kate – she will be back, but not until things have settled down.
It's interesting that some of you are Skaters – I have some Skate stuff planned, but as you may have noticed, I'm a hardcore Jater, so it'll be more in line with season one. Obviously Sawyer's not as close to the situation as Jack, so he'll be more sympathetic towards Kate when she decides to show her face… (What caused you all to check out this story, by the way? Just out of curiosity…)
Chapter 2. Help
"Yours?" Dr. Gleeson repeated, her brow furrowing in confusion at his words. "If you knew you were her father why didn't you just tell me when you brought her in?"
"I didn't… I don't…" Jack's legs were shaking as he tried to come to terms with the idea that he had a daughter, so he sank into the rocking chair in the corner, taking a deep, calming breath. "It's not a sure thing," he corrected her when he recovered himself, "but she was on my doorstep, and the timing..."
"I can run some tests if you want to be sure," Dr. Gleeson suggested, fixing him with another concerned look.
"No," he said quickly, before he could stop himself. He wasn't sure why, but the idea bothered him.
She raised an eyebrow slightly, looking dubious. "You're sure?"
"Yeah."
"Okay then. I guess this belongs to you."
He licked his lips, swallowing hard as she swaddled the baby in one of the white hospital blankets and handed her carefully back to him. "You don't want to keep her for observation or anything?" he asked hopefully, feeling his mouth go dry at the realisation that as soon as they left the hospital, he would be completely responsible for her. He wasn't sure he was ready for this; he didn't have a nursery, or a crib, or any experience. He didn't even have time to hire someone who did.
"Jack." Dr. Gleeson ran a hand through her short hair, trying to look patient, though he could see that she was beginning to get frustrated. As if she was the one who had something to be frustrated about. She wasn't the one who'd woken up to find herself the sole parent of a child she hadn't even known existed. "There are almost twenty babies in this ward, at least six requiring constant care, and that's not even including the eight or so women I'm expecting to deliver in the next hour. She's one of the healthiest babies I've seen in a long time – there's no reason you can't take her home with you right now."
"No reason? I'm supposed to be at inquest," he told her, exasperated; if it wasn't for the baby in his arms, he was pretty sure he would have hit something.
How dare she make a decision like this without consulting him? Why even have the baby if she didn't want it? It wasn't like he could've stopped her from getting rid it, of her, if that was what she decided, not when she never even bothered to tell him. It would've been selfish, but not like this. This was beyond selfish: it was cowardly and unfair. The whole thing was unfair.
He wanted to hate her, but he couldn't, because a part of him, a huge part, was still in love with her. And that part of him knew that it couldn't've been easy. As much as her abandoning their child had hurt him, it must've hurt her more.
The other doctor must've picked up on his thoughts, because her expression softened into a sympathetic smile as she held out her arms for the baby. "Okay, you win. I'll take her until you're finished with your meeting, but then you're on your own."
The inquest took most of the morning, and after giving his evidence, Jack found that he couldn't concentrate on the proceedings as his thoughts wandered back to the baby.
Whichever way he looked at it, he was going to need help. He couldn't juggle a career as a surgeon and a few day old infant, not when he was gone anywhere from twelve to twenty hours a day. If he were anyone else, he might ask his mother, but it would be hard enough explaining how he'd come to have a daughter, without having to justify his relationship with Kate. Given the hours that he kept, that really only left the other survivors. Sawyer was M.I.A somewhere around Canada last he heard, and he wasn't sure he would trust him to babysit anyway, and Locke, Hurley and Sayid were all single and as inexperienced as he was, so he didn't feel comfortable calling on them. Sun and Jin and Charlie and Claire were all settled in L.A., but they had kids of their own; he wasn't sure it would be fair to dump another baby on them, even if Claire was his sister.
But then, he was desperate, at least until he could find someone he trusted to take care of the baby while he was at work.
Or Kate, a little voice in his head reminded him, but he knew that it was wishful thinking. The marshal had searched for her for three years before he finally tracked her down, and knew what he was doing. If she didn't want him to find her, he wouldn't. All he could do was wait to see if she came back on her own.
It was almost noon by the time he was dismissed from the conference room; he had to pick the baby up before Maggie forcibly returned her, so deciding that he had no other choice at this stage, he took out his cell and called Claire.
She didn't answer right away, and he was afraid that she was out, until he heard her breathless voice on the other end of the line. "Hello?"
"Hey, Claire, it's Jack," he told her, breathing an inward sigh of relief.
"Jack!" she repeated, sounding pleased. "Sorry, I was just in the backyard with Aaron." She covered the phone, and he heard her say something along the lines of "Sshh, Mummy's talking," before returning his attention to him. "You know, I was going to call you later. There's something I wanted to talk to you about.
"Really? That's great," he agreed, feeling guilty about how dismissive it sounded, but he didn't have a lot of time before he had to get back to work. "Listen, Claire, I need to ask you a favour."
"Okay." She seemed disappointed. "What's up?"
Jack thought about just telling her, but it wasn't the kind of news you broke to someone over the phone. "Can I come over?"
"Sure." There was a slight pause, and he could tell she was frowning as she added, "I promised Aaron that I'd take him to the park after lunch, but I guess it can wait."
"No, you should go," he told her, feeling guilty about disrupting her plans. "We'll meet you there."
She was silent again for a moment, then she said, "Is everything okay, Jack? You sound… I don't know… weird."
"I'll explain when I get there," he said, disconnecting as he stepped into the lift.
Climbing out of his car twenty minutes later, he spotted her sitting on a bench at the foot of the slide, watching her son run around with the other kids.
"He looks like he's having fun," he said as he joined her, settling the baby capsule he'd bought on the way over between them.
"Yeah, he is," she agreed, her eyes still on Aaron. "I can't believe how big he's getting. It's like I blinked and suddenly he's three." She looked over at him with a rueful smile, and her mouth fell open slightly when she saw that he wasn't alone. "You have a baby."
"I have a baby," he agreed, fighting the urge to laugh when she screwed up her face in confusion.
"Why do you have a baby?"
"Honestly? I don't know," he confessed, looking down at his daughter, asleep in the capsule. She was so small; he wasn't sure how something so small could cause so much trouble, for him and everyone around him.
"Well where did it come from?" Claire pressed, and in spite of how serious the situation was, he couldn't resist making fun of her, so he said, "Do I really need to explain that to you of all people?"
But she wasn't amused. "You know what I mean, Jack," she said in the bossy tone she usually reserved for Charlie, fixing him with a serious look.
"Kate," he managed to choke out before he was overcome with emotion again. "She left her with me. I guess she thought I could take better care of her than she could." His eyes were burning with the tears he'd been fighting back all morning, so he looked away before she could see them, but he could feel her hand on his arm as she said, "But she's coming back, right?" her voice rising in concern.
Somehow, this just seemed to make him feel worse. "I don't think so," he confessed, shaking her hand off, glancing up at her in time to see her face fall.
"Well what exactly did she say?"
"Nothing. She didn't say anything."
"She just dumped the baby and left?" Claire said dubiously, looking confused when he nodded. "That doesn't sound like her."
Jack didn't know what to say so he just stared straight ahead, watching the kids as he tried to get a handle on his emotions. It was true; it wasn't what he'd expected from her either, not after all this time, but there was no getting around the fact that it was exactly what she'd done. At the very least, he thought, she could've written him a letter.
"I can see it, you know," Claire said after a moment. "She's got her mum's hair, and the shape of her eyes – that's Kate too. Can I…?"
When Jack turned back to her, her hands were poised over the capsule, so he nodded, watching with a sad smile as she fussed over her niece. It was the second time that day that she'd received attention from a woman other than her mother; he wondered if Kate had held her like that, or talked baby talk to her, or shown any maternal interest in her at all. He liked to think, from the careful way she was dressed, that she really had cared, enough to convince herself that she wasn't what was best for her. It was better than the alternative.
"What's her name?" Claire asked, looking thoughtful.
"I don't know – I'll guess I'll have to choose one," he said, finding himself overwhelmed once again by all the things he had to do now that he had a child. Naming her was at the bottom of the list, way after buying a crib and learning how to change a diaper.
"Well don't let anyone rush you," Claire said with a laugh. "It took me ages to name Aaron, and some days, I'm still not even sure I couldn't've done better." Grinning, she looked down at the baby, then back over at him. "So what was the favour you wanted to ask?"
"I was hoping you could take her for a while, until I get things sorted out," he explained, feeling guilty again, because she was his responsibility. He shouldn't be palming her off on other people, not when her mother had already abandoned her.
"You mean for the day, or…?" she trailed off when she saw his expression. "Jack, I've already got my hands full with Aaron, and Charlie… he's got a gig every night this week. Can't you take time off work?"
"That's not it," he confessed, dropping his head into his hands, so, so tired all of a sudden. It was only lunchtime, and already, today had been the longest day of his life. "I can't do this, Claire – not on my own, not without her."
Her expression softened, and she shifted the baby so that she could slide an arm around his hunched shoulders. "Hey," she said softly, giving him a light squeeze, "it'll get better, I promise. You'll figure it out. Trust me." She looked over at Aaron and smiled, and Jack found himself smiling too.
"You know that's my job, right?"
"I do, but that doesn't mean I can't give my big brother some advice," she agreed, letting go of him, and returning the baby to her capsule. "It's probably the only time I'll ever be able to. Aaron!" She beckoned for her son to come down from the fort as she took both the capsule and the diaper bag from Jack. "She can spend the night with Charlie and I, and tomorrow, when you come to pick her up, we can talk about what I wanted to tell you."
