"From time-to-time, it seems like the very forces of nature are fighting against you at every turn. It would be easy to give up. It would be easy to turn on the folks around you - bellow to the sky, growl at the woman at your side, and turn your heart to stone - but cowboys are made rugged and we got no time for easy." Adam McFadden, Sr.

***7***

Daniel McFadden really just wanted to collapse in his bed. In spite of what he'd told his sister-in-law, his arm ached. All his muscle were sore too. He hadn't realized how hard he'd been working fighting the blaze that had consumed their barn, until hours later. He was one exhausted, aching mess. Yet, he felt guilty about even considering falling into bed. All his older brothers were consumed with keeping an eye on the younger ones, and Hannah was no doubt trying to manage the stubbornly difficult oldest McFadden. It seemed wrong to just climb into bed as if nothing had happened.

How he wished nothing had happened.

It was such an ordinary day, and when he'd opened his eyes to a cloudy sky and he'd actually grinned. Too rainy to work, he'd thought. He'd been so pleased to think he could spend a least some of his time inside. He'd been working on a new song, but was hard-pressed to find a spare second to spend on it.

He lifted his hazel eyes and peered out the front window, as his eyes shifted left, he felt a strange dizzying moment of utter disorientation. The barn was gone. Gone. He shuddered trying to accept the brutal truth of yet another loss.

Moving slowly, he stepped out onto the wide porch and leaned against wall staring into the dark space where the barn once stood. The smell of smoke was still overpowering and he wondered how long it would take to finally go away. He used to love the smell, but now it made his stomach churn. It reminded him of all the campfires he'd sat around with his brothers at his side, and even further back to times with his father. The campfire belonged to men - that's what his father had told them. It was a place where you could sing songs about dead pirates and tell scary stories that their mother would never allow. It was a place where they could live their true manly lives and not have to worry about their mother's disapproval. It is important to always be a gentleman, boys, his father had told them. But around this here, campfire, we are simple cowboys, and we can set aside our gentlemanly ways for a spell - unless your Mama comes along. He could still hear the sound of his brothers' laughter, and see the glimmer of mirth in his father's wink.

And yet, the smell of smoke now filled him with a new memory. The barn thick with smoke, the sound of frightened animals, and his brothers' voices. He had seen Hannah go into the barn, but not seen Adam drag her out, so at first he'd feared she was inside. He somehow found Brian in the thick blanket of smoke.

"Dan'l! Get the hell out of here! We got the horses! Get out now!" He hadn't needed to see his older brother's face to know he was furious.

"Where's Hannah? Is Adam in here? I thought I saw Evan go after the goats!" His mind was a jumbled mess - the faces of each of his brothers in front of him.

"Hannah's outside with Guthrie. C'mon, brother!" Brian had somehow been able to reach through the darkness and grab his arm, pulling him out. He had allowed himself to be led, but that was when they stumbled over a pair of terrified goats. They were trapped behind a pile of wood, bleating in terror.

"You grab the little one." Brian had said to him. It was while he was turning to grab the smaller of the two goats that he saw that the sleeve of his jacket was on fire. My coat's on fire, was the strange disjointed thought that had floated through his head. How weird. It seemed an eternity before his brain had registered the simply fact that his arm was on fire.

"Danny!" Brian's voice was pitched high, and panic laden. His next memory was jumbled - Brian's eyes wide with terror, his arm swinging and beating against Daniel's arm. They were somehow on the ground, he on his side, his older brother above him. Brian held his torn shirt in his hand extinguishing the last of the flames, before hauling him up and out of the barn. Hannah'll be mad. He thought illogically. Brian must've ripped that shirt right off of himself. It's ruined for sure.

Later, feeling the stinging, relentless pain of the burn on his arm, worrying about Brian's shirt seemed pretty damn stupid. He still thought it strange that of all the thoughts that plagued him most in the smoke-filled, burning barn, Brian's shredded shirt was the one that loomed largest in his mind.

"Crane still out with Evan?" Brian's voice cut into his thoughts, and he looked up surprised to see him leaning in the open front door.

"Yeah." He shook himself back to the here and now. "He said Evan wanted to sleep out there, so he might as well, too."

"Yeah." Brian nodded. "Where's Superman?"

"Fortress of solitude." Daniel said revealing a grin.

"Licking his wounds." Brian raised an eyebrow wryly at his younger brother.

"More like acting like he hasn't got any." Daniel said with a sigh. "Same old, same old."

"True that." Brian nodded. "How's the hand?"

"Still there, thanks to you."

"That's right." Brian smiled and puffed out his chest. "I saved your life. You owe me."

"Saving my life is taking it a bit far . . ." Daniel began.

"Oh, no. I think that's just right, little brother. You owe me." He grinned. "For all eternity."

Daniel shook his head. "I'm going upstairs. I'm beat."

"Good idea. You take your meds?"

"Yeah. Hannah chased after me with a glass a water and a bottle of pills. That is one stubborn woman."

"What are ya gonna do?" Brian shrugged. "She's a McFadden." He followed Daniel back into the house. "Speaking of women and life-debts, how is Megan?"

"Oh, no!" Daniel shook his head. "I don't owe you that much! You stay away from her!"

"Awe, c'mon!"

"She's a kid! The fact that you even asked makes you a sicko!"

"She's 19 isn't she? That's not so bad." Brian shrugged.

"I'm going to bed."

"Good." Brian said with a smile.

It was as Daniel drifted to sleep in exhaustion that he realized that Brian had somehow tricked him into going to bed. Crane always got the credit for being the smart one, but he had to admit that sometimes Brian was pretty damn crafty.

***7***

The light of dawn didn't improve the view. Crane sighed and stretched his aching body. Sleeping cramped in the lean to outside wasn't all that restful, and he'd spent most of the night brooding over his brothers. He hadn't really had time to think about how he felt about the barn, and his father's office, being gone. He was mostly worried about his brothers. He wondered how Daniel was doing. He'd wanted to go in and check on him, but was anxious about leaving Evan all alone. Evan was still freaked out about nearly losing Diablo. He was so attached to that horse! It made sense though, Diablo was the last present their father had given Evan.

He glanced behind him at Evan, who despite his rough and tumble ways, still looked like a boy when curled in sleep. He grinned at his younger brother, and turning from him, walked out toward the empty space where their barn had always stood.

It had seemed as solid as the mountains that surrounded them. He could've walked from the front steps to the barn blindfolded - had made his way there many of times through thick and blinding tooley fog. And now . . .

He remembered helping his father brush out his horse, or polish his saddle. He could remember watching his older brothers work in the cool barn, laughing with each other. Once, he'd come out to the barn and caught his parents in an embrace that had both embarrassed and pleased him.

They used to sit around in his father's office - his father had complained, "I can't get anything done in here!" But it was always in jest. He'd never complained about being surrounded by his sons.

His sons.

Crane considered this thoughtfully. Thinking about his brothers and worrying over them would be much better than thinking about the fact that his father's office had been reduced to ashes and smoke. He fought down a memory of leaning against his father's knee as he sat at the old desk writing. It was a momentary flash, but instead he focused on what was in front of him.

He turned back to see Evan rising up slowly, and immediately going to Diablo. Even from this distance he could hear his younger brother's voice, and although unable to decipher the words, the tone betrayed Evan's anxiety. It's gonna take some time 'for he settles down. He thought with a tired sigh.

He turned back to the house, a hand rubbing his tired neck as he crossed the quiet smoldering yard. It was as his foot hit the bottom step that he heard it; the faint sound of someone crying. He glanced around him, and turned left following the curve of the porch.

He paused ducking behind a pillar.

She was alone.

No doubt his older brother was storming around somewhere doing something really "Important". He shook his head dolefully. It didn't take a high IQ to understand that Hannah was probably tougher than anyone he'd ever known. Somehow she managed to not only put up with his rowdy brothers, but survived a life with one of the most stubborn people who had ever drawn a breath. He hesitated, unsure. If he went to her, she would no doubt stop her tears and ask how he was doing. It wasn't compassion for her alone that kept him rooted where he stood. How are you doing? was not a question he wanted to answer - especially not to his insightful sister-in-law. Besides, he lied to himself, she should have a good cry without being interrupted.

"Where the hell you been?" Was the angry greeting that met him as he stepped inside.

"I was out with Evan." He answered wearily. He didn't really have the energy for Brian's drama.

"Yeah, well, fire or not. We still got chores, genius."

"You mad about something, Bri?" Crane asked, half joking.

"Me? Nah! I'm peachy!" He reached out pulling his parka off the hook, jamming his arms into the sleeves. "Everything is just freakin' fantastic!" He swung open the door and stormed out onto the porch, nearly knocking over Hannah who must've regained her composure and was headed inside.

"Take it easy." Crane said following him onto the porch, but Brian was already making his way down the steps.

"Don't got time for takin' it easy, Crane." He said pausing to glance back at his younger brother. "I gotta waste another day trying to hang on to this goddamn ranch even while it burns to the ground!" He stormed off.

Crane glanced over at Hannah, who stood frozen and wide-eyed.

"You know where Adam is?" He asked her, gently.

"Nnnn-o." She answered, her eyes filling with tears.

"Don't worry. I'll find him. He can calm Brian down." He sighed. "You should get some rest. I bet you didn't sleep last night."

"I. . .I . . .I gotta check on Guthrie, Ford and Daniel. Evan still with Diablo?"

"Yeah." He sighed. "They're okay, Hannah. Go lie down."

He turned from her knowing that she wouldn't rest. She'd spend her day looking after his brothers, cooking and worrying over Adam - probably worrying over them all.

He meant to go to where Brian had stormed off, and lend him a hand. They needed to gather up the herd. Instead though, he found himself drawn to the smokey remains of the barn. He found himself in roughly the spot where his father's desk had stood - more or less. It was pretty damn hard to tell. He tried to fight back the images that seemed to come at him like bolts of lightning. He had wanted to check on his brothers, makes sure Daniel was really, really okay. He wanted to explain to Adam that he needed to get his shit together and talk to his wife. He wanted to keep a handle on his emotions and maintain his famous even-keel. He wanted to be strong.

Instead, Crane McFadden fell to his knees in the ashes of the last pieces of his childhood and wept.

Author's Note: I realize it took me an extraordinary amount of time to update this story. I know that some folks found that annoying - sorry about it. Sometimes, life gets in the way. I'll work on doing a better job. Honestly, I generally have a story completely finished before I start posting and this time I didn't do that - the IDEA was finished in my head, but I hadn't written much. Here's hoping there is more soon.