Helena

I sat is the pews staring at the coffin in the middle of the floor in front of me. I was broken. My Matt laid in that coffin. He had taken my heart and reason to live with him. A priest droned on behind him, but I only paid attention to the coffin. I imagined Matt popping out of the coffin and dancing down the aisle, away from this damned place.

Tears streamed down my face once again. It had been three weeks and I still cry everyday. I planned on ending that though. I planned on going back to the apartment, that just got released today, and putting a fucking bullet in my brain.

I closed my eyes and pictures of Matt flooded my system. My tears grew fatter and they came now with more power.

One memory jumped out to me, one distinct memory with this same exact church.

MEMORYmemoryMEMORYmemoryMEMORYmemoryMEMORYmemoryMEMORY

Matt and I strolled up the church steps. Matt opened the heavy wood doors and we stepped through. It was amazing, Matt and I just stood looking around.

It was a beautiful stone building. The ceiling was high, well over 50 feet. The stained glass windows around the room showed various saints and scenes. Matt grabbed my hand and we walked on the tile flooring up the aisle past the pews.

As we reached the front Matt stopped and pulled me into his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and I rested mine on his hips.

With a sigh he started, "One day you'll make that walk for real."

I looked at him bewildered. "What the hell do you mean?"

He looked down at me with a sad smile. "That one day, we'll get married. We will secure our relationship in law."

"Matt," I began, "You know that isn't going to happen. They will never allow us two men to get married. We might not be secured by law or have any of the rights we should but we don't need to be, for we will never split and as long as we're together I'm happy. We love each other too much."

"Mels. It just isn't right. We have every right to get married. Because we are both men we aren't American? We aren't human? We don't deserve the rights that a straight man get? We are in California though, it could happen."

I laughed. "Doubt it. They might let other gay couples marry, but not us. We are too much of a bad influence to little kids." With that, to prove my point, I reached down and grabbed Matt's ass.

We both started laughing. I pushed up on my toes and kissed my Matty. Our lips worked together for a few minutes before we pulled away. We walked down the aisle and out the large doors with Matt's arm around my waist and my fingers tucked in his belt loop.

As we stopped in front of the church our lips came together once more. This time it took longer for us to pull away. As we walked away Matt whispered to me, "One day, you'll see. We'll me in that church together."

SOBsobSOBsobSOBsobSOBsobSOBsobSOBsobSOBsobSOBsobSOBsobSOBsobSOB

"Well Matt, we are in the church together now. To bad we aren't getting married.

A sob erupted from me and I buried my face in my hands. I felt a hand pat my trembling shoulder. I looked up to see Wateri sitting behind me. Next to him sat Lawliet and Light.

I nodded to them before turning back around. Around the large room few people were spread out in the pews. I sat in the front row alone and Wateri, Lawliet, and Light were the only one in the second row of pews.

Scattered through out the rest of the room where some of Matt's ex-boyfriends and girlfriends, and some of our friends from Whammy's and from when we were in the mafia. Near sat in the very back pew with Giovanni and Hal Linder, playing with his hair.

Neither one of our parents were there since we were both orphans. We also held secret lives so very few people knew us, hence the lack of people attending.

My tears slowed down some but never faltered. I was incomplete. I had no reason to live. I sat in my pew, letting every memory of Matt wash over me.

FUNERALfuneralFUNERALfuneralFUNERALfuneralFUNERALfuneralFUNERAL

I was the last one standing around the mound of dirt. L and Light had left over an hour ago. Now only I stood there.

They had lowered Matt into the earth that morning. I had laid one rose on the coffin and one on the mound of dirt.

I stood their remembering everything about Matt. How he smelt of vanilla and cigarettes, how his emerald eyes would capture mine. His soft pink lips were always warm and his vermillion hair. A bright crimson. When ever we had sex Matt's hair would stick to his face and stick up around his head. Matt's hair contrasted perfectly againt his pale skin.

Matt always had well toned muscles under his baggy stripped shirt. His abs were always rock hard and well defined, even though all he ever did was play video games and have sex with me.

It was only when I was pulling him away from the video games that he did anything. He usually played one of his many handhelds when I sent him out on jobs.

Foot steps brought me back t o the present, where Matt was six feet under. I turned to see three men in trench coats. The one in the middle was the one who spoke.

"Hello Mello. How is your little boyfriend?" He let out a dark chuckle, "Kira thought it would be nice for you to come home to." The men next to him sneered.

I dried my eyes quickly and my voice hardened though it still had a pleading tone to it. "Kira? He is the one who did this?"

"Of course" the man in front answered in a gruff voice, "He said something about revenge, and how it is your fault your boyfriend is dead. That he has fallen not by him, but by your hand. Indirectly of course. He considers this payback."

"Payback? For what? What did I do?" I ask in pleading tone. "my fault.." I mumbled. My face fell, tears stung at my eyes.

The man laughed, :He didn't tell us that." Then the three men turned and walked away, leaving me standing by Matt's grave alone again.

As soon as they were out of sight I sunk down to my knees. Sobs rocked me to my core. 'It was…..my fault? I knew it.' It was eating me alive.

HOMECOMINGhomecomingHOMECOMINGhomecomingHOMECOMING

As I walked into the apartment I went straight for my gun. I picked it up off the dining room table and examined it. I placed the gun to my head, my finger on the trigger. I sat for a minute, picturing my Matty's face. Pictures of Matt flew behind my closed eyelids. I couldn't take it and tears began to fall again. As time passed one picture kept popping back up, before it stuck and wouldn't leave.

I couldn't get the horrible image of Matt's fresh corpse, all torn up with bullets laying on our bed, covered in blood, the broken look on his face, out of my head. I opened my eyes, gasping.. Tears went into my open mouth but I couldn't breath. Pain filled me, anger coursed through my veins. I tightened the grip on the gun.

I was week. I couldn't do it, I couldn't pull the trigger. I dropped the gun in frustration. I walked into our kitchen, my kitchen, pain engulfed me again with the thought of Matt being gone. I grabbed one of the large knifes, slashing my wrists, not deep enough to cause alarm but enough to release stress and pain. After I felt I was scarred enough I fell down in the living room crying.

CUTcutCUTcutCUTcutCUTcutCUTcutCUTcutCUTcutCUTcutCUTcutCUTcutCUTcut

My tears were finally all dried up and I knew what I had to do. I looked down at the gun that was once again in my hand.

I had to get revenge.

I had found my reason to live. It was to kill Kira and as many of his followers as I can. I had to, for Matt. When the job is done, then I can go to meet Matt. Until then, I have to avenge my Matty. Because forever just isn't long enough.


Okies, that chapter down! Yay!

first, Gay Marriage is now legal in California. Go them! Second, ok, this chapter didn't have a lemon in it but the next one will I promise! This one had a little fluff though!

so click the button and review pweash!

And go listen to Helena by My Chemical Romance! I'm not sure if there will be a chapter for interlude. I might just make it like a break from the story and have it be a lemon from when they were younger or just cut it out all together. So tell meh what you want!