I stayed at 221B with Sherlock. I couldnt bare to go back home since the my home had the stuff we bought for the baby, and all the memories with Marry.
Sherlock was trying to put all the pieces together so we could find out who Mary's killer was, but he hasn't had any luck so far.
I feel so empty like everything I have is now lost, only I cant find it and get it back. It's gone forever.
Sherlock looks at me when he thinks I can't see him. His eyes are full of concern and dread. He probably doesn't know the right words to say. But I don't need words of murn and pity. I need him to find out who did this. If he can't then i'll die trying.
"Have you found anything yet"? I ask Sherlock. He looks at me but this time he doesn't turn off the concern from his face.
"John. Its only been a couple of weeks...don't you think you should..take it eas-"
But I cut him off before he could finish. I don't need anybodys concern! I just want him to solve it!
"Sherlock I don't want your ridiculous pity. All I want is that you find out the son of a bitch who did this to my wife!" I croak as I can't bear to say my child to that list.
All of the memories that were supposed to happen. I was supposed to be a Father. We could have grown old together. Sherlock was supposed to come over on Holidays and he would love the child as if it was his own. Mary wold be beautiful as ever with her smile that made me want to be as happy as he was.
"John I'm doing the best I can right now okay? Whoever did this obviously knew what they were doing". He turns away and looks at the wall that is covered with the pictures of Mary and the little to no evidence that was left behind. The wall has never looked this blank before. I feel like I'll never be able to find out who did this. My insides start to boil. This piece of shit will get to get away with this. And Sherlock. The man who I thought could solve anything. Is doing nothing! For some reason I can't breath. All of my pain is overwhelming me. But I have to ignore it, I will not give the murder the satisfaction of breaking me. Just like he broke everything else in my life.
I take deep breaths and shut away my thoughts before I speak to Sherlock again. I don't want him to see me as a mess, even though he is probably already aware of it.
"So whats the plan?" I ask him, hoping to God that he has one.
"Well I have one but I don't think it is wise for you to come". I look at him taken aback at what he is telling me. He just acts like it doesn't mean shit.
"What do you mean I want to come. I'm going to come". Sherlock grabs his coat and shrugs it on.
"No John do something else. Just take a break, you need one". He says as he flips his coat collars up like he thinks he is some pimp. Which pisses me off even more.
"SHERLOCK! I was the one who asked you to solve this case. And you can't just tell me to go take a god for saken nap! LIKE I'M SOME FIVE YEAR OLD!"
"I need to go to your Flat okay?" he says before I could yell at him anymore. I go silent, that is the last place that I want to go to.
"Thats why I was saying you should just stay here. I've been kinda delaying going over there because I knew you would want to come at all costs." he says
I still say nothing, I don't know if I can handle going over there.
" I will be back soon, okay John"?
"No. I'm coming with you". I grab my jacket off the chair and walk in front of Sherlock out the door before he could say anything else.
