Road to Detroit

It was the very next morning. It was 7:30. Most of the campers are getting up now. Penny, Lazlo, & Mercedes are already up. They was packing. "There's nothin' like packin' in tha first thing in tha mornin'!" Mercedes said as she packed her suitcase. "Yeah. I can't wait to get back to Detroit!" Penny said as she packed. Lazlo was packing his suitcase. "So Penny. Where do your family live in Detroit?" he asked her. "They live in the Highland Park area, G." Penny answered. "By tha John C. Lodge Freeway." Patsy walks into the scene. She was carrying her suitcase. "My suitcase's packed & I got everything." "Are you sure about dat, P?" asked Mercedes. "Yeah, Mercedes. I got everything." Patsy sighed as she rolled her eyes. "You forgot to tell greedy, about this." Penny said. "Oh damn! I forgot 'bout that!" Patsy sniffed. "I wonder, if he's gonna let us take the trip?" Lazlo wondered. "I don't know, G." Mercedes started. "You know what happened tha last time, when fatty let someone take a trip."

(Flashback)
Peter was in his office. He was doing his scoutmaster duties, when Brian came up to his desk. Peter notices him.

Peter: Hey Brian. What do you want?
Brian: Uh, Peter. Can Lois & I have the rest of the month off?
Peter: Why?
Brian: We just won a trip for two to the Virgin Islands.
Peter: What did you say?
Brian: I said, Lois & I won a trip to the Virgin Islands.
Peter: THAT'S IT RIGHT THERE!!! YOU'RE GOIN' WITH LOIS!!! THAT SIR, IS A CRIME!
Brian:(upset) What do you mean It's a crime? I was just bein' nice to Lois!
Peter:(standing up & cross) You're tryin' to take Lois away from me! AGAIN!
Brian:(cross also) Well, somebody's got to! She needs someone better, like me!

They stare at each other. They do this for a minute or two, then Brian jumps on Peter & bites him.

Peter: OW! YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!! I'LL SHOW YOU!!!!

Then Peter starts growling, and starts turning green like the incredible hulk, except he's the incredible lard now.

Peter/Incredible lard: PETER SMASH BRIAN!!!!

Then Peter jumps onto Brian & starts beating him. All this fighting was destroying the office. They broke Peter's tv. The fighting temporary stopped. Peter notices the smashed tv.

Peter/Incredible lard: Pete...Peter's tv? PETER'S TV!!!!!!!!! NOW PETER KILL!!!!!!!!

He then tries to bodyslam Brian, but Brian moves out the way before Peter lands. Peter plunged through the floor, leaving his shape. It cutsaway to Peter in the basement. He was holding his knee.

Peter/Incredible lard:(doing his famous holding his knee bit) SHHHHHHHH... AHHHHHHHH!! SHHHHHHHHHHHH... AHHHHHHHHH!! SHHHHHHHHHH... AHHHHHHHHHH!!

He does this for ten minutes. Ten minutes later, Peter jumps out of the hole & beats Brian some more. This second barage of fighting continued, until Lois walks in on them.

Lois: What's going on here!? Peter! What are you doin'? Stop punching Brian!
Peter/Incred. lard: But, Brian gonna take Lois on trip. Peter, must smash!
Lois: No, you idiot. Those tickets are for us. I wasn't plannin' on going with Brian.
Peter/Incred. lard: What?
Brian:(surprised) What?
Lois: Yeah.

Peter:(returning back to normal) Yes! Ha! Ha! I win!! Let's go!

He takes the two airline tickets from the dog. Lois takes out two suitcases from out of nowhere. Peter turns to Brian.

Peter: Hee!Hee!Hee! Take care of the camp, old bean. Lois & I will be relaxin' in the Virgin Islands! See you in a month!!

They ran out of the office, and jump into the car. They sped out of there, leaving Brian in a cloud of exhaust. Brian coughed as the audience laughed.

Brian: Hack! Hack! Cheeky fat ass c(bleep)t!
audience:(laughs)
(End flashback)

"Yeah." Patsy said. "He'd turned into the Incredible Hulk-like monster & beat up the dog. I know. I know." "Hell, it even made the news." Lazlo said. "So, do you wanna tell him?" "Well." muttered Patsy, before being interrupted by Penny. "I'll do it. Big poppa can never say, 'no' to me." Then she lefted. Mercedes turned to the other two. "Ha! Greasy, can't say 'no' to anythin'." "Except Meg." Patsy added. "And other stupid shit." Lazlo added. "Yeah." Mercedes said as she picked up her suitcase. "Let's start loadin' up."

Peter was in his office. He was watching tv, or as he called it; 'scoutmaster duties'. He was into the show he was watching. "Yeah! Go get 'im! Oooh! I bet, that's gonna hurt in the mornin'!" he laughed. Just then, Penny walks into the scene. He noticed her. "Oh! Hey Ms. Penny." Peter said as he strenghtened out his tie. "What do you want?" "Well, lardy. Benz, P, Laz, & I; wondered, if it's okay, dat we go to Detroit for Thanksgivin'? All of our bloods, are suppose to attend." Penny explained. "Sure you can, Ms. Penny." Peter replied. "It's too bad, that you four gonna miss all of the shit we got planned." "Like what?" Penny asked. "You gonna get drunk again & Q's gonna have sex wit tha turkey?" "Yeah." Peter answered. "I knew it." Penny said as she rolled her eyes. "But-But wait!" Peter exclaimed. "We've got more plans! Like make prank phone calls."

Activity#1:
It cutsaway to the Pewterschmidt Mansion. The phone rings & Carter answers it.

Carter: Hello?
voice: Uh, are you Carter Pewterschmidt?
Carter: Yes.
voice: The rich guy?
Carter: Yes.
voice: The father of a red-haired, big-nosed woman named Lois?
Carter: Yeah.
voice: Well, I'm here to informed you, that you're broke. You lose all of your money, again!
Carter:(upset) What?!? I'm broke!!! Again!

Then he gets on his knees.

Carter:(yelling at the sky) GREENSPAN!!!!!!!!!!!
voice: Hee! Hee!Hee! What a loser!
Carter:(notices the laugh on the phone) Peter, is that you?
Peter:(surprised) Uh,.....No Hablo Ingles.
audience:(laughs)

"And play the game; pin the tail on the Lois." Peter added.

Activity#2:
Lois: OW! STOP IT, PETER!
Peter: Hee!Hee!Hee! Who didn't say, that this will be fun?
Lois:(pissed) I DID!! OW!
audience:(laughs)

"And last, but not least. We play a new game, called; Meg in the middle." Peter finished. "'Meg in tha middle'?" Penny repeated. "Yeah, Meg in the middle." Peter repeated.

Activity#3:

Peter:(snatches Meg's hat) Hee!Hee! Keep away from Meg!
Meg: What the hell!?!
Peter: Here Chris! Keep away!
Chris:(catches Meg's hat) Keep away!
Meg:(trying to get her hat back) Gimme it!
Chris:(throws hat back at Peter) Here dad! Keep away!
Peter: Hee!Hee!Hee! Keep away, Chris!
Meg: I HATE YOU!!!!!!

She stomps away, angrily, while Peter & Chris played catch with Meg's hat.

"Don't be messin' wit Meg like dat." Penny sniffed. "But, it's fun!" Peter laughed. "So, you think, it's funny to tease her like dat?" Penny asked. "To call her names? Hittin' her, & makin' her, do yo' biddin', like makin' a sandwich in a flooded kitchen or tellin' her to shut up?" "Hee!Hee!Hee! Two & a half men. Hee!Hee!Hee!" Peter laughed stupidly. "Oy vey!" Penny groaned. Peter ran to his window & opened it. "Hey! Oy vey, everybody! OY VEY!!!" That annoying bear kid walked by. "Hey! Keep it down, weirdo!" he sniffed. Peter was hurt. It quickly went away. "That's it! I'm kickin' his ass!!" So he quickly jumped out the window, ran towards the bear, & started beating his ass. A small crowd gathered to watch. "60 bucks for the fat man to win!" shouted someone. "100 bucks, for the bear to lose!" Joe shouted. "Okay then." Penny said as she lefted Peter's office. Little did she know, there was someone, that was eavesdropping on her conversation with Peter. The idenity of this or these people, will be revealed later.

Lazlo, Mercedes, & Patsy was already packed & ready, when Penny came back. "Well, Penny. We're ready to go." Patsy chimed. "Aight, P." Penny started. "Is yo' GPS system workin'?" "Yep." Patsy said. "Fueled up?" Lazlo asked. "Yep." Patsy responded. "Aight, you three go ahead, I need to get my suitcase." Penny said. "Aight then." Mercedes said as she took out her keys. "Just don't take too long." So Penny went to her suitcases. "Damn! This shit's heavy!" she grunted. "I must've put too much clothes in there. Well, I can sort out dat shit, when I get to Mo-town." Then she threw her heavy suitcases into her suv & drove off. Meanwhile, Quagmire was playing pool with Gretchen. This time she was winning. "Ha! I'M WINNIN'!!!!" she exclaimed happily. "Dammit!" Quagmire sniffed. "Ha! You owe me some green, Quagmire!" Gretchen bragged. "Not alright!" Quagmire sniffed as he gave her the money. "Let me see dat green!" Gretchen sniffed as she snatched the money. "Dat's not enough!" she shouted. Then she put Quagmire in a headlock. "GIMME DA REST OF MY MONEY, BEFORE I BREAK YO' SKINNY ASS NECK!!!" "Alright. Alright." Quagmire exclaimed as he gave Gretchen the money. "Here you go!" "Dat's more like it!" Gretchen said, calming down a bit. "Now, time to spend it on shit like; grub, drinkin' stuff, tattoos, & bling." "What about me?" Quagmire asked. "You? You can go suck fatty's fattest part of his ass, Quagmire." Gretchen sniffed & lefted. "Well, I can always go drink myself into a drunken coma." Quagmire said sadily.

It was sometime later in the day now. Well, more like late in the evening now. Lazlo, Patsy, Penny, & Mercedes was taking a break at a restarunt & truck stop. They was eating some burgers. "So, you must be excited, 'Nette." Mercedes said to Penny. "What?" Penny asked. "I meant, dat yo' goin' home." Mercedes explained. "Oh yeah." Penny said. "I've been wantin' some Manhattan Fish & chicken, Alabama Style Chicken, Chicagos pizza, & Uptown Barbecue for a while." "I know, what yo' talkin' 'bout, 'Nette." Mercedes started. "I've been, wantin'; Barbara Ann's BBQ, Harold's Chicken Shacks, Hook Fish & Chicken, & Gino's East of Chicago for months now. Mmm! Deep dished pizza. Loaded wit pepperoni, ham, & jalapenos peppers." Everybody looked at her. "What?" Mercedes asked. "Uh, you're drooling." Patsy pointed out. "Damn!" Mercedes sniffed as everyone laughed. "Aight." Penny said. "We must drive through tha night, to get to where we goin'." "So, what time are we gonna arrive there?" Lazlo asked. "About 11 in tha mornin' or so." answered Penny. Then she heard someone groan. "Uh, was dat you, groanin', P?" Penny asked Patsy. "No." Patsy replied. "Was dat you, Benz?" Penny asked Mercedes. "No." she answered. Everybody turned their heads. "Uh, maybe, we should leave." Lazlo whispered. "Yeah, dat'll be a wise idea." Penny said as she opened her suv door. So everyone got into their rides. Penny noticed that one of her suitcases was opened. "I thought, I zipped dat fucka closed? Well, it wouldn't hurt to close it, again." So Penny rezipped her suitcase, but why her suitcase was opened in the first place, that question will soon be answered.

It was the next day now. Lazlo, Patsy, Mercedes, & Penny was making good time. Penny noticed this. "Damn! We makin' good time! We'll be in Mo-town, before I know it!" she exclaimed happily. Up in Patsy's suv; Patsy was watching tv. She had the suv in auto-pilot. "Damn! There's nothin' good on!" she sniffed. "Might as well, go back to drivin'!" So, she turned back to the steering wheel. Just then, she passed a highway sign that said, 'Welcome to Michigan'. "Oooh! Looks like we're in Michigan now." she said. "That's good. A couple of more hours, then we'll be in Detroit. I wonder, what Lazlo's doin'?" Lazlo was listening to his radio in his truck. "I can't stand that dreaded Rush Limbaugh!" he sniffed as he turned off his radio. Then he thought of something. I wonder, what Lois' doin'?"

(Cutaway back to camp)
Lois was washing Peter's clothes. She was folding his pants, when a piece of paper fell out of the pocket. She notices it.

Lois:(picks up the piece of paper) What's this?

She reads the paper.

Lois: Make prank phone calls!? Pin the tail on the Lois? That's it! I'm gonna scold him!

She stomps into Peter's office. He was watching tv. She turns it off.

Peter: Hey! I was watchin' that!
Lois:(shows him the paper) WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS!? HUH? PIN THE TAIL ON THE LOIS!? I THOUGHT, YOU SAID, THAT YOU WASN'T GONNA DO THAT NO MORE?

Peter: Uh, I lied. Hee!Hee!Hee!
Lois:(rolling up her sleves now) How 'bout I play the game; Cut the nuts off of Peter.
Peter: Uh,.....so you want a Hurts Donut? It's got chocolate.
Lois:(rolls her eyes) Fine! I must as well have something to eat, before I cripple ya. Where is it?
Peter: It's in my right hand.
Lois: Give it to me!
Peter: Okay.

Then he punches Lois, right in the nose. Knocking her unconcious. The audience laughs.

Peter: Hurts? Don't it? Hee!Hee!Hee!
audience:(laughs)
(End cutaway)

Later, the party was at a gas station in the city of Southfield. They was taking a break. "So, are you gonna lead us for the rest of the way, Penny?" Patsy asked as she opened a bottle of soda. "Yeah, of course, P." Penny said as she filled up her gas tank. "So, how much longer?" Lazlo asked. "Not too much longer, G." Penny said. "All we need to do is; take tha 696 to tha offramp, take tha offramp to tha 75, & take tha 75 to another offramp, take tha offramp, it leads to Davidson St., take Davidson to Hamilton Ave., turn right at Hamilton go up to Oakman blvd., turn left at Oakman, keep goin' until we hit Linwood Ave., turn left at Linwood, take Linwood, until we hit Pasadena, take Pasadena until, we hit 14th & we be there. So, around another 45 minutes, or if there's traffic, an hour & a half." Then Penny took in a deep breath. "Damn! Now dat was a mouth full!" "Right?" Patsy said mysteriously. "Hopefully, there won't be any traffic." "Who knows?" Lazlo said. "I'd heard, that sometimes Detroit's highways & freeways are nightmares." "Aight, enough fuckin' around, & let's go!" Penny sniffed. "Yeah, dat'll be a wise thing." Mercedes added. So, they leave the gas station. 47 minutes later, they reached Penny's parents' home. Outside, sitting on the front pouch, was Penny's younger sister, Hilary was waiting for them. She looked, just like Penny, if you didn't already know, except she's 8. She had the same hairstyle as Penny. She was wearing a red dew rag, blue t-shirt, dark blue jeans, & black, blue, red, & white Reeboxs. She stood up, when she saw Penny, getting out of her suv. "'Nette!" Hilary called. "Hil." Penny responded. "Come over here, & help me wit these bags." "Sure." Hilary said as she took the suitcases out of Penny's suv. Mercedes walked up to her. "Hey Hil." she said as she gave Hilary a friendly slap on the back. Hilary turned to her. "Hey Benz. I'm glad to see you." Hilary said as she picked up Penny's suitcase. "Damn, 'Nette. What's in these bags?" "Some clothes & shit like dat." Penny said as she went into the house, with a suitcase. Lazlo took his suitcase out of his truck & went towards Patsy. "I wonder, if they got any spare rooms?" he asked. "The last time, I'd visited, they did, dear." Patsy said. "It's a pretty fancy house. Let's go inside."

Inside, Mercedes was talking to Penny. "I forget. Where's yo' room at again, 'Nette?" she asked. "It's upstairs, by tha bathroom, Benz." Penny said. Then she turned her attention to Hilary. "So, Hil. Where's tha folks?" "They in tha den." Hilary said as she entered Penny's room. "Tha den. Of course." Penny laughed. "They must be readin'." Mercedes said as she set her bag on the guest bed. Hilary set the suitcase on Penny's bed. "There." she said as she let out a sigh of relief. "Yo' bag's on yo' bed." "Thanks, Hil." Penny said. Then they stared at each other. "I'm likin' tha threads, Hil." "Thanks, 'Nette." Hilary said. "Tha same to you." Penny was wearing a black vest, aqua t-shirt, black jeans, dark blue flat cap, & black & white Reeboxs, with blue & red trim. "So, where's J?" "Oh, he's playin' ball wit his homies." Hilary replied. "So, don't expect him, to be home, until later." Patsy & Lazlo came up with their suitcases. "Where our rooms at?" Patsy asked Hilary. "Yo' room is at tha end of tha hall." Hilary started. "But you two have to share tha room & bed." "That's fine with me." Lazlo said. "We don't have a problem with that, do we Patsy?" "Nope." Patsy laughed as she followed Hilary down the hall. "There you go." Hilary said as she showed them the room. "Pretty decent." Patsy said as she threw her suitcase on the floor. "Now, time to rest. All that driving, gotten me sleepy." "Me too." Lazlo said. Then he layed on the bed, & Patsy followed.

Penny & Mercedes was now opening up their suitcases now. "Boy, I can't wait, to try some of those restraunts, 'Nette." Mercedes said. "Me neither, Benz." Penny said. "I've been....." Then she was interrupted as something jumped out of her suitcase. "What tha fuck?!?" she exclaimed. That something was Stewie. "Kid? What tha hell are you doin' here?" Penny demanded angrily. "Well, platypus & I decided to go with you, Hip hop girl." Stewie explained. Just then, Edward jumped out of Penny's other suitcase. He had one of her bras on his head. "Yeah, Ms. Penny. We wanted to see the rest of your family." "Gimme back my bra!" Penny sniffed as she snatched the bra from his head. "Oooh! I-I-I never knew, that your bust size was 38C, M-M-Ms. Penny." Edward stuttered. "Fuck dat!" Mercedes sniffed. "Now, why are yall two n(bleep)as doin' here?" "Should we explain?" Edward asked Stewie. "Yes, platypus. Let's do it in song form." Stewie said as some cheerful music started. "Shut tha fuck up!" Penny shouted. "Don't you start dat singin' shit here!" "Looks like, we have to feed these bastards, too." Mercedes sniffed. Penny rolled her eyes. "C'mon. I'll introduce you to everybody." Edward & Stewie screeched in excitement. "God! What bastards!" Penny groaned.

Penny's mom; Diane; just lefted the den, when she saw Penny. She had shoulder length black hair, which was in a ponytail. She was wearing a white t-shirt, blue jeans, & white sneakers. "Annette, I'm glad to see, dat you made it." she said. "Yeah, yeah mom." Penny said. "Uh, I got a couple of g's wit me." Diane looked at Stewie & Edward. "Oh! I'm Edward." Edward said. "And, I'm Stewie." Stewie said. "Edward & Stewie?" Diane muttered. "Ain't you two, tha ones, dat always go nuts, whenever Annette's around?" "W-W-Well...." Edward & Stewie stuttered as they blushed. "Ah, they blushin'." Diane teased. "Don't feel embarassed. She gets her sexy looks from me & men can't help themselves." "That is so hot, that I can't blink!" Edward said. "M-M-Me neither." Stewie squeaked. Diane giggled a bit, then she turned her attention back to Penny. "So, did Patsy & Mercedes came along wit ya?" "Yeah. They both upstairs." Penny said. "P's restin' & Benz's unpackin'." "Dat's good." Diane said. "Some more of tha family's suppose to come later, Annette. So, I'm just lettin' you know." "Okay." Penny said. "So, how's pops doin'?" "He's doin' fine dear." Diane said. "Especially, these days." "Why?" Penny asked. "Because, he sold a whole lotta cars last month." "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" Edward said. "Your father's sell cars?" "Well, he actually sells cars, suvs, & trucks." Penny started. "He owns several car dearlerships. Dat's how I got my ride." "I say, how, Hip hop girl?" Stewie asked. "He gave it to me, on my last b'day." Penny said.

(Flashback)
Penny was at one of her father's car dealerships. Her father called her there. She was sitting in a comfortable leather massage chair.

Penny: I wonder, what pops wants?

Then a woman walks up to the desk. She notices Penny.

Woman: Are you Penny Smiles?
Penny: Yes.

Woman: Your father wants me to give you this.

She hands her a small black box. Penny opens it. She was amazed at what she sees.

Penny:(amazed) I-I-It's a key!
woman: Yes. Follow me.

So she did. The woman lead Penny to the car showroom. There was cars, trucks, & suv's to choose from.

woman: Your father, will be with you.

She leaves. Just then her father walked up to her. A older male mongoose, with a business shirt, tie, & black pants got her attention.

Darryl: So, which one, does my princess wants?
Penny:(embarassed) Don't call me dat, in public, pops!
Darryl: Sorry.
Penny:(points) I want dat one. Tha Chevrolet TrailBlazer. Tha dark navy blue one!
Darryl: Aight then. Come with me to my desk.

They went to his desk. After thirty minutes, Darryl turns to Penny.

Darryl: Now, the suv's yours, Penny. Happy birthday.
Penny: Thanks, pops!
Darryl: Yo' older sister, will add tha additional shit like, dvd players, tvs, GPS, & all dat in it, later. So peace out!
Penny: Damn! Thanks pops!

Then she gets into her brand new ride & drives away.
(End flashback)

"And tha rest is, like they say; is history." Penny finished. Just then Mercedes walked up to her. "Uh, 'Nette. What do you wanna do now?" she asked. "How 'bout, we go to my room?" Penny suggested. "Okay." Mercedes said. They go to her room. Edward & Stewie looked at Diane. "Uh, Penny told me, that you're an attorney? Am I correct?" Edward asked. "Yeah. I'm part of tha Sanford & Smiles' attorney/rib & fried chicken joint." Diane explained. "When you win, WE win! When you lose, WE win! If we deliever over an hour, it's free!" "Oooh! A rib/fried chicken joint, huh?" Stewie asked. Diane nodded. "Yeah. Ask me, 'bout our afternoon special." "Okay? What's your afternoon special?" Edward asked. "I'm glad you asked!" Diane said as she took out a couple of flyers. "Tha afternoon special is; fried chicken, ribs, tips, hot links, fried porkchops, fries, & chocolate cake. This special's great along, wit tha daily marathon of 'Sanford & son' reruns. Startin' at 3, endin' at 8! Get a combination of tha choices, wit a large drink. We opened 7 days a week. 11:00 am to 10:00 pm Mondays-Thursdays. 11:00 am to 2:00 am Fridays & Saturdays. 11:00 am to 5:00 pm; Sundays." Diane explained. "Not opened on holidays except Memorial day, 4th of July, & Labor day." "Nice gimmick, Ms. Smiles." Edward said. "Thank you." Diane responded. "Mind if I sit down, Ms. Smiles?" Edward asked. "Yeah, but would you rather sit in a chair?" she asked as she laughed a bit. "What are you..." Edward started, before he realized that he was about to sit on the floor. "Oh. Very funny, Ms. Smiles. Very funny." "Please." Diane said. "Call me, Diane." "Okay?" Edward muttered mysteriously as he looked at the flyer she gave him. "Sanford? I thought, Redd Foxx was dead?" "He is, but he's isn't my partner. My partner, Allan R. Sanford's a old friend from when we was back in school." Diane explained. "So, who's idea, was it to do the restarunt business?" Stewie asked. "It was both of ours." Diane said. "So, who's runnin' the restaruant, while ya'll in court?" Edward asked. "Several of tha rookie lawyers." Diane said. "Oh, so that's how they do it." Stewie muttered. "So." Diane said as she stretched. "Do ya'll wanna watch tv?" "What's on?" Stewie asked. "I dunno. Let's see." said Diane as she flipped through the channels.

It was later now. Patsy & Lazlo just woken up. "Oh god!" she said as she stretched. "That was some nap!" "Yep!" Lazlo stretched. "I haven't slept like that, in some time." Patsy looked at her watch. "It's 4:30 now." Lazlo turned to her. "Do you wanna see, what Penny & Mercedes are doin'?" "Yes, let's dear." Patsy said as she got up from the bed. Mercedes & Penny was watching tv, with Edward & Stewie. They was watching; 'Sanford & son'. They was watching the episode, where Fred & Lamont go to jail.

(Tv cutaway)
Fred & Lamont Sanford was sitting on the jailcell's bench.

Lamont: Thanks a lot, pop!
Fred: Why are you, blamin' me for? You was tha one, who came up wit dat dumb idea!
Lamont: Well, I wouldn't have to thought of a idea, if you did yo' work!
Fred: Well, I wouldn't be lazy, if you let me get married!
Lamont: Well, we wouldn't be here, if yo' finger hadn't got stuck!

(Lamont's flashback)
Fred: Alright! This is a robbery! Now, nobody make no move or I shoot!
man: Achoo!
Fred: Dat's it! I'm shootin'!
man: No! I have a wife & kids at home!
Fred: Dat's too damn bad! I'M SHOOTIN'!
man: No! Here! Take my money!

He gives Sanford the money.

Fred: Dat's more like it! I don't have to shoot ya now!

Fred is about to put his gun away, but his arthritis starts up in his trigger finger, & starts shooting! He shots the man.

Fred: Oh no! I shot a man!
Lamont: POP! SEE WHAT YOU DID!
Fred: I know! I can't help it! It's my 'Arthuritis'!
Lamont: YOU & YO' DAMN ARTHRITIS!!! LET'S GET OUTTA HERE, BEFORE THA.....

Just then the police comes, & arrests them.
(End Lamont flashback)

Lamont: You & yo' damn arthritis!
Fred: It's not my fault!
cellmate:(looks at Lamont) Mmm! Do you want to go steady?
Lamont: N-No t-t-thanks. I-I-I'm straight!
cellmate:(cross) I'm gonna git you, 'Dark Chocolate'! I'm......gonna.....git.....YOU!
audience:(laughs)
(End tv cutaway)


"Oh damn! Dat Sanford's funny!" Mercedes laughed. "Yeah." Penny said as she took a drink of juice. Just then Patsy & Lazlo walked up to Penny. "Do you got anything to...." she started before she noticed Stewie & Edward. "What the hell are you two doin' here?" "They stowed away in my suitcases, P." Penny explained. "Yeah. Tha cheeky c(bleep)s!" Mercedes sniffed. "Yeah." Lazlo said mysteriously. "Anyway, Penny. Do you got anything to eat?" "I think so." Penny said. "I'll go check." She quickly returned. "There's nothin' but raw turkey, eggs, & other shit." "How 'bout, you take us to one of Detroit's restarunts, Ms. Penny?" Edward suggested. "Yeah, that'll be a wise idea, hip hop girl." Stewie added. "Aight then." Penny said as she took out her keys. Hilary ran up to her. "I wanna come, too!" "Aight, Hil." Penny said. "You can come."

Soon, they was at one of Penny's favorite places to eat, Manhattan Fish & chicken & they was eating. "So, what do you wanna do, when we get done here, Penny?" Patsy asked. "I dunno, P." Penny replied as she got her food. "What do you wanna do?" "I dunno either." Patsy responded. So they all sit at a table & started eating. "I'd never knew, that you had a platter named after you, Penny." Patsy said to Penny. "I didn't know dat, either, P." Penny said as she ate a piece of chicken. "I only found dat out, after I came back last year." "Hey. Ain't there a place, dat you used to play ball, 'Nette?" Mercedes asked. "There used to. I don't know, if it's still there." Penny answered. "No, it ain't." Hilary said quickly. "It ain't?" Penny asked. Hilary nodded. "Damn!" Penny sniffed. "Is there a pool hall around here, Ms. Penny?" Edward asked. It's time for Penny to do her patented fucking with Edward bit now. "Why you asked dat? Do you wanna play pool wit me? Is dat it? Huh? Do you want me to stroke yo' cuestick? Is dat it? Huh?" Penny asked, while pretending to be pissed. "Answer me!" "Uh, w-w-w-well, M-M-Ms. P-P-Penny," Edward squeaked as he started sweating. "I-I-I was, just askin', i-i-if you wanted to play a friendly game of p-p-pool. That's all." "Aight. If you, want to play pool, dat's fine wit me." Penny said. "YES!!! I FINALLY GET TO PLAY POOL WITH MS. PENNY!!!!" Edward exclaimed happily. "So, dat teasin' thing really works, huh?" Hilary asked Penny. Penny nodded. "Damn, I wish, I can do dat!" "Don't worry, Hil." Penny started. "One of these days, yo'll have someone's mind to fuck up." "So, are you gonna stroke Edward's 'cuestick', Penny?" Lazlo laughed. "What do you mean, G?" Penny asked. "Are ya? Hee! Hee!" Patsy giggled. "Cuestick? What tha fuck are yall...." Penny started, before she thought what she had said. "Oh! No! NO! Edward can stroke his own cuestick!" she sniffed. "He does it at least every muthafuckin' day!" Mercedes added. Everybody laughed. "Uh, no I don't." Edward said as he blushed from embarassment. "Fun aside, let's go to dat pool hall!" Penny said as she put the rest of her famously named meal, mainly of fried fish fillets, chicken fillets, fries, & shrimp into a bag. "I wonder, what the fat man's doin'?" Stewie wondered. "He better not be messin' around with my crayons. Messin' them up."

(Cutaway back to camp)
Meg, Almondine, & Brian; who was replacing Nina, in the ass-beating, was beating the shit out of Peter & Lois.

Lois: OW! Meg! What did I do?
Meg: I HATE YOU, YOU BIMBO!
Peter:(holding his shin) SHHHHHHHH... AHHHHHHHH!! SHHHHHHHHHHHH......
Brian: SHUT THE F(BLEEP)K UP!! NOW YOU GET PUNISHED!!!!!!!!!!!!

He bites Peter's arm. Almondine picks up Lois by her neck.

Almondine: I HATE YOU, TOO, YOU SKANK!
Lois: W-W-What did I do to....
Almondine: SHUT UP!! Now, to bash yo' head in!!!

She picks up a club & starts beating Lois with it. Just then, Gretchen walks up.

Gretchen: Hey! What ya'll doin'?
Almondine: None of yo' bidness, 'ho!
Gretchen:(getting cross) What did you call me?
Almondine: A 'ho! A WORTHLESS, SMELLY-ASSED, UGLY 'HO!
Gretchen:(balling up her fists) You wanna fight? I'LL GIVE YOU A FIGHT!
Almondine:(drops Lois) OKAY!!!!!!!!!!

Gretchen throws a punch, but Almondine ducks. Then Almondine picks up her club & whacks Gretchen in the head. Gretchen is knocked out cold.

Almondine: Cheeky slut!
audience:(laughs & applauses)
Almondine: Thank you! Thank you. I'll be here all week!
(End cutaway)

Soon, they was at the pool hall now. Penny was beating Edward good! Edward didn't care a bit! He was enjoying his time with Penny. Lazlo, Patsy, & Hilary was watching. "Looks like, Edward's not even tryin'." Lazlo said. "Dat's because, he's too busy, tryin' to look at 'Nette's cleavage." Hilary said. "Yeah. Even Stewie's fuckin' up." Patsy added. Stewie was playing with Mercedes. He too, was throwing the game & Mercedes was beating him, too. "Oh, I say! Fancy car girl's got some nice ones!!!" Stewie exclaimed. Mercedes quickly looks up. "Hey kid! Don't be lookin' up my shirt or I'll beat yo' ass, until dat football-shaped head of yo's fall off of yo' puny neck!" she sniffed. "Alright! Alright, Fancy car girl!" Stewie panicked. "There's no need to be cross! We cool. We cool."

It's later now. The pool hall was getting ready to close. Penny was holding a bundle of cash in her hands. "Ha! Nothin' to it!" she bragged. Patsy looked at the cash in Penny's hands. "Damn, Penny. You hustled Ed pretty good!" she awed. "Yeah. Mercedes did a good job on Stewie, too!" Lazlo ponited out. Mercedes had a wad of cash in her hands. "Ha! What a damn fool!" she laughed. "It was worth it!" Stewie smiled. "Whatever." Mercedes sniffed. Penny looked at her watch. "It's 45 minutes after 8! Looks like, dinner's on me! So, what do yall want?" "How 'bout, we have some of dat Uptown Barbecue, dat you mentioned earlier in tha fic?" Mercedes suggested. "Yeah, dat sounds like a wise suggestion, Benz." Penny said as she took out her keys. Then she turned to Lazlo & Patsy. "Is dat fine wit yall?" "That's fine with me." Lazlo said & turned to Patsy. "How 'bout you Patsy?" "That's fine with me, too." she answered. "Aight then." Penny said.

It was almost 10, by the time they all got back to Penny's parents house. Some more relatives arrived, while they was gone. "Well. Well. Well. Look who's finally returned?" said Penny's older sister, Kelly, when she saw Penny. "Shut up!" Penny sniffed. Then her little brother, Jamal ran up to her. "'Nette! How' my older blood doin'?" "I'm doin' fine, J." Penny said. "Just tired." "Why, you been beatin' up background punk asses, again?" Jamal asked. "No. We was out." Penny replied. "And now, we're back & I'm goin' upstairs & watch tv." "Gee, Patsy." Lazlo started. "I thought, that your mom would be here." "Don't worry, dear. She'll be here." Patsy said. "Hopefully, your dad won't come." Mercedes sniffed. "Don't worry, Mercedes. Mom always let him stay home, & look after my little brother." Patsy explained. "THANK GOD FOR DAT!!!!!" Mercedes praised. "You can say that again." Lazlo laughed. Mercedes then turned to Edward & Stewie. "Do yall got any place to sleep at?" she asked. "Uh, I don't think so." Edward muttered. "I say, we didn't think this plan through." Stewie said. "We've only got our sleeping bags." "Well, you guys can always sleep on tha floor." Mercedes laughed. "In tha cold basement." "Oh, fuck!" Edward sniffed. "Too bad, I betted in those pool games." "Ditto." Stewie muttered. "How 'bout we go ask Diane, if she'll find a place for us to sleep?" suggested Edward. "That sounds like a wise idea, platypus." Stewie said. "Let's go." So, they went off to find Diane. "What losers." Patsy sniffed. "Well, at least, we got a place to sleep, Patsy." Lazlo said. "Yeah." Patsy yawned. "God, I'm tired." "Me too." Lazlo also yawned. "I think, it's catchy." Mercedes said sleepily. "'Cause, I'm gettin' sleepy." Just then Darryl walks up to them. "Well, tha doors are locked. Mercedes, I would like for you to give Penny this." he said as he gave Mercedes an envelope. "Is it money?" Mercedes asked. "I'm not tellin'." Darryl said. "I'm hittin' dat bed." He leaves. "Well, let's go to bed, Patsy." Lazlo yawned again. "Yeah, that'll be a wise thing, dear." Patsy said sleepily.

Mercedes was about to leave for bed, when she heard a soft voice calling her. "Mercedes." the voice said. "Who tha hell's dat?" she asked. She went to where the voice came from. She then sees an older female mongoose, with red, black, & little streaks of white in her hair. She was wearing a red shirt, dark blue jeans, & black Reeboxs. She was sitting at a table. Her name was Tracie. "Mom?" Mercedes asked. Her mother nodded. "I'm so glad to see you!" Mercedes said. "So, where's pops?" "Oh, he's busy workin' to come wit me." Tracie said. "So, how you been?" "Fine. Just fine." Mercedes answered. "Yo' cousins; Kyla & Lela told me, dat you & Penny was in a high-speed pursuit last month." Tracie said. "Yeah, I was." Mercedes said. "I always knew, dat yo' shootin' would always come in handy!" Tracie laughed. "Yeah." Mercedes said. "Is P's mom here?" "Yeah, she's upstairs in her room." Tracie said. Mercedes yawned. "You tired?" Tracie asked. "Yeah, it's been a long day." Mercedes said sleepily. "I hear ya." Tracie said as she stretched. "C'mon, let's go to bed."

Lazlo & Patsy are now getting ready for bed now. Patsy was putting on her nightgown now, & was just leaving the bathroom. "Ah! That bed's gonna feel good tonight." she yawned. She was about to enter her room, when she bumped into her mother. "Patsy." Lori said. "Mom." Patsy said. "I see, that you made it." "Yeah, I had to get away from your father for a while." Lori said. "Annoyin' pain-in-the-ass." "Yeah." Patsy muttered. "I hope, he has awful time, takin' care of your little brother." Lori said. "Why?" Patsy asked. "Well, let's just say, I told your brother to act up on purpose." Lori chuckled as she winked. "Oh." Patsy laughed. "So, are you here with your boyfriend, Lazlo?" Lori asked. "Yes." Patsy said. "We're sharin' a room, but it's not what you think, mom." "Patsy, I'm not like your father at all." Lori soothed. "I'm more open. If ya'll sleep together, I don't care." Lazlo stepped out of the room. "Are you comin' to bed or not?" he asked Patsy. "Is this him?" Lori asked Patsy. "Yep." Patsy said as she pulled Lazlo towards her. Lazlo looked at Lori. "So, you're Patsy's mom, eh?" Lazlo asked. "Yeah." Lori replied. "I finally get to meet you." Lazlo said. "I feel the same." Lori said. "So, that where Patsy gets her sexiness & good looks from." Lazlo said. Lori & Patsy both giggled at the compliment. "Well, mom. We must hit the bed, now." Patsy yawned. "Yeah, me too." Lori yawned. " See you in the mornin'."

Penny was already in bed. She was watching tv, when Mercedes lays down on the guest bed. She still had the envelope. Penny noticed it. "What dat you got, Benz?" she asked. "This? This is somethin' yo' pop wanted me to give ya." Mercedes explained as she gave Penny the envelope. "I wonder, what this can be?" Penny asked as she opened up the envelope. She was amazed, at what she saw. "Six sky box tickets for tha Detroit Pistons game! Wow! I've been wantin' these!" Penny awed. "Yo' pop, must've thought a lot 'bout you, to get those tickets." Mercedes said. "Yeah." Penny said as she turned off the tv. "I must thank him, first thing in tha mornin'. Good night, Benz." "Good night, 'Nette." Mercedes said her final words, before falling asleep.

Lazlo & Patsy are in bed now. Lazlo was hugging her. "Did you enjoy your day, Patsy?" he asked. "I sure did, dear." Patsy replied. "Hmm? I wonder, if Edward & Stewie found themselves a place to sleep?" Lazlo wondered.

(Cutaway to the kitchen)
Edward & Stewie was in the cabinets.

Edward: Damn! It's so damn crowded in here!
Stewie: Well, this was the only space, we can find, platypus!

Edward: Why, did you turned down Diane's suggestion, again?
Stewie: Because, she wanted us to sleep with Hip hop girl's sister. That's why.
Edward: At least up there, there would be room to breathe.
Stewie: We'll just make the best of this.

So they went asleep. Then Stewie rolled over, he fell out of the cabinet onto the floor, bringing Edward with him. The audience laughs.

Stewie: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Edward: Oh shit! MY KNEE!! How can things, get any worse?

A few cans lands on their heads. Knocking both of them unconcious. The audience laughs.
(End cutaway)

"Who cares?" Patsy yawned. "Yeah." Lazlo said sleepily. "G'night Patsy." "Good night, Lazlo dear." Patsy said. "Sweet dreams." So Patsy turned off the light, & went happily to sleep.