A/N: Hey, there, boys and girls. This is coming out so much later than I originally intended, so I apologize for that. I wanted a challenge, and this has definitely given me that. It's kicking my ass.
Thanks to SVUlover13 and PaperFrames for their amazing feedback and suggestions. Without you guys, this chapter wouldn't be here.
Your world is frozen. Elliot's hands are burning your hips, you can almost hear his heart pound and you know you need to pull away from him. Cragen stands in front of the two of you, but you haven't looked him in the eye and you don't think you'll be able to. He just saw you kissing your partner. Nearly four months of painstaking effort to keep your relationship under wraps and in half a second, it's all for nothing.
Finally, Elliot steps away from you, dropping his hands limply to his sides. Your cheeks burn as you fall against the opposite wall of the elevator. That didn't just happen. That couldn't have just happened.
Maybe he didn't see. Maybe Elliot pulled away just in time, maybe…
"You two. My office. Now."
Oh, God. It actually did happen.
As soon as the door to the captain's office closes behind the three of you, Elliot speaks, getting ready to defend you just like he always does. "Cap'n…"
"Shut up," the captain says. He walks around the side of his desk, pinching the bridge of his nose. His eyes flit between you and Elliot. "You know what your evaluations with Hendrix were about last year. You know why I had to consider splitting the two of you up."
You remember those few days all too well. Hendrix had prodded into every intimate detail of your relationship… until she asked you a question that you just couldn't answer.
If you had to choose between saving you partner and saving a member of the public, which would you choose?
You'd been almost as terrified then are you are now. You'd been afraid of losing him, of what your captain would say when Hendrix came back with the results of those assessments. You'd said too much, and now here you are… proving your captain right when he said he wasn't sure it was appropriate for the two of you to work together. What the fuck had you been thinking?
"Did I ever tell you the results of those assessments?"
"No, sir," Elliot says.
"The professional recommendation by Hendrix was that you were too close. I went to bat for you because I believed that you could keep your relationship professional. And what do I find?"
"We should have told you," Elliot says. "We just thought-
"I don't give a damn what you thought. How long has this been going on?"
He glances at you and you meet his gaze, and he must realize that your throat is too raw to answer the captain's question because he does it for you. "A few months."
"A few months," Cragen repeats. "And you didn't think that it would be important to tell me? You think that it would be okay for you to stick your tongues down each other's throats in the middle of the precinct?"
"No, sir."
"So give me one good reason why I shouldn't send one or both of you packing."
Your heart skips a beat. There's a fire in the captain's eyes that's making ice bubble in your chest- you've never seen him so angry. You have no idea what to say. Instead, your eyes flick over to your partner as he sits next to you, his muscles tense, his jaw clenched. The ice in your chest spreads when you realize that he's run out of things to say, too.
"That's all the answer I need," Cragen says. "As of now, you two are no longer partners."
"Captain-
"I don't want to hear it, Benson," he shoves himself away from the desk and before you can get another word out, he's yelling into the squad room, "Lake! You're with Benson! Fin, Stabler."
"I'm sorry," Elliot whispers to you just before you stand to meet your new partner. It's the last thing you hear from him all afternoon.
/
"Liv!"
You haven't even looked in Elliot's direction since you left the captain's office six hours ago. Your head has been spinning and it's still hard to concentrate on anything other than that one statement that had changed everything- as of now, you two are no longer partners.
Elliot's not your partner anymore.
He's striding down the hall towards you as you wait in front of the elevator, jacket slung over his shoulder.
"What is it?" When did your voice start sounding so tired?
"We still have to talk," he says as he reaches you. He looks just as exhausted as you feel and for a moment, you almost let yourself feel bad for him. He's the one that kissed you in the elevator.
"We can't do this anymore, El," you whisper, and immediately drop your gaze. You can't stand the look in his eyes as they bore holes into you. It's happening. The one fear that you've had between the two of you is finally happening, you're losing him. It's not for a couple of weeks for some space away from each other, it's not just for the duration of a case like it has been before. You'll have to watch him leave the squad room and worry about him never coming back. You'll have to put your faith in someone else to keep him safe rather than yourself.
"What do you mean we can't do this?" he rasps and you can almost see the hurt in his eyes even as your gaze is glued to the wall behind him. "You're not really- you can't say that. You can't give up now, Liv. He's already split us up."
Already split us up. Already split us up. Already split us up. This isn't happening.
"Goodnight, Elliot," you whisper.
"Liv…"
He reaches for you as you push past him, and you pull away almost violently. The door to the stairwell slams shut behind you.
/
By the time you get out of the shower and pour yourself a glass of wine later that night, you have three missed calls and two voicemails from Elliot. There's been two separate knocks on your door- you know it's him, and each time, you ignore it. You should have figured that as soon as you fled the precinct, he'd follow you home to finish what he'd started in the hallway. You've known him long enough to know all of his moves.
You've also known him long enough to know that a few ignored calls and not answering your door won't stop him. Ten minutes of silence pass and you're just starting to relax, just starting to believe that maybe he did give up, when two more solid raps prove you wrong.
Finally, you throw the door open. "What, Elliot?"
He stands in the threshold, eyes turning wide once he realizes you're in front of him. He pulls back his fist and lets his hand drop to his side. You want to reach out and wring his neck with his rumpled tie. This is all his fault. He had to go and mess everything up.
"You ran out on me today," Elliot says, like you weren't there or didn't remember your own actions. He works his knuckles over his jaw. "I came to see if you were okay."
"I'm fine."
He nods, chewing on his bottom lip as he takes a moment to break his gaze with you. Finally, he looks up and speaks softly. "Look, we may not be partners anymore, but-
"Stop." You hold up your hand like it will fend off his words. Olivia, I love you. "I can't do this with you anymore. I told myself years ago, after Cassidy, that I wasn't… we… I need my space right now. I just… can't do this with you."
You watch his eyes squint and his brow furrow. He sucks his bottom lip between his teeth and rasps, "Olivia, don't…"
He doesn't get to finish his sentence before you slam the door in his face, creating yet another interrupted conversation between the two of you for the day. Your back collapses against the wood as you suck in a breath, suddenly finding it harder to work air through your lungs. It has to be this way. It has to.
/
Elliot's back is hunched over a case file and his brow is furrowed as he writes in his slanted scrawl. Every time he shifts in his seat, your breath almost catches in your chest. There's half a sandwich from the deli down the street tossed carelessly on his desk and a can of Coke drips condensation into a puddle next to the picture frame that displays him and the twins.
But you don't see any of this- you're at your new desk, facing away from him. It's only six feet, nearly the same distance that he was across from you, but those few extra inches in another direction makes the two a world apart. You can't look up from your computer screen and see his face smiling back at you, the heel of his palm digging into his cheek. You can't slide the remainder of your lunch to him because you know, despite his trim waist and rare indulgence, he can be a bottomless pit. And you can't scold him for clicking his pens compulsively or tease him for pecking at his keyboard with two fingers rather than learning to type properly even after you've offered to teach him.
You need those moments back. You can't function for a full work day without them.
Finally, your self-discipline wavers and you caution a glance. You see only his back as he works. Sighing, you throw your pen onto the top of your desk, stretching your arms behind your head to loosen your tight muscles. Across from you, Lake sits back and gives you a smile. It's been three days and you just can't get in sync with the guy. He's been nothing but kind to you, taking his split with Fin with a grain of salt, but you can't help but not like him.
"Everything okay?" Lake asks.
"Yeah," you answer.
"I'm gonna grab some lunch, do you want anything?"
"Uh, no thanks," you say with a sigh. You give Lake a tight smile as he stands, grabs his jacket and leaves the squad room.
When you turn back to your computer screen, the cursor is blinking at you, almost patronizing. You can't focus. You feel his eyes on you… the second he looks at you, you know and you wonder if he knows when you look at him, too.
"Liv?"
When you turn, he's staring at you with those eyes and you can't help it when your heart jumps. Stop. Stop. You can't feel that way anymore. If you want to keep him... you can't.
"Yeah?"
"Can you talk to me now?"
He hasn't tried to break you down since you slammed the apartment door in his face the day before yesterday. You know exactly what he's doing- trying to give you some space, letting you cool down. Waiting for you to realize that what you're thinking is a mistake, waiting for you to crawl back to him and tell him that you need him the way he thinks he needs you. It's not gonna happen- it can't happen, not the way he wants it to. He's going to realize that. He's going to realize that all's you two can be is partners, and friends. That's what you're built for. That's what needs to happen.
"There's nothing to talk about," you whisper.
"That's B.S. and you know it." His eyes soften. "Listen, I-
"Elliot, stop…"
His brows furrows and his chin juts the way it always does when he's holding back words. You watch him grind his teeth for a moment, melting beneath his intense gaze. Just as he opens his mouth, Fin shouts from the doorway of the squad room. "Elliot! Cap'n wants us at a scene."
For a long moment, he doesn't move. He continues to stare at you, words on the tip of his tongue. Finally, he gets to his feet and disappears beyond the doors of the squad room. You sigh, raking your fingers through your hair, and turn back towards your work.
Even without the almost oppressive presence of your partner- ex-partner- you still can't get any work done. By the time Fin returns from his scene, alone, you haven't finished a single shred of paperwork. Your eyes are on Fin as he bypasses his new desk and comes to yours, leaning against the edge. He studies you underneath his gaze, but doesn't speak, so finally, you give him a small smile and ask, "Where's Elliot?"
"Got a call in the hospital. One of his kids got into trouble," Fin says. You know immediately what probably happened- it's Dickie. He's already gotten into two fights at school already… You remember the way Elliot's chest had almost puffed out with fatherly pride after he got the first phone call from the school. "You wanna tell me why I got saddled with your hot head partner?"
"No," you whisper. Your eyes drop back to your computer screen, but Fin doesn't move.
"You do know I'm a detective, right?"
"Fin…"
He holds both hands up in surrender. "I know, it's none of my business. Just know I won't hesitate to watch his back. Or bust his ass."
A small, hesitant smile comes across your face. "I'll take him back as soon as I can," you whisper, and it's a promise to not only Fin, but yourself as well.
A/N: Thanks for reading. Please let me know what you think in the box below :)
Have a great morning/afternoon/evening.
-Stabson
