I Am NOT Going Through Puberty Again!
or
A Naruto crackwut
By
EvilFuzzy9
Rating: T...ish
Genre: Humor/Parody
Characters/Pairings: Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, Hinata; [NaruHina, SasuSaku]
Summary: Our heroes did not come from a future where everything has gone horribly wrong. They did not travel back in time to save the world from a bleak or miserable fate. As a matter of fact, all they want to do is find a way back home as soon as possible. [cracky, epilogue-compliant time travel fic]
"Sigh. What am I going to do with you, Sasuke?"
These were the first words the Uchiha heard upon his return to consciousness, after drifting in a haze of blinding pain for an indeterminate length of time. Ripping off that prosthetic arm had apparently not been such a good idea, considering how the blood proceeded to get everywhere.
"I should be asking you that, hon," Sasuke chuckled weakly, grinning at the face of his wife. His vision was still a touch blurry from the tears that welled up in response to the inexplicable agony which shot up from the stump of his arm, but he would have recognized that shade of pink anywhere.
He felt his wife's chakra fluctuate by the most microscopic fraction of a percentage as she flicked one of her hands over a badly charred elbow. As he blinked the saline out of his eyes, he could begin to make out the minuscule chakra scalpels which delicately chipped away at the burnt tissue, surgically excising the useless flesh a tiny bit at a time whilst simultaneously exhorting the healthy cells to split up and replace the damaged ones.
No matter how many times he watched Sakura at work, Sasuke could never get over how damned hypnotic her medical jutsu was. It was entrancing in a way he couldn't really explain. His sharinnegan – as a tipsy Konohamaru had once famously dubbed it – let him see the finest details of her mystic palm technique, and the infinite subtlety of Sakura's chakra control never ceased to fascinate him.
It was one of the odder reasons to find a woman attractive, he supposed, but something about Sakura's medical ninjutsu just left Sasuke Uchiha all but completely incapable of tearing his eyes away. He marveled at her skill, the absolute confidence and precision with which she worked.
His visual prowess gave Sasuke an aesthetic appreciation for his wife's medical skills that surpassed even the pragmatic gratefulness for her healing abilities. Her every motion was exactly as she meant it to be, her chakra doing nothing she did not will it to.
It was sublime. Watching Sakura do her thing as a medic was like watching one of the renaissance masters at work. She had absolute control of her hands and her chakra.
"Like what you see?" Sakura teased her husband, seeing his eyes on her hands... which also meant that his gaze just so happened to be on level with her chest.
Sasuke blinked, then, suddenly realizing something.
Hearing Sakura's voice a second time, he now had the clarity of mind to perceive a curious oddity. She didn't have the subtle rasp, or slightest purring tenor she had come to possess as a mature, fully grown woman. The aural texture of her voice was less rich than Sasuke was accustomed to, less aged and refined. He heard less of a resonance in her torso, less depth and richness in her tone.
If Sasuke didn't know any better, he would have said it sounded almost like Sakura was...
He blinked again, his eyes flicking momentarily from Sakura's hands.
He stared at his wife's chest for several silent seconds.
"...huh," he said at length, staring at what should have been at least a modest swell. "I know I said I liked them on the smaller side anyways, but... what happened to your breasts?"
"The same thing that has happened to your little kusanagi, I'm sure," said Sakura frankly, smiling down at her husband.
Sasuke's eyes wandered up from his wife's presently non-existent rack, and he stared blankly at her face. Particularly her forehead, which appeared to be completely devoid of something to which he had become very accustomed over the years.
"And the same as what's happened to your seal of a hundred strengths?" he wondered.
A beat.
Sakura's previous statement finally got through his skull, and Sasuke's sharingan/rinnegan combo widened.
"Wait," he said, his voice sounding far more high pitched than it should have in his sudden distress. "What's happened to my penis?"
Sakura smiled sheepishly at her husband.
"I'd say... about negative twenty-three years," she quipped.
Ko was a member of the Hyuuga clan's branch house. He was adequately skilled with the gentle fist, and possessed a byakugan of average strength. In no way was he terribly remarkable, save perhaps that he was one of the younger branch house members currently in active service.
Neji was younger still, of course, but the young teen was also Ko's superior in skill. Plus he rather vehemently and openly loathed the main house of the Hyuuga, so there were naturally certain duties that could not exactly be entrusted to him.
This was not to say, of course, that Neji was the only cadet branch member to dislike the main branch. Bitter feelings ran deep between the two houses of the Hyuuga clan, and many of the lesser clansmen fairly resented their treatment at the hands of the few, elite main branch members.
Ko himself had enough reason to mutter darkly about the clan elders and their policies, and he was not exactly the clan head's biggest fan. But he was also a reasonable, responsible young man. He did not begrudge the duties laid at his feet as a member of the branch house – the basic idea was little different from what most shinobi did for the village, and he took a small amount of pride in the thought of being trusted to protect the secrets of the byakugan from those who might try to steal it.
Dying for the sake of the clan was a noble, even admirable act. Most Hyuuga, branch house or main, would say that such a death would be a good one. This was something both parties agreed on.
The caged bird seal was unpleasant, perhaps, inasmuch as the fact that it basically served as a convenient kill switch for uppity branch house members, but keeping the clan's kekkei genkai from being stolen by ambitious corpse-robbers was a high priority. The seal's main purpose was to destroy all genetic markers involved in activating the byakugan, as well as sealing away the eyes themselves.
This much, at least, was reasonable. Many clans had similar procedures for eliminating any biological traces of their secret arts or bloodline limits. If there was any chance of enemies being able to get their hands on a corpse, it was standard procedure to destroy any and all evidence that might enable people to reverse engineer the techniques or medications which empowered their shinobi.
Frying the brain with a handseal was technically just a side-effect of the caged bird seal's original, primary purpose. While this "side-effect" had been used in the past to keep members of the branch house in line, Ko and most of his peers also knew that even the most hardline, callous SOBs in the main branch frowned heavily on the careless use of that particular feature.
Even if they were expected to live out almost the entirety of their natural lives as meat shields and body doubles for the chosen few elite, kin were still kin. The Hyuuga, being a very old and powerful family, were every bit as clannish as the Uchiha or Senju. Binding the majority of their relatives with powerful, brain-nuking curse seals was not that much worse than some of the other traditions to have survived from the Warring States Era.
With the exception of a few unfortunate souls like Neji, most cadet branch Hyuuga could accept the caged bird seal, and the role as expendable shields to protect the main branch. They were a ninja clan, after all: such things were an integral facet of their existence.
Where Ko and many other branch house members drew the line, however, were things like THIS.
"Hinata-sama... please return home with me. Your father would like a word with you."
Ko looked at the girl with a grimace, hoping she didn't notice the slight shiver that raced through him when she returned his glance, or hear the faint whimper that he couldn't quite manage to choke back when she smiled at him.
It was always the nice, quiet ones, wasn't it? When they snapped, they snapped hard.
And, considering the swathe of destruction Hinata had carved on her way out of the Hyuuga estate, Ko felt fairly justified in his assessment that the poor thing had finally cracked under the pressure.
A part of him pitied her, knowing how much stress the lass had been under to try and meet her father's expectations.
The rest of him was absolutely terrified.
Sure, up until today Hinata had seemed like the kindest, gentlest, most innocent and harmless little girl ever... but they said Itachi had seemed like a nice kid too, and look where HE wound up.
As Hyuuga went, Ko was not remarkable in any way. He was of average height, average build, average skill, and average looks. If you were to chart all the various aspects of Hyuuga clan members and draw up a theoretical median for each of their different traits, the overall result would probably look a lot like Ko.
Basically, he was just one step up from nameless fodder. He had about as much character as a Star Trek redshirt, and roughly equivalent chances of surviving any kind of serious shit. If so much as a gentle breeze wafted through the Hyuuga estate, Ko would be one of the first casualties.
He was completely expendable, and he damn well knew it. Which was probably why he was mentally cursing Hiashi and his ancestors to the seventh generation (which also happened to include a number of Ko's own predecessors) as he valiantly tried to convince the seemingly-snapped Hinata to return with him peacefully to the manor.
Hopefully, she wouldn't decide to kill him TOO painfully.
Sasuke stared at his wife. It took him several long minutes to process what she was saying.
"What."
His words were as flat as his wife's chest, his expression as blank as a fresh sheet of paper.
"We're in the past, dear," Sakura repeated more explicitly. "Back to about the age of twelve, if my calendar is right. Which it probably is, seeing how fastidious I've always been about such things."
Sasuke blinked owlishly.
He sat up in his bed, looking down blankly at the stump of his left arm.
"...well, that certainly explains the blood," he said blandly. "And the pain."
He looked over at the freshly discarded arm which lay at the foot of his dresser. The skin was pale, and the amount of blood on the floor and the upholstery would probably mean hours of cleaning. Sasuke's bedsheets were thankfully much less red, a quick and almost reflexive application of his EMS flame control having stemmed the bloodloss mere fractions of a second after it had started.
"Yes, it does," said Sakura, audibly tutting at her husband's impulsiveness. "That wasn't a prosthetic. Not that you should have ripped it off even if it was one..."
The Uchiha clan head at least had the decency to look vaguely contrite.
"I never would have expected to wake up in the past," he commented. "It's hard to believe what you're saying. I probably wouldn't, if not for certain pieces of evidence..." He glanced again at his wife's chest. "...Do you have any idea how this might have happened?"
Sakura shook her head.
"No, and I'm not sure who else might have come back with us, either," she said, before pausing and frowning worriedly. "Er... You know, assuming we're not the only ones who've come back in time."
She didn't sound very hopeful in that regard.
Sasuke hummed thoughtfully. He glanced around his room for a moment, before nodding his head and speaking up again.
"Naruto's a given, at least," he said. "I just know that, somehow or other, this has something to do with him."
A beat.
Sakura chuckled wryly, nodding in agreement as she wrapped some gauze around the stump of Sasuke's arm.
"He does have a habit of winding up at the center of these kinds of things, doesn't he?" she mused.
Hinata stared at the branch house clan member who had just come running up to her. He was shaking like a leaf and sweating bullets, talking to her like one might talk to a rabid dog they all but knew was going to bite them.
She frowned subtly, detecting that Naruto had inched sideways from her as well. In his case, of course, he was clearly trying to act inconspicuous and make it look like his presence here next to the Hyuuga clan's present heiress was just an innocent coincidence.
Logically, Hinata understood why her husband would want to try and avoid complicating matters by letting on that he was in a relationship with her, since originally at this point in time Naruto had barely even registered her existence.
It still irked her a little, though. While she was sympathetic to her husband's earlier plight in the bedroom, and could tend to herself well enough until such a time as he was able to resume his marital duties, that didn't mean she liked the thought of having to distance herself from him.
She'd already EARNED her happy ending, dammit! She didn't want to go through the motions all over again until such a time as they could reasonably get back together without drawing any undue attention from the wrong people.
"...sooo...um, if you would p-p-please be so k-kind, Hinata-sama..." Ko was stammering, trying futilely to coax the clan heiress into coming back to the estate with him.
It was a rather pathetic sight, honestly.
Hinata frowned. Inwardly, she felt a tiny bit sheepish.
Knowing now that she was in the past, it made sense that certain of her actions that morning may have led her family to make particular wild assumptions. In this time she wasn't known as the Seventh Hokage's wife, Konoha's very own yamato nadeshiko incarnate. She was just a delicate wallflower, here, a quiet and insecure young kunoichi who also unfortunately had the weight of the Hyuuga clan shoved onto her shoulders by a miserable accident of birth.
Feeling the slightest hint of irritation, Hinata grabbed her husband by the collar. He had been trying to skulk off, which was a perfectly sensible course of action in this instance, but Hinata was NOT feeling particularly sensible at the moment.
Unconsciously, and unintentionally, Hinata let loose a tiny bit of killing intent in silent frustration, yanking Naruto closer. Compared to what she could do if she got serious, the bloodlust she projected right now was barely the lightest tickling of a feather on the back of one's neck.
Relatively speaking.
Objectively, seeing as how this was a kunoichi on par with the best of the best, in combat ability and mastery of her arts able to rival the likes of Itachi Uchiha or Kakashi Hatake in their prime, it was still some damn serious sakki.
Ko, the poor fellow, very nearly pissed his pants.
Sasuke looked at himself in the mirror, Sakura standing a little ways off behind him. He could not help but be amazed at how young they both looked. Aside from his now-missing left arm, and Sakura's now-sensibly trimmed hair, the two of looked remarkably like the fresh genin in their old team photo.
Well, aside from Sasuke's sharinnegan... and their overall demeanor, as well. She was more sure and confident in her poise, where he was more laidback and mellow. Neither of them was the same person they had been when last they were at this young age.
Time had changed them: time, and hardship, and Naruto Uzumaki. They were adults; full grown shinobi.
Parents.
"I hope Sarada is doing okay without us," Sasuke whispered, staring at the reflection of his face.
He could see his daughter in so many aspects of his youthful visage, in his cheekbones, his chin, and the shape of his eyes. A part of him wondered, idly, whether she had indeed inherited the genes for these eyes, the sharingan which blazed back at him from his reflection.
Another part of him hoped she hadn't, hoped that she could live a happy and peaceful life without ever having to worry about feeling too much, without ever having to fear the descent into madness which would surely come if she lost the ones most precious to her.
He wished he could have many children, give his daughter many little brothers and sisters to dote on and play with and tease. Sakura had broached the subject with him more than once, but every time she had raised the possibility, his mind's eye had flooded with images of his own family, of himself and Itachi, and the bloody, twisted cords of love and hatred which had bound their fates together.
And every time, without fail, he would feel the burning in his eyes, the tears of blood flowing down his cheeks, and know that no matter what else he did, he could never let himself subject his precious, beloved daughter to those same vile temptations which had nearly destroyed his clan and driven him into the deepest depths of darkness.
"I hope that multiverse theory is accurate," Sakura added, seeing the emotions which flickered across her husband's face. "Or else... she might already no longer exist."
She glanced meaningfully at Sasuke's missing arm, and he scowled.
"It better be accurate," the Uchiha clan head growled. "Because I won't hesitate to rip the space-time continuum apart at the seams if it means getting to see her again."
Sakura nodded, and silently prayed that it wouldn't come to that.
Considering the level of power he and Naruto wielded, Sasuke's threat was hardly idle.
"Until then, though," she said, interrupting her love's dark thoughts, "would you be a dear and help me reapply my yin seal? Considering the changes you've already made, I suppose it probably can't hurt to be prepared."
Sasuke looked sidelong at his wife, smiling softly.
"How long do you think it will take you to charge it up?" he asked her.
Sakura waved a hand dismissively.
"Our chakra came back with our minds," she said. "We may be in our twelve year old bodies, but we have all the control and capacity that we did as adults. It should only take me a week or so to fill up my byakugou no in to a workable level. And that's pumping her up from scratch, mind you."
Sasuke nodded.
"Fair enough," he said. "That's pretty convenient."
"Explains how you could rip your arm right off, too," Sakura added. "You have the same control as your future self, so it's a simple matter to unconsciously boost your physical capabilities with precision chakra manipulation."
Sasuke smiled, and glanced around thoughtfully.
"Yeah..." he murmured. A pause. "Say, have you got a sealing brush on you?"
Sakura nodded, even as she started to disrobe.
Naruto briefly considered making a break for it.
He only dimly recognized the person standing before him and Hinata thanks to the strong family resemblance between Hyuuga, but he was fairly sure that whoever this guy was, he would NOT be happy if he found out what he and Hinata had just been doing in his apartment...
...or...
...well, trying to do, anyways.
It seemed that the Seventh Hokage hadn't quite hit puberty yet at this point in time, much to his continuing frustration.
But, still. While Naruto only had a very general recollection of his childhood, he did remember well enough that most people Had Not Liked Him. It was debatable whether the member of a shinobi clan like the Hyuuga would be so uninformed as to mistake the "jail" for its "prisoner", but he hadn't exactly done anything to endear himself to them yet in this timeline.
Well, aside from Hinata, according to what his wife had told him of her childhood admiration for him, but that wouldn't exactly fix his problem. Son of the Yondaime or not, Naruto was pretty sure that the Hiashi of this time was NOT about to smile and tearfully give his blessing to him and Hinata.
So, quietly, trying to make himself seem as innocent and unimportant as possible, Naruto started to tiptoe away from Hinata and her relative.
He made it about three steps before he felt his wife's hand on his collar.
With a yelp, he was tugged back to Hinata's side, and she fixed him with a meaningful look which told him very clearly that she was not in the mood to be dealing with this shit on her own.
"Ah, sorry..." Naruto mumbled sheepishly. He looked at Ko. "Um, what can I do for you this fine day, Hyuuga-san?"
He flashed a weak smile at the probable branch house member, a bit of sweat trickling down his brow.
The young man blinked, and did a double take.
"Wh...What are you doing here?!" he yelped, sounding more tense than anything.
"I live here," Naruto said lamely, pointing at the apartment door behind him.
The Hyuuga blinked again, and turned to stare at Hinata. His expression was a curious mix of dismay, disbelief, and utter discombobulation.
"...what?"
"I live here," Naruto repeated for the man's benefit. "This is my apartment."
He paused, inwardly furrowing his brow as he silently added:
...I think.
"So what day is today, anyways?" Sasuke asked Sakura, once he'd finished applying the formula for the hundred-strengths seal to her body. "If we're in the past."
He may not have had Naruto's knack for fuuinjutsu (the blond having spent many years studying those arts in order to live up to the considerable reputation of his clan) but Sasuke was still nonetheless pretty skilled at sealing, if he did say so himself. And he was also doing a very good job of neither getting too aroused or too weirded out by his wife's mostly-naked form beneath him.
Jutsu formula sealing scrit, runes and written leylines, gleamed and sparked as they crawled over Sakura's skin. Artistic tendrils of ink swayed and writhed to and fro over the kunoichi's bare flesh, glowing and glimmering as the whole spiderweb of writing slowly retreated to the single drop of blood which had been precisely smeared over her ajna chakra.
Sasuke watched almost boredly, detaching himself from the fact that this was his beautiful and loving wife's practically naked, twelve year old body that he had just finished writing on and around. The ritual circle on his bedroom floor flashed as it drew Sasuke's chakra from the seal, letting Sakura's energies fill the writing up in its stead.
In a matter of seconds, the whole array which Sasuke had painstakingly scrawled onto Sakura's body had receded up into her forehead, the entire jutsu formula compressed into a singular point. The smear of blood on Sakura's brow melted away, and her skin was bare once again.
Sakura relaxed, and let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. A smile quirked her lips, and she beamed up at her husband. Her chest heaved with heavy breaths, the girl visibly worn out from the process of applying the seal. In time, her naked brow would bear the diamond mark indicative of a byakugou no in at functioning capacity.
"Mm... according to the calendar in my room, today's the day Kakashi-sensei gives us the bell test," the young woman said, panting and sweaty, her skin flushed in a manner that was rather inappropriately suggestive of certain other activities which could be done in her present, nigh nonexistent state of dress.
Sasuke blushed, and he wasn't sure whether to be thankful or dismayed that he didn't feel any immediate... stirring... below the belt.
Then he blinked, his brain belatedly processing what Sakura had actually said.
"Ah. I see. And what time is it?" he wondered.
"Earlier than Kakashi-sensei would be there," Sakura drawled.
Sasuke checked his clock.
It said 8:24 am.
"Oh, yeah. We still have another couple of hours, at least," he mused. Nodding, he then added: "Do you think we should go see if Naruto came back with us?"
Sakura smiled slyly at her husband.
"At least give me time to get dressed, dear," she said. "Unless you want me to visit him practically naked~?"
Her teasing colored Sasuke's face, and he spluttered sheepishly.
"R-Right," he mumbled, blushing hotly at the thought. "Sure, go ahead and get dressed. Just don't take too long, okay?"
Sakura smirked.
"I make no promises," she said. "A woman has to look her best, no matter where it is she's going."
"As long as you don't spend an hour putting on make up," Sasuke replied, the redness fading. "We don't need to be arriving even later than Kakashi."
Sakura rolled her eyes, letting out a most unladylike snort.
"Oh, please. That was one time, and he was already there in the first place. It WAS his wedding, after all."
"Really? And how about Yamato's wedding?"
"Okay, two times. But it's not like YOU'VE never gotten us late for anything, Mr. I'll-take-as-much-time-in-the-shower-as-I-need-to-wash-my-hair," Sakura drawled. "Does Naruto's inauguration ring a bell?"
"Long hair requires a lot of care!" Sasuke replied defensively. He almost looked like he was about to start sulking. "Besides, the way I remember it, you're the one who suggested it'd look good if I let my hair grow out."
"And it did look good," Sakura said with a smirk, her eyes glinting. "Now if only we could do something about that left arm of yours..."
Sasuke was the one to roll his eyes, this time.
"I can do everything you need with just the one," he said, smirking suggestively at his wife.
Emerald eyes glinted, meeting Sasuke's heterochromatic orbs with a hungry gleam.
"Oho?" she purred. "And are you of a mind to prove that little boast?"
Sasuke smirked, and his eyes lit up.
"I'll do more than just prove it," he said with a husky growl.
Clothes went flying everywhere, and two youthful bodies (oh god lee flashbacks repress repress) fell to the floor in a tangle of limbs.
Ko blinked. He stared at Naruto.
Dimly, he recalled that there was something important about the boy, but all he could think at the moment was a flat, toneless what.
He stared at Hinata, blinking owlishly as he tried to process what Naruto had just said. It did not escape his notice that the clan heiress's pajamas looked a little messy, or that he had seen her and Naruto emerge from the very same apartment the blond had pointed to.
It was not outside the notice of the girl's family that she had often taken to covertly watching the Uzumaki boy train. She had been quietly following the lad around for a few years now, having what seemed to be an innocent, precocious crush on the rather infamous prankster.
Ko had often been assigned to watching Hinata while she was out, covertly following the heiress to make sure nobody tried to pull off a repeat of that Hidden Cloud fiasco (while he was aloof and demanding, Hiashi-sama did worry about the girl's well-being, and was very clear on making sure that she was properly supervised within the village limits). Ko had as such more than once watched the girl watch Naruto.
Most clan members who cared to discuss such matters were at least distantly aware of the nominal heiress's fondness for Naruto Uzumaki. And while a modestly sizable portion quietly disapproved of this, most of the rest were ambivalent, or even found it "cute".
Ko, for what it's worth, was in the third category.
He understood his role as a member of the branch house, and accepted his duty in preserving the Hyuuga clan's prosperity. He would give his life to protect the village his family called home, sacrifice his eyes and his freedom if that would keep the enemy from stealing the clan secrets. He respected the respective roles of the main and cadet branches.
This did not mean, however, that he particularly liked the clan head. Hiashi was a stern man, and while he meant well enough, his attitude could still rub people the wrong way. He was also very protective of his daughter, and would probably kill anyone who dared to defile her at such a young age as this.
Ko secretly imagined that Hiashi would probably have a heart attack if he found out that the Uzumaki brat (whom Ko distantly recalled as being Bad News in some vague manner or other) had seemingly willfully fornicated with his twelve year old daughter. And while it might have been worth a laugh just to see what colors the man's face would turn, it would probably be better for all involved if this little incident was kept from the clan head's attention.
For Hinata as much as anyone else. Ko didn't pretend to understand why the girl had snapped that morning, but she looked relatively nonviolent now, and if the fact that she wasn't currently flinging him through the air like a rag doll could be attributed to anything the blond prankster had done, well...
Ko could look the other way. Just this once.
"If you come with me, Hinata-sama..." he said slowly, carefully. "...I'm sure we can forget all about whatever has happened here."
It was a gamble. If Hinata was actually still snapped, then words would be useless. But if she was in a state where she could be reasoned with...
Ko only barely avoided having a heart attack when the girl smiled at him.
"Very well," she said uncharacteristically primly. "I will permit you to..." For a moment it sounded like she was suppressing a laugh. "...walk me home."
Hinata finished, her eyes glinting with something Ko decided he REALLY did not want to try and identify. Coughing anxiously, the Hyuuga branch member spared one last curious glance for Naruto Uzumaki, before shaking his head and gesturing for Hinata to follow him.
He did not notice the pair brushing their fists together for a split second. For an instant, it seemed like time had frozen for the boy and girl.
But then they smiled at one another, and nodded in understanding.
"See ya later, Hinata-chan!" Naruto chirped, doing his best to approximate the way he had spoken in his youth.
"That would be lovely, Naruto-kun," Hinata replied, mostly for Ko's benefit.
Naruto waved goodbye, and Hinata followed after Ko.
Inside the Uzumaki's belly, Kurama resisted the urge to roll his eyes.
Humans, he mentally scoffed. They're even worse than rabbits.
He was grinning, though.
A/N: Naruto and Hinata's half of the chapter was actually written first. It took me a day or two to get Sasuke and Sakura's scenes down. Also like five or six straight hours of writing, between this and a couple other things, so yeah.
Also.
On another note:
WOW.
I...
I don't think even A Lewd New World got such a massive reception with its first chapter. I mean, this was published, what, four or five days ago? And yet it's already gotten 39 reviews, 136 follows, and 94 favorites, as well as being featured in 2 different communities.
This is... seriously my first non-smut fic to ever get such a big reception. Even Unbiased's reception was practically frosty compared to all the feedback I've gotten in regards to this fic.
I honestly wasn't even sure if it was that funny, but apparently you guys liked it.
A LOT.
So I will do my best to deliver! :D
Also, while doing my Christmas shopping, I wound up purchasing roughly half of the original Naruto series anime box sets (this in addition to ALSO owning all of the pre-Shippuden manga volumes).
Thing is, the way Amazon had the box sets listed... I wound up buying only the first volume of each season, and only after getting said box sets in the mail did I realize this. And finding the second volumes of those seasons was inexplicably complicated, requiring me to explicitly enter "naruto uncut box set season x volume 2" into the searchbar for each one.
Which is weird, because Amazon is usually relatively good about listing related materials together... as it is, I'll wanna wait like another week before ordering those, now.
Updated: 12-3-14
TTFN and R&R!
– — ❤
P.S.: The following omake started off as the final scene of this chapter, taking place after Naruto and Hinata's last scene. I ultimately deemed it a little too M-ish, however, and made it into a non-canon snippet.
OMAKE:
sasuke and sakura's bedtime woes
Sasuke looked at Sakura.
Sakura looked at Sasuke.
They were lying in the Uchiha's bed, naked as the day they were born, both frowning irritably. Though their skin was rosy and flush with sweat beneath the covers, their youthful bodies aching and burning, they looked neither excited nor satisfied.
"...okay, this is just painful," Sakura conceded. "And not even in the fun way. Are you sure you remember what you're doing, dear?"
"Strange," Sasuke murmured. "I know it hasn't been more than a week since the last time we've done it. And I'm not really feeling anything, either. It's just... sort of awkward and vaguely uncomfortable."
"You can barely get it up, at that," Sakura deadpanned, her eyes half-lidded. Not in a sexy or suggestive way, either.
"I swear this has never happened to me before," Sasuke insisted defensively.
Sakura sighed.
"...let's just go get Naruto. Alright, dear?"
Sasuke pouted, looking deeply affronted by his present... difficulties.
"Fine. Let's just get dressed and go meet him."
