Cassidy just stood on the tree branch dumbfounded. "W-what?" She stuttered out after a few agonizing moments of pure silence. "N-no..." she whimpered. "No! No!" She began screaming uncontrollably and fell to her knees. "No, again? Why again!?" She cried out. She quickly swung over to the tree his body was crumpled against, "Jean," she whispered, "I will make sure this didn't mean nothing, but first I need to take you back, I can't let you be eaten by them," she spoke rushed and shaky, while pulling his body from the tree. It was an unsightly mess and blood trickled from his body and down onto her in slow but steady streams. Just as she was about to swing for the tree Jean had tried to reach the same titan grabbed hungrily for them. She turned the aim of her hook to the titan's forearm and propelled herself and Jean's lifeless body forward in such a speedy movement there was little reaction time for the titan.
She withdrew the hook and forced herself to sprint up to the shoulder of the creature. Her small frame caused her speed to be rather impressive, and as soon as she reached the destination of the shoulder she jumped up and brought her blades down, slashing a huge gash through the back of its neck, all in one movement. She hooked herself back onto the desired tree and kept moving back to where her squad resided for the time being.
When Cassidy finally started seeing the light breaking in between the trees more clearly she began moving at a more rapid pace. Just a few more meters, she spoke roughly in her head, almost there. She swung through an opening with such force it startled the soldiers who sat lazily amongst the trees. She landed hard on a tree branch and her breathing was ragged, she coughed and sputtered heavily. A soldier maybe one tree away from her stared intently, "is he... dead?" His voice hung loosely on the word 'dead' and you could tell he was unsettled by the lifeless body of Jean hanging limply around her shoulders.
Cassidy lost her eye contact with the boy and she drew her fist back and punched the tree with a surprisingly hard force. It caused a thud that echoed and made soldiers wander their lazy gazes over to the direction of the noise. As soon as the thud echoed there was an inhuman crunch and as Cassidy withdrew her hand she revealed that the bark of the tree had fallen away, but also that more than one of her fingers were bent in ways that were utterly unsettling to ones stomach. Her captain was the farthest away out of all of her squad members and he came rushing over quickly. "Cassidy what is the meaning of-" he abruptly stopped when he saw the limp and lifeless body of Jean sitting next to her, "good god... Jean.." He spoke so softly, as if someone would question what he were saying, as if it were all just some twisted hallucination, purely a figment of his own imagination, going to his deep fears of not being able to save his own squad.
"I could've saved him," Cassidy murmured, even though in her heart she knew there wasn't any way she could have. She didn't even see the titan until it's hand was crushing Jean against a tree. After taking a moment to just look off and think about what had happened she snapped into reality and turned her gaze to her captain. "I-I'm so sorry captain... It's all my fault, if I hadn't suggested we try to help those in the forest he wouldn't be-" Cassidy cut herself off. She choked on her words as she looked down at the carcass of Jean, her usually impassible expression how held such sorrow in it that it were similar to that of a small child that had just been scolded. She looked beyond vulnerable and her face scrunched up in pain every few moments, but whether that was because of the death of Jean, or the clearly maimed hand, was unknown to all.
"Cassidy Argon, do not take blame for trying to protect your fellow soldiers! I respect you're courageous decision, and I am truly upset to hear that we have lost such a great soldier, but thank you for bringing him back to us and not letting him be lost completely at the hands of the titans, that is honorable and I would like to believe he would have done the same for you!" The captain stated with a very professionally stern voice, though it cracked when speaking of the loss of Jean. If Cassidy remembered correctly, Jean was pretty good friends with the captain and though the captain did not show it, the death obviously would effect him to an extent. Cassidy gave him a salute and then fell to her knees, and the sad thing is that not even five minutes later there was a signal saying the mission was over. Ten minutes, she thought, if I had waited even just ten minutes, he wouldn't be dead.
She stared blankly at her hand and finally someone came over to her and shook her shoulder. "Cassidy, we're moving out, heading back home," they spoke. She looked up, it was Connie, and she smiled lightly at him. She mouthed the word alright, and he swung down to where his horse was tied up, releasing it and jumping onto it in one swift movement. She looked at the body that was propped up against the tree and looked down for a moment. She quickly picked him up and swung down to where Connie was mounted on his horse. She sighed as she placed Jean on the horse before climbing up herself. Her stomach churned at the fact that she were riding a horse with her dead friends body, it seemed so sadistic, but she had to until they caught up with the body cart. As she felt his dead body against her own she came close to vomiting, or having a complete mental break down, and tears stained her uniform as she looked at Jean's blood which had done the same.
She could see the body cart but it just wouldn't come fast enough. She sped up her horse and sped by Connie, and now was only a meter away from the body cart. She jumped off her horse and carried Jean the rest of the way. When she actually reached the cart she saw Captain Levi, Armin, and Eren standing alone piling dozens of bodies into the cart. By now Cassidy had regained her composure and as she approached them Armin turned.
"Cassidy? Who's tha-" Armin's voice completely stopped when one of Cassidy's steps caused his body to bounce just slightly, and turn in a position that they all could see. Cassidy's stern expression that she had placed back on was now gone once more and replaced with a face of pain. She averted her gaze from Armin and her jaw muscles tightened noticeably.
"Jean, oh god, no!" Eren screamed rushing towards her. "No, no, no, Jean please you can't be dead buddy, you weren't meant to die, Jean come on," he spoke in utter disbelief, the tone in his voice showing that he thought at any moment Jean would take a breath and be fine. They all stared at Eren as he continued to try waking his friend who was never going to wake up.
"Eren," a gruff voice spoke. "He's gone, he's not coming back, we can bury him if you'd like, but right now we need to go." Levi stared at Eren and not a single emotion crossed his face as he spoke to the helpless boy holding his dead friend. "Eren," he demanded, "now."
Eren stood up and gently placed the body of his friend into the cart amongst the many others, and mounted his horse right beside Levi's. He mumbled angry words of hurt and vengeance under his breath as he rode further up. Levi still stood there placing a few more of the bodies into the cart, and Cassidy just stared at him. He turned towards her direction, sensing the gaze pointed at him. "Your hand, go see Hanji or one of the others for medical care," he spoke, noticing the mangled, bruised, swelling fingers on the girl. What he noticed more was all the blood on her, and at the same time he was disgusted, he felt empathy, but neither one reflected onto his face.
Just as Levi was turning away Cassidy put her hand on his shoulder, "can you please do me a favor, captain?" She spoke softly while his back was turned to her. He made a disgusted face at the bloody hand that touched his uniform, but relaxed and turned towards her. "I will be forever in your debt if you do this, but I also understand that you may deny it." She spoke while she fidgeted with her hair with her hand that wasn't hurt.
"Out with it," Levi spoke. His voice was rough and stern, and it was hard to tell if he hid anything behind it, or if he was honestly unamused with everything, and held no emotion for human beings. Cassidy locked eyes with him for possibly the first time in her life. His eyes were a light yet dark grey that were the main key in his impassible state, yet somehow still managed to reflect light beautifully.
"I want to be sure that Jean does have a proper burial. I know you were saying that to calm Eren, but please, captain," Cassidy spoke in a way that sounded pained and Levi looked deep into her eyes. Does this girl have a motive? Is there any possible way there could be a motive behind this? His thoughts flickered around and after a few moments he opened his mouth to speak.
"I will see to it that the soldier has a proper burial." Cassidy's face lightened up with those words and the pained expression faded, "under one condition," he added. Her face grew questioning and her thoughts ran wild. He interrupted the thoughts with a quick cough, "I would like you to train with me, and depending on your potential, I would like you to take a part in my squad," and with that he walked away, and Cassidy found her way to Hanji.
They didn't arrive home until the next day, and the ride through town was painful. Slurs were thrown at them as usual, but none were ever correct, and they were said with no respect for the dead. Family members scanned through the crowd of soldiers in hope that their son or daughter was one of them that had escaped the hands of the titans. The worst part may have been the kids though, they stared at the passing soldiers with hopeful faces and shouts of encouragement, saying how brave each one was, when really the majority of the soldiers could only feel pangs of guilt for their comrades deaths.
Many of the soldiers did not feel alive, the only blood they had was the blood on their hands, and the only thing running through their veins was the feeling of remorse that hits hard after every expedition. It never really stops, you always wonder why you decided to join the Survey Corps, and when you wonder that the pang of guilt comes back even stronger because you realize wondering why is like abandoning all hope that those who died told you to hold onto.
Returning to her room Cassidy only felt sadness stabbing at her repeatedly as she thought about all of the people who died. All of her friends who died, how prepared they all said they were. In reality none of them were prepared, and they could never be prepared because as much as you train, things happen. Heroes die out like a small flame, nothing big, nothing meaningful, and that same person you were just sparring with is now ripped apart because you were moments too late.
As Cassidy lie in her bed she thought, and then her mind came to thinking about Levi and his offer. Why had he wanted me to join his squad? I'm not a strong soldier like Mikasa, or even Eren. I have no sense of strategy like Armin does, so why me? Her mind rushed around possibilities and she only came up short.
As she thought, she drifted off, and when she awoke with a knock on the door it was again that she woke with ragged breathing and an unsteady heartbeat, cold sweat beading on her forehead. Before she could even catch her own breath or slow down her heart rate the door swung open, and when her vision focused she inhaled even sharper than she had been. "C-captain," she spoke, still breathing heavily.
"Cassidy Argon, you are to make your way to the mess hall with myself and have breakfast, we will then begin training," Levi stated in such a professional way, and after he was done speaking he turned and waited outside her door. She got up and put on proper clothing, hobbling around trying to put her boots on as quickly as she possibly could. As she walked towards the door she put her hair up and placed on her glasses that she wore when not in battle.
As they made their way to the mess hall the air was tense and Cassidy found herself playing with the bandage that was wrapped thickly around her swollen hand. No one was in the mess hall and Cassidy wondered what time it was, since the sun was in fact out. Levi poured himself a glass of tea, and one of those stabbings of sadness hit Cassidy hard. She quickly ate an apple, and Levi stood up.
"I guess it's time we start."
