One fine morning in Death City, a certain grim reaper was taking a shower in his perfectly symmetrical bathroom. No matter how relaxing the water was, Kid was troubled and his head was filled with thoughts of recent events. A month ago, Crona confessed his love for me. A week ago, Maka grabbed me in the hallway and kissed me full-on the lips. Yesterday, Patty jumped me and almost raped me! Kid wasn't really interested in romantic relationships, with men or women. He just wanted to make his own perfect death-scythe shotguns and carry on his life doing the respected duties of a full-fledged grim reaper. Plus, no one could really meet the requirements of Kid's significant other: perfect symmetry, flawless skin, limitless power...

Kid sighed. He shut off the water and stepped onto the bathroom mat, drying himself off with a black and white towel. As he was drying his hair, he turned to see his face in the mirror. After who-knows-how-long, he caught himself staring deeply into his own shimmering, golden eyes. He shook his head. But then he looked back. He just couldn't get over how perfectly his golden eyes went with his raven-black hair, and how perfectly his slender chest was sculpted, and how that manly V shape in his hips perfectly complimented his long, thick manho-

WAIT. What? Kid closed his eyes and wrapped his towel firmly around his waist. Did I just think that? Did I just fantasize about... myself?! He kept his eyes closed and thought about this for a moment. Of course. He opened his eyes and stood tall in front of the full-body mirror, hands on hips. He met his own eyes. The only person alive on the planet that could ever please me, ever be exactly what I want in a relationship, mentally and physically...is me.

He smirked. After admiring his perfection for even longer, allowing his imagination to run wild, his mind was suddenly full of ideas, and his towel had an impressively large tent in it.

~ Younger than 18, do not continue reading. ~ Unless you really want to. ~

He dramatically threw off the towel with abandon and grabbed a bottle of all-natural lotion - the only lotion worthy of touching a grim-reaper's flawless skin - from his sink counter top. He then grabbed his shaver and removed the detachable top. Without it, it was just a handle, long and curved to fit the shape of a hand. Perfect.

He carelessly squirted the white, gooey substance on his hand, rubbing it all over the handle. He then stepped back into the shower - no need to make a mess all over the perfectly clean floor - and stood on his hand and knees, left hand holding him up, right hand holding the shaver handle just outside his tight, virgin hole. He hesitated. What do I do? I've never done this before! I mean, I've heard about it, but I don't know how to do it. Is it just instinct? Does your body take over after you take that first step? What if I hurt myself? Then Liz or Patty would have to help me, and it would be quite embarrassing trying to explain what I was doing with a penis-shaped razor handle in my ass... He slowly lowered his head to the tiled shower floor, then moved his left hand to caress his erect manhood. Kid was looking right at himself, about to jack and fuck himself. At the same time. No matter how you looked at it, it was just plain wrong.

And that's why it felt so right.

After one long, slow sigh to calm his thoughts, Kid slowly began to slide the makeshift dildo inside while using his thumb to rub the head of his dick. It was a little big, but the pressure from his thumb helped to ease the intrusion as he let out a moan and continued. The further he went, the more it hurt. He tried taking deep breaths to relax his glutes and began pumping his cock for more distracting pleasure. He was determined to find that sweet spot. The handle was in as far as it could go, and all he felt was discomfort. As he continued pumping, he sucked in a deep breath and pulled the handle all the way out before quickly shoving it back in at a new angle. He threw his head back screaming in pain, a wonderful new pain that made him want more, and fell on his side. He'd never felt this way before, but it still wasn't enough. His noises became a strange combination of yelps and moans as he went in and out, in and out, pumping up and down, precum leaking from the tip.

All of the sudden, he hit it. He knew it was the spot because he screamed in a rasp, sweating profusely and shaking uncontrollably. Everything looked blurry and felt heavenly. With a shaking finger, he flicked the switch on the handle, causing it to vibrate against that bundle of nerves that made him sing with joy. He couldn't think. He couldn't think. His muscles had tightened on the razor handle, holding it firmly in his ass without need for assistance. Both hands were rubbing himself furiously, left hand still pumping, right hand on his balls, as the coils in his stomach tightened with need. Kid's heart pounded in his ears. He couldn't feel his head. He couldn't even feel his legs. All he could feel was the new, growing heat in his core as his balls expanded and contracted. When everything went white and Kid saw stars, he screamed the name of his true love at the top of his lungs. "KIIIIID!" And with that, he made his first release all over his clean, shiny, and perfectly symmetrical shower tile design. Spurt after long spurt, until he was completely drained, with just enough strength to flick the switch off and let the razor handle slide out, covered in lotion and blood. After he had finally descended back to earth, just one thought permeated his mind. Fuck, I'm late for school.

~ Fin. ~

Can you believe that this was my FIRST lemon? Please review and give me advice for the future! I already have two more fanfic ideas (that you can vote on if you want), a smut fic for Disney's "Wreck-It Ralph" and a yaoi fic for Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Dream." What do you think I should do next?