Tohru Honda: Hi again; sorry for that cliffhanger but the idiotic writer had exams. So anyway… back to killing me!

OPENING CREDITS

"But…" muttered Tohru "Why on Earth would you want to kill her?"

"Because," said Kagura, with a gleam in her eye "She stole my boyfriend, the Evil Daimyo of Fruittygore!"

"She did?"

"She did! Well, maybe she doesn't know it, but he plans to carry her off today!"

Tohru was shocked

*Zoom in on Tohru's shocked expression*

"Well," said Tohru "That's not true!"

"Yes it is!" cried Kagura "Yes, it is! And she wants him to! She loves him! All mad girls love him… well, at any rate, I do…"

And she seemed quite convinced she did

"Well!" exclaimed Tohru "It is not as you say it is… And I'll tell you why!"

"Why?" asked Kagura, flabbergasted.

*Zoom in on Kagura's flabbergasted expression.

"Behold," she declared, as impressively as she could "I am Tohru Honda. And I have no intention of being killed!"
*Dramatic chords*

Kagura was discombobulated.

*Zoom Kagura's discombobulated expression*

"Oh…" said Kagura "You are?"

"I am!"

*Dramatic chords*

Now, ignoring all that, at about that point, a pretty young man wandered onto the stage. His hair was black and white –but not like a checker board- and he seemed somewhat lost. Kagura, who had a very nice evil plot going on, felt a tad offended at this interruption:

"Hey!" she said to the black and white but not checker-haired boy "Can't you see I'm in the middle of something?"

"Oh, don't mind me," said the boy, who seemed very absent minded. "I'm just foreshadowing."

And he wandered offstage as he had wondered on.

"Well, that was odd…" said Tohru.

"Yes," said Kagura "Yes, it was… and I'm the crazy mezzo-soprano, so you can imagine what that means. Anyhow, I was about to kill you!"

"Oh, yes!" said Tohru "Or, rather, no! I'm very sorry, but I feel obliged to object: I didn't even believe the Evil Daimyo of Fruittygore existed! How do you want me to steal him from you?"

"I don't know… But why should I believe you?"

"I can sign an affidavit…"

"Oh," said Kagura "I signed an affidavit once… But there's no use in that: it died... Besides, there's no such thing as an affidavit in Rural, Feudal Japan…"

"Are you quite sure?"

"Yes," said Kagura "Quite sure. Now, if I may… Die!!!"

Yet just then, something saved Tohru from the danger pointless, meandering deviation from the plot, not to mention certain death. A far off chorus was suddenly heard. Kagura and Tohru couldn't just yet make out the words, but they were coming closer and closer. The voices of countless, jolly girls resounded through the stage, and Kagura seemed taken aback.

"Them…" she cried, as the voice grew closer "Them! Oh, how I loathe them! Tohru Honda, you are saved by luck, pure luck… But I'll be back… Mark my words, I'll be back!"

Then, in a mad fury, with very appropriate music, Kagura ran away. And Tohru was left alone and terrified, when in came…

END CREDITS

Next time, on Fruittygore:

Kyo: entering from stage right: Ha-ha! I have you now, pretty one!

Kisa: on a bridge: Hiro! The factory's going to explode… Any minute now!

Akito: singing: I'm so happy with my evil plan,

Kureno: (in a kitchen) This is lame…