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Song recommendation for this chapter:

I'll remember you - No secret

Let go - Kristine Mirelle

Bella's Point of view

Aren't you proud of yourself Bella? Aren't you just extremely proud? These words came through my head when I saw today's date. It was August sixteen, one month before Edward left me. Bad things happened to me on my birthday, September thirteen. And even worse things happened on September sixteen…. He left me. I would never forget that day ever…. My mind slowly slipped into the past that I've stopped myself from remembering. Get a grip, I told myself. What's done is done.... There's nothing you can do…I've been trying my best to forget about him. I didn't want to hurt myself anymore. What's done is done. I have to get up and live with it. Even though I'm saying these stuff, I some how cannot stop myself from hoping and wishing, or remembering the happy past I had.

I was supposed to be going to college very soon. And yet I laying here thinking about the past. I was never myself after he left. I couldn't be. Part of me was missing. And it could not come back. When he left he took that part with him. What makes him think that I will forget about him? I would never be able to. It's impossible. I mean who would forget about their amazing boy friend who was godly nice looking and when the boyfriend is a vampire? Who would be able to forget about that? I lay back on my bed, threw the covers over my face and tried to get some sleep. Which wasn't really working well. The pouring rain made it hard to focus on sleeping. I started to focus on the future now.

I was going to move to another city soon. For college. In two days I will take my stuff and move to Florida to the University of Florida. And there I can be with my mom…. Half the time. Since my step-father plays ball for a living, they travel around a lot. So I'll have the house to myself for most of the time. So I get the whole house. Lucky me….

- - - -

I arrived at Florida. Ahh… How I missed the sunlight. Forks have always been too rainy for my taste. Forks…. The place where my best memories have been made and where my worse had been made. I'm going to miss the family I once knew…. Stop it Bella. You can't live in the past forever. I shook my head lightly so that all my memories would just hopefully slip out, but of course it didn't. With no hope at all, I just tried to not focus on it. And of course I was unsuccessful, but it doesn't mean I didn't want to do it. I blocked them out…. As much as I could. Which is better than trying look back in the past….

I got to Renee and Phil's house at around six o'clock. I went to call Charlie and Renee. So they'll know that I've arrived safely. Renee and Charlie have been very protective of me. They were afraid that I would sudicide. When they finally told me…. I was actually laughing out the thought of me dying. Oh boy, what would they do? I wasn't going to put them through that event. I try my best to put them through nothing. To show that I'm perfectly fine now. But sadly…. That trust never was returned…. It seems that they can tell I'm still stuck in my past.

- - - -

I decided to go out tonight for dinner. I was far too tired for making dinner; the flight took all the strength in me. And I was really hoping to feel the hot air around me instead of humid and wet and rainy air around me, and it felt good. Renee left her car at home when she went traveling with Phil. She told me that I can feel free to use it. She wouldn't mind. But I walked instead of using the car to travel. It feels so free to tie your hair up in a bun. And to wear a tank top, shorts and flip-flops outside. It felt nice to be able to wear these, instead of wearing many layers of clothes. I was going to get use to this.

I got to the restaurant I wanted to eat at, Shula's. I was then seated in the middle of that restaurant after twenty minute of waiting. This was a really popular restaurant it seems. Then a waiter came to my table to get my order. It was surprising how he kept looking at me. I felt self-conscience. Was there something on my face? Or was it what I was wearing? The stuff I'm wearing is normal to Florida, everyone is wearing it. So I don't see why he would be staring at me that much….

I decided then, I don't care. What is there to care about, seriously? All I need to do is focus on my studying and get a good job, and have a life…. Or since that was impossible, make it worth living for at least…. Then the waiter asked me what I wanted and distracted me from my thoughts…. For now at least.

"Miss, what would you like today?" The waiter asked very politely.

Sounded like he was hitting on me, I snorted. Knowing that wasn't true…. Who would want plain old me…. No one. No one will. No one could. But because I wouldn't accept them. There's only one person I would…. I stop my thoughts right there. I didn't want to venture too far and end up hurting myself even more. If that was possible.

I picked out the first thing I saw, "I'd have a marsh-potato with gravy on top of my steak please."

"Alright, we'll bring your food out as soon as it's done," He smiled at me.

Wow. The people are really nice here, I guess…. But this should take a while. This place is pretty packed with people. Since it's one of the fanciest restaurants in the city. Now, what will I be doing while I wait for my sever comes out? I started to think about collage, and then I started thinking about friends. I wonder how much friends I'll get. Will I get a best friend? Will she or he will be enough to handle my past? Will my best friend be like Alice or Jacob?

I stopped my thinking right there. Is it me or some how my world is always revolving around them? Alice, my best vampire friend. She is so nice, like a little sister. I trusted her very much. But then she left. She left without a goodbye without anything. We haven't made any contact since then. Jacob, my werewolf best friend after the Cullens left. He knew everything. Until he imprinted on some girl that came to La Push, and that was the last time I've ever seen him or even talked to him. How sad, everything I've ever loved is getting pulled from me. Day by day. Why must god torture me like this? Why can't he just kill me? Would that be easier? Does he enjoy torturing me? But of course everything would be heaven if….

"Here's your food miss." The sever interrupted my thinking.

"Thank you." I gave him a smile. Hopefully it was bright and enthusiastic enough.

It seems nice enough. I guess I can fool some people. Maybe I can't fool my parents because well, they are my parents.

When I finished the waiter came back to give me my bill. I gave him a twenty dollar tip. I'm generous tonight. In the bill was a phone number. I would laugh out loud. If only I was truly happy now. But I'm not. So why bother to laugh? I really hope he didn't think I'll actually call him. I barely even knew him, I just seen him. I was going to throw this away when I leave. But carefully so he won't know, I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

When I left the restaurant it was around eight o'clock. Since it was still early and I won't have anything to do at home I decided to go on a walk. I did not want to be left alone with nothing to do…. I would be falling back into my day dreams. The dreams where he would come back, take me back, and say April fools, or anything like that. I wouldn't care. I'd take him back open hand. Bella! My internal yelled at me. I would always slip into something like this. The trap of hoping. Hoping will never get me anywhere. This is one of the reasons why I don't hope. I would be glad to hope all day long that he'll come back. But hoping will just hold me back and I would never be able to move on. I have to try my best to move on, for my parents at least.

I walked up to a fountain. I sat on it, feeling the little sprinkle hit me, to calm myself down a little. I curled up into a ball and started thinking. I promised I would think of him the last time. I promised myself I would never try to think of him. I wouldn't think anything of them. I would just try to take a step in life and try to move on. And I would try to forget all about the past. I would try to forget it as if it was all a big dream. A dream with vampires, werewolves and love. Like I was in a coma and I had a big dream, and through those passed days I couldn't remember anything. Yes, that would be best. It would help me a lot more.

When I raised my head when I was done making this promise to myself, there I saw five people standing. They were all in dark cloaks; they were pale white, almost as a sheet of paper. They looked fragile like a piece of paper too. They were magnificently beautiful, breath taking too…. I trailed my eyes up to theirs…. Pure, vivid….Ruby.