Roman Torchwick has been asked many times why he does the things he does. Well, usually people ask why he is such an un-BEAR-able asshole, but we digress.

Roman has always answered those people in the same manner; "I'm chaotic evil, sweetheart." followed by either a puff of cigar smoke or a shot from Melodic Cudgel, each in equal frequency.

So it's really no surprise what Roman Torchwick does to celebrate the holidays.


Cinder entered the kitchen that their evil lairmofdoom(trademarked) operated. It was a decent size for the amount of faunus henchmen she had, but what surprised her was the sight before her. "Roman, what in the world are you doing?"

Roman spun around; his usual coat absent, in its place a frilly white apron that had the words 'Make Vale Great Again' across the front. "What's it look like? I'm making gingerbread cookies for the Fang grunts. Got to keep the animals fed, after all."

Cinder quirked an eyebrow before crossing her arms. "I didn't know you could bake."

"Can't even boil water." Roman replied as he went back to humming some cheery tune, cutting the 'gingerbread' dough with what looked like fish and dog bone shaped cookie cutters.

Cinder just rolled her eyes as she sashayed out of the kitchen, not ready to put up with Roman's brand of crazy.


"Fresh cookies, straight out of the oven. Get 'em while they're hot!" Roman shouted around his cigar as he stepped into the henchmen training gym holding a tray of his 'gingerbread' cookies, his apron still on. He set the cookies on a nearby table, retrieving his cane from the crook of his arm, slowly swinging it in circles as he chewed on his cigar.

One faunus grabbed a cookie before spotting his apron. "You do know that Councilman Elect Rump intends to implement many anti-faunus regulations. Why would you support that ass?"

Roman shrugged before replying. "I liked his show." This earned a scoff as the faunus moved back allowing his fellows to each get a cookie.

After a moment, as more and more faunus were reaching for cookies, one had tried a bite of his own.

"Hey this don't taste like gingerbread, it tastes like fruitcake!" One faunus spoke up, a deer faunus, if one were to judge by the antlers protruding from his skull. Or maybe a reindeer judging by his growingly bright red nose.

"Well you must be the mastermind of all the other little reindeer, now aren't ya Rudolph?" Roman replied, his tone mocking the poor teen.

The faunus sniffed before squeaking out. "I have a nut allergy."

"Oh, good so you spotted the pecans in there, eh?" Roman continued smiling around his cigar, not really expecting an answer.

The burly White Fang Lieutenant stepped forward, his cookie still clutched in his hand. "What is the meaning of this, Torchwick?"

"Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!" Roman took a long drag from his candy cane cigar before exhaling in the face of the nearest faunus, causing the doe eyed girl to cough and wave the smoke away from her face.

The hulking Lieutenant was the first to crush his cookie under his boot before stalking off, a low growl emitting from his throat the entire time. The rest began to follow suit, frowns and looks of disgust on each horned and furred face. As they walked away, one faunus muttered to the other "Doesn't he know we only celebrate Kwanzaa?" before another shook her head.

Roman had just one thought as he smirked around his cigar, swirling his cane as he swaggered away; Chaotic Evil indeed.

AN: Your welcome, Chuck Berry fans, for the reference. Anyway, here's my entry for DecMonCon this year. I kinda have the feeling that this is the same Roman we see in my previous DecMonCon entry, Roman's Christmas Shopping, hence most of the small, pretty stupid jokes and gags going on. I have at least one idea for another small story in this same line, so I'll get to work on that and possibly others before New Year's, but I wouldn't expect more than another one or two, to be honest.