It was a pretty tough pill to swallow.

Ian didn't even bother trying.

Chapter 1: Denial

Ian scratched his head with his pencil as his pale blue eyes glared down at his textbook. He then glanced over to his assignment and realized he hadn't even finished the first sentence on number one. "God, I frickin' hate word problems," he muttered, flipping his pencil around and erasing the sentence he spend twenty minutes working on for the third time. He looked over to the clock on his nightstand. Four forty-five. Not as late as I thought. His thoughts were drifting to and fro when he suddenly found himself wondering what Anthony was up to.

He envisioned Anthony at his computer listening to some sweet ass music he downloaded from Napster while playing a round of Halo and chugging Mt. Dew. He wished he were with him hanging out too. Ian fondly recalled coming over to Anthony's house in the evenings, ordering pizza and watching movies for a while because his mother didn't want to fuss with dinner sometimes. It was really nice, too. Anthony's mom loved having him over so he didn't think calling him up for a sleepover would be such a bad idea. They haven't had one in a few weeks so of course Anthony would agree to one! Ian scooted himself off the messy bed and searched around his room for his flip phone but couldn't find it anywhere. Dammit, I'll have to use the house phone, he silently cursed in defeat as he walked out into the living room where his mother was folding the linens.
"Hey mom, I'm gonna stay at Anthony's tonight," he casually mentioned as he made his way toward the home phone to call him. "Is Anthony's mother okay with that?" She asked in her usual concerned motherly way. Ian's mother always asked him the same question and the answer was always "yes" but he always ended up asking Anthony's mother's permission anyway because he was raised to be somewhat respectful to adults, despite his occasional troublesome attitude when he didn't think her rules were fair. "I was just gonna call right now so Anthony could ask her," he answered back, picking up the receiver and dialing Anthony's number. Ian's mother nodded and continued to fold the sheets and place them in the laundry basket glancing up at her son as he dialed Anthony's number.

He let his mind wander as he listened to the ringing on the other end of the receiver. Ian thought about class the other day as he waited, the stupid homework, the track practice...

His mind drifted back to that dreadful asthma attack as he struggled to find that damn little piece of plastic and metal that he couldn't survive without when such an attack struck. It was painful and humiliating having to run off from practice just to breathe easier but he knew it would be even more demeaning if the team saw their star player in such a weakened terrible state. Anthony always told him he shouldn't care what others thought of him and letting his cross country team know he has asthma wasn't really that big of a deal. He didn't believe it though but he would always sigh a "Yeah..." then return to his normal secretive behavior the next meet.

Anthony always tried cheering him up one way or another. It was that really admirable quality of his that made him glad they were close enough friends enough to confide in each other at times. Sure, there was Andy, Jake, and Floyd to hang out with too, but Anthony was different. Anthony had this kind of allure to him, this infectiously warm smile that always made him smile too, no matter how bad everything seemed. He couldn't remember having a best friend as close as he was and he regretted that they didn't try becoming closer friends during middle school. Ian remembered how they would talk and hang out a bit after they met in the sixth grade as part of the group but nothing really transpired until high school when Ian's parents finally told him he needed to either start paying rent or move out. His mother, of course, was the more lenient one but his dad didn't want Ian to be spending all his time on the computer while fiddling around with that damn camera of his. So he was stuck with the dilemma most teenage boys his age were in: No money, no job, and definitely no car.

"How the hell am I supposed to get a job if I don't have a car to drive there? I need money for a car but I need a job to get money but I need a car to go to a job?!" His head swam in circles as he pondered the dilemma for weeks.

It was when he explained, or rather complained, to the group of this dilemma that he found none of them to be helpful at all, not even in the slightest.

Except Anthony. He was the only one who didn't just offer advice but actually offered to drive him around so he could find a job and save for his first car in exchange for lunch (which came easy as they loved pizza and Ian found a job at a pizzeria) and a few rounds of Halo which quickly turned into late nights where Ian had to phone his mom asking if he could stay over since it was "already late" and he "might as well." He loved that excuse the most. Hanging out with Anthony just felt so natural and was so fun. Plus he knew exactly how to make him laugh. It was like a special talent of his. It happened so often yet Ian was always proud of every moment he was able to get even the slightest curve on Anthony's lips going. And Anthony, well, Anthony somehow had his own power over Ian. Ever since he stepped up and filled the void Ian never knew he had, Anthony had his own special way of showing he wasn't just another one of his "bros". He listened to his problems and began confiding in him, building a trust between them that he didn't share with any of his other friends. He didn't find excuses or blow him off after making plans and he kept his word when he could.

"Yes," Ian thought to himself one day, "This is what a friendship is supposed to be like."

It was like discovering another piece of yourself; one that fit perfectly into your existence and made you rediscover what you thought you had lost, but really never had. Anthony was that piece. Everything from his laugh that he thought was annoying (Ian liked it but never told him), to the pressed little indents on his cheekbones that showed where his dimples were on his constantly flushed face (he claimed he can't help that his cheeks are always red, which was kind of adorable.) All the way to his sarcastic yet loving personality. Everything he did gave Ian a sense of appreciation and amenity.

Just like on that day when Anthony's warm, tender smile was directed towards him in the school bathroom as they held each other closely. One could almost say...intimately perhaps. Never before had he felt so secure, so warm and happy in his arms.

"Anthony..."

Almost immediately he felt blood coursing up to his face and he began to heat up, remembering that warm secure feeling he felt as he pressed himself against his worried friend that warm, faithful spring day. He remembered inhaling the deep rich scent of his Polo Black cologne as Anthony's warm hands gently pressed Ian closer. Almost as quickly as he began to drift back into a plethora of enticingly comforting emotions however he suddenly grew startled at his own unnatural thoughts and quickly halted them.

Whoa! The fuck...? He scolded himself trying his hardest to shake off the now aggravating thoughts. He bit his lip and tried to fight off the heat rushing to his face. "No, no, no, no, no…" he whispered to his brain for thinking such a thing. "Stop it!"

He must have been feeling the beginning symptoms of a heat stroke. That had to be the most logical explanation for his behavior that day! He finally found an answer that convincingly satisfied his troubled mind but before he could fully relax though the ringing on the other end abruptly came to a halt and he heard a soft familiar male voice on the other end of the line.

"Hello?"

One simple word from the older of the two was all it took to break down his barricaded defenses and snap him back into reality. Shit! I forgot I was on the phone with Anthony!

"Uh... h-hey Anthony," he stuttered then cursed himself momentarily.

"Hey dude! What's up?" The sudden cheerful rise in Anthony's voice when he realized he was talking to Ian gave him that strange sense of contentment that he felt before again and he couldn't focus very well. "Oh, I'm just chilling at home trying to finish my English homework. You?" Anthony scoffed. "Pfft! I finished that crap hours ago! You should come over if you need help with it. Come on. We can play Halo afterward!" Ian grinned widely. "What the fuck, dude! It's like you can read my mind or something! Can you ask your mom if I can stay the night?" He heard Anthony cover the speaker and yell "Ma! Can Ian stay the night?" Ian continued beaming. "She said yes! Get your scrawny ass over here, dickstick!" Ian laughed. "Alright, see you in a few." He heard a "Later" from the phone before hanging up and smiled, letting the sound of Anthony's voice ring in his ears for a few moments.

"Do you always do that when you get off the phone with Anthony?"

Ian jumped and remembered he wasn't alone in the room. "Fuck mom! I forgot you were here!" Ian's mom smiled and shook her head. Oh god this is so embarrassing he thought as his face turned red and ducked out of the room. "She said yes. I'm going to Anthony's. Bye mom!" Ian quickly yelled rushing to his room to pack his things.

He was going to Anthony's house and was really excited about, but NOT because he had any feelings or whatever for him. Hell no. He strictly only felt friendship. Always had, always will.

Right?